Not even 6 degrees of separation...

[+ RyanDean]

so glad the forums are back because i just encountered a dilemma & craved the guidance of this group...

 

Here's what happened:

I'm sniffing around the listings for a major US city in anticipation of an upcoming trip. See an ad that totally captured my attention, from a guy I've never seen before. Unable to check the forums/reviews for mentions, I do some quick internet sleuthing (phone, images) and, within only a few clicks, I find myself on the guy's apparently real profile on a major non-adult social media site, where I learn probably more than I should about this guy. Including the fact that we have a number of people "in common."

 

So I find myself on the horns of a dilemma...

 

• On the one hand, I've not ruled out hiring the guy, because he seems great.
  
• On the other, I'm concerned about anonymity. Mine, sure, but definitely his. It was just way too easy for me to find all this on him, and I sorta want to tell him, but that's just way too codependent/stalkerish/weird. My impression is that he might be somewhat new to the biz, even though he's not a kid.
  

 

So I turn to this forum.

Your thoughts?

[TruHart1]

Quite a quandary eugenio, but since discretion is SO important in a client/escort relationship, especially and most likely to an escort you are hiring for the first time, I would think it best to NOT tell him that any stalker who wanted can find out about his real life with “some quick internet sleuthing (phone, images) and, within only a few clicks…”

 

If by chance you end up being a regular trusted repeat client and you feel he would be open to your input on this once a mutual trust and your experience with each other has built to a point of it being comfortable for you to bring it up without scaring him, perhaps then you could be open about this without appearing to be a stalker. If you like him as an escort though, it is my belief that you should not go in and tell him on your very first appointment that he has been careless about his private and personal information.

 

I have found out private information about a number of escorts (one a former EOY) but I would not feel it was up to me to inform them of my internet searches on them unless we were really close to each other and that has only happened with one of my most-hired guys so far.

 

JMHO

 

TruHart1

[+ RyanDean]

I don't think I'd broach the subject with him but, though I remain intrigued, it does give me qualms about hiring him. Mostly for the very reason you mention ("since discretion is SO important in a client/escort relationship").

[TruHart1]

I don't think I'd broach the subject with him but, though I remain intrigued, it does give me qualms about hiring him. Mostly for the very reason you mention ("since discretion is SO important in a client/escort relationship").

 

eugenio, after all is said and done, only you know how well you have set up your client persona for your own privacy. I can understand your reticence to hire a guy with whom you have mutual acquaintances and you’ll have to make the decision that is best for you. I hope it works out for you whatever you decide.

 

TruHart1

[Guest Starbuck]

Since the reviews and forum are back, you have discovered by now if the escort in question has been reviewed or discussed. If so, you have some additional insights that may help you make a hiring decision. If not, you're right where you were before and, from what I'm reading, your only big concern is the escort's discretion.

 

It's nice of you to be concerned about this on HIS behalf; I'm not sure why you'd have to worry about it for YOURSELF as long as you don't plan to let him know your real identity, have him come to your home, or do something else that would let the cat out of the bag.

 

I've only been hiring for a year, but learned quickly that while some guys are as secretive as the CIA about themselves, others are WAY more forthcoming. I (unintentionally but easily) learned the real name of one of my favorite guys through information he shared before and during our first meeting. Prior to the second time we saw each other, this came up because of something he did accidentally that I guessed (INCORRECTLY) meant that he was comfortable enough to use his real name with me. (To be clear, I already knew his real name, but his slip-up gave me an opportunity to say so without looking like a stalker.)

 

I mentioned what he'd done ... he said it was accidental ... I said his secret was safe with me ... he said he wasn't too worried about it ... and things have gone on from there. No big deal.

 

But you know the real bottom line: You've got to do what feels comfortable for you.

[Juan Vancouver]

Tell him. Please.

 

It would be ludicrous for an escort to not expect that his potential clients will try to find information about him and it would be really sad if his very private information is available to all unbeknownst to him. If I were the escort even if I might for a second be taken aback knowing that someone googled everything he could about me, I would be very happy to know that there is something I can do to further protect my privacy and the privacy of my clients.

 

I am one of those escorts who tries very carefully not to share unnecessary information. I am also one of those escorts whom to this day have not been harassed and stalked by a crazy. I like to believe this is because only my clients know who I am, and not even my clients have private information about me.

 

If it were me, I would be forever grateful if you told me that I am googlable.

[maninsoma]

Tell him. Please.

 

It would be ludicrous for an escort to not expect that his potential clients will try to find information about him and it would be really sad if his very private information is available to all unbeknownst to him. If I were the escort even if I might for a second be taken aback knowing that someone googled everything he could about me, I would be very happy to know that there is something I can do to further protect my privacy and the privacy of my clients.

 

I am one of those escorts who tries very carefully not to share unnecessary information. I am also one of those escorts whom to this day have not been harassed and stalked by a crazy. I like to believe this is because only my clients know who I am, and not even my clients have private information about me.

 

If it were me, I would be forever grateful if you told me that I am googlable.

 

I agree, Juan. I think it's a considerate thing to do -- especially if one hires the guy -- to casually mention that his use of the same photo or phone number on escort versus non-escort websites makes it easy for someone to connect his real identity with his escort profile. I once learned a lot about a guy because he used the same photo on a YouTube account profile that he used in his escort ad. Some of his family members had posted comments to his YouTube videos, so it would have been quite easy for someone to then not only learn more about him but also those family members....and then cause major trouble if one was inclined to abuse or manipulate people. Unless an escort is extremely open about his life (and I've typically only seen that with guys who also do porn since it's basically impossible to hide then), I think most escorts would prefer that strangers not be able to discover so much identifying information about them with just a few mouse clicks and would, after the initial shock wears off, be grateful that that was called to their attention before something bad happened as a result of it.

[+ deej]

Tell him. Please.

 

I agree.

 

Whether you meet him or not, tell him.

 

Imagine the situation where you hire him, have a great time, and consider hiring him again. Imagine how he'll feel when he finally finds out you've known about his exposure all along.

 

It's probably better NOT to start out with secrets.

[Dave]

I'm with Juan and the others. Tell him.

 

Here's my view from the other side -

I do not do internet searches on my clients (really.) But occasionally a client will share personal info about himself or herself by accident. For example, imagine that a man named Jim emails me, telling me he needs complete discretion. But on his emails header, a full name - one that is not Jim Smith - shows up on the first part of his email address. You know, something like this:

 

William Shakespeare ([email protected])

 

Obviously I'm using The Bard here as an example because he's dead, and there's no way for anyone to think I'm sharing the name of a real client. But do you see how now, "Jim" has inadvertently shared his real name with me?

Similar situation: A woman named Jane calls me and leaves a voicemail message stating that she wants an appointment. She leaves her phone number, with very specific times to call back, explaining that she needs to be discreet. I call her back during one of the times she'd suggested, but my call goes to voicemail. And her outgoing message is something like this:

 

"Hi, this is Margaret Mead at the American Museum of Natural History, please leave a message and I'll get back to you shortly."

 

Once again, I've now got the real - and full - name of someone who is trying to use a pseudonym with me. As a professional escort, and one who knows how important discretion is for many of my clients, I feel it's my duty to tell Jim and Jane that they're not being as careful as they think they are.

 

Indeed, I've been in this situation countless times. I always let the client know what's up, and I've always been thanked for having clued them in on the find. Technology is often a step ahead, and for many of us (clients and escorts alike), this is too important an area to ignore.

 

You telling the guy what you know may be awkward, but he will quickly go down the path of math: "hmmm, it sucks that Eugenio68 knows my real details, but I can change things and prevent many more people from knowing - so in the end, I'm glad he told me."

[+ Cash4Trash]

Dave - I don't remember telling you that my nickname in college was Shakespeare.

[+ RyanDean]

Thanks Juan y todos (including you, Shakespeare).

Just sent the msg/email.

Hoping it's received in the spirit it's intended.

But, even if it's not, just feels like the right thing to do.

[BoogieNights]

Glad you did that Eugenio. You are a kind guy....

 

As Dave mentioned... we too have informed clients, usually new to hiring, about some of the unintentional clues they given without meaning too. We would have likewise appreciated the heads up if we had done something similar. We've had a couple clients track us down via facebook, but only after quite a few sessions when we felt safe to tell them our real first names. Amazing how even a first name is easy to track in todays world of no privacy. Privacy is dead.

 

Get a discreet "play" email address... a free google voice number.... and one is good to go on either end of the equation.

 

Thanks again...

[Dave]

Dave - I don't remember telling you that my nickname in college was Shakespeare.

 

that you didn't. although you've certainly told me some other juicy college tidbits

[Dave]

Thanks Juan y todos (including you, Shakespeare).

Just sent the msg/email.

Hoping it's received in the spirit it's intended.

But, even if it's not, just feels like the right thing to do.

 

good for you!!! (escort gods smiling on eugenio)

 

Glad you did that Eugenio. You are a kind guy....

 

As Dave mentioned... we too have informed clients, usually new to hiring, about some of the unintentional clues they given without meaning too. We would have likewise appreciated the heads up if we had done something similar. We've had a couple clients track us down via facebook, but only after quite a few sessions when we felt safe to tell them our real first names. Amazing how even a first name is easy to track in todays world of no privacy. Privacy is dead.

 

Get a discreet "play" email address... a free google voice number.... and one is good to go on either end of the equation.

 

Thanks again...

 

good advice, guys. speaking of good and you two - why do I keep hearing amazing things about you two from my clients? keep up the fine work -

[cooldemo03]

Personally, in the age of the Internet, nothing is private. I texted an escort recently and we chatted for a bit to see if we would be a match. I was shocked when he asked me if my first name was xxx. Which it is. I guess I shouldn't be so shocked because I know how to research online as well, but you'd think an escort would be more discreet. I'm at the point where I'll have the escorts identity in my back pocket just in case. And to Alec and Ryan: FYI you guys are easy to find online.

[Steven_Draker]

Personally, in the age of the Internet, nothing is private.

 

... or at least very few things are.

 

Alas we've lost our Privacy to the Internet.

 

http://img.allvoices.com/thumbs/image/609/609/90372898-internet-privacy.jpg

[manTOman]

Ok, so maybe I'm just stupid but what info do you need on someone to find their private info?

And I just want to clarify that I'm not looking for ways or instructions on how to do this, but simply what info do you need? A photo, phone number, address...?

 

I usually google up the photos and the phone number to see if anything fishy comes up or if the photos are stolen and that's for my own safety. Other than that I really don't need or want to know anyone's real name. Since I'm discreet and want to keep private info private, I think any escort deserves the same right.

 

I know there are websites where you can find out a name from a phone number, but you gotta pay for that info, and I don't see any reason why I would spend any cash on some trivial info about a stranger's name or what not. I can even understand escorts using such a service for their own safety, since they have strangers in their own home daily. But unless you're hiring a new guy 5 days a week, I don't see a reason to know his real identity.

 

Am I missing something here?

[BallerBoy]

I wouldn't tell him a damn thing!

 

It's your responsibility as a potential client to check him out by unearthing as much information about him as possible. It's also your responsibility as a client to keep your information private! I've learned from experience that escorts aren't always as concerned about your right to privacy as they should be, and if the two of you have others in common, that's an absolute no no for me. Escorts aren't (and shouldn't be) your confidants. They are fantasy and entertainment.

[+ RyanDean]

ManToMan: All I did was enter the phone listed in his ad. The first search hit was a non-adult social network that had the same pics, under a different name. So, without any special sleuthing, his apparently "real" info was all of two clicks away (two clicks which also revealed other information, including a handful of folks from my "real life" that we apparently have in common). That's all.

 

BallerBoy: I did tell him (about the two clicks, but not about the folks in common) and haven't heard back. At this point, I don't expect to be contacting him again.

[+ Gar1eth]

Ok, so maybe I'm just stupid but what info do you need on someone to find their private info?

And I just want to clarify that I'm not looking for ways or instructions on how to do this, but simply what info do you need? A photo, phone number, address...?

 

I usually google up the photos and the phone number to see if anything fishy comes up or if the photos are stolen and that's for my own safety. Other than that I really don't need or want to know anyone's real name. Since I'm discreet and want to keep private info private, I think any escort deserves the same right.

 

I know there are websites where you can find out a name from a phone number, but you gotta pay for that info, and I don't see any reason why I would spend any cash on some trivial info about a stranger's name or what not. I can even understand escorts using such a service for their own safety, since they have strangers in their own home daily. But unless you're hiring a new guy 5 days a week, I don't see a reason to know his real identity.

 

Am I missing something here?

 

I think it's whitepages.com you don't need to pay for all the information. Sometimes you can find out info from their email- either the actual email- or maybe if they give you a hotmail account- try using the same name but changing it to gmail in a search engine- or try googling the name part of their email.

 

Gman

[Steven_Draker]

I really don't need or want to know anyone's real name. Since I'm discreet and want to keep private info private, I think any escort deserves the same right.

 

Same here. I don't need to know real names or other private information.

 

Some people volunteer their real name, but for me there's no reason to google a phone number or make an Internet search.

 

I believe that people who come to see me deserve their right of privacy respected.

[manTOman]

ManToMan: All I did was enter the phone listed in his ad. The first search hit was a non-adult social network that had the same pics, under a different name. So, without any special sleuthing, his apparently "real" info was all of two clicks away (two clicks which also revealed other information, including a handful of folks from my "real life" that we apparently have in common). That's all.

 

 

eugenio68, I didn't mean to imply that you went to great lengths to uncover personal info. My comment was rather in general, that I personally would not even know what to do with such info, thus I don't see any reason in spending time, money or energy to find it out. And of course if I stumbled upon it as you did, I would probably do the same as you and inform the guy that he needed to cover his tracks better.

[maninsoma]

The reason why I use Google Image Search, as well as searching for the phone number and name listed, is that I want to see if there are any red flags before I contact someone. I'm not doing it in order to uncover personal information, and if I end up stumbling across that I don't use it in a negative way. Examples of red flags I'm looking for:

 

1. Bad reviews

2. Photos lifted from another source

3. Same phone number links to a variety of recent ads for different people even though the ad is written from the first person point of view

4. Information from personal (non-escorting) posts online that make me question the person's character

 

I'll admit that the last thing is sort of using someone's personal information in a negative way. As an example, I mentioned a few months ago here that I had run across homophobic posts on a bodybuilding website by someone who was advertising m4m services. That definitely made me not pursue that guy any further since I'm not interested in hiring gay-for-pay guys.