I cum but I don't shoot; this presents issues....

[LookingAround]

Due to a surgical procedure I had some years ago, when I cum, I don’t shoot. That is, I have a normal orgasm but when I climax, nothing comes out. This presents several unique issues, and I’d welcome everyone’s thoughts about them. For instance, when I get an erotic massage, when I cum, the masseur usually isn’t sure if I’ve cum or not and often seems confused. Sometimes, he keeps rubbing my cock, which is very sensitive after I’ve cum. Sometimes, he asks “Did you really cum?” Sometimes they just look confused as if they have seen a ghost. One even said, when I explained what happened after he seemed confused, “Well, at least you can bareback with no worry.”

 

Similarly, when I hookup with a guy such as on grindr, if a guy jerks me off, he usually says, after I’ve cum, are you SURE you came? (As if, “Did you fake that orgasm?”) If I wear a condom and the guy sees it after I’ve cum, he often asks “Where did it go?”

 

I’ve thought about giving a “heads up” (no pun intended) to the masseur beforehand, but it just seems weird—how do I give the advance notice? Similarly, if I’m on grindr and just looking (not hiring), the few times I’ve told the guy the situation (such as if he asks “Do you shoot a big load?”), they’ve stopped responding.

 

I’d welcome thoughts on this and how guys suggest I might handle this situation…. It does present unique issues!

 

How would you handle it with a masseur? A rent boy? A Grindr hookup?

[+ azdr0710]

he's a masseur, not some guy looking to be impressed by a "big load"....communicate!!.....tell him about the surgery ahead of time and that everything will be fine, despite the looks of things!

 

as for a rentboy....same thing...you're paying him....be honest and tell him all is cool....

 

as for grindr?......you get what you pay for!

[Juan Vancouver]

Hey man,

 

You are not alone in this. As a matter of fact there are many men who either do not ejaculate at all or ejaculate so little that it might be confused with precum.

 

My suggestion is to relax about it and remember that ejaculation is only one minor component of intimacy. Sadly because most of Northamerican men have learnt sex through pornography we tend to see copious ejaculation as the only reason to have sex. As you no doubt know now, you can have very pleasurable sex without spurting anything, so this is not a handicap in any way.

 

If you are arranging a meeting and you realize that this is a cum hungry guy then just way that you don't cum at all. You are not a good match and sooner or later it would come up. I promise you, however, that you will find MANY men for whom you shooting is of no importance.

 

If you are meeting with an escort or masseur there is no need to mention this during the booking process, but when you start playing, simply tell him "By the way, because of a surgical procedure I had a while ago, when I have an orgasm I don't shoot anything. But I assure you, it feels really great!' Then without much else continue with the session.

 

Once you cum, gently grab his hand if he is still going at it, give it a kiss, smile and say "That was amazing! Thank you".

 

There is absolutely no problem that direct communication won't fix. I think we often find ourselves in uncomfortable situations because we fail to clearly verbalize what we want, feel or need. Sadly many of us still believe that "good sex" should not involve any talking or explaining; that a great lover should be able to read you like a book and know everything about you even if you don't know it yourself. Yes, there are a few of those lovers out there, but most of us are not, so you will be better off clearly (and gently) communicating constantly about what feels good, what feels bad and what else you want to try... DURING sex. Not before, not after.

 

I hope this helps, and I really hope you will learn to embrace and celebrate the uniqueness of your body... even be proud of it. As a wise member of this forum would put it, you have all the fuzz with no muss! I wish clean up was this easy for most of us! =)

[Kevin Slater]

Retrograde ejaculation isn't that uncommon. Just be sure to verbally communicate what you empirically do not and all should be good.

 

Kevin Slater

[Mark Gordon]

As both an escort and a masseur, I have had quite a few clients over the years tell me before or during the session that they do not ejaculate, for medical reasons. It does not phase me at all and I appreciate their letting me know and also making it clear when they have orgasmed. There have also been some who haven't let me know... and things have not gone as smoothly. Things will go better for both of you if your partner knows.

[+ Gar1eth]

I'm impressed by anyone who can achieve hook-ups on Grindr as I can't even find anyone interested on Bear411 or Growlr (or Mister or Scruff) for that matter. It seems to me that if enough guys on Grindr are into you, not everyone is going to be fixated on how much you cum. But as Grindr guys tend to be on the young side, I don't think I'd bring it up until you are actually meeting them if it's possible. When you do meet them- I'd explain about the surgery briefly.

 

Gman

[Michael Wayne]

i second the thoughts about it being common among older clients. I have one who has this situation but can have MULTIPLES. He is absolutely amazing in the bedroom. I asked him once, "who is the client here...me or youy?" lol. I appreciate being told in advance about it. That makes it easier. If someone won't see you because of it then it is his loss. http://www.rentmen.com/mikeyusatop

[Okliehomo]

Fuss with no muss... and some fuzz as well.

 

Like O'Douls.... all the bloat and no buzz. I've heard.

[bostonman]

Like O'Douls.... all the bloat and no buzz. I've heard.

 

I've never liked the taste of beer, so a substitute like O'Douls has no earthly use for me, lol.

 

I do like the taste of cum (ok, I admit it, lol), but if I knew I'd be leading a great guy to a wonderful orgasm even if I didn't get to taste (or even observe) the usual cream-filled results, it would still be fun. Sure, I'd miss that load, but I think orgasm itself is ultimately more important.

[Lankypeters]

This thread has the makings of a good TV series: "Emission Impossible." Ba-da-BOOM!

[+ Funguy]

This thread has the makings of a good TV series: "Emission Impossible." Ba-da-BOOM!

 

Ba-da-BING!

[LookingAround]

Thanks everyone! Great comments. Though I'm definitely a daddy I'm still in my 50's. Have dealt with this since early 40's. Major issue is either a grindr (or mister or scruff) hookup or a spa where a happy ending might occur.