Falling in love with an escort

[jakeleyman]

I know this subject has been vetted several times. Clients should not put themselves in position of expecting anything but a business relationship particularly when the escort is half their age. I read that advice, absorbed it and have fallen in love with an escort whom I have known for over two years. While I tell myself and him that I know it is ridiculous, when he moves on and hopefully finds a fine life partner I will be lonely - happy for him but sad for myself. Here is what I cannot sort out and for which I respectfully ask advice: I bought him a used vehicle - he is impeded currently from accepting work and from other self-improvement by having no transportation in a rural area. I told him that I believe in him and that there are no strings attached and that I hope he uses the truck to advance his life in the right direction. All true - however, as you probably understand, as I am going through such noble gestures, facing me is a gorgeous blonde 23 year old country boy whom I lust after most waking moments. I do plan to discuss all this with him and I believe that as long as I disregard the truck purchase and compensate him as I do normally, I will be living up to my word. It still seems inauthentic to tell him I am helping him because of his inner worth while I obviously lust for his body. I believe that, with a few breaks, he has a chance to emerge from a life which has been full of hard luck and abuse. To accomplish that I think that he needs to believe in himself. Perhaps I have answered my own questions. I have no one to share my thoughts with and appreciate any thoughts you might have. I am not asking for compliments for any kindness i have shown, but rather points on how to better define the client/escort relationship and promote self respect and friendship for all parties.

[jakeleyman]

Haha my post was supposed to read "falling in love with an escort" but my auto-correct edited it ironically to "falling income with an escort" which offers some truth as well !

[+ purplekow]

Lust and respect are not mutually exclusive but this does not seem to be the case here. If you want to be no holds barred honest and tell him: "I think you are a great indiviudal and I think you have a great future but I got the truck for you because I want to continue to rock on your young hard hot body" you may do that. However, if your goal is to build up this young man's confidence and assist him in having a successful life, leave out the I want to rock your young hard hot body part. Chances are he knows he has a hard hot body and that the main reason you are buying him a truck is to further ingratiate yourself with him and his young hard hot body, but leaving that unsaid does allow both of you the illusion that there is something else going on here. This is good for your sexual fantasies and good for his wallet and his elf esteem.

 

By the way, I really enjoy typing the words young hard hot body. Each time I do, I have a flood of images, a cascade of young hard hot bodies all all shapes, sizes and in a tribute to the wonder of the interconnections of the brain, I expeience the tastes and smells of those young hard hot bodies as well. Well.... gotta go. Young, hard, hot body. Young, hard, hot body. Young, hard.... .

[MiamiLooker]

This is good for your sexual fantasies and good for his wallet and his elf esteem.

 

How tall is he?

[TruthBTold]

I believe you have answered your own questions. We often hold opposing thoughts in our mind at the same time. You respect this guy and really want to help him accomplish more than he currently has. The truck (it seems) will help with that - getting a job, going to school, etc. And yet you know that if he had a somewhat less "young, hard, hot body" you might not have given him that opportunity. But who knows, maybe you would. Why worry about a situation that does not exist? He does have a hard, hot body and you are willing to provide him opportunities based on that and it appears you can afford it. Moreover, you did not mention that he is trying to blackmail you for more than you have already provided so the current situation seems like something everybody can tolerate. Enjoy what he is willing to give in exchange for what you are willing to give.

[+ quoththeraven]

You bought him the truck out of friendship. Everything else is a business relationship, although presumably he likes you as a person as well as for being a reliable client. Your lust for his hot young bod may be why your hired him and your having fallen for him may be why you continue to hire him, but those are your issues, not his.

[+ Gar1eth]

I don't want to sound like I'm criticizing. And free advice is worth what you pay for it. But I think in the interest of your own mental health you should stop seeing him. I realize that you aren't going to pay attention. But sigh, it's not healthy to pine over someone like this that you can't have. And the problem is in a 'normal' situation- you'd ask someone out on a date- if they say 'no' you are a bit disappointed, but you can move on. Or say you date a few times- but he says it's not going to work out- again you work through your disappointment- and it's made easier because you aren't seeing him anymore. However in this situation- you get some of the benefits of a relationship ( seeing and having sex with him) but without the inner core of reciprocal deep feelings. This almost never ends well because you will want him to love you back. And he won't. I'm not saying he isn't a decent person. But loving someone in an unreciprocated relationship like this, at the end of the day, is not good for your self-esteem/sense of worth.

 

Gman

[Lookin]

Sounds to me like you're trying to help him but also, wisely, keeping an eye on your own motivations. This seems honest and healthy in a situation which, like most others, has some shades of grey.

 

How would you feel about showing him your post, title corrected, and letting him know exactly how you feel? If you're willing to share your conflicted feelings openly, and let him decide what - if anything - to do about it, there's not much more you can do.

 

Kudos for the introspection and desire to do right by the young 'un! http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/thumbsup.png

 

 

Dunno why, but this brings to mind a humorous musing by a friend of mine some years back as he was dealing with middle age: Why is it when you're a fucked up eighteen-year-old the world beats a path to your door trying to help, but when you're forty-two and fucked up nobody knows your name? http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

[Frequentflier]

I don't want to sound like I'm criticizing. And free advice is worth what you pay for it. But I think in the interest of your own mental health you should stop seeing him. I realize that you aren't going to pay attention. But sigh, it's not healthy to pine over someone like this that you can't have. And the problem is in a 'normal' situation- you'd ask someone out on a date- if they say 'no' you are a bit disappointed, but you can move on. Or say you date a few times- but he says it's not going to work out- again you work through your disappointment- and it's made easier because you aren't seeing him anymore. However in this situation- you get some of the benefits of a relationship ( seeing and having sex with him) but without the inner core of reciprocal deep feelings. This almost never ends well because you will want him to love you back. And he won't. I'm not saying he isn't a decent person. But loving someone in an unreciprocated relationship like this, at the end of the day, is not good for your self-esteem/sense of worth.

 

Gman

 

Maybe a conversation with the guy to see if he views you in any other way than as a client is a good idea. If he sees you only as a friend/client then I think Gareth is completely correct. After two years and you thinking of him near constantly, if he's not into you for anything more than friend$ship you're headed for a fall that he's correct will do some big time damage to your heart/self-esteem/sense of worth.

 

And yes, I imagine all of us hope we could find someone like you have and enjoy time with over as long as two years...not easy to find them.

[jakeleyman]

How tall is he?

5-11 150 he is a skater

[jakeleyman]

Thank you so much guys ( I THINK you are all guys) - it is remarkable to receive feedback on this site to questions for which I have no other avenues for discussion. I particularly liked the idea of showing him my post (title corrected) but beyond that I might expand the idea to let him read all of your responses as well. The only suggestion I will not follow voluntarily is to stop seeing him, though that would of course be the one which would best show strength on my part. I'm sure you can understand that neither my knees nor my mind are strong when it comes to gorgeous 23 year old blonde country boys.

[jawjateck]

Good for you! Risk=Reward.......Risk=Pain

 

And those equations are not either/or. What you describe may likely produce both of these results if you take the risk. You have mulled it over, have assessed the potential outcomes, including heartbreak. Unless his ultimate rejection would be catastrophic to you (which by the way, I find hard to believe that any mature man could ever be devastated by the decisions/life choices of a 23 yo), give it a shot, take the risk. That's life. That's love. That's the path to ecstasy.

 

This forum has had many participants who always played it safe, took no risks, and whose lives are filled with regret, woulda, coulda, shoulda.....Give it a shot, and let us know what a smashing success it becomes, so we can be moved to jealousy, up our games, and add more risk. Obviously, I'm not a fan of boring, unfufilled living.

[bigvalboy]

Dunno why, but this brings to mind a humorous musing by a friend of mine some years back as he was dealing with middle age: Why is it when you're a fucked up eighteen-year-old the world beats a path to your door trying to help, but when you're forty-two and fucked up nobody knows your name? http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

 

How true Lookin.....

[Newly]

Jakeleyman, please take this in the spirit in which it was written because I have been there, done that, and feel for you. From my limited experience there are two main types of clients, (a) those who want to have sex and see the escort basically as a means to an end and (b) those who want more and start having real feelings for an escort. If you are the type of guy who always wants to nurture people you need to run away from this situation before you get hurt even more. Most escorts are really nice people but a lot of them had huge problems in their youth such as poverty, lack of education, abusive parents and a missing father. It's only natural to want to help people like this and for whatever reason it tends to be a situation that feeds on itself and snowballs out of control. Yes there are exceptions to everything but Pretty Woman and My Fair Lady are urban legends. In real life most people who start to care for someone aren't going to be happy if that person is half their age and a prostitute. By helping him out by giving him a car and support aren't you basically encouraging him to believe that he can solve all of his problems by using his youth and body? What's going to happen to him when he's a bit older, and not quite so cute and hard bodied? Yup, there are all sorts of opportunities out there for uneducated people with no resumes. And what about you, if you only like him for his looks are you going to have any interest in helping him when the novelty has worn off? If you're willing to go with the flow and can easily move on this may not be a problem, but based on your posting it looks like your feelings go a bit deeper.

[+ Gar1eth]

My wish is for good things to happen to both of you.

 

Gman

[+ Travis69]

I would not show him this thread or mention any of this to him. Do the good deed and give him the transportation. Hopefully it will give him the chance to improve his life and 20 years from now he will remember you fondly as the person who helped him.

[+ purplekow]

Why is it when you're a fucked up eighteen-year-old the world beats a path to your door trying to help, but when you're forty-two and fucked up nobody knows your name? http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

 

At 18 there is hope you will learn to do better. At 42, not so much, your track record does not support it.

[jakeleyman]

I hate to keep bumping this thread but I cannot let Anton's extremely thoughtful post go without at least expressing appreciation for it.

[Bart]

Ahhh the pangs of love. If you don't put yourself out there your heart will wither and die. So the good news is that you are human and a man. The remarks have all been supportive to a point most likely because we have all been there. I myself have found my heart aching unmercifully so several times. The first time the situation came up was on in a personal ad, remember those, no internet, early 90's. I tumbled fast and furious and realized way later it was infatuation and lust more than anything else. It hurt like a bitch and he ended it quickly with a phone message. Good. I realized how to handle the future. I have been there with a few escorts and I have found the best way to deal with it, see multiple guys. I usually leave the door open to friendship but on his terms not mine. If he communicates further great but you don't want to fall into the stalker mode. I usually try to avoid seeing someone more than a couple of times a year but that is easy because I have to travel or bring gentlemen in. If he lives where I do I would force myself to make sure I am seeing other gentlemen and I would tell him you are doing so. I think you gift of a used vehicle is nice but I would hold off on any other serious gift. Keep it to $100 or less birthday and Christmas. On the vehicle I might have suggested he give you $50 a month for a year but deal is done. The only thing is you don't want him to feel indebted to you. It can really make things uncomfortable.

 

Enjoy your time with him just see other gentlemen as well so when he does move on you are not caught short. It will make the transition away easier.

[Epigonos]

As far as I'm concerned jawjateck nailed it -- nothing ventured, nothing gained. Just be prepared to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on with your life if in the end it doesn't work out the way you hope.

[+ purplekow]

You have an ongoing pleasant but ultimately one side love story going on. Don't mess it up. A cock in your hand is worth two in her bush.

[gallahadesquire]

You have an ongoing pleasant but ultimately one side love story going on. Don't mess it up. A cock in your hand is worth two in her bush.

 

Could you repeat that in English?

[ericwinters]

Oh man and it hurts like hell... I fell hard in a situation like yours after nearly 3 years back in February and still getting over it. Nothing like an old foolish queen.

[Samai139]

Fact: You are 42, he is 22.

Fact: You have given him a truck.

Fact: You are NOT going to stop seeing him.

Fact: You are going to pay him for sex in the future.

Fact: He is a skater.

Fact: You both live in a rural area.

Fact He is good looking and has a hot body.

 

Conclusion: If he is a considerate person he will end this as painlessly as possible; if not you will hurt, heal and hire another.

[Steven_Draker]

http://izquotes.com/quotes-pictures/quote-by-three-methods-we-may-learn-wisdom-first-by-reflection-which-is-noblest-second-by-imitation-confucius-40948.jpg