Help Me Motivate Myself to Get Back into Online dating

[+ FreshFluff]

I would like to date again. I've meet men while doing activities, at parties, and and in other settings, but the best men I've met are from online dating.

 

It's been a while since I've done it and I'm scared to dip my toe in the water again. I'm afraid of going in there and only seeing guys I'm not attracted to. (As I've said in the past, my pool is pretty small.) I'm scared of going out on dates and wishing I could be back home, because I'm just not into the guy. Rejection hasn't really been an issue, but you never know, so I'm afraid of that too.

 

I already have a photo, so that's not an issue, but it's just going in there and getting started that's the problem.

 

Any form of encouragement would be welcome. (It took me several days to even type out this message, so at least that's a first step.)

[+ Gar1eth]

Does it help if I say- I wish you Good Fortune in your search?

 

Gman

[tyro]

You know my story, Fresh. Brian and I would have NEVER been matched according to the site's criteria. He found me by looking, photo after photo, profile after profile. Yes, you will see many guys you're not all that into. Yes, many guys will view your profile and decide to pass on you too. (I know of what I speak: My profile's been viewed over 550 times. Trust me, I have not received 550 "winks" or emails. I will not embarrass myself by revealing those numbers (ahem!) but I'm sure you catch my drift.) I told Brian that "on paper" we're not a very good match, and we aren't. But I've been happier in the past few weeks than in the past few years. That has to be worth something.

 

If nothing else, by broadening what you think you want, you might meet someone who knows someone who knows someone. As Weezie (Louise Hay) said so long ago, "If you don't reach out, love cannot find you."

 

Drop some criteria and reach out. You're gorgeous and bright and desirable. But if you don't reach out, you will not be found.

T

[bigvalboy]

Drop some criteria and reach out. You're gorgeous and bright and desirable. But if you don't reach out, you will not be found.

 

Truer words were never spoken....listen to Tyro, she know of what she speaks.

[EZEtoGRU]

Truer words were never spoken....listen to Tyro, she know of what she speaks.

 

+1

[Becket]

On the other hand, I recently met a young man on line who said he enjoyed older guys. There was no talk of "pay for play." When I refused to pay, he threatened to hurt me. He found out my name and is now promising to "out" me to friends and family.

 

Online dating is definitely a "cavaet emptor" experience.

[+ Robster]

On the other other hand, I met my husband online. We met in an AOL chat room on Christmas Day, and by New Year's, we were in love. He was living in Boston at the time, and I was here in San Diego. After a few months of e-mails, instant messaging and phone calls, he flew out here for 10 days so we could meet. And then he went home, quit his job, packed up his stuff and moved out here to be with me. That was 14 years ago, and we couldn't be happier.

 

Best of luck to you!

 

Rob

[+ FreshFluff]

Thanks for all the replies. You guys are the best!

 

Drop some criteria and reach out. You're gorgeous and bright and desirable. But if you don't reach out, you will not be found.

 

First, thanks for the compliment. You're right that I need to reach out.

 

As for dropping criteria, I wish it were that easy. I've tried it in the past and went into the date with an open mind. But once there, no matter how much I try to give it a chance, the attraction on my end just doesn't happen. I try to proceed regardless, but the guys always know. Many of these guys are fantastic and probably attract a good number of women. But for whatever reason, I can't feel the same way.

[+ FreshFluff]

On the other other hand, I met my husband online. We met in an AOL chat room on Christmas Day, and by New Year's, we were in love. He was living in Boston at the time, and I was here in San Diego. After a few months of e-mails, instant messaging and phone calls, he flew out here for 10 days so we could meet. And then he went home, quit his job, packed up his stuff and moved out here to be with me. That was 14 years ago, and we couldn't be happier.

 

Robster, that's a great story. You guys must be a great match. Aren't you glad you were in that chat room that day?

 

On the other hand, I recently met a young man on line who said he enjoyed older guys. There was no talk of "pay for play." When I refused to pay, he threatened to hurt me. He found out my name and is now promising to "out" me to friends and family.

 

Online dating is definitely a "cavaet emptor" experience.

 

Becket, I'm really sorry to hear about your experience. That's really scary. I've met a few weird guys, but in all my online dating experience, nothing like that has happened.

[+ FreshFluff]

Does it help if I say- I wish you Good Fortune in your search?

 

It does, thank you!

 

Gman, we have a lot in common especially in terms of our level of the small pool of men we're attracted to. So good fortune to you too.

[+ Robster]

Robster, that's a great story. You guys must be a great match. Aren't you glad you were in that chat room that day?

 

"Glad" doesn't even begin to cover it! We'd actually been in the same chat room before, and had several mutual friends, but we had never really talked. But that night, the chat room was pretty empty, since it was Christmas, so he and I started chatting, and hit it off right away. And the rest, as they say, is history.

 

Rob

[tyro]

That IS a great story, Rob. Thank you for posting it here.

T

[justaguy]

Robster, great story! I hope you two have another 14 years.

 

Fresh, what Robster's story tells you is you can't plan for meeting the right guy. That's something that just happens. As everyone else has said, though, it can't happen unless you put yourself out there. In the meantime, you seem to have a strong sense of self and a good sense of humor. My only suggestion would be that you live your life depending on yourself to make you happy (I can't remember the philosopher, Voltaire maybe, but that advice is his.) That way you're happy now...and when Mister Right shows up you can be even happier.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

OKCupid is one of my favorite sites to browse because of all the little quizzes and so on, and you get to see how people answered certain questions and what your compatibility is. I think that's actually quite useful when you're looking for someone. For example, it amazes me how many guys don't regard keeping a budget as important. Thanks so much for playing, and the exit is the second door on the left!

[BaronArtz]

In addition to the great advice you have received there, let me add the following. Thanks to an online profile, I have been able to 'connect' with younger men who would never put their profile on an escort website but who, for a modest fee, were eager and willing to avail themselves to me in every possible sexual way. There is definitely an underground community out there of guys who escort on the 'DL' - dancers, musicians, personal trainers ... the list goes on and on. So, although you may not meet your Prince Charming right away, having exposure to these guys makes it interesting. Good luck!

[+ Archer]

Well, FreshFluff, all of these posts have been very supportive and sweet. Now for the direct route. Advice I received from my drill sergeant: GET OFF YOUR ASS FLUFFY AND GET MOVING!. (Yes, he did call me fluffy.)

[+ FreshFluff]

OKCupid is one of my favorite sites to browse because of all the little quizzes and so on, and you get to see how people answered certain questions and what your compatibility is. I think that's actually quite useful when you're looking for someone. For example, it amazes me how many guys don't regard keeping a budget as important. Thanks so much for playing, and the exit is the second door on the left!

 

Chris, I definitely agree that the answers to the MC questions are interesting. But remember that many people fill out the quizzes without putting much thought into them. Also, some people save a great deal but don't necessarily keep a written budget.

 

So if you like someone but see an issue with the quiz answers, it may be worth writing to him. That way, you can see if his habits correspond with reckless spending or if the quiz answer was a fluke.

[+ FreshFluff]

Well, FreshFluff, all of these posts have been very supportive and sweet. Now for the direct route. Advice I received from my drill sergeant: GET OFF YOUR ASS FLUFFY AND GET MOVING!. (Yes, he did call me fluffy.)

 

Thanks, Archer! I'll get my Fluffy white rear end on one of the dating sites today!

 

Edit: OK, I wrote my very brief profile essay. Now it's time to take the plunge and get a trial membership.

[leigh.bess.toad]

Well you may know my story Fresh Fluff. It wasn't an on-line dating site, per-se. It was Craigslist. It was a simple ad. "57 year old man, looking for something more". Through all the "oddities" of both of our lives, it works for both of us, and we know we are meant for each other. Maybe the unusual nature of our lives is what keeps us together.

 

I'm thinking of changing my name legally to "Something More" now. Next month will be 2 years now.

 

Best of luck.

[JoeyBryant]

I personally haven't found online or phone app dating to work for me. Phone app relationships last 2-3 dates. If you get to date 3, consider yourself lucky, but not special.

 

Another reason is many guys online end up finding out about my hobby...especially when I list on a4a. I think in the future I will not use it locally as I've already had 2 people in the past week mention my ad on there and I don't even show but half my face. Online community can be pretty small, so I think I'll stick to meeting in person. I only use apps and last time I met someone locally from there was like 2 months ago.

[+ FreshFluff]

I just checked out OKCupid for the first time. I had stayed away before because I thought that it was mostly for young guys and I prefer older.

 

I like a number of things about it, especially the public questions; you can tell a lot from what people ask. One guy had several sex questions on the first couple of pages including "Do you like anal sex?" and "How rough do you like your sex?" I move very slowly when it comes to sex, so if these are the most important questions he can think of, he and I are clearly not a match.

 

I now just need to put in my profile and photo!

[+ FreshFluff]

Woah, that was fast. I just put my picture up and within a few minutes, I've received several messages; I expect that's the case for most women online in a metropolis. But here's one of them. Hard to know what anyone is like in person from a message, but a very nice start! (Hotlinked so that I can delete it later.)

http://s13.postimg.org/4fa5t04g7/Screen_Shot_2013_04_04_at_8_34_27_PM.png

[Guest Wetnwildbear]

Being a Synic -or Cynic (spellcheck is my friend)

 

If you GOT LOVE - what you be doing here cruising the . . .

[+ FreshFluff]

Leigh, I've always enjoyed hearing your story. You only came out a few years ago, right? It's great that you found a partner so fast.

 

Chris, I saw that budget question. You're right, those questions are really useful.

 

BTW, the guy above answered "Would you please tell me more about you?" with "I'd prefer to talk when we meet." Call me a cynic, but men who insist on meeting after the first email make me wonder if they've trying to get prospects "in the door" before they share some piece of information. I understand wanting to avoid an endless series of emails, but I prefer to share some information before meeting.

[+ FreshFluff]

Archer, Baron, EZE, Gareth, Justaguy, Tyro, and anyone I've forgotten, thanks for the support.

 

Robster and Leigh, thanks for sharing your

 

And Archer, thanks for pushing me to get my fluffy little kitten butt in gear.

http://s2.postimg.org/x60jtqfj9/Buttin_Gear.jpg?noCache=1365185164

 

 

 

BTW, Tyro: The guys who viewed your profile WERE attracted to you/the photo you posted. They just figured that they wouldn't be a good match for you based on something in your profile. Some (maybe correctly) probably figured you wouldn't respond.