Am I a fool

[Guest verymarried]

I recently spent many hours with a young escort. I am sometimes a poor judge, but I liked him. He told me he has an undergrad degree in biology and has had difficulty breaking into the lab tech field which is his goal. He is working at a coffee house and escorting for means of support. I have some medical connections in his city and offered to see if I could open a door for him. I told him I wanted nothing in return. In reality, I like the idea of helping him and if helping him reinforces the prospect of a friendship with him, I like that idea too. He was excited at the prospect. So to my surprise, the first (very straight) doc I approached about a "young friend with a biology degree looking for a lab tech job" immediately asked me for his cv (resume'). So now I am starting to wonder about all this. I am waiting to hear back from the escort. If he sends his cv, and for example it has the same phone on it as is on his M4RN site, I assume that can be easily googled. Am I a fool to become involved in this? He is a very nice kid and I'd love to help him. I am a clos guy and my contacts are straight and prominent members of the med community. You guys are smarter than I am and I'd like to hear your reactions.

[+ not2rowdy]

There is nothing wrong at all about wanting to help a young man get on with his career. In fact, I look at it as almost a duty of the older generation to pass down knowledge and insight to the younger generation.

 

You might note your concerns about the "google phone number" to the young man. And offer to critique his resume / CV prior to it being submitted.

 

If both of your efforts are successful, and he he obtains the position, expect the relationship between you to change. Maybe it will be less sexual. But maybe that's OK. You might gain a long term friendship that may lead to - who knows what in the future.

 

For myself, I would not hesitate to to exchange a lustful client / escort relationship to help a young man further his true life goals.

[+ azdr0710]

the phone number thing has to be straightened out, for starters.....

 

are there face pics online that can be "google image"ed back to his escort pics?....

 

good luck to him.....sounds like he is a good guy

[corndog]

If it is not too late, I would be a little cautious about how you introduce this guy. If his background surfaces during the hiring process, or perhaps worse, after he's employed, you need to be able to plausibly deny that you knew anything about it. I think that it is great that you're trying to help him, and I think introducing him is a nice gesture, but I'd be careful about "recommending" him, since, after all, you really don't know anything about his lab tech skills or work ethic in a regular job. His performance could reflect badly on your professional reputation.

[robberbaron4u]

No, no, no. . .the echo of the voice of experience that is mine.

[Diverdan]

I don't think you are a fool, but make sure you are thinking with your big head and not your little (littler) head.. Good advise from the other posters above. I once did something very similar, but I insisted in seeing the resume ahead of making the referral and I did not "recommend" him as I had no personal knowledge of his skills for that job and made sure that he had a different phone number on his escort page than on his professional resume. He never posted a face picture and was quite a discrete young man. I am happy to say that he got the job he wanted, immediately stopped his escort career, and we became friends... no longer a client. So, it can work, but you have to be very careful and discrete, especially given your situation. You don't need your medical colleagues talking about your "referrals" !

[Frequentflier]

I am one who thinks its good to do something nice for someone else without worrying about what comes next. However, I would think about what you'll say if this young man gets a job through one of your connections and one, two or three years from now he discloses to someone who knows you how the two of you met. And you've known him for the sum total of "many hours", not many "months" or "years ! Yikes. My personal situation seems close to yours. I'm not out, none of my friends know that I hire escorts and I don't/can't have my business relationships know either. If you're prepared for that, jump in the deep end of the pool and help to the max. If you're not, I'd reconsider. When he's at a bar with someone he "trusts" and given that his generations perception of these activities is more likely looser than ours, I'd say its likely he opens up (with of course the "wink" and "keep this to ourselves"). Stupid for his career and office relationships, yes but I'd say more likely than not he yammers about escorting and you were a client. Similarly, I think its better you prepare yourself for never (or very rarely) hearing from this guy again. You can be pleasantly surprised if he keeps in reasonably tight contact, but preparing for little or none won't leave you disappointed or hurt.

 

If hiring is something you do in secret, I wouldn't do anything that increases the likelihood your activity is outed. And now you can read how everyone else who comments disagrees with me

[geoffk]

i love to help guys out but you have to be very careful with this. i own a business and guys have asked me for a job many times, but i can't give them a job with my influence because how do i explain how I know this person? my web guy is someone i have met thru questionable means but he only has to deal with me, no one else in my company, and he is a really cool guy who I trust totally.

[bigvalboy]

If it is not too late, I would be a little cautious about how you introduce this guy. If his background surfaces during the hiring process, or perhaps worse, after he's employed, you need to be able to plausibly deny that you knew anything about it. I think that it is great that you're trying to help him, and I think introducing him is a nice gesture, but I'd be careful about "recommending" him, since, after all, you really don't know anything about his lab tech skills or work ethic in a regular job. His performance could reflect badly on your professional reputation.

 

Yes I agree here 100%....I would do as corndog recommends.

[jackboy48]

I'm always trying to hook people up and generally it's just a bad habit. 9 times out of 10 I don't have the whole story and/or the person I'm trying to help isn't all that interested. Recently I was chatting with a handsome young neighbor who told me of his interest in politics, and before I realized what I was doing, I was taking him to functions and introducing him around. Fortunately I was somewhat cautious, so I wasn't too freaked when I got his email begging off because of his work commitments. Personally if I was as closeted as you, I'd let the referral drop and just maintain the escort relationship.

[Guest verymarried]

I would just like to thank all of you who have taken the time for some very thoughtful replies and I will refer carefully to all of them.

[Pegasus]

If you genuinely wish to help this young man, then I see no reason to hesitate in recommending him for the job...especially since you feel he is very capable and qualified for the position. Even if his new boss discovered that the young man had previously escorted, it wouldn't "out" you or suggest in anyway that you had known him to be an escort.

[maninsoma]

I see no reason not to help him. Wouldn't it be reasonable to say that you met him at the coffee house where he works if that question gets asked? You could just say that you were there and happened to strike up a brief conversation wherein in mentioned his interest in a lab tech job. I do agree, however, that if he uses the same phone number for escorting that he has on his resume that you should insist he get another number before you forward the resume.

 

I would also add that I don't think you're actually "recommending" him, right? You haven't employed him as a lab tech, and you really have no idea what his skills in that area are. I would simply say that you're aware of this seemingly nice guy looking for a job and then let him promote himself if and when he gets an interview.

[JackTwist]

I vote for helping the kid out. Looking back, I think you'll feel very good that you did. We all needed a break from someone along the way to succeed. Pay it forward, good man.

[Guest boiworship08]

I vote for helping the kid out. Looking back, I think you'll feel very good that you did. We all needed a break from someone along the way to succeed. Pay it forward, good man.

 

I agree. The guys I've helped out have been grateful even if it changed the relationship. I don't expect them to escort forever. Besides, every day a new crop of boys arrive! Hell, I even helped out a few students with their college papers and essays! Even met one guy's mom. As for discretion, I've been impressed with how discrete these guys have been.

[Racketjock]

Personally, I have done some things in my life I am not particularly proud of and wouldn't want on the front page of a newspaper or blabbed about to my friends and family. However, offering a kindness to others that is within your means and you are able to do is, in my opinion, an act of compassion. I have been the recipient of such acts many times in my formative years. I am hugely grateful and hope each time the opportunity presents itself, I can pay it forward as you. I can appreciate some of the advice you recieved, which is for your and your friends protection, but only you can decided what is most important and meaningful for you. I offer you kudos for making the effort. He is a lucky guy to have someone who cares.

[instudiocity]

I have on more than one occasion introduced friends to other friends for the purpose of finding someone a job. I've always made the introductions in a fashion similar to this:

"Joe this is Tom. Tom is an engineer looking for a position.

"Tom, Joe is an executive with an engineering firm. He might not have a position for you but he might be a networking contact for you to find your next position.

"Joe, please don't feel obligated, I only know Tom socially. I can't say anything about his work ethics, knowledge or skill set. If you can help him out everybody wins!"

I always hear the success stories. I never hear the horror stories. And I haven't lost a friend, yet. I believe that overselling the person I'm introducing works to his disadvantage. I also believe that if I introduced an escort to a friend, the escort would maintain our confidentiality. It goes back explaining in the introduction how I know the person I'm introducing.

[+ FreshFluff]

As someone who has recommended people too early, I'd err on the side of waiting especially given how important the confidentiality issue is to you. I know you're hoping to reinforce the friendship, but I think it's best to make the decision assuming that this won't happen. That way, if the friendship does grow stronger, it's icing on the cake.

 

"Joe this is Tom. Tom is an engineer looking for a position.

"Tom, Joe is an executive with an engineering firm. He might not have a position for you but he might be a networking contact for you to find your next position.

"Joe, please don't feel obligated, I only know Tom socially. I can't say anything about his work ethics, knowledge or skill set. If you can help him out everybody wins!"

 

Instudiocity's sample introductions look great. As for the third one, I think saying "I only know him sociailly, but I wanted to help him out" is enough. Many people are used to reading between the lines in recommendation letters, so they might interpret "I can't speak to his work ethic" as "I promised my friend I'd introduce him but he seems flaky from what I've seen."

[Guest verymarried]

Thanks again for your thoughtful responses. I never received the escort's cv. Perhaps he is also questioning whether he wants a client involved in his personal life and job quest.

[+ FreshFluff]

VM, I've had the same experience as Jackboy in that sometimes someone I offer to recommend isn't necessarily that interested.