Conner Habib essay - "Why do gay porn performers kill themselves?"

[nate_sf]

I'm a big fan of Conner Habib's writing. Sometimes he can be a bit esoteric (reflecting his academic background perhaps), but then he comes out with an essay that touches on a whole bunch of things with a really clear insight. This is one of those essays. Lots of complex issues brought into focus tying together suicide, porn, and wider attitudes to sexuality. I know that sounds like a tall order, but somehow he makes sense of it without trying to say he has all the answers.

 

http://connerhabib.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/why-do-gay-porn-stars-kill-themselves/

 

Having done some limited ventures into porn myself, I really relate to the insecurities but also empowerment that porn provides. Check it out.

[tyro]

This essay is fantastic. Thank you Nate.

T

[hornytwells]

Looking forward to reading it-I met Conner last week in NYC and hired him-he was stellar!!!

[+ Axiom2001]

I applaud Mr. Habib on his writing "Why do gay porn performers kill themselves?" but this essay is indeed profound yet quite, quite, quite, quite lengthy!

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Definitely something that can be applied to the escorting world as well.

[corndog]

His essay touches on the point that porn stars -- just like the rest of us -- wrestle with body image and self esteem issues. I find it empowering to realize, and remind myself as often as possible, that even the most gorgeous men have insecurities about their bodies. Although I think it is always good to make efforts to improve ourselves, it is revealing to learn that no matter what shape we're in, we'll probably see flaws in the mirror.

 

On a good day, I can internalize that idea and allow the part of me that feels good about who I am to overcome the part of me that feels so far from perfection.

[TopAz]

I really found this essay a fascinating read.

 

This is just my non-quantitavie, humble opinion here, but I wonder if the real reasons a few porn stars kill themselves is all about psychology. Perhaps some (not all) porn actors arrive on the scene, have a ton of sex on camera, they get cash for that sex, they find out that sex and cash--the things that they thought would make them very happy--doesn't provide long-term happiness and fulfillment. They feel there is no other way out, their brains eclipse all the other non-sexual opportunities they can pursue in life and decide it's never going to get any better--that true happiness is unachievable--and that it's the end for them.

[McLeanspider]

His essay touches on the point that porn stars -- just like the rest of us -- wrestle with body image and self esteem issues. I find it empowering to realize, and remind myself as often as possible, that even the most gorgeous men have insecurities about their bodies. Although I think it is always good to make efforts to improve ourselves, it is revealing to learn that no matter what shape we're in, we'll probably see flaws in the mirror.

 

On a good day, I can internalize that idea and allow the part of me that feels good about who I am to overcome the part of me that feels so far from perfection.

 

I agree with you, but they are also afraid of losing their looks, specially when their livelihood and acceptance is based on it.

[RockCreekRunr]

While there are thousands of gay porn actors, I've only heard of four that committed suicide this year. Is there really a disproportionate number of them killing themselves compared to the broader population of gay men in general? Just curious.

[uwsman2]

I thought one of the main points of Connor's essay is that "why gay porn stars kill themselves" is not an appropriate question, because gay porn stars are a varied lot of individuals, and that suicide is a complex phenomenon that may result from a multitude of factors. So asking that question is overgeneralizing and lumping a very diverse group of people into some sort of monolothic construct that doesn't really exist.

[operalover21]

While there are thousands of gay porn actors, I've only heard of four that committed suicide this year. Is there really a disproportionate number of them killing themselves compared to the broader population of gay men in general? Just curious.

 

That was my reaction just to the headline (I'm reacting to the headline, not the story) whose implication is "all" .... perhaps it should have said "why do 'some' ....." otherwise the implication is that that's how they all end up.

[nate_sf]

I thought one of the main points of Connor's essay is that "why gay porn stars kill themselves" is not an appropriate question, because gay porn stars are a varied lot of individuals, and that suicide is a complex phenomenon that may result from a multitude of factors. So asking that question is overgeneralizing and lumping a very diverse group of people into some sort of monolothic construct that doesn't really exist.

 

Yep I think that's the main point of the first part of the essay. The headline "Why do gay performers kill themselves?" is the wrong question and he's being ironic using it as the title of the essay, yet it is the question lots of people were asking after Arpad's death (as well as the other performers).

 

But people kill themselves in all kinds of professions. My mother is a retired nurse and through the years I'd hear about various colleagues of hers killing themselves - nurses, doctors, administrators - and one could then ask "Why do so many people in the medical industry kill themselves?" But that would not be the right question either, or at least there is a lot more to it than the professions themselves.

[anotherjohnindupont]

That was my reaction just to the headline (I'm reacting to the headline, not the story) whose implication is "all" .... perhaps it should have said "why do 'some' ....." otherwise the implication is that that's how they all end up.

 

Exactly!

 

Is like saying that all Viet Nam veterans are homeless and losers, excuse me, just a minority of them are. Many of them have normal lives.

 

The same with porn actors and escorts, some of them, make a living and save money for their future.

[+ WilliamM]

Exactly!

 

Is like saying that all Viet Nam veterans are homeless and losers, excuse me, just a minority of them are. Many of them have normal lives.

 

The same with porn actors and escorts, some of them, make a living and save money for their future.

 

First, if some Vietnam veterans are homeless and "losers," I can say first-hand that is partly the fault of the U.S. government. One of my best friends has severe post-tramatic syndrome. He was an excellent soldier in Vietnam; now he can barely get out of bed in the morning. Clearly, many other vets from Vietnam and other recent U.S. wars are, or will be, in the same situation.

 

Others (as well as me) remember many porn stars from the 1980s and early 1990s, who died from drug overdoses, not nessarily suicide. Some overdoses were clearly by accident (Mike Henson). Others are less clear. Not just my opinion. The number two drama critic of the New York Times (Charles Isherwood) wrote a book about it, "Wonder Bread and Ecstacy: The Life and Death of Joey Stefano." Stefano, who was the male porn world's answer to Janis Joplin, died in 1994. I agree that was several decades ago, but it's a memory very difficult to forget.