Who should be doing the pleasing?

[N13]

I came across Aaron Lawrence's "Suburban Hustler" and started reading about what he felt were his responsibilities to his clients; their pleasure. It brought into focus a problem that I have found is becoming increasingly prevalent with escorts. Who should be pleasing who?

 

All too often I have found that the escort is more concerned with his own pleasure rather then mine. Let me preface what follows with the following disclaimer: I am not ugly nor am I movie star handsome. My body is overweight but not side-show qualifying. My hygiene is excellent! I am always, showered, cleaned inside and out and my breath is not off-putting and most people find me a considerate, amusing and interesting person. I usually book for two hours so that we do not have to rush.

 

When arranging a meeting I am always clear about my age, weight and preferences (Kissing is important, oral in both directions, ass play in both directions and a good topping of me. Everyone has agreed to my requests ahead of time, but when the event takes place it seems that my wishes are not even considered.

 

The escort does not really kiss, he wants to get oral but does not reciprocate and his ass is off limits to everything except my tongue. Some of them top well, but others just want to get it over with right away or are not capable of functioning. What gives?

 

I usually hire only escorts that have good reviews on Daddy's and from the description of the activities seem to be in accord with my desires. Nine out of ten times the escort has not come up to the reviews or their own words of agreement.

 

It seems to me that the escort should be trying to please me, not himself. If repeat customers are important wouldn't you think that my pleasure would be more important then theirs? Or is there so much one time business that repeats are not necessary?

 

Am I alone in my conclusions or are others of you experiencing the same treatment?

[tyro]

N13, I'm really sorry that you're having such bad experiences. How do you deal with this during the appointment itself?

T

[N13]

N13, I'm really sorry that you're having such bad experiences. How do you deal with this during the appointment itself?

T

 

A good question. I generally do not say anything as I am not good at confrontation. I also don't think that saying something would go anyplace other then causing the escort to become defensive, surly or, even worse, actively aggressive.

 

Sometimes I withdraw into myself and just wait for the time to pass. Usually this causes the escort to 'finish up' go to the bathroom, get dressed and leave.

[tyro]

Oh no! When I'm having a great time with my boyzes, I feel exceptionally alive. It doesn't sound like that's happening for you. It sounds like you shut down. I know some folks would say, "Speak up! It's your money, darn it!!" Others might suggest giving the guy another chance. I wish I had some concrete answers for you...right now, I'm just feeling bad about the disparity between our encounters.

T

[+ Travis69]

Is the escort situation the only time you have a problem confronting the problem and hoping for a resolution? Do you confront problems in restaurants, at work, with a friend or in a store? If so use those same skills with the escort. I have confronted escorts a few times. I am nice, polite and calm but I do point out the problem. I want to be pleased and if I didn't speak up I wouldn't be pleased with the escort and more importantly I wouldn't be pleased with myself for not confronting the problem and trying to rectify it.

[ErieBear]

I have realized that an escort I saw really was just looking to please himself. It's a LONG story, but I realized afterwards that he is probably narcissistic and he saw me as a way to get off and line his pocketbook. When looking back on the appointment, I realized how messed up it was. I only wish I could have seen it during the time....

[N13]

Is the escort situation the only time you have a problem confronting the problem and hoping for a resolution? Do you confront problems in restaurants, at work, with a friend or in a store? If so use those same skills with the escort. I have confronted escorts a few times. I am nice, polite and calm but I do point out the problem.

 

Oddly enough, I have no problem with confrontation outside of the bed. I learned early that if you are paying for something, that is what you have the right to expect.

 

Your question has me thinking......perhaps because what I really want is "the boyfriend" experience, saying something would completely shatter any illusions that I might have about the escort actually desiring me. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

 

The thing I liked about Aaron's philosophy of service was that he believed that his job was to 'act' and make his client feel good about himself and the experience. This is what I think is lacking in most of the current crop of escorts.

[MiamiLooker]

I usually hire only escorts that have good reviews on Daddy's and from the description of the activities seem to be in accord with my desires. Nine out of ten times the escort has not come up to the reviews or their own words of agreement.

 

 

Did you write a review? If not, why?

[bigvalboy]

N13 it is a tough situation. I have most certainly been there. When the escort is about being serviced, I generally withdraw, wait for the time to pass, and just know that I will never repeat. I must say though, that there are some incredible escorts out there that really want to please their clients. far too many to list here, but even among the escorts that I have not been with that post here, I think most if not all have talked endlessly about how pleasing the client is priority one.

 

I would perhaps ask more questions among the members before you hire and also with the escort. Be very clear what it is that you expect. I would think that once the session starts however, it would be difficult to change the vibe of the hire. I know a lot of members that in the middle of a hire realize that they are in a very uncomfortable place. I have actually stopped a hire in the middle and simply said, "I am sorry but this is not working for me"...I pay the full fee, no tip of course and then just leave.

 

I think it is a matter of vetting your escorts better. Good luck, I wish you better luck in the future, and know that it really is not your fault.

[bigvalboy]

Your question has me thinking......perhaps because what I really want is "the boyfriend" experience, saying something would completely shatter any illusions that I might have about the escort actually desiring me. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

 

Aaahhh now I think you hit on something. I always tell the escort that I want the bf experience, not everyone does, but I certainly do. Many many escorts are really good at that, and I think that if you sought out those that do, perhaps you would have better experiences....

[N13]

Did you write a review? If not, why?

 

I have written good reviews when the experience was good...but they all seem to be in the distant past. Writing a negative review seems to set the reviewer up for vilification from the escort and, frankly, I do not want to put myself in that position.

[Lankypeters]

One suggestion: be skeptical of working boys who have a preponderance of reviews, often brief and general, from first timers. Some working guys work the site and write their own reviews.

[tyro]

Lanky is on to something here. I'm pretty sure that a guy who canceled on me the day of an overnight wrote at least two of "his" reviews. They even had some of his idiosyncratic errors. I decided to give him a chance anyway. It may be just as well that the appointment never materialized.

T

[Lankypeters]

Lanky is on to something here. I'm pretty sure that a guy who canceled on me the day of an overnight wrote at least two of "his" reviews. They even had some of his idiosyncratic errors. I decided to give him a chance anyway. It may be just as well that the appointment never materialized.

T

 

-- Was that a New York boy, by chance? You can "private" me if you want. If you're cute, you can even go for my privates!

[+ azdr0710]

perhaps because what I really want is "the boyfriend" experience, saying something would completely shatter any illusions that I might have about the escort actually desiring me. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

 

yes, this might be the primary issue, as BVB also suggests....having to direct and request and ask for what you want all thru the meet, despite having clearly said it during pre-meet planning, isn't a "BFE" at all, so you are disappointed....I often want a BFE, also, but sometimes have to move the meet along myself (tell the guy to do something) and so it isn't as spontaneous and authentic....it's a tough/unusual deal, these escort encounters.....there definitely are good guys out there who will give you the BFE and I don't think you've found him yet.....you may get some PMs with some suggestions, I hope....

[Steven_Draker]

All too often I have found that the escort is more concerned with his own pleasure rather than mine.

 

 

I am a little uncomfortable with that statement, as it tends to "generalize" and put all the escorts in the same basket.

 

On the other hand, I feel for you, N13, and fully understand the need to blow off some steam.

 

Probably you haven't found the right escort for you. Perseverate and keep trying until you find the right one.

[Lankypeters]

And Steven practices whereof he speaks. Others who do likewise include David-SF, Tony Bishop, Raul Manzo and Ross, though according to other posts hereabout he may be moving on to other pursuits.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

Sometimes I withdraw into myself and just wait for the time to pass. Usually this causes the escort to 'finish up' go to the bathroom, get dressed and leave.

 

With one of the first escorts I hired, and before I discovered this forum, I had a similar experience. The escort wasn't living up to my full expectations (not listening to my requests to change things up - he was repeating the first thing I responded favorably too) and I simply let things happen from there. At times I need to be more assertive in my career, I meed to be able to unwind when hiring and the effort to express disappointment isn't worth it.

[RexAll]

N13- I would describe the experiences that you describe as bad encounters. I definitely have had them. I was visiting Dallas a few months ago. An escort there had an attractive physique, but his ad did not mention kissing. I asked about kissing and he said ok. I should have known. In the majority of cases when the escort agrees to kissing when not in his ad, I've been disappointed. After I arrived, I found out he would only perform oral with a condom. Yes, I know it's safer, but I prefer it without. I should have just left. But I was horny. Sometimes it just feels better to have someone else make you cum than to do it yourself.

 

But that was a rarity. Most of the guys I've been with over the years have done a good job of doing what I like. If they hadn't- if my time together with escorts was always a disappointment, I probably would have quit hiring by now. But I do understand about the difficulty in confrontation when with the escort. I am not very good at that easier. So when a bad meeting occurs, I hope my next one is better. And in general it has been.

 

Rex

[adriano46]

My approach in hiring mirrors almost exactly N13's -- I try to describe my loks, weight and size (nothing out of the ordinary for my age), and when the encounter occurs, I am thoroughly washed and cleaned, my breath is minty fresh, I have plucked and shaved appropriate areas, and as clean as possible. I also "invite" the escort in question to consider having a shower with me as a starter to the encounter (amazingly nearly all say "OK" and then forget this once they arrive, for some reason I do not understand!)

 

I mention how important kissing (deep French) is to me and if they are not comfortable with that, we do not schedule the date. And, yes, I want the BF experience for what its worth for the few hours I am paying.

 

I do a lot of work checking a guy out before the hire -- using this web site especially - and value the comments of others, but chemistry is chemiostry and some guys here have enviable encounters while others have encounters that are most regrettable. Once the encounter starts, if it is not going my way, I - like some others - just work the clock down until it is over. I pay the guy and get him out a.s.a.p. I have had some guys who come in, start talking (which I do not ind) but then I realize it has eaten up an hour of conversation. That is bothersome. I am basically shy once the encounter starts and expect 9and tell the guy up front before we meet) I want HIM to make the first moves.

 

Only once did this work in my favor - in Londson, some hyears back, hired an Italian exchange student for 2 hours. Since I speak fluent Italian he was pleasantly suprised and had a lot of "issues" (loneliness, misunderstandings, lack of comprehension) and we chatted for nearly 3 hours while drinking some wine on my bed, fully clothed. Suddenly he and I realized the time had passed (an hour OVER the 2-hour date), and nothing had happened as we both were so engaged in the conversation and the nice wine.

 

I mentioned the time, he stood, set aside the wine and the glasses and then he removed my eyeglasses (and his) and we had over two hours of hot, torrential, unbridled sex -- the best sex I had had in years. He was not the most handsome guy, but something clicked in the conversation making the sex that followed all the more exciting. THIS is the BF experience I seek.

 

BTW -- at the end of the nearly 5 hours he was with me, he took only the fee for the 2 hours we agreed upon and thanked me for the enjoyable evening. I paid his taxi fare and a small tip but he would not take any more.

[Edward]

Many, but not all of my experiences have mirrored N13. I have found that most of the rentboy who advertise as bi are more likely to be straight than gay or leaning gay. I find straight guys do not really relate to the BFE. However one of the best hires that I have had was form a straight dude that advertised he was gay for pay. However he was recommended to me by a friend. I will not hire anyone except a gay unless they have outstanding reviews form multipule reviewers. Also, I find that to many working boys are working to hard. After they have already cum two or three times they cannot get really excited with an ordinary looking guy.

[down_to_business]

It is my experience that they are just as likely to lie about the sexual orientation question on those ads as they are about age, dick size , kissing, safe sex, smoking, or anything else. Some will answer based on whatever they think will get them the most business. You can try to weed out bad hires by screening the ads or even not hring anyone who doesn't have good reviews here, but some of the best encounters I have ever had with escorts have been ones that have no reviews at all and a few of the worst have been guys recommended on this site who have glowing reviews. I personally find escorts that refuse to respond to emails and require phone only contact, don't kiss or require pics or stats before meeting, or lie about their own stats, appearance or use very outdated or fake pics themselves often make for the worst encounters.

 

If you are hiring for 1 hour, you can try to make your wishes known again during the encounter but any more than 1 attempt at this will likely shatter whatever is left. In these cases I think it best to just get whatever enjoyment you can out of the encounter and not repeat it. If you aren't getting any enjoyment out of the encounter, then ending it is probably best.

 

I also think you can overwhelm an escort with your wants and requirements for an encounter that they can't approach your meeting any other way than clinical. I realize it's important to get what you want but sometimes too much info is too much info. Likewise, when corresponding with an escort, don't lie about your appearance or you needs to them if they ask-- but is it really best to warn them about all of your physical faults and imperfections before an encounter? Maybe the encounter would go better if you allow the escort to find something they find attractive about you in person before predispositioning them to focus on the bad stuff.

 

In my opinion negative reviews should be about the liars, scammers, hustlers, abusers-- not necessarily about someone who tried their best but didn't kiss up to your expectation or wore a red jock with yellow stripes when they were supposed to wear a yellow jock with red stripes... however to write a negative review is a personal decision that each person must decide for themselves and no one needs to define a bad review worthy encounter the same as I do.

[jawjateck]

Quality BFE-providers are in short supply, and if the BFE is what you want, then no amount of sexy good looks on the part of the escort can overcome his deficiency. And confrontation about expectations or chemistry during an appointment is not going to suddenly produce a good encounter nor a better follow-up later. Many escorts think almost exclusively in terms of providing quickies, in fact many have trouble quoting me a rate for an evening or overnight appointment because they don't even think of providing that kind of service. It's actually become a good rule of thumb for me.....if an escort has difficulty quoting me a rate for an extended appointment after I've explained what I want, I just take a pass on him, because he likely cannot provide a quality experience throughout an extended appointment. I will cut a brand-new entrant into the market some slack who's learning his way and just figuring out his pricing structure.

[N13]

First I want to thank everyone for taking this thread seriously.

 

On further reflection I realize that what I am looking for falls into the category of 'Courtesan;' In my opinion, defined as someone who professionally and with taste and charm exchanges pleasure for remuneration. A few currently active escorts I have known fall into this category. David SF and Steven Draker come to mind. Steven I don't mean to say that all escorts should be put in the same basket...but escorts of your caliber and care for your clients are few and far between...and seem to be becoming more and more scarce.

 

Many of us clients are paying for a fantasy and not just a quick ejaculation. The fantasy is becoming very difficult to find. That is really all that I am saying.

 

Would love to hear about the good ones!!!

[Walker1]

Many of us clients are paying for a fantasy and not just a quick ejaculation. The fantasy is becoming very difficult to find. That is really all that I am saying.

 

Would love to hear about the good ones!!!

 

Part of the problem is when fantasy and reality collide. In reality , even the most gorgeous , exalted escort is just another human like any other. But expectations can be very high or different and when reality collides, it can be rather disconcerting.

 

In other cultures, such people were actually trained for long periods of time-the geisha or other such sub-cultures. What is acceptable was set over generations-on both sides of the equation. Here though illusion and fantasy varies from person to person. So sometimes each might be operating under a different reality of what is needed. I myself had a set type before, but was disappointed often-when that type didn't deliver. But I just assumed that "type" would function/behave in a certain way and was rather disappointed. It was just in my head- expecting the Marlboro man to act like one and not a muscle Mary!!Now I go with the flow more often and don't really expect and try and adapt a bit more. Works great. I do tend to go both ways though-so lot more choices.

 

Of course that is just me.