Bdsm group session

[Bosguy]

I have been invited to a "group session" along with several guys I know and have enjoyed BDSM time with. I am fairly new to the scene and never have experienced this type of scene and am very nervous about it. I trust and enjoy those I know, but how open are you to the rest of the sizeable number of guys that will be there? I would prefer to start off with the known and then branch out as I felt comfortable. Is this possible? If so, how do you do it without giving the impression of yourself that you are snobby or aloof? Just want to have fun without fear.

 

Thanks

 

Boston Bill

[whipped guy]

BG... Well... if you will be mostly with guys that you know then there should be a certain amount of comfort regarding trust. Also, most guys who are into this sort of thing know all about how limits should be respected. However, at times you will run across someone who simply wants to do things his way and ignore the limits or preferences of others... This has happened on one or two occasions and once with an escort... Definitely avoid someone who has that sort of mindset. BDSM is about two or more people locked in on the same wavelenght... not someone who is into only himself and what turns him on exclusively. Also, perhaps you might initially spend a bit of time watching how guys interact and see if there is somene who does not play by the rules.

 

I would also make sure that there was some sort of safe word that all could agree upon. I like the term "on the edge" to indicate the tipping point not to be crossed... plus one can also say that they are "approaching the edge". The Dom can tease the bottom by threatening to take him "over the edge"... and the Sub might eventually want to go there. I find that it is a term that plays well with most scenes as opposed to using colors such as pink and red or some such other term that often sounds silly and breaks the overall mood of the scene.

 

The closest I have come to such a group activity would be visiting a club devoted to such a scenario... and in virtually all cases participants have acted in a respectful manner. At times there might be some seemingly strange requests... I recall a situation where a guy was having his butt paddled. I asked if I could join in. I took out my paddle, but the bottom said he wanted to be paddled only by the other guy who was his master... I was to use my hands only since I was not his master... Seemed a bit silly, but heck that's what I did... and that's what turned the guy on. Incidentally the bottom did not tell me this directly... he told his master who then relayed it to me... I guess there was some sort of hierarchy involed... or chain of command.

 

In any event, do start out with guys that you know and those with whom you feel comfortable. I am sure there will be times when you will be observing the antics of others... That will give you time to possibly connect with some of the other guys regarding their likes, dislikes, limits, pain threshold, etc. Heck, once while at a club a total stranger who had never been flogged ask me to initiate him. We took things very slowly and erred on the side of caution... and he left the experience with a smile on his face... something tells me that you will enjoy this venture... and even if it is only initially to watch and observe as that can not only be quite the turn-on, but quite informative and edifying as well. In fact the first couple of times that I visited a club/group situation (and going in cold and not knowing anyone there) I simply watched and enjoyed observing... and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

Have fun... and do report back on how this went down...

[nate_sf]

Whipped Guy's comments are good ones. Nothing wrong with staying on the sidelines for a bit to get a sense of the action. The first time I went to a big group play party I was really nervous at first, but eventually got comfortable enough to do some small-group play in a corner where it was less overwhelming and easier to control.

 

Definitely let your friends know this is new to you and you are nervous, and ideally have one of the more experienced "look after" you to make sure you are doing OK and for shielding you from anything (or anyone) you might not want to experience. This person can be your gatekeeper so to speak, and if someone wants to join in you can signal to him whether or not you want them to join. If you're not interested, you can just signal "not right now" and if you are interested, you can nod yes.

 

"Not right now" is also an easy way of saying you're not interested without coming off as snobby or aloof. You'll find most people look for cues so can take a hint if you're not interested. On the other hand, if you are interested you need to make that clear too, as they are looking for that cue. This could include grabbing them and pulling them into your group... if you see something you like, don't be shy! But also you may find some guys like to watch and not participate, so allow for that.

 

Also you can always take a break if you've had too much excitement and need to back off a bit. You can just say "I need to take a break for a few minutes" and that will be understood as a request to stop the action. Then go take a break if you need to, or do some 1-on-1 until you're ready for more group fun.

 

Play parties are composed on like-minded guys, so just remember people are there to have fun and, as raunchy as it might look with all the BDSM things, these are guys like you who will respect your boundaries. They also want to have fun, so it can be a great opportunity for you to explore new things with willing partners too. Have fun with it!

[Bosguy]

Thanks WG and Nate,

 

I feel more confident that I could enter this situation much more confident than before I wrote this post.

 

Boston Bill

[whipped guy]

Nate is THE man... plus a couple of quick anecdotes...

 

Nate… My response might have been somewhat decent but your response was excellent… as you are the real expert in these matters! If anyone here has had the most experience with such scenes it is Nate… and I base that on his “Bound in Public” work… but something tells me he has had a few “other” experiences along the way as well!

 

In another thread it was mentioned that the humiliation factor involved in the “Bound in Public” videos is a turn off. Interestingly, it is probably most often not about humiliation at all… unless the bottom wants to be humiliated that is… so demeanor, conduct, and attitude play into the equation as well. Sometimes it all boils down to simply an intense manner in which to make love… among other possibilities. I personally like to consider it being equal partners on opposite sides of the same equation.

 

In any case, I am glad that Nate emphasized asking to join in on a scene. Hypothetically it is the top who should be asked as he is theoretically in control, but ultimately all parties involved need to feel comfortable. Either way, protocol dictates that it is only common courtesy to ask… and in that regard I have a somewhat amusing story.

 

A couple of years ago I was at the NYBC and suddenly this guy barged in on our scene uninvited… I was playing the Dom and the Sub was blindfolded. Consequently the Sub had no clue regarding what was transpiring because it all happened so quickly. In any event, he reached down and instantly realized that the intruder had a full head of hair as opposed to my short cropped style (read not much hair up there!) and he instantly knew that we had an uninvited guest at our party. After we politely dismissed the interloper we had quite a laugh over the situation as it seemed as though I had suddenly grown a full head of hair! After we were finished we spent some time observing and true to form the same dude was at work again interrupting other scenes as well. Fortunately such behavior has been the exception to the rule.

 

Of course, at times a person’s attire can give a signal… the most obvious one being the left vs. right armband indicator. There can be overt signs as well, and this reminds me of another interesting story…. such as the guy who wore a Speedo with “Spank Me” emblazoned on his butt. He was a quiet type of guy who seemed almost embarrassed to ask… hence the explicit message on his butt. We got along quite nicely on a couple of occasions and he enjoyed all sorts of ways to have his butt slapped and smacked. Interestingly he preferred to keep the Speedo on, even though it would have been quite a turn on to actually see his reddened butt cheeks… not to mention the fact that he had the firmest rump imaginable… but then it all boils down to respect.

 

The only other caveat I might mention concerns drugs and alcohol… enough said… but a least in a club setting that has never been my experience.

 

So, in the final analysis the ever knowledgeable Nate is right on target… It’s all about a group of like-minded individuals HAVING FUN! So BG… you will have a BLAST!

[Bosguy]

Nate… My response might have been somewhat decent but your response was excellent… as you are the real expert in these matters! If anyone here has had the most experience with such scenes it is Nate… and I base that on his “Bound in Public” work… but something tells me he has had a few “other” experiences along the way as well!

 

In another thread it was mentioned that the humiliation factor involved in the “Bound in Public” videos is a turn off. Interestingly, it is probably most often not about humiliation at all… unless the bottom wants to be humiliated that is… so demeanor, conduct, and attitude play into the equation as well. Sometimes it all boils down to simply an intense manner in which to make love… among other possibilities. I personally like to consider it being equal partners on opposite sides of the same equation.

 

In any case, I am glad that Nate emphasized asking to join in on a scene. Hypothetically it is the top who should be asked as he is theoretically in control, but ultimately all parties involved need to feel comfortable. Either way, protocol dictates that it is only common courtesy to ask… and in that regard I have a somewhat amusing story.

 

A couple of years ago I was at the NYBC and suddenly this guy barged in on our scene uninvited… I was playing the Dom and the Sub was blindfolded. Consequently the Sub had no clue regarding what was transpiring because it all happened so quickly. In any event, he reached down and instantly realized that the intruder had a full head of hair as opposed to my short cropped style (read not much hair up there!) and he instantly knew that we had an uninvited guest at our party. After we politely dismissed the interloper we had quite a laugh over the situation as it seemed as though I had suddenly grown a full head of hair! After we were finished we spent some time observing and true to form the same dude was at work again interrupting other scenes as well. Fortunately such behavior has been the exception to the rule.

 

Of course, at times a person’s attire can give a signal… the most obvious one being the left vs. right armband indicator. There can be overt signs as well, and this reminds me of another interesting story…. such as the guy who wore a Speedo with “Spank Me” emblazoned on his butt. He was a quiet type of guy who seemed almost embarrassed to ask… hence the explicit message on his butt. We got along quite nicely on a couple of occasions and he enjoyed all sorts of ways to have his butt slapped and smacked. Interestingly he preferred to keep the Speedo on, even though it would have been quite a turn on to actually see his reddened butt cheeks… not to mention the fact that he had the firmest rump imaginable… but then it all boils down to respect.

 

The only other caveat I might mention concerns drugs and alcohol… enough said… but a least in a club setting that has never been my experience.

 

So, in the final analysis the ever knowledgeable Nate is right on target… It’s all about a group of like-minded individuals HAVING FUN! So BG… you will have a BLAST!

 

Nate truly is the MAN Unfortunately, he will not be able to attend this function He certainly would have taken care of my assets.

 

One question (I'm embarrassed). What is the significance of where the armband is worn. Since I'm versatile, I guess I could wear one on both biceps.

 

Boston Bill

[ErieBear]

Nate truly is the MAN Unfortunately, he will not be able to attend this function He certainly would have taken care of my assets.

 

One question (I'm embarrassed). What is the significance of where the armband is worn. Since I'm versatile, I guess I could wear one on both biceps.

 

Boston Bill

 

Armband on the left means the guy is a Dominant/Top, and the armband on the right means submissive/bottom.

[whipped guy]

Erie has got it covered... Still, some guys wear one on each arm... and it could mean that they are versitile... but most often they do it simply because it looks hot. I always bring two because I happen to like the look... but at times will take one off either depending on my mood or with whom I might be going and thus playing with and will wear it accordingly.

[Bosguy]

Thanks guys. I'll definitely bringing 2 to say I'm versatile. Maybe I should get one for my neck to show I'm easy but confused

 

Boston Bill

[whipped guy]

I have a black leather wrist band as welll... and I wear it on my left side... The reason being I am right-handed and it makes it much easier to put on and take off!

 

If I do wear something around my neck it is usually a modified pair of nipple clamps... and that signifies I mean business... but perhaps it really means that I'm confused or perhaps more confused than I normally am!!!

[doitb4ugo]

Ah....nipple clamps....perfect gear for all occasions. From your pics, you also seem to wear a flogger around your neck...