The Death of Common Courtesy

[maxwellissmart]

I'm going to have to side with jgoo, at least from what I see. Maybe it's living in the "genteel" south, but people do routinely hold the door open for others and let people with one or two items go ahead of them in the grocery stores. Now on the highways (and especially parking lots) it's certainly another matter -- winner takes all seems to be more of the rules of the road. But when you can look into the person's eyes, I think it helps. At least it does around here.

 

But what I wonder about are the people who circle the parking lot at the gym trying to get the closest parking space. Aren't you there to exercise anyway? Would walking a few extra yards really kill you?

 

While I don't think CC has flatlined completely, I do think it's in ICU. I've lived in the South, been in the service industry and have seen plenty of both sides of the equation. Some of the nastiest people I've ever waited on were "genteel" Southerners, and it was almost always a relief to wait on Yankees. And a great number have been gay (who have a tendency to be really awful in parties of more than two—don't ask me why). I've always been pleasantly surprised every single time I've gone to NYC at how friendly and big-city-logical many people are, from acknowledging your presence to letting you merge in traffic. I've been to New Orleans, where every non-gay person in the service industry from fast food to banking was a minion of Satan himself. There will always be the Great Unwashed who don't give a flying fuck about their fellow man (at least, not until they enter the working world and are forced to deal with people), and I've found most of them go see major film releases the first 2-3 weeks it's out. Therefore, I either go during a matinee or rent.

 

And I don't get the parking thing either.

[gallahadesquire]

While I don't think CC has flatlined completely, I do think it's in ICU. I've lived in the South, been in the service industry and have seen plenty of both sides of the equation. Some of the nastiest people I've ever waited on were "genteel" Southerners, and it was almost always a relief to wait on Yankees. And a great number have been gay (who have a tendency to be really awful in parties of more than two—don't ask me why). I've always been pleasantly surprised every single time I've gone to NYC at how friendly and big-city-logical many people are, from acknowledging your presence to letting you merge in traffic. I've been to New Orleans, where every non-gay person in the service industry from fast food to banking was a minion of Satan himself. There will always be the Great Unwashed who don't give a flying fuck about their fellow man (at least, not until they enter the working world and are forced to deal with people), and I've found most of them go see major film releases the first 2-3 weeks it's out. Therefore, I either go during a matinee or rent.

 

And I don't get the parking thing either.

 

In NYC, people tend to IGNORE each other, as a social instinct. When it's mano-a-mano, courtesy is the word of the day. It's odd, but that's there version of society.

 

So it is said.

[adriano46]

Read this thread earlier today -- and so much resonates with me -- and then went to a local Walbaums. Three of us were waiting to check out, held up by a very loud, obnoxious woman who was too busy conducting a phone call to pay for her $#@$ groceries and leave. She kept shouting into the phone, attempting to cradle it in her ear so she could swipe her card (4 times before it clicked)... I waited -- we all did - but as she was black and we all behind her were white... well in NY that could blow up into something more so, as was said above, we simply kept our comments to ourselves. We were trying to be courteous, but so often when I run into people like this (and those who persist on carrying on LOUD conversations on phones places where they are obviously disturbing everyone else), while the gut reaction is to grab that dman phone and fling it under a bus... well...

[whipped guy]

Regarding the ten item thing in the grocery store, I seem to recall reading somewhere a while ago that people who count the number of items of the customers in front of them are prime candidates for a heart attack... I guess it is one piece of the puzzle and fits in with other behavioral patterns that all eventually add up to such a medical mishap ... Interesting!

[bigvalboy]

Regarding the ten item thing in the grocery store, I seem to recall reading somewhere a while ago that people who count the number of items of the customers in front of them are prime candidates for a heart attack... I guess it is one piece of the puzzle and fits in with other behavioral patterns that all eventually add up to such a medical mishap ... Interesting!

 

Now see WG, that is the same feeling I was getting from this thread. How is it that people can allow something so insignificant in your life to upset them you so much? There are so many things daily that could potentially drive me nuts if I allowed them to. The city is so congested these days and so many people are stressed because of the economy, that I think you just have to leave the house everyday with a little sense of humor, and a couple of deep breaths, and take all of this little stuff in stride.

 

Counting the items of the person in front of you is insane. Think about it, that person is not going to change their behavior, the checker can't boot them from the line, and all you have succeeded in doing is let your blood pressure go through the roof.

 

I had a lady steal a parking place that I was waiting for today. My option was to get out of the car and scream at her and get the blood pressure really going or drive 50 more feet, park and just go on about my day. I chose the option 2.

[whipped guy]

How is it people can allow something so insignificant in your life to upset them...

Exactly! When something crazy has the potential to get me upset I look at my watch and check the time... I then check the time when the situation is resolved... In virtually all cases it amounts to about two minutes of my time... The amount of time it takes to brush your teeth... I then shake my head and laugh.

[tom1980]

Regarding the ten item thing in the grocery store, I seem to recall reading somewhere a while ago that people who count the number of items of the customers in front of them are prime candidates for a heart attack... I guess it is one piece of the puzzle and fits in with other behavioral patterns that all eventually add up to such a medical mishap ... Interesting!

 

I don't think I can stop counting the number of items, but saying something generally relieves the stress and makes me happy. It's when I stand there annoyed with no outlet that the blood pressure starts to rise.

[Guest joeburger]

i think taking others into consideration is a dying art form. this country in particular acts so entitled, arrogant and self righteous that it's disgusting. everyone acts like they are on their own reality show, it's pathetic.

[jjkrkwood]

Now see WG, that is the same feeling I was getting from this thread. How is it that people can allow something so insignificant in your life to upset them you so much? There are so many things daily that could potentially drive me nuts if I allowed them to. The city is so congested these days and so many people are stressed because of the economy, that I think you just have to leave the house everyday with a little sense of humor, and a couple of deep breaths, and take all of this little stuff in stride.

 

Counting the items of the person in front of you is insane. Think about it, that person is not going to change their behavior, the checker can't boot them from the line, and all you have succeeded in doing is let your blood pressure go through the roof.

 

I had a lady steal a parking place that I was waiting for today. My option was to get out of the car and scream at her and get the blood pressure really going or drive 50 more feet, park and just go on about my day. I chose the option 2.

 

I can appreciate BVB's new Zen approach to life, but I seem to remember a time not so long ago where he was flipping out over stupid and insignificant shit posted on this site, so the comment as to WHY people allow themselves to get so upset over silly stuff is puzzling to say the least. Yes, yes, he has apologized for his former self, but once you "lived the part" you should have an understanding of it.

[whipped guy]

I don't think I can stop counting the number of items...

Actually, I do count the number of items... it is simply human nature to do so, but I just don't make it bother me... and in a sense the counting helps pass the time... and I think of how all the other people standing in line are counting as well... and are on the verge of having a heart attack over such a silly incident... and it is indeed interesting because you can often see the rage in their faces and in their demeanor... but I guess one needs to do what ever it takes to relieve the stress... as long as the stress over such a minor incident does not get the better of you...

 

I can appreciate BVB's new Zen approach to life...

People often change... and hopefully for the better... as seems to be the case here.

[Bosguy]

I agree with all the previous posters about the total lack of common courtesy in our surroundings today. I dread going into any retail operation, including banks, grocery stores, and restaurants, because inevitably it's going to be frustrating at best. Then we could stay home and handle our affairs through the web or the wonderful "customer service" department that was so highly marketed to get us to purchase their products or services. Heaven forbid if you hav a problem and need to speak to a real live human being--If you can truly get to one, you probably have to take a day off from work to listen to tacky music while on hold. Then, when you hear a voice, usually it's one of 3 scenarios: They don't understand your problem. You have the wrong department. This should be done on our site.

I try to be patient with the people because it is corporate America that dictates the policies and resulting attitudes of employees, but it makes dealing with people very unpleasant

 

Happy Shopping

 

Boston Bill

[jjkrkwood]

I agree with all the previous posters about the total lack of common courtesy in our surroundings today. I dread going into any retail operation, including banks, grocery stores, and restaurants, because inevitably it's going to be frustrating at best. Then we could stay home and handle our affairs through the web or the wonderful "customer service" department that was so highly marketed to get us to purchase their products or services. Heaven forbid if you hav a problem and need to speak to a real live human being--If you can truly get to one, you probably have to take a day off from work to listen to tacky music while on hold. Then, when you hear a voice, usually it's one of 3 scenarios: They don't understand your problem. You have the wrong department. This should be done on our site.

I try to be patient with the people because it is corporate America that dictates the policies and resulting attitudes of employees, but it makes dealing with people very unpleasant

 

Happy Shopping

 

Boston Bill

 

The BEST retail service I have found always seems to be in Sex shops. The employees are always more than willing to recommend and demonstrate the offerings, and always have a wry smile on their faces.

[Bosguy]

The BEST retail service I have found always seems to be in Sex shops. The employees are always more than willing to recommend and demonstrate the offerings, and always have a wry smile on their faces.

 

Guess the lesson is Forget the bread and milk and pick up DVD's and toys!

 

Sounds good to me.

 

Boston Bill

[Michael Wayne]

I was the op of a thread a month or two ago by this same title but the difference is that it was about common courtesy in the escort business. I would say that I have MANY nice courteous clients but as a society as a whole common courtesy is on LIFE SUPPORT!

[whipped guy]

Perhaps there's hope!

 

I actually had a very good experience with a local utility company this week. I needed some assistance and actually got a really nice guy named George, and yes George actually answered the phone! He got me on the way to solving my problem and even retuned my call this morning after I had faxed him the information required to resolve the dilemma... and he even called exactly when I said I would be readily available to take his call. It felt exactly how it must have been in the 1950's... minus the fax of course! It was quite a refreshing and unique experience!

[jjkrkwood]

I actually had a very good experience with a local utility company this week. I needed some assistance and actually got a really nice guy named George, and yes George actually answered the phone! He got me on the way to solving my problem and even retuned my call this morning after I had faxed him the information required to resolve the dilemma... and he even called exactly when I said I would be readily available to take his call. It felt exactly how it must have been in the 1950's... minus the fax of course! It was quite a refreshing and unique experience!

 

While all the posts made here are relevant and on topic, the thread has morphed slightly from its original intention. As originally written, it was meant more about "public" courtesy involving 1 on 1 interactions, as opposed to interactions with Service related entities. Of course, courtesy should be extended in every walk of life but you seem to "expect" it more when dealing with services you are paying for, although the reality of that is often not true. Lets face it, when it a DMV or Postal employee ever courteous ?

[tom1980]

I actually had a very good experience with a local utility company this week. I needed some assistance and actually got a really nice guy named George, and yes George actually answered the phone! He got me on the way to solving my problem and even retuned my call this morning after I had faxed him the information required to resolve the dilemma... and he even called exactly when I said I would be readily available to take his call. It felt exactly how it must have been in the 1950's... minus the fax of course! It was quite a refreshing and unique experience!

 

I changed electric companies a few years ago from a giant corporation to a smaller regional company. The first time I called, the phone was answers after one ring and I heard, "Hello and thanks for calling ________." Then there was silence as I waited for the computer to continue giving me options. After about ten seconds, I heard, "Hello?" That's when I realized a real live person had answered the phone. I apologized to the woman and explained my silence. She said it happens all the time with new customers. That company provided the best customer service I've ever had from a utility company. I was very sad when the company got bought out by a larger utility provider and my account was transfered back to an automated answering service.

[gallahadesquire]

I agree with all the previous posters about the total lack of common courtesy in our surroundings today. I dread going into any retail operation, including banks, grocery stores, and restaurants, because inevitably it's going to be frustrating at best. Then we could stay home and handle our affairs through the web or the wonderful "customer service" department that was so highly marketed to get us to purchase their products or services. Heaven forbid if you hav a problem and need to speak to a real live human being--If you can truly get to one, you probably have to take a day off from work to listen to tacky music while on hold. Then, when you hear a voice, usually it's one of 3 scenarios: They don't understand your problem. You have the wrong department. This should be done on our site.

I try to be patient with the people because it is corporate America that dictates the policies and resulting attitudes of employees, but it makes dealing with people very unpleasant

 

Happy Shopping

 

Boston Bill

 

They have menus for everything - one department at my hospital had seven layers of menus, and then you wound up where you started before!

 

Why can't they make menus for music-on-hold: "For medieval dances, press one; for Renaissance dance, press two; for J.S. Bach, press three; for Mozart, press four; for Beethoven, press five; for Stockhausen, press zero to be disconnected."

[leigh.bess.toad]

for Stockhausen, press zero to be disconnected."

 

What, no Wagner? And for Stockhausen, you shouldn't be disconnected. You should be committed.

 

I just dealt with phone hell tonight. I had to call UPS. I was supposed to get a package today from Penney's (hey, someone has to support Ellen), and their website said it was delivered. And signed for by someone named Corky (or something like that). No Corky's here. I got into their automated system, put in my tracking number and was told my package was delivered. So I pressed 0 to speak to a customer service rep. And the damned phone system started giving me lip??? "I've given you the most recent update on your package. Are you sure you want to speak to someone"? Getting smack from an automated message? OMG, we have really sunk to a new low.

[Lankypeters]

Shall we get into behavior at the movies and at the theater? At the movies this afternoon I landed in front of a man who proceeded to eat an entire Chinese meal (with chopsticks), rattling all the while his rice paper bag. I moved to the opposite side of the theater (where you could still hear him) and landed in front of another man rattling his paper bag lunch and opposite a numbskull couple who murmured to each other throughout the film. The film was "Salmon Fishing in Yemen." The couple found its complexities hard to follow.

 

And I still insist theaters are the best place to see films. For projection and sound, if not always for the company of an enthused audience.

[leigh.bess.toad]

The BEST retail service I have found always seems to be in Sex shops. The employees are always more than willing to recommend and demonstrate the offerings, and always have a wry smile on their faces.

 

Seems about right. I remember one store in particular, Sexploratorium in Philadelphia, where I was greeted by the entirely female staff who showed me where all the things that might interest a gay man were and took their time with me. They had a full range of BDSM toys as well as a wide variety of cock rings, dildos, and many other toys. Very helpful, even if it did feel a bit weird being helped by women. But if you are in Philly, you have access to a great store there.

[Bosguy]

This lack of common courtesy goes way beyond dealings with major corporations. Personal, proper communication has hit an all-time low in our society. Approximately 9 months ago I had to change my veterinarian and groomer of over 15 years due to a move which made travelling to these small shops very difficult. I contacted each of them and arranged a visit with my pet to explain the changes in our long term relationships, thank them for years of service and care, and inform them that I had to change to other providers but would always return if things did not work out.

After years of loyalty, I never received a call, card, email, or any other communication thanking me for my dedication to their businesses. I guess in the current atmosphere, the idea of a note is simply filling out a deposit slip.

 

Boston Bill

[BewareofNick]

The one thing that pisses me off. self checkout like kroger has. the other day I went to kroger got my stuff got to the self checkout two were open I get too them and there's merchandise laying there. people will get stuff take it to the self checkout lay it down walk off to go god only knows where in the store to get more stuff.

 

Well, that's what you get for shopping at Kroger Save yourself some time and money and shop at Publix instead.

[BewareofNick]

The thing that really irritates me are the people at the grocery store who get in the 10 items or less lane with 43 items in their carts. I used to stew in silence, but I've started engaging them. Last week this happened, and the offender was directly in front of me in line. As she was about to check out, I said, "Excuse me ma'am." She gave me a cold look daring me to comment on her rude behavior. "I couldn't help but notice your nice handbag," I told her. She started to smile and said thank you. "I was just curious. Wherever did you find such a nice Coach bag for less than $10?" Her face became a mixture of puzzlement and defiance as she said, "I paid nearly $300 for this bag." "Oh," I responded with a look of feigned befuddlement. "I didn't mean to insult you, but after looking at your cart I just assumed you couldn't count higher than 10."

 

All the customers erupted in laughter and the cashier strained to keep her smile under control. The woman was extremely huffy, of course. After she left, the cashier thanked me for saying something. She told me that she isn't allowed to kick customers out of her line because they complain about the store and the manager gets a black mark for poor customer service. So store managers actually forbid cashier from enforcing the 10 items or less policy.

 

It's not they forbid, it's that they receive no support from their DM or from anyone else at corporate. If the customer with 43 items calls the corporate office and complains, the store manager gets ripped. If one of the customers calls and complains that customers with 43 items are in the express lane, the manager gets ripped.

[instudiocity]

Leigh! That's funny! When I get there with ups I start saying CussSomeMoreLackOfService. I always get transferred to a human. It's still an automaton but it breathes!