Extremely Desperate For Help

[Guest Tristan]

The post I wrote turned out to have too many chars. So I had to chop off 7000. Anyone who wants more info will have to ask for it. Please be kind and have compassion, and don’t attack me. If you need something clarified, I'll do my best. I’m already suffering deep emotional pain, in addition to severe medical problems. I’m totally exhausted & burned out.

 

I left the Forum almost a year ago. I could no longer hire escorts, and it just hurt too much to spend time there. I’ve never had the resources to spend a weekend, or even an overnight, with any of my fantasy escorts. I envied those who did have the resources to fly in the very best escorts for a weekend. It was a treat just to hire an escort for 2 hours. And I needed a break from all the years of personal conflicts on the site, though it seemed to improve in recent years.

 

I am in a desperate, dire financial situation and need help. Perhaps, I don’t have the right to ask. But desperate people have to do things they’d rather not do. I currently have about $50 to my name. I have no investments, CD’s, or anything else. I used up my 401K a long time ago. I lost my regular job and career in the early 90’s. I was wrongfully terminated due to a disability. One disability led to even more serous disabilities and medical problems. I have not had a regular job since then. As my problems got worse, the only thing I could do was part-time work on my computer at home. I never got a single offer.

 

I have a rare neurological disorder called RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy). I got it from an unnecessary surgical procedure in which 2-3 cms of nerve were removed from the main sensory nerve to my left leg. It’s one of the worst things a human being can have. It forever changed my life. RSD causes continuous severe nerve pain – shooting stinging pain, tingling, spasms, coldness, numbness, stiffness etc. It can also cause muscle atrophy that’s irreversible, which I have.

 

The sympathetic nerve is the nerve that reacts to stress. With RSD, the nerve is constantly over-firing. That’s what causes continuous nerve pain. Stress causes the nerve to over-fire even more – 10x that of normal person’s reaction to the same stressful event. The more it over-fires, the worse all the symptoms become, and more nerve damage and atrophy occur. I also have secondary medical problems from RSD, asthma, RSIs, and a back problem.

 

I’ve always had a very slender build and am atypical of an older person. I’m 66 yo. I’m 5’11”, and my weight has averaged about 130 lbs. I’ve always had a weight loss problem that nobody could explain. My weight has now dropped to 124.5 lbs, the lowest in 10 years. Part of it is from atrophy, but the drop is also being caused by extremely severe stress. Except for being skinny, my disease is known as an “invisible disease”. Nobody would know.

 

I live in Wilton Manors, adjacent to FtL. I rent a spacious apartment, where I’ve lived for 7 years. My health has deteriorated a lot since I moved into this apartment. I was on SSDI from 1995 until I turned 66 in March, when I was automatically transferred to retirement SS, with the same income. Because my work span was cut short long before retirement age, my SS is half of what it normally is for a professional person. I get less than $900/month. I must have a car. I have restrictions on walking, standing, and other things which make public transportation impossible to use. I have a handicap placard. Public transportation is very bad here.

 

Clearly, my rent, as well as auto insurance, dental work, and other very expensive necessities did not come from my SS income. I went through a variety of other sources. They’re all gone now.

 

I saw it coming, but am human. I went into a state of shock and denial. I knew that if I tried to get help, I would be caught in a morass of bureaucratic procedures, endless referrals to other phone numbers that don’t pan out, waiting for callbacks, people with misinformation, and an overstrained system. The idea of moving again, with all my problems, and living in public housing until I died was horrifying to me. That’s no way to live in retirement. I would probably end up in a rental complex for low-income seniors, filled with sick and dying people.

 

I’m totally estranged from my family. The day after my father’s funeral in 2006, my mother and brother, turned on me and declared war to the death. My mother has always been severely mentally dysfunctional, and my brother has always been abusive to me. So they didn’t care what happened to me.

 

I’M NOW IN EXTREME NEED OF HELP:

 

I have not paid this month’s rent and can’t. The landlady, who lives in Canada, doesn’t know it yet because I deposit the rent in a local account. As soon as she finds out, she’ll want to evict me, which won’t take as long as it would in northern states. I’m also in violation of breaking a lease. She has the last month’s rent and a half month security, but I’ll never find a subsidized place in time to get out.

 

The Broward County Housing Authority and other housing authorities have a freeze on applications for Section VIII HUD public housing and other public housing. The waiting lists average 3 years. I have identified one possible HUD rental complex, which may have an opening in the next few months.

 

It’s critical that I stay within 15-20 minutes driving distance of my current doctors and a specific pharmacy which is helping me. Any HUD housing will put me in total social isolation from gay people. So it’s also important to be within driving distance of where gay people are, or I’ll spend the rest of my life watching TV. I can’t afford the gas or car repairs incurred by increasing my driving much more than it is. I’m able to get gas because I still have valid oil company credit cards.

 

I can’t rent a regular apartment. Again, due to all the transients, you must have a job or a large bank account. I have neither. A lot of landlords also run a credit check. I flunk that. They don’t even accept a co-signer on a rental in FL. Additionally, I couldn’t afford to rent a regular apartment. And if I rented a regular apartment, I could be tossed out 1 year later and have to move again. I’m simply laying out the cold hard facts.

 

I used an entire month of SS to pay a month’s rent, which caused me to be late or default on my other monthly payments. I was trying to salvage my current apartment as long as possible in the hope that I could find a solution.

 

I’m in jeopardy of having my phone and internet shut off. These are both critical to keep things going. You need both to get any kind of help. You have to wait for callbacks, which can take a long time. You also constantly need home access to online information and applications. A lot of agencies now have a VM telling you to go to their web site for info, or to fill out an application. You frequently can’t even talk to a person.

 

I’ve defaulted on all my major credit cards and am writing them off. The creditors have me on auto redial and call incessantly, upping my stress level. I plan to eliminate most of my optional auto coverage, keeping what’s needed to be legal. That will make me very vulnerable should I cause an accident resulting in auto damage or bodily injury.

 

In the last few days, I’ve called over 30 public and private agencies. I’m caught in a quagmire of bogus referrals, long VMs to get to the right person, and call backs that don’t happen.

 

For those who don’t know, FL is one of the worst states for public and private social services – worse than GA for public services. The criteria for getting into programs are much more stringent than in northern states. When I left MA, I lost $1000’s in benefits that either FL doesn’t have, or for which I don’t qualify. I’ve applied for food stamps, which I’ll probably get, but it won’t be much. A private org may pay my Medicare Part B premium.

 

I desperately need to find get coverage for my second insurance, which covers my meds and acts as a second pay. Without it, I can’t get the meds I need, see specialists, or do any testing except blood work. In other words, I’ll be dead in the water. Without the meds, I couldn’t function, or leave the apartment.

 

If I miss one payment, the policy is permanently canceled with no appeal allowed. It’s $489/quarter. If you know the cost of individual health insurance, that’s a bargain. They pay out more just for my meds than they take in with the premium.

 

The policy is better than Medicaid. Medicaid has lots of restrictions. Most private doctors in FL do not accept Medicaid because it pays so little.

 

I don’t have a bf, partner, or even a good friend who can physically help me with anything. I live alone. I need whatever help anyone chooses to give me. I’m embarrassed and humiliated to be writing this. Feel free to contact me privately for whatever reason. Or, if it’s info that you think everyone should know, then I’ll try to post an answer.

 

I would be deeply grateful to anyone who could help me financially. While I’m working on the housing mess, the priority is to keep everything else from being turned off, and have cash for necessary items.

 

If you got this far, I thank you very much for at least reading this post, whether you can help or not.

 

- Barry

[Guest ChgoBoy]

WOW!

 

Less of your real-time circumstances, could have certainly meant more for us toward what you are going through right now, in my opinion.

 

I'm saddened for anyone who has the desperation in their life to compose such a complete and desperate plea for anonymous help.

 

Such a well composed circumstance of ones life situation which I know nothing about is just a bit overwhelming for me, personally, right now.

 

I just don't really know what to say, except that, If you are living in a spacious Wilton Manors apartment surviving with only SSDI payments from the government, or less than that right now, you probably have a reason to feel desperation.

 

Obviously, you are a desperate person right now.

 

Perhaps others here on this board know you better than I, but, what you have dumped upon those others, here, is the motherlode of worst case scenarios.

 

I wish you more than well, and will try and absorb the enormity of your situation as a stranger, and if able to do so, will return here with what might be thoughtful and helpful alternatives for you.

 

Obviously, you have internet, pc and electrical power within your domain. Not to mention your intellectual capacity for communicating with others.

 

With that said, I'll just say that all is not lost and all is not gone. It can, and does get worse.

 

It will get worse, I suspect, when you post gets repositioned into the politics forum. I'm not suggesting that it belongs there, but I'm not suggesting that it doesn't belong there either.

[doitb4ugo]

Barry,

 

I sent you an e-mail. Let me know.

 

God Bless.

[Guest ChgoBoy]

In the 90's I was wrongfully terminated due to a disability. One disability led to even more serous disabilities and medical problems. I have not had a regular job since then.

- Barry

 

Had you been so in dire need of things, as you stated, back in the 90's - what are you now doing living in a "spacious Wilton Manors apartment"? What lead you to living in "high" society, when things were already crumbling all around you, as you stated. Most people whom I have known in my life "downsize" when things get bad. Yet, YOU upgraded in the 90's when things were falling apart for you.

 

Sorry. Don't buy it for a minute. There I said it.

[Guest ChgoBoy]

Allow me to also say this.

 

This OP represents everything which is corrupt and morally bankrupt with many people in our society and community today.

 

There is nothing about this OP's post that belongs here in my opinion. It wreaks with fraud and contempt against others who are simply trying to make it through their daily lives. Without complaint.

 

At no time ever, have I ever, no matter how bad, or how difficult my life ever became because of my circumstances, ever, considered doing what this OP has done. And my struggles are less than many.

 

This OP, in my opinion, is here only to fire up controversy.

 

And with that being known, welcome him on behalf of the stooges who may have taken him otherwise.

[Guest ChgoBoy]

The post I wrote turned out to have too many chars. So I had to chop off 7000.

 

- Barry

 

Thank you for sparing everyone else here another "Ground Zero" from the one which you already collapsed upon us. Suddenly, without warning, and on what many might remember otherwise, as a clear and beautiful day.

[BigK]

Had you been so in dire need of things, as you stated, back in the 90's - what are you now doing living in a "spacious Wilton Manors apartment"? What lead you to living in "high" society, when things were already crumbling all around you, as you stated. Most people whom I have known in my life "downsize" when things get bad. Yet, YOU upgraded in the 90's when things were falling apart for you.

 

Sorry. Don't buy it for a minute. There I said it.

 

Later he stated that he used a entire months SS to pay his rent. Since his SS is $900.00 I think the cost of his apartment is hardly excessive, and certainly not "high society". Should he look for lower cost alternatives, sure...in fact said he was.

 

ChgoBoy, your series of posts seem almost manic. Have you taken your medications today?

[Guest ChgoBoy]

ChgoBoy, your series of posts seem almost manic. Have you taken your medications today?

 

Well yes I have BigK. At $2,400 dollars a month, I can't afford not to. And that price tag doesn't even cover my mental health issues.

 

Allow me to explain......Oh nevermind, you've already covered that, haven't you?

[Guest ChgoBoy]

I would be deeply grateful to anyone who could help me financially. While I’m working on the housing mess, the priority is to keep everything else from being turned off, and have cash for necessary items.

 

If you got this far, I thank you very much for at least reading this post, whether you can help or not.

 

- Barry

 

I'm in Barry. But you have failed to let me, or anyone else here, know how I, or we, can send you financial help.

 

Is there a link to donate?

 

As some here might remember; during a rather unpleasant time and relationship with an escort named Ericxxxx, from NOLA, I, and many who called themselves EscortSpeak at the time, raised over $2,ooo.oo for this person's needs during Hurricane katrina. It was actually I, who created this fund, even though this escort despised me. Once the money was sent to him, he turned on me and many others who out of good will send him these funds to support his needs. BoN probably remembers this very well.

 

Regardless, it goes without saying, that I have never turned my back on people in need. Just regretted it from the past.

 

This, however, has nothing to do with what's happening here.

[Guest Tristan]

I clearly stated that I paid for the apartment from other sources, which are no longer there. I admitted that I was partially to blame, but that I was in shock and denial for good reasons. I'm NOT living in luxury. I'm living in hell, waiting for an eviction notice. I think ChgoBoy has the timeline confused. I stated that I deteriorated after moving into this apartment 6 1/2years ago. A move could easily hospitalize me, or even make RSD permanently worse. It's a very dangerous disease.

 

ChgoBoy: It's ironic. Quite some time ago, you were sent on a long vacation from the site. I tried to get your email address to be supportive. What a mistake! You should learn to show some kindness and compassion, instead of anger and hate. Try Googling RSD and learn something about this disease before you pass judgement. I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone. If you had it for just a few days, you would change your tune.

 

Your life can change in a minute. "There but for the grace of God go I". Think Christopher Reeve.

 

My post was totally genuine and from the heart. I'm not trying to scam or fool anyone. I've been a member since 2002 and never asked for anything. I had thought that the Forum had become a kinder, gentler place than it once was. I guess there will always be those few who need to be hostile. I can't expend any more energy responding to attacks like this. I will just ignore them. I am very, very exhausted from all the medical and financial problems. It makes no sense to expend energy defending my post against unfounded attacks.

 

I thank those who have been supportive, whether or not they can help.

[JT Brooklyn]

The Best of Luck to you Tristan during this Hard Time! Stay Strong...JT

[Guest ChgoBoy]

 

ChgoBoy: It's ironic. Quite some time ago, you were sent on a long vacation from the site. I tried to get your email address to be supportive. What a mistake! You should learn to show some kindness and compassion, instead of anger and hate.

 

Tristan: You've obviously been around here longer than I have been, so you should know that I have been vacationed from here more than once.

 

I, on the other hand, have been around here long enough to not remember you at all. That probably speaks better of you than it will ever speak for me.

 

I found your post to be exactly as I have described it above. Had I been a better communicator or writer, I'm sure it would have been much worse for you.

 

At then end of my day, Tristan, this type of conflict is not what completes me. It might compel me, but it does not complete me.

 

What I have come to know in my life are many things. And some of the things that I have learned about me are that spontaneous thoughts are often ripped from my mind and communicated to others.

 

Sometimes they are factual. Other times they are from the gut.

 

Whatever the case was here, I spoke from a position from where I live and to know as to be true. To have reduced your position in life, based upon my experience in mine was wrong.

 

Please accept my apology for being inconveniently expressive in your world and in your life as I saw it as being.

[jjkrkwood]

WOW, what just happened here ????

[MscleLovr]

There was a similar long and detailed posting a while back in the Forums at muscleservice.com. I recall that the medical and domestic problems were similar, the poster referred to their long involvement with that site and also sought financial help.

 

I'm making no judgement here, Tristan/Barry, but are you also the poster on muscleservice.com?

[gcursor]

I will aid

 

I shall help you in your cause Lord Tristan. Send me a private message and let me know how I may be of service.

 

thanks,

Gcursor

[jjkrkwood]

I shall help you in your cause Lord Tristan. Send me a private message and let me know how I may be of service.

 

thanks,

Gcursor

 

I think the OP's message was clear. He needs FINANCIAL assistance.

[Bosguy]

I think the OP's message was clear. He needs FINANCIAL assistance.

 

I believe GC understood that, but there are many ways one can help out financially. Such as directly paying his utility bills or directly paing his rent versus wiring a sum of money via Western Union or however that is done. Someone may also be in a position to work with these agencies to speed the process along.

 

No matter what, I applaud GC for his care and concern!

 

Boston Bill

[jjkrkwood]

AN OPEN MESSAGE:

 

I am sure it was difficult enough for Tristan to make his plea for help here. IF you are in a position to help him, why make things complicated ?

Simply make arrangements with him to send/wire him your financial aid, and let HIM decide how it is to be spent. There is no need for him to give you more detail regarding who his debtors are. It seems he has already been forthright enough in offering detail about his situation. I understand that BOSGUY was only trying to "educate" me, but I am an educated man and was aware of ALL the options available. However I dont find them necessary. Just send the guy the money he needs if you are in a position to do so and want to help him. Forget about the "White Knight Honors" and bragging rights. This is really not about you....(not directed at Bosguy, just a general comment)...

[Guest Tristan]

There was a similar long and detailed posting a while back in the Forums at muscleservice.com. I recall that the medical and domestic problems were similar, the poster referred to their long involvement with that site and also sought financial help.

 

I'm making no judgement here, Tristan/Barry, but are you also the poster on muscleservice.com?

 

No, I am NOT. In fact, I never heard of the site until I read your post. Nor have I posted this in any Forum on any other site. We all know that this site is unique. It's the only site I would use for my plea for help.

[gcursor]

Id like to explain something as well. One of the reasons (other than being nice) that I decided to help this guy is because he is a Lord on this forum....he isn't just a new person. I took a look at a lot of his past postings as well. so i decided to give him the benefit of the doubt until I find evidence otherwise.

[Guest Tristan]

Tristan: You've obviously been around here longer than I have been, so you should know that I have been vacationed from here more than once.

 

I, on the other hand, have been around here long enough to not remember you at all. That probably speaks better of you than it will ever speak for me.

 

I found your post to be exactly as I have described it above. Had I been a better communicator or writer, I'm sure it would have been much worse for you.

 

At then end of my day, Tristan, this type of conflict is not what completes me. It might compel me, but it does not complete me.

 

What I have come to know in my life are many things. And some of the things that I have learned about me are that spontaneous thoughts are often ripped from my mind and communicated to others.

 

Sometimes they are factual. Other times they are from the gut.

 

Whatever the case was here, I spoke from a position from where I live and to know as to be true. To have reduced your position in life, based upon my experience in mine was wrong.

 

Please accept my apology for being inconveniently expressive in your world and in your life as I saw it as being.

 

Apology accepted. I respect people who are willing to apologize.

 

I want to add that while I described my apartment as spacious, it's far from a luxury apt. It was built in 1972, which is rather old by local standards. It needs about $30K of renovations. Most of the fixtures are the original ones. It's the first time I've ever lived in a spacious apt. in my life. It serves a purpose for me beyond that of "normal" people. I have problems that are aggravated by crampt conditions. Moving things to get to other things, or lifting things, aggravate these problems. By having more space, I can sit on a step stool in front of things and not have to overstetch or lift something in front of something else. This apt gave me a walk-in closet and other space that allowed me to do this. I hope you understand what I'm saying. In short, I was able to set up the apt ergonomically. That reduces emergency visits to the chiropractor etc.

[bcohen7719]

Tristan:

 

Have you tried ketamine infusions for your condition?

 

BC

[Guest Tristan]

Here's the way people can send me funds. I have two safe, secure online accounts. I use both Paypal and ingdirect.com, the largest online bank. I like ING better because there are no fees, and the site is very user-friendly.

 

If someone wants to help, contact me privately by email, if possible, and we can decide which is better for you. I have cookbook directions for using ING. It's totally free to transfer between brick and mortar banks, uploading or downloading. It's also free to open and maintain an account. Further, it's faster than Paypal. Paypal charges the recipient fees as well. Anyone with an account on ING can send Person2Person funds to anyone else with an ING account. It takes 2 business days to upload or download, once the account is set up. It even uses a PIN, like an ATM, in addition to a password. Transferring the funds is instant. The recipient only gets the name of the person and the amount once the funds are transferred. The sender is notified when the funds are picked up. All banking info is kept confidential. I've never had a problem with ING, and they have a helpful, friendly 800 number.

 

I think that paying bills directly to any of my creditors would be very complicated. I would also have to list that as income for public agencies. They view regular payments from a third party as income. It would be on record that someone else was paying my bills, and I would be disqualified from receiving food stamps. The insidious thing in getting public assistance is that they force you to be as poor as possible before you qualify. It makes no sense, but then government regulations frequently don't.

 

I assure everyone that I do NOT use street drugs and am a non-smoker. I will be using any donations to pay bills and to buy basic things that food stamps won't cover, if I'm accepted for food stamps. I will not misuse any donations. I'll see what I get and set up priorities.

 

I hope that the above clarifies the issue of money transfer. Please contact me with any questions. You have the right, and I accept that. It's your money.

 

Thank you.

[Guest Tristan]

Tristan:

 

Have you tried ketamine infusions for your condition?

 

BC

 

Wow! It's a pleasure to see that anyone even knows about this latest treatment. No, I haven't. The procedure is done by an RSD specialist at The University of South Florida in Tampa. The problem is that it costs $25-$30K for the series of treatments. They don't work for everyone. And, if they do work, the pain can come back, and you then have to repeat the series at the same price. It's for wealthy patients. If I had the money, I would certainly do it. Ask any RSD patient, and he/she will tell you they'd pay anything to be normal again for even 6 months. It's FDA approved, but no insurance will cover it. I can't even afford the expenses of going to Tampa and staying there for 7-10 days. They do daily IV treatments. The doctor who does this has opened the first Treatment Center for RSD in the US.

 

I was treated in Florida by Hoosang Hooshmand, now retired. He treated RSD patients for over 40 years. He kept me out of a wheelchair, but it was too late to reverse anything. It took me 5 years to find him. The patients came from all over the US, Canada, and South America. Collectively, they had been to the top 20 teaching hospitals in the US. They all had the same exact stories of treatments that made them worse.

[Guest Tristan]

AN OPEN MESSAGE:

 

I am sure it was difficult enough for Tristan to make his plea for help here. IF you are in a position to help him, why make things complicated ?

Simply make arrangements with him to send/wire him your financial aid, and let HIM decide how it is to be spent. There is no need for him to give you more detail regarding who his debtors are. It seems he has already been forthright enough in offering detail about his situation. I understand that BOSGUY was only trying to "educate" me, but I am an educated man and was aware of ALL the options available. However I dont find them necessary. Just send the guy the money he needs if you are in a position to do so and want to help him. Forget about the "White Knight Honors" and bragging rights. This is really not about you....(not directed at Bosguy, just a general comment)...

 

Thanks so much for your understanding and stating what I couldn't.