I love this board.

[Guest Slammy]

I read this message board quite frequently and have enormous gratitude to this board for steering me to a positive action. I got totally emotionally involved with an escort, that I saw much too much in a short period of time. He not only was an escort, but also had a lover who paid most of his bills. This was a totally unavailable person, to a totally needy person.

 

But by spilling my heart on this board, a lovely man named Will told me to contact SLAA(Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous). I did and have been attending meetings for a month and a half. Recently I went to a workshop sponsored by this group and I shared on how I found this group, via this message board. I had to be careful, as I did not want to "trigger" anyone to begin using again. But everyone was so taken by the sharing........whilst looking for more fuel for my addiction, I found a way to deal with it.

 

The quality of posts on this board are so intelligent and thougtful, that I cannot give this board up. I am not bothered with reading some of the posts about activities, as my addiction is so narrow, in that I am totally obsessed with the escort I was seeing and no longer see, that I am not in the least interested in sex or another encounter. I am addicted to this one person. But I read in the archives on this site and see that I am not alone. And not only am I not alone, I am in real good company. The posts I read were so articulate and intelligent that I take great comfort in this.

 

I love Boston Guy's posts as well as Will's. On a spiritual plane I am comforted by the way His Endlessness works..........peace and salvation come from where we least expect it. I am still in a lot of emotional pain and would love to call my escort and see him again. He won't see me, as I addictively pursued him for a four hour period one day and got him in some trouble at him. I acted like a heroin addict needing my fix.

 

Finally, what a great contribution to the community of men seeking some kind of connection, be it sexual, spiritual or superficial banter, this site offers. I am truly grateful for the erudite things I read and even the lightheartened back and forth not so subtle bitchiness.

[+ Lucky]

Very nice post Slammy. Congratulations on the effort you have made to work on your addiction. (And it was great of Will to make the referral!)

[Will]

Everybody knows that old saying about leading a horse to water. It wasn't the first time I'd mentioned SLAA to someone in trouble on this board, but I do think you're the first to respond. I am very, very happy that you have found a helpful and supportive community of people who understand from their own experience just what you are going through. You say that you're still in a lot of emotional pain, and I'm sure you are. But it may not be as apparent to you as it is to me that your post glows with a kind of confidence and serenity that were utterly absent from the hysterical, out-of-control posts that led you to SLAA. Thank you for your kind words. I agree that this is a great place. It is still the only website I have found, after a lot of looking, where intelligent gay men have intelligent things to say about those aspects of our lives that we normally don't share with anyone else. Depending on one's circumstances, being gay can be a lonely business, and for some men this site provides genuine community. Many thanks again, and heartfelt best wishes!

[Guest lipstick]

Folks,

 

My experience with this is a little bit different, but the communal aspects are definitely the same.

 

Allow me to explain.

 

This site led me to be able to hire quality escorts, folks who normally have a level of respect towards their clients. Before, I was involved with the street hustlers, until those experiences led me to lead a fairly celibate life for a long while.

 

Then I began exploring the Hooboy site, and on my second encounter, I met one of the warmest and affectionate escorts any client could hope to meet. But that is also when the problems would later begin. I don't need to go into a lot of detail; I'm sure there are many clients who can identify with my situation: meeting once a month; thinking about the next encounter; expressing my "love" for him. I never pursued him or stalked him, but my whole Gay experience (being in the closet and all) revolved around this escort, to the exclusion of any other social contact or sexual experience with anyone else. The guy was essentially my "Phantom Lover."

 

And yes, there was a confrontation of sorts, nothing violent, but imagine when the sex suddenly stops and your escort announces, "This isn't working out", all you can feel at that moment is the emptiness and years of loneliness come welling out and just hitting you in the face, while you are physically naked and then emotionally naked, stripped of all pretense and fantasy.

 

I think those next few hours were the worst. I didn't storm out of his apartment; I didn't curse him out. I cried like a baby. He didn't kick me out; he held me. We then talked for hours afterwards.

Then we slept together. Then we talked for several more hours in the morning. I got my overnight money back. We parted. A few days later we then talked over the phone for a while. We agreed to continue with our previous plans to celebrate a work anniversary of mine in Monterey. During that trip, I cried again while we were naked in bed, as I finally realized that, if I ever wanted to make my own way, and to be happy and to find a person to love, I would need to come out to myself and eventually to others, as my escort friend finally said to me. The decision was the most frightening thing I had ever had to think about. I hated the way I was, the way I looked, the years of hiding in the closet. Would I ever be able to do it on my own?

 

Since then, I have slowly, but willingly, been making plans to change my life. I came out to my doctor; I started going to a therapist; I'm attending a coming out support group at the LGBT Community Center; I have made several friends there; I am attending a weekly social; I joined up with a fitness club; I took my first HEP A and B

vaccine just last week........

 

OK, there's still no boyfriend yet, but Rome wasn't built in a day, Smart Ass!!!

 

I found out that even though the decision to do or not do something is entirely my own, I know now that there are great folks out there who are willing to help out, to give a hug when its needed, to just listen when I needed to talk. Some of this support is professional, some of it is because of friendship. But for me, all of it has been due to genuine interest in helping someone out.

 

And the effect of the Hooboy site on me is that I need it less now, because I am finally getting things going in my life, and I have less time, and sometimes no interest at all, in the board, especially on what hot new escorts are about, or who's available for what.

 

So in a strange roundabout way, the escort who breaks my heart is the same one who leads me to my own road of independence and growing-up as a Gay man.

 

And that would not have happened without this site in the first place. When I do come to this site, it is the stories such as Slammy's that are so interesting to me, because I know that these situations are more common than most of us would care to admit. But when things change for the better, then that fact really does help a lot of folks out there, and hopefully will give inspiration to look deeply inward and decide what best to do and how to do it.

 

Thanks!

[Rick Munroe]

>So in a strange roundabout way, the escort who breaks my

>heart is the same one who leads me to my own road of

>independence and growing-up as a Gay man.

 

Beautiful post & story, lipstick. There really is a lot more to escorting than the physical aspect...and the emails I've received in the past from guys like you have really made me see that what we do can sometimes be a lot more than the sum of dicks & asses & mouths. Good luck to you & Slammy & all the others on your continuing journeys.

[Guest Slammy]

Thank you Rick for the very nice response. I felt very good that you made a response. I sometimes feel that perhaps I must be looked upon as a silly fool because of my behavior. Due to the most hideous pain I was in and still am in (emotional), I seek all the help I can get. One of my favorite buddies in my recovery group is a former escort and crystal meth addict. He is just the greatest person. Anyway, he told me that it is very common for a client to get hooked on an escort, and what I did is not uncommon, and your remarks indicate that you are sensitive and aware of such behavior.

 

I am not unattractive and am in very good shape. But what led me to hire was I wanted a specific type. And we really got on well. I feel very, very sad that I may have caused this escort trouble with his permanent live in boyfriend, as he is the last person in the world I would want to hurt. Later on down the line I plan to make a financial amends to him. I was not looking to break up his partnership, I just wanted to spend some time with him. I have been a wounded bird my whole life, the child of a totally disengaged alcoholic father and neurotic mother. Spending time with this escort was like I had finally found joy. I don't do just sex.......I love the bonding and I love to be generous both with myself and my money.

 

The up note of this is when the escort told me he did not want to see me for a while and he would call me later....(translation....never again), I got very emotionally sober and told him how much I enjoyed our meetings. And I can hear his voice still as I write this as he said, " well I enjoyed it too......"

 

I worked for a man once who carried on with a mistress for years and had a wife and a wonderful family. And I cannot even have a little hanky panky twice or three times a month without going totally crazy.

It so pisses me off.

 

I really look forward to all these posts on all the myriad of topics.

What a great resource.

 

Slammiano

[Will]

Lipstick, that story is very, very moving to me. In many ways I identify with you, and am happy that you've taken steps to get your own life in your own hands. Rick's sensitive post reminds me, too, that some of the escorts we meet on this board -- and Rick is one of them -- are great human beings. The combination of that, their red-hot selves, and their availability can be overwhelming to those of us who have been starved (whether we starved ourselves or not doesn't matter) for a long time. In their company the fleeting glimpse of what we imagine to be the "real thing" can be disorienting. It doesn't happen to me any more, but in the beginning it did. Like you, I met a couple of very bright and very sensitive escorts (one of them was Rick Munroe) who helped me discover that what I'd really been denying myself all those years was not so much love as good, old-fashioned, sexual fun. Now that I've got those ducks in a row, my sex life is better than it's ever been -- and there's a whole lot more of my life behind than in front of me. (No puns, please, Rick!)

[+ glutes]

Well I hate to spoil the tenderness of this post, but this site has led me to Brazil! In all seriousness, I read the board daily (well at least when I´m not blocked by NetNanny or CrotchWatch in American´s Admirals lounge). I generally, and audibly laugh when reading most of theposts. But there is some real life lessons here to be learned from others, and I have great empathy for some of the posters.

Some times the board is better than a visit to my MFCC!!

[Rick Munroe]

>there's a whole lot more of my life behind than in front of

>me. (No puns, please, Rick!)

 

Aww come on...that's cruel to set it up and not let me go for it. :+

[taylorky]

>LIGHTEN UP, YOU DORK.

 

>fukamarine

-----------------------------------------------------------------------and THIS is the clown that preaches civility...ROTFLMFAO TAYLORKY@23:55-10/24'02

[Guest Not2Kinky4me]

glutes, that was incredibly raw but you need not be told that because youre aware of it. This was not the thread for that and you know it.

 

I can not believe you admit laughing audibly "at" most others on the board in such a demeaning condescending manner.

 

Your'e no better than anyone here. Your inappropriate comment confirms that.

 

You can laugh audibly at the reality that instead of laughing at you, I pity you.

 

}>

[+ glutes]

to Not2Kinky:

My audible laughing is done at the clever, vile repartee that goes on some (not all) of the threads here.

Yes, this is a sensitive thread, and I have empathy for the posters - Lord knows I'm sensitive also.

I just wanted to concur that I also ''love this board'', both for it humor, lessons, and most importantly - that I / we - are not alone out there.

[Will]

Just every now and then -- not always! -- I like to get there first!}>

[Guest fukamarine]

>glutes, that was incredibly raw but you need not be told

>that because youre aware of it. This was not the thread for

>that and you know it.

>

>I can not believe you admit laughing audibly "at" most

>others on the board in such a demeaning condescending

>manner.

>

>Your'e no better than anyone here. Your inappropriate

>comment confirms that.

>

>You can laugh audibly at the reality that instead of

>laughing at you, I pity you.

 

LIGHTEN UP, YOU DORK.

 

There was nothing in glutes post that was "incredibly raw"

and your over-reaction is what I find as funny.

 

If he gets a chuckle out of most posts (and note he didn't say ALL POSTS) then good for him. Just because he has a different slant than you do on what goes on here, is no cause for you to chastise him.

 

And quite frankly, most posts do have an element of humor to them. If you can't see it is your loss.

 

fukamarine

[Guest Not2Kinky4me]

Hey glutes, if I misread your post and I was totally wrong about you being condescending, THEN I apologize on such grounds. I thought you were "laughing at" posters here in general.

 

As for Fuckamarine - just go away you lil pubic crab! KISS!

 

Glutes can handle his own affairs.

 

}>

[Guest Not2Kinky4me]

are you a marine? Then go Fk yourself !

 

KISS ! :7

[Guest Not2Kinky4me]

Hey FUCKAmarine:

 

I read the thread over twice again including Glutes post.

 

I am NOW sticking with my original opinion. His post was INAPPROPRIATE for THIS THREAD.

 

AND so is yours. Could I have let it go? Yeah, I should have not said said anything. It was late, and I got pissed at the arrogance that bled through (whether you see or not). So I rifled off a reply to glutes.

 

I stand by my opinion though - his reply sucked royally dude and so does yours! Dork it or not - bite me babe.

 

}>