Ignorance About Bottoming--Forgive Me

[RexAll]

So I'm a confirmed top. Stephen from Maximum Escorts in a posting in the Deli stated that one of his new escorts was in the process of learning to bottom. So I guess my question is do most people who like to bottom either have to learn ' how to do it' or learn to like it? Does anyone love it immediately the very 1st time?

 

Respectfully asked,

 

Rex

[down_to_business]

I would venture a guess that some will like it from the get go and others might have to learn to like it while most would have to learn (at least something about) how to do it (but this could be from advice, watching a video, reading a book,taking direction etc.)

[+ sf westcoaster]

There is no single answer to your question. Much of ones first time experience will depend on the top. A large top might be more difficult for a first-timer than a small top and then again a very experienced top, no matter what size, could through technique and sensiivity make the first experience an enjoyable one. Another aspect is the degree to which the botom can relax. Like so much in life practice makes perfect.

[doitb4ugo]

Ah, a question about bottoming....near & dear. Not being very seasoned in this type of stuff. I realized after my first hire when I topped someone that I wanted to be the bottom....At first it takes some practice and patience to reduce the pain to something enjoyable but even with some pain, I loved it and knew it was what I wanted from the beginning.

 

Ideally, I would like to be more versatile and as a result I have a regular hire who is helping me learn to top and like it....so far not a lot of success....My issues are complicated by being extremely submissive in my sexual activities....What one escort told me (RGM) was that if I truly wanted to submit to a master, and he wanted me to fuck him....I had better do it....I tend to agree and under those circumstances I might get through it...

 

Please don;t feel the need to switch..we need some nice tops out there....

 

But so far nothing fills the bill like getting a nice cock inside me.....If you have any specific questions, give me a shout or post here and we on the forum can do our best to give you some of our experiences.

[JoeBlow]

For me, it's pure instinct to be a top. Ever since I can remember having sexual thoughts, I've always admired and lusted after hot male butts--the shape, the feel, the taste, the bliss of being inside...everything about making love to a guy's ass. I've never wanted to bottom or even have my butt played with at all. Everyone's different (Thank God, cause I love bottoms!) but I'm a natural born top. I've had a few guys say "try it, you might like it," but the thought of bottoming doesn't turn me on in the least bit.

[RexAll]

For me, it's pure instinct to be a top. Ever since I can remember having sexual thoughts, I've always admired and lusted after hot male butts--the shape, the feel, the taste, the bliss of being inside...everything about making love to a guy's ass. I've never wanted to bottom or even have my butt played with at all. Everyone's different (Thank God, cause I love bottoms!) but I'm a natural born top. I've had a few guys say "try it, you might like it," but the thought of bottoming doesn't turn me on in the least bit.

 

 

I don't know if I would call me be the reason I'm a top instinct-- but I masturbated for years before I ever had sex. While masturbating I never stuck a finger up there. I know I never enjoyed the rectal exam at the doctor's office. In addition I have problems with pelvic pain/ chronic prostatitis. Rectal exams by a physician have made me sore in the pelvic area for a week before even if I'm not having a flare up at the time. In fact even ejaculating too often can cause me to have pelvic pain-- guess my body wasn't really designed for sex. And finally I'm not really good at learning to like things. I guess that's why I'm not really a big wine drinker-- most of it doesn't taste that good to me. So if a doctor can put me into agony for a week just from trying to palpate my prostate, it seems like someone deliberately trying to impale it is going to cause a lot more pain. So I that's why I'm a top. I'm not particularly a dominating top-- more like a friendly one.

 

Rex

[seeker630]

When I first started experimenting with my (homo)sexuality, I bottomed for a grand total of 5 times during my first year or so of an active sex life. I never enjoyed it, but I was willing to let someone top me if I liked them. The last time I bottomed, I sustained a small anal tear (the guy wasn't particularly big or rough - not sure how it happened.) It was painful and embarassing - I had to be referred to a proctologist & have it cauterized. At that point I decide 'OK, I don't like it and it's NOT going to happen again!

 

I think one of the reasons I never enjoyed bottoming was that I could never relax and 'give up control'. I tend to be somewhat dominant in bed, tho I definitely am affectionate as well.

 

With the right person and some patience, I might be able to learn to enjoy it, but thus far I haven't been motivated to try.

[uwsman2]

I think it's a matter of temperament. In my early experimenting with gay sex, I assumed I was a top, mainly because of fear of surrendering control and a few painful experiences trying to bottom. But my first real boyfriend, who was about ten years older than me (I was mid 20s, he was mid 30s), was versatile and wanted to do both, and he taught me how to bottom. It was all about relaxing and breathing and foreplay and the angle of entry and so much more... but eventually I got to the point where if everything was copacetic and I was sufficiently relaxed, I could enjoy it quickly, usually with no pain at all. And I became a confirmed bottom, especially when with the advent of HIV and the necessity to resort to condoms, I found for some psychological reason I couldn't sustain an erection sufficiently to be a good top anymore. (I know, I probably could if I could sort out the mental end of things.... )) Now I love surrendering control to a strong, commanding knowledgeable top...

[+ Gar1eth]

I think it's a matter of temperament. In my early experimenting with gay sex, I assumed I was a top, mainly because of fear of surrendering control and a few painful experiences trying to bottom. But my first real boyfriend, who was about ten years older than me (I was mid 20s, he was mid 30s), was versatile and wanted to do both, and he taught me how to bottom. It was all about relaxing and breathing and foreplay and the angle of entry and so much more... but eventually I got to the point where if everything was copacetic and I was sufficiently relaxed, I could enjoy it quickly, usually with no pain at all. And I became a confirmed bottom, especially when with the advent of HIV and the necessity to resort to condoms, I found for some psychological reason I couldn't sustain an erection sufficiently to be a good top anymore. (I know, I probably could if I could sort out the mental end of things.... )) Now I love surrendering control to a strong, commanding knowledgeable top...

 

As another top contributing to this thread-- it has nothing to do about control-- I don't mind a very slightly dominant-maybe the word would be 'assured' rather than dominant bottom. It has everything to do with pain. When I knew I was gay-- and before I had any experience- and I would read short fiction in the gay magazines with titles like 'The Long-Haul Trucker's Buddy' or 'The Captain's Boy' all about some older, more experienced man taking a younger guy and showing him the ropes--or was that putting him in the ropes--well anyway--while the stories might give me a stiffie--they also put a great fear of bottoming in me. That's one reason I stayed away from gay sex for as long as I did was because I thought I might be forced to bottom.

 

Gman

[leigh.bess.toad]

Interesting and great question. As someone who is, like my brother doit, learning to be a lot more versatile, I do tend towards bottoming at least with my escorts. Although strangely during most of my hookups I tend to be a top so I don't really understand that. Anyway, did I enjoy it right from the beginning? Not for the first 2-3 seconds maybe, but not long afterwards, yes. Of course, I had spent a fair amount of time with self-exploration (my dildo and butt plug collection at one point were rather large, both in number and size ). But it is a process of slowly working up to thickness and length and duration. Much like you're not able to walk into a gym for the very first time and start benching 600 pounds, at least for me there is a "learning" curve, of creating muscle memory as it were.

 

One thing I would like to respond to Seeker though is that he said he tends to be dominant in bed as a top. And that is great and all well and good. But being a bottom does not necessarily mean we are submissive. I'm not sure I would use the word dominant when I'm in bed, but usually assertive would apply. I think Gman is right on the button in his description. Is there some surrender of control? Maybe, but maybe not. For me, the best time is when both (or even all) parties are equally involved, mutually trying to satisfy their partner(s) first and then worrying about their own satisfaction secondarily. And for me, when that happens, I get the most satisfaction of all. I’ve done that when I top, but I just find it easier for me to do when I bottom.

 

But I guess the true sign of being a bottom is sort of what the OP posted about the rectal exam at the doctor’s. I think you give yourself away when the doctor thinks he’s done and you tell him he missed a spot and asked him to try again. My problem during the rectal exam is trying not to get an erection. That and the moaning. And shoving my ass back on his finger. Repeatedly. Or asking for more fingers. But most doctors just aren’t willing to play while in their office.

 

Do I love bottoming? Hell yes. Can I get better at it still? Hell yes. And I’m going to have a blast practicing.

[+ Gar1eth]

Interesting and great question. As someone who is, like my brother doit, learning to be a lot more versatile, I do tend towards bottoming at least with my escorts. Although strangely during most of my hookups I tend to be a top so I don't really understand that. Anyway, did I enjoy it right from the beginning? Not for the first 2-3 seconds maybe, but not long afterwards, yes. Of course, I had spent a fair amount of time with self-exploration (my dildo and butt plug collection at one point were rather large, both in number and size ). But it is a process of slowly working up to thickness and length and duration. Much like you're not able to walk into a gym for the very first time and start benching 600 pounds, at least for me there is a "learning" curve, of creating muscle memory as it were.

 

One thing I would like to respond to Seeker though is that he said he tends to be dominant in bed as a top. And that is great and all well and good. But being a bottom does not necessarily mean we are submissive. I'm not sure I would use the word dominant when I'm in bed, but usually assertive would apply. I think Gman is right on the button in his description. Is there some surrender of control? Maybe, but maybe not. For me, the best time is when both (or even all) parties are equally involved, mutually trying to satisfy their partner(s) first and then worrying about their own satisfaction secondarily. And for me, when that happens, I get the most satisfaction of all. I’ve done that when I top, but I just find it easier for me to do when I bottom.

 

But I guess the true sign of being a bottom is sort of what the OP posted about the rectal exam at the doctor’s. I think you give yourself away when the doctor thinks he’s done and you tell him he missed a spot and asked him to try again. My problem during the rectal exam is trying not to get an erection. That and the moaning. And shoving my ass back on his finger. Repeatedly. Or asking for more fingers. But most doctors just aren’t willing to play while in their office.

 

Do I love bottoming? Hell yes. Can I get better at it still? Hell yes. And I’m going to have a blast practicing.

 

In reference to Lee's remarks--

#1. I guess maybe great bottoms are both born ( nature) and learned/taught (nurture)

 

#2. Lee-- are you going to the Chicago dinner-- and if so, would you please bring your collection for a show-n-tell?

 

#3. And finally about concentrating on the other guy's pleasure-- I've never been one to care about 'cumming' at the same time as the other guy. I mean I like to watch-- if I'm too intent on me-- I can't enjoy what the other guy is going through and feeling right before-- during-- and after he cums. And I'd like him to enjoy/be interested in watching me.

 

Gman

[leigh.bess.toad]

#2. Lee-- are you going to the Chicago dinner-- and if so, would you please bring your collection for a show-n-tell?

 

As several others know, it is much to my pain and suffering that I won't be able to attend. I will be anxiously awaiting any updates any of the attendees might share with me. A lot of these guys are the Palm Spring gang that I loved being with so much. But unfortunatelyl, family obligations will prevent me from attending.

 

More's the pity

[+ Gar1eth]

As several others know, it is much to my pain and suffering that I won't be able to attend. I will be anxiously awaiting any updates any of the attendees might share with me. A lot of these guys are the Palm Spring gang that I loved being with so much. But unfortunatelyl, family obligations will prevent me from attending.

 

More's the pity

 

Lee-- that's a shame you can't make it. I know I'm not one of the Palm Springs Group, but how would you feel about boxing up your collection and sending it to me in care of my hotel. I could put the collection in a chair at the dinner. It could serve as your proxy. I then promise to hoist a tankard to you ( or your boxed collection in this case) in absentia.

 

Gman

[kevininsa]

... Does anyone love it immediately the very 1st time?

 

I don't know that I would say "loved" it immediately, but I did like it pretty much and loved it after a few practices. I do think the more you are able to relax and let it happen, the faster you can acclimate to it.

 

Side note to Gar1eth: Check your Forum Inbox.

 

Kevin

[Lohengrin1979]

I don't know that I would say "loved" it immediately, but I did like it pretty much and loved it after a few practices. I do think the more you are able to relax and let it happen, the faster you can acclimate to it.

 

 

 

Kevin

 

Call me crazy but I truly enjoyed my first time bottoming. I've only ever bottomed and I have to agree that instinct has something to do with it. My first lover was much older than me and there was no question of who was going to top or bottom in either of our minds. I experienced very little initial pain and rapture soon after. Looking back, he was a skilled top who spent a lot of time getting me relaxed and heated enough to take him. I still talk to him on Facebook.

 

As to the whole dominant/submissive issue, a skilled and dedicated bottom can press a top's buttons so fast and fair his toes are curling before he knows it. There is a certain amount of power in straddling your lovers thighs, riding him for all your worth and watching worlds explode behind his eyes. Perhaps I wax poetic but sex should be great and a treasured experience.

 

My two cents,

 

Lohengrin1979

[Poolboy21409]

L.B.T.

 

You could always package up your butt plugs and dildos and FEDEX them to a trusted dinner attendee. What party favors. Better than "crackers" at Christmas.

[+ Shoreboy]

When I first came out I was a 100% top and loved every minute of it.

 

Then a partner of mine asked me to try bottoming....I instantly froze up like a glacier and not even a pinky finger could enter my buns of closed steel.

 

Finally, and thankfully he was patient he started playing with my ass, did a bit of rimming and had me squealing like a pig in heat. He was so patient and lo and behold when the deed was in process and the buns of closed steel opened up like a bank vault I loved it.

 

I think the key is to relax, have a patient partner that you trust ( trust is a must) and allow things to happen. Therefore now I love bottoming more than topping.

 

However, when it comes to escorts and I feel like bottoming always tell them to be patient and loosen you up before plunging in. I had an escort once that just flipped me over and started to pound me and I hated the experience.

 

It may be for you and it may not....who cares....if we didn't have tops the bottoms would be miserable and if we didn't have bottoms the tops would be miserable....yet when the two come together in harmony, trust and patience, be you the top or the bottom there are fireworks

[NYTomcat]

Funny. I was really torn on where I was when I first started experimenting. Started as a Top not sure Id ever want to Bottom

 

But with patience and alot of practice and yes.. pain. but enjoyable pain. I got better and still am getting better all the time.

 

But strangely now I have been having a run of a very different experience. Unlike most escorts I am not huge of cock. Ok Im not small either. Im just an average cocked guy. Ive found that more and more confirmed tops I run into get turned on by the idea of bottoming for me because I look like a size that will let them experience it without a great deal of pain. Given I know the patience it takes to get a tight hole opened.... its been pretty successful and we have all had a good time.

 

Though I must admit there are times that roll you over and slam it in forcefully. It may hurt on intake but a true bottom in the mood to be fucked... well we open pretty quick to that kind of thing

[seeker630]

.

 

One thing I would like to respond to Seeker though is that he said he tends to be dominant in bed as a top. And that is great and all well and good. But being a bottom does not necessarily mean we are submissive. I'm not sure I would use the word dominant when I'm in bed, but usually assertive would apply. I think Gman is right on the button in his description. Is there some surrender of control? Maybe, but maybe not. For me, the best time is when both (or even all) parties are equally involved, mutually trying to satisfy their partner(s) first and then worrying about their own satisfaction secondarily. And for me, when that happens, I get the most satisfaction of all. I’ve done that when I top, but I just find it easier for me to do when I bottom.

 

Leigh, thanks for the response. I guess what I may not have been clear on was that that was my own personal psychology - that's the way my own brain interprets my behavior. i was only speaking for myself. I do realize that being a bottom is not necessarily being submissive - certainly the bottom CAN be 'in charge'. And of course, outside of forced sex/rape, the bottom is CHOOSING the role, or allowing the top, so it's really all in our minds as to who is 'in control'.

[hunkymuscles]

I was in my 30's when I finally bottomed. Before then it was just too painful. I finally dated a guy who knew how to take his time with me and show me that bottoming for the first time with the right person can be an awesome experience. Though I still enjoy being more of a top, when I bottom I now have a wonderful time. I've also been told I have the a nice firm bubble butt to bottom with.

Rex (San Francisco)

415-666-2275

http://www.daddysreviews.com/review/raul_sf

http://hunkymuscles.tumblr.com

[joeyboy107]

I agree that whether or not you like getting it or giving it is an instinct that comes from a very deep place...

As far as "getting used to it," I think it's more a matter of learning how to be really good at your job and pleasing your top. And then he'll probably fuck you a lot better, too!

[Juan Vancouver]

A very elucidating research on bottoming.

 

Live and learn!

 

http://christwire.org/2011/05/power-bottoming-the-most-disturbing-new-trend-in-american-homosexuality/

[+ purplekow]

I assume this is a satirical site. The details are hilarious. This could be the groundwork for a skit on a gay late night comedy show. Juan when are you bringing your fine self to NYC?

[leigh.bess.toad]

I got better and still am getting better all the time.

 

 

Really? Perhaps a demonstration may be in order.

 

roflmao

[justaguy]

LOL I would hope it's satirical. He does seem to know his way around the "lexicon of filth." I wonder how much in-depth investigative reporting he did :-)