Bullying, and an important message from Ellen

[+ Chris]

"Please, never stay silent about this, Ellen. Bullying happens to so many young people, gay or straight, thin or fat, Christian or Muslim, it doesn't matter - everyone can be a victim and it has to stop"

 

I copied and pasted this message to this board, because this is something I feel needs to be spoken about more. I know this happens at schools , but this type of bullying continues with us , with gossip we spread and in our own communities.and so on Its a good message Ellen speaks about, and worth listening to if you have a moment

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br7nbQSIyhg

[Guest]

That room-mate who sent out the video seemed to have a foreign-sounding name (Dharun Ravi). I can't seem to find out if he's a U.S. citizen or some exchange student. Have any of you heard one way or another?

[MsGuy]

Both Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei, the girl whose computer he borrowed to stream the videos, have New Jersey home addresses (Ravi: Plainsboro and Wei: Princeton Junction).

 

Going by the wording of some of the statements attributed Ravi that have been reported, I would guess him to be either American born or American raised.

 

None of the news reports I have read mention either of the kids being being an exchange student.

 

In my mind at least, the above facts create a mild presumption that they are either American citizens or the children of parents with permanent resident visas living in N.J. Just my best guess, of course. I've seen nothing specific either.

[adriano46]

Yes, in the news reports that aired (or were printed) including those with their photos, it seems both are residents of NJ -- and they seem pretty computer saavy too - but also insensitive, stupid, cruel, and badly brought up (with probably a tinge of homophobia thrown in which seems - sadly - common in many Asian communities both here in the US and abroad in their lands of origin).

 

More and more I appreciate my parents who always forbade any ethnic, racial, cultural, sexual or other slurs ever to be used in our house (and this was in the 50's and 60's). They were not prudes but both were vets and they came back from that great war with a deep appreciation for others who were different, and instilled that spirit in us. In a way they understood the undercurrents of the lyrics to Rodgers and Hammerstein's "You've got to be carefully taught."

[+ deej]

I've seen no evidence SO FAR that this is anything more than a stupid college prank gone terribly wrong.

 

In the old days, the frat boys used to overturn the Dean's outhouse (best done when the Dean was IN the outhouse, of course). Kids today have a whole lot more tools for pranks and no less proclivity.

 

Investigations are under way, of course, and I'm trying to keep an open mind.

[Diverdan]

Sorry to disagree with you, deej, especially since you are an "administrator"... but I fail to see this as a "stupid college prank gone terribly wrong" It is far more serious, and would be even if it had been between a guy and a girl. Is nothing sacred anymore? Broadcasting an intimate moment between two people to the world without permission? I hope they throw the book at this two... maybe it would help set an example for the other kids who want to do "stupid college pranks" that will go wrong. This reminds me so much of the Shepard case in Wyoming... just a couple of guys who let their drunken behavior go to far... and the list goes on and on and on... and it doesn't help that DADT has not yet been repealed... just IMHO...

[+ deej]

Note that I did not excuse anything they did. They are facing privacy violation charges which I think is appropriate.

 

The media, however, are rattling sabres about a hate crime. That needs to be proven first.

 

The Matthew Shepherd perps intentionally baited and targeted a gay kid only because he was gay. Clearly a hate crime. That has not been demonstrated yet (though it might) in this case.

 

It seems you've already convicted them without benefit of a full investigation. How sad.

[josephga]

I agree There has been 4 of these deaths that we know of in the last 3 weeks unlike the others so far there's no evidence that this was gay related nor a hate crime. A college prank by 2 douche bags looking for a kick. the laws need to catch up with the internet b4 allot more of this stuff happens. there's video's out there of secret up the ladies skirt vids, hidden locker room vids. this type of thing fits in with invasion of privacy laws. In this case the person took their own life.

[KMEM]

Laws and near perfect enforcement of same might help but nothing will substitute for rearing children properly. Where do kids get the idea they can do and get away with these sorts of things? From society as a whole but specifically from their parents and their parents circle of friends.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[jgoo]

Laws and near perfect enforcement of same might help but nothing will substitute for rearing children properly. Where do kids get the idea they can do and get away with these sorts of things? From society as a whole but specifically from their parents and their parents circle of friends.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

 

I couldn't agree more. We can legislate all we want, but nothing will ever replace a child brought up to respect others regardless of differences that may exist (race, creed, sexual orientation, etc). Unfortunately, my observation is that we, as a society, seem to be moving away from tolerance of differences and too many children are negatively influenced by competing sources. As the students in the latest case are adults, I guess there is no action pending against the parents but hopefully in other cases that can be considered.

[josephga]

Not sure if its changed much but I remember when I was in school the worst kids were the ones you would think would know better. A preachers children, city police chiefs kids, School teachers principals children. But hell no they were the worst. When I was a child if i got out of line my father would take a belt too my ass.

[+ deej]

Where do kids get the idea they can do and get away with these sorts of things? From society as a whole but specifically from their parents and their parents circle of friends.

 

Or from the earliest days of television: "Smile! You're on Candid Camera!"

 

Or from the steady parade of institutionalized snooping on shows like "Jersey Shore", "Big Brother", etc.

 

I'm just playing Devil's Advocate here, but there are plenty of examples on the TV machine where snooping via hidden camera is not only encouraged but rewarded.

 

Society hasn't yet come to grips with the concept of every citizen as a journalist. Most cell phones can record video. (Just ask Michael Richards!) Most notebooks have webcams. "Broadcast" video no longer involves a network with editors and censors.

 

Our society hasn't yet learned to self-edit. It needs to.

[BewareofNick]

I was bullied in school. It's a terrible thing. The ironic part is that the guy who started bullying me did so because he thought I was after his girlfriend. He made my life miserable. He had it all: good looks, great body, rich folks..you name it. Karma did eventually catch up with him: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_J._McCorkle

 

Sometimes bullies know exactly what they're doing and sometimes they don't. In the end, I believe karma will catch up with them one way or another.

[josephga]

I was never picked on by strangers for being gay. No ones every called me a fag other than my brother. I was bullied in school for being under weight and for a birth defect that was corrected later. My main bully was the one who committed suicide

[edjames]

This is one of the saddest news stories of recent times. My thoughts are prayers are with Tyler's family and friends as they try to cope with this devastating loss.

Once again, this was a malicious act and was morally and ethically wrong. I think both students should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Events such as this go on every day in schools across the globe. Homophobia and bullying need to be dealt with severely and quickly.

I, too, had moments of bullying in my life. Looking back on it, I thought it quite amusing that it was from the captain of the high school football team! What a jerk! I'm sure he's a used-car salesman in some backwoods town today. Assholes generally always grown up to be bigger assholes. He was always threatening to beat me up after school. Somehow, I managed to evade him during dismissal.

 

ED

[Guest Fluffytest]

@EdJames: That's my experience too. I was socially awkward, so I was teased mercilessly in grade school. One of the guys who did it started flirting with me at the 10th high school--right in front of his wife. He's an RV salesman now. I totally went for it--not.

 

On a more serious note, I'm with those who say it's unclear so far whether or not it's a hate crime per se. Here's a scenario I could picture: The two girls try to get Tyler to come out. Tyler says he's not gay--even if he knows he is, he may think it's none of the girls' business. Finally, the girls find out that Tyler is having sex with other men and set up the camera to "prove" it to him. (Even if that scenario is true, their intent was still malicious. It's just unclear whether it's a "hate crime" against a gay man or something they might also have done to a straight friend who was denying having sex with someone.)

 

But whether or not it was motivated by hate or more of a prank, this is a major invasion of privacy that needs to punished to send a message to others who are considering doing something similar.

[KMEM]

Or from the earliest days of television: "Smile! You're on Candid Camera!"

 

Or from the steady parade of institutionalized snooping on shows like "Jersey Shore", "Big Brother", etc.

 

I'm just playing Devil's Advocate here, but there are plenty of examples on the TV machine where snooping via hidden camera is not only encouraged but rewarded.

 

Society hasn't yet come to grips with the concept of every citizen as a journalist. Most cell phones can record video. (Just ask Michael Richards!) Most notebooks have webcams. "Broadcast" video no longer involves a network with editors and censors.

 

Our society hasn't yet learned to self-edit. It needs to.

 

I suppose it would meet with resistence to suggest that parents "control" TV and not just use it as a baby sitter? One problem with a free and open society is that it takes adults to productively participate in it. Because it is illegal to lock your kids in a broom closet until they are 18, I have to suggest some parental guidance and responsbility is in order. I realize this is a radical concept.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

Because it is illegal to lock your kids in a broom closet until they are 18, I have to suggest some parental guidance and responsbility is in order. I realize this is a radical concept.

 

Ahhh, KMEM, when you are King of the World, I'd like to be your Queen!

But what do we do with OctoMom???

[+ deej]

I have to suggest some parental guidance and responsbility is in order. I realize this is a radical concept.

 

True enough. Unfortunately entirely too many parents have already betrayed their utter lack of responsibility in the act of becoming parents in the first place.

[KMEM]

Ahhh, KMEM, when you are King of the World, I'd like to be your Queen!

But what do we do with OctoMom???[/color][/size][/font]

 

I am supposing that you mean she has mutlple kids of the same age and a unique problem? I also have to suppose that she is an oddity of scientific experimentation as well as a societal oddity. She certainly is deserving of observation and help; however, I would like to think she is not about to be any where near a norm. Heaven help us.

 

Otherwise, DIK, are you into S&M? The reason I ask is because of your seemingly notice of locking folks into broom closets.

 

Whenever I become King of the World, you certainly are welcome to become a consort, not sure about Queen.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[KMEM]

True enough. Unfortunately entirely too many parents have already betrayed their utter lack of responsibility in the act of becoming parents in the first place.

 

A moment of passion becomes: kids? or HIV, if one is not careful? Life is full of sad possibilities.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[josephga]

I shot my own video. I shot this at 5am so I look like hell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOZqOciDiTc

[edjames]

"Though bias charges are generally hard to prove, lawyers and civil rights experts said, New Jersey has one of the toughest state laws on hate crimes. Its so-called bias intimidation law allows prosecutors to lodge seperate charges and seek greater penalties against anyone who commits a crime against someone because of the victim's sexual orientation. The law does not specifiy that the crime be violent."

 

See the today's NYTimes article for more detail on the legal debate over the charges...

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/02/nyregion/02suicide.html?_r=1&hpw

 

ED

[Guest TBinCHI]

My 17 year old son told me that this week one of his friends was suspended from school because he had taken a video of a frequently bullied kid taking a dump behind a closed and locked stall door in the locker room. The suspended kid's parents and their friends are outraged at the punishment for this "stupid prank." I think I may have burned a few bridges when I told all of them that the kid got off with a slap on the hand and that he should be expelled and prosecuted. I'm sure I lost a few friends over this, but we have to take a stand and we have to announce that bullying, whether directed at gay or straight kids, IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Not one more life should be lost at someone's own hand for something that we have the power to stop.

[Rick Munroe]

The suspended kid's parents and their friends are outraged at the punishment for this "stupid prank."

 

And we wonder why kids commit these stupid abusive acts. Good for you, TB, for standing up to them.