Hot married guys

[Guest Spanky]

Man, what is up with all the hot married guys lately? They are everywhere. On the subway, at my doctors office, at line in starbucks, flexing their biceps at my bank. Everywhere. This has got to stop. It's too much. Seriously. Tonight at the ballpark this totally smoking guy was right in front of me. Escort hot body, toned tight lean and you could almost see the definition through the tight t shirt. We're talking Romann or Raul type of body here. Tight low riding jeans and you could totally tell he was packing some serious heat. Plus he had a shaved head (sends me into orbit). Stands up to cheer a good play and that hot lithe body (ass thrust in my face) just broadcasts "fuck me" signals for everyone to see. It's just not fair. All these single girls in their 30s saying that all the good ones are taken or gay. Screw that. They're all married and straight. To top it all off, I find myself flirting with his wife? Like I'm so desperate for attention that I need to flirt with the hot married guy's wife. That is just pathetic. Beyond pathetic. I don't know if there is a word for beyond pathetic but let me coin one: Spanky! In my defense, I did score a couple free beers from her. Even still, pitiful.

 

Meanwhile, all of this happens about 5 hours after my physical therapy appointment, where the HOT GAY (but partnered) physical therapist with the SHAVED HEAD and hot body decides it's a great day to massage my groin. Man, that it just like the worst form of torture. That's like - bit your lip as hard as you can, think of your grandmother naked, hold on tight to the table and pray for fucking daylight.

 

DEEJ - there should be a forum rule. That is - people who consume, on average, one alcoholic drink a month should NOT be allowed to post when they've consumed a six pack in a three hour period. Can you make that happen?

 

Meanwhile, I don't give two shits what the market is like in Dallas.

 

I probably won't remember this post in the morning, so I guess I should apologize now if I am offending someone. Unless you're hot and married. If you're hot and married and offended by this post, you can go blow yourself.

[Guest Spanky]

By the way, Deej, while I've never met you. In my head, you are by far the cutest person posting on the forum.

[MsGuy]

To top it all off, I find myself flirting with his wife? Like I'm so desperate for attention that I need to flirt with the hot married guy's wife. That is just pathetic. Beyond pathetic. I don't know if there is a word for beyond pathetic but let me coin one: Spanky! In my defense, I did score a couple free beers from her.

 

Consider that she was so desperate for male attention, she resorted to bribeing a gay stranger with beers just to get some conversation. No doubt he was the 3 strokes, grunt and roll over snoring type. Foreplay limited to pulling up her dress. You didn't miss as much as you think.

 

If you're hot and married and offended by this post, you can go blow yourself.

 

Only sensible thing you posted. Well that and the suck up to deej that followed.

[+ purplekow]

Spanky have you considered that the hot guy's wife was paying attention to you as he does not pay enough attention to her? Perhaps he is ignoring her because the signals he was sending out to you are true and that he prefers salami to tuna. Perhaps some flirtation with him would have landed you a few beers and a phone number. As far as the therapist, once again, groin massages don't suddenly become part of a therapy program.

Perhaps Spanky, you have been sending out signals and getting answers but not paying attention. Methinks perhaps you need to focus on the opportunities being presented to you and take a chance and flirt a little and not with the wife (and probably not with Deej though at least there you are headed in the right direction, but those internet hookups rarely work)

[+ deej]

DEEJ - there should be a forum rule. That is - people who consume, on average, one alcoholic drink a month should NOT be allowed to post when they've consumed a six pack in a three hour period. Can you make that happen?

 

And lose the entertainment value? Not likely.

 

But can you see it? The SWAT team screeches to a stop in front of your place and the guy on the bull horn bellows "Step AWAY from the keyboard, Sir!"

[Juan Vancouver]

The signs are everywhere!

 

Good Lord, you made me laugh this morning!

 

Entertainment aside, I think Purplekow in his allmighty wisdom has it right: It seems as if you are about to die of thirst in the middle of the oasis, while all you need to do is get on your knees and drink it.

 

I have a lot of experience doing "straight" couples. Normally the first sign that you could potentially be welcomed is that the guy looks like an advertisement for some cheap italian cologne: muscled, carefully groomed, humongous butt, ridiculous basket, tight clothes and nonchalant disinterest. The second sign that these couples give is that the wife, who looks like a perfect lovechild of nonthreatening beauty and slutiness, is cruising you actively.

 

If the wife is cruising you in front of the incredibly and deliciously cheap looking hunk husband, you might as well introduce yourself as :

 

"Hello, I am dinner."

 

If the wife buys you (not one but) a couple beers, yo might as well just get going and do your part. No introductions are needed, all they want is your able and excitable body.

 

I have to confess, though; Even when I am not clearly discerning all the right signals I tend to introduce myself as dinner. It works half of the time.

 

I guess I have to find a technique that works for the other half, but I digress...

 

God is trying to tell you something. Get on with the program!

[Juan Vancouver]

Lastly,

 

Whether your therapist is sending you very discrete signals or not, (Namely rub your scrotum with the tip of his tongue or stuff like that), believe me, if this pubic rubbing is part of his medical practice for some sick and perverted reason, he is more than used to have gentlemen getting hard and ladies getting wet. Let yourself become engorged and even if you can say "Sorry, I don't know where that came from!" and smile, let him have the full greatness of your thankfulness.

 

He may just say "Oh, don't worry, happens all the time." with his most professional voice and keep working, he may smile and say "Someone is enjoying this!" while the porn music starts playing or he may just feel flattered that he has that much power over you.

 

A boner during massage is not only not threatening for any masseur, even female ones, it's pretty much the rule.

 

As long as you don't slap him to submission with your gargantuan member there is no way he can take offense from your erection, and there is only a slight chance that that is exactly what he wanted.

 

All that aside... how could anyone restrain a boner? That is entirely beyond me!

 

But a genius of the 20th century said it in much clearer language:

 

"How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

how do you catch a clown and pin it down?

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?...

How do you solve a problem like Maria?"

 

Ah, the wisdom!

[Diverdan]

I agree with Juan and others here... you are dying of thirst in the middle of an oasis. A few suggestive flirts and you will quickly know from the guy or his wife/girl friend just what the story might be... and even more so with your massage therapist. Good Luck and Good Hunting... it is there for the taking. Just let us know the details as I am sure you will have much fun in the future if you don't hide your reactions.

[Guest Spanky]

 

But can you see it? The SWAT team screeches to a stop in front of your place and the guy on the bull horn bellows "Step AWAY from the keyboard, Sir!"

 

As I said to someone else. Friends don't let friends post drunk.

 

Good Lord, you made me laugh this morning!

 

I made you laugh? Then I guess it's fortunate that looks aren't everything.

 

 

I have to confess, though; Even when I am not clearly discerning all the right signals I tend to introduce myself as dinner. It works half of the time.

 

I guess I have to find a technique that works for the other half, but I digress...

 

Oh Juan. You silly boy, you engaging optimist. If I had the face, body, and equipment of someone built like, oh let's say Juan Bruno, then you wouldn't all be listening to my pitiful lamentations on lusting after married guys. As it is, I fear your strategies just won't work for me.

 

Whether your therapist is sending you very discrete signals or not, (Namely rub your scrotum with the tip of his tongue or stuff like that), believe me, if this pubic rubbing is part of his medical practice for some sick and perverted reason, he is more than used to have gentlemen getting hard and ladies getting wet. Let yourself become engorged and even if you can say "Sorry, I don't know where that came from!" and smile, let him have the full greatness of your thankfulness.

 

That's not even the best part, which is when (and I swear to god this is true) he threw a pillow on floor and says "can you get down on your knees please?" I restrained my first impulse which was to tell him that sentence works better as a command and not a question and that the "please" should be replaced with "bitch" and instead just looked at him with a sheepish smile. He blushed, laughed it off and said - I need to show you a stretch.

[Juan Vancouver]

If I had the face, body, and equipment of someone built like, oh let's say Juan Bruno, then you wouldn't all be listening to my pitiful lamentations on lusting after married guys. As it is, I fear your strategies just won't work for me.

 

Well, you may look at yourself as you please, but the hot chick, attached to the hot Guido was cruising you... buying beers for you, not for me.

 

(At least not then.)

 

It's all served on a platter...

 

Eat, already! =)

[happyguy2]

Thanks all for your wise words, because like Spanky, I see smoking hot married guys everywhere and I always fall for straight guys. Just the other day, I had to spend an afternoon with a guy my company just hired. As part of his orientation, I had to tell him all about what I did. Married with two young kids, I felt seduced by him (all in my mind lol) When he left, he shook hands with me twice (the second time I thought he was coming in for a hub, but didn't) and as he went out the door, I thought I feel just like I would if I had been making love all afternoon!

[orbital sander]

(the second time I thought he was coming in for a hub, but didn't)

 

A hub? That sounds like it could be fun.. :)

[instudiocity]

A hub? That sounds like it could be fun.. :)

Hey orbital, I have four hubs, one around my neck, one around each nipple and a big one that runs from my navel, past my dick and balls, to my 'hole.:o