Restraining Orders - Another Bad Week to Come

[chrismac]

I just spent the latter half of the day in Superior Court in front of a judge as a plaintiff taking out a restraining order on the guy, who up until recently, had been my best friend since 1976.

 

I think today is about as depressed as I've been since my grandmother died in our house of a sudden heart attack on Christmas Day back when I was in 10th Grade.

 

I took no joy in filling out the papers, getting the judge to sign them, then turning them over to the Sheriff for serving. But the daily voicemails he's been leaving on my cell phone are so full of poison and threats that I could no longer stomach it.

 

I loaned him $200 in cash a week ago Sunday, plus used my credit card to pay off a debt (just over $500) at the motel where he'd been living for the past 2 years. He got a hold of that credit card number, and began charging away. Another $500 at the motel, plus cab fares, dry cleaning, pizza, you name it. Anyone he could get to accept the card number under my name over the phone. I tried calling him throughout Monday and Tuesday last week to no avail. When I finally checked my credit card charges over the phone with Visa, I found out how much damage had been done. I cut it off.

 

When he tried to use it again on Tuesday, and discovered the card number no longer worked, he started calling. I was in meetings, so my voicemail picked up on my cell phone. He was livid. I've never heard such a stream of venom from a human being before - certainly not directed at me. It made me sick to my stomach. Threats against me, my family, my reputation at work. Threatening to "out" me everywhere I'm known. With my parents, it won't be any big deal really. At work, I don't know who he would contact specifically, since he doesn't know anyone at my company, so I don't know whether I should be concerned or not. But it's more the whole nasty mess of it. It's hard for me to concentrate on anything else as well. My work has suffered this past week, and it only looks to be as bad, if not worse, this week.

 

He has been diagnosed in the past with acute anxiety disorder and was taking Zoloft as a treatment. He took himself off the meds sometime about 2 years ago and opted instead for crack. He's a mess. Now all his hatred and anger is directed squarely at me. He's already alientated what few other friends he's had, and I was the last one left (probably because I was living overseas when his last bad spell occured, and I was spared more or less).

 

Anyone else have something like this happen? Any advice on what to do next?

 

I hate the idea of having a "mortal" enemy in the world somewhere. I've worked so hard (maybe too hard) at making friends. I'm not sure how to deal. :'(

[Boston Guy]

Chris -

 

I'm sorry you have to go through this stuff. It's bad enough any time but worse when it's a former friend.

 

Here are some links that may be helpful.

 

http://www.antistalking.com/victim.htm

http://www.wincom.net/vfj/vfjstalk.htm

 

Remember that your friend is probably not thinking rationally at all, so don't expect rational behavior. And you might want to think through what steps he might take and decide in advance how you will want to react if he does. By making a few simple plans now, you won't have try to figure out what to do later when you might be very angry.

 

Don't spend your days anguishing over this or constantly looking over your shoulder. Don't let him make a victim of you.

 

Good luck... keep us informed.

 

BG

[Guest CampusMike]

Chris,

 

My heart goes out to you. When I read this, I was saddened. I am sorry for the pain you are going through.

 

I had something similar a few years back. Things are still a mess. I just learned to deal with things the best I could. I learned at that time that I needed to not only be out to my friends and family but to share with them what I do for a living. Not an easy conversation. But, no one can threaten me with those aspects of my life now.

 

As far as the legal things go, it is not easy. You may have to keep getting the orders of protection and keep extending them. This means going to court many times. I went to law school and it didn't prepare me for the hassel it was, and is, to keep someone who is disturbed away from you. As someone who has gone through this, I would be happy to offer any advice I can to you. You can always give me a call and I will happily help in anyway I can.

 

Again, best of luck to you. My thoughts are with you!

 

Mike

[chrismac]

BG, Mike,

 

Thanks for your comforting words and good advice. It helps to share some of this crud with other people, as many others have gone through similar situations and have experience in how to handle them.

 

I'm especially concerned that as someone who has been suicidal in the past (and expressed his plan to purchase a gun), that he might decide to take a few down with him. It has me a little worried, to the point of not eating and losing sleep. I'm trying not to be the victim, and by obtaining the TRO, I felt like I was being proactive. But still - I never thought I'd find myself in this situation. It's like a bad dream that won't end. So I unplug my home phone, and am considering changing the number on my cell phone (I think I'll do that tomorrow).

 

I alternate from worrying that if he doesn't have a voicemail outlet for his anger, he might step it up a notch and decide to pay me a visit in person - and realizing that I haven't done anything wrong and that I have a right to my life. I knew when I came out to him 3 years ago that it was a mistake that I'd pay for sometime later down the line - but it was the last thing I had left to keep him from commiting suicide (he's gay, and always thought he was alone in the world - he doesn't socialize well at all). So I had to give it a try. Now those chickens have come home to roost.

 

I agree with Mike that I'd be protecting myself by just coming out to my family and being done with it. Then I'm "inoculated" against such threats. It's not like I'm some famous Hollywood star or political personality with a reputation at stake. But I wanted to come out, if at all, on my own terms - not on the defensive because some maniac decides this is my one weak spot. Many lessons in all of this for me.

 

Thanks again, and if anyone has any more suggestions, I'd be grateful to read them.

[catnip]

That's really bad news - I'm very sorry for your head- and heartaches. A friend of mine got involved with a heroin addict. She found herself caught up in all the craziness of his situation and got a lot of help going to NARANON meetings. It's an offshoot of Narcotics Anonymous, for families and friends of addicts. I don't know if you're interested in a 12-step program, but when you're at the end of your rope and getting sucked in by your friends insanity, it might be a help.

[Boston Guy]

Chris -

 

I didn't realize before that the threat of violence here was quite so acute. I'm going to copy here a section from "The Antistalking Web Site" and then post a follow-up message with another section from the same site.

 

The first post, here, addresses the issue of violence. The second addresses some security precautions.

 

BG

 

-------------------------------

 

Stalker Violence

 

There are cases in which stalking lasts for years and years and never turns violent. Then, there are those cases that turn deadly quickly. How can you tell which cases will lead to murder?

 

First of all, the cases that seem harmless, may, in fact, be the most deadly. An Australian singer was stalked by an erotomanic man who went to all her performances and even followed her to social events. When her friends expressed their concerns to the young woman, she told them he was simply sad and harmless. There was no warning before he finally did approach her in the street, fatally stabbing her. Weeks before, he had confided to his mother that he was going to marry the singer. What changed his plans from marriage to murder? A newspaper article reporting her engagement to a prominent local businessman. He felt humiliated at her "betrayal" and decided to "get even."

 

Most stalking victims erroneously believe that if they have not been threatened, they are not in any danger. Here’s a question, then: If he really wanted to harm you, why would he warn you ahead of time? Conversely, think about the many, many times in your own life that you threatened someone and then didn’t follow through on the threat. Never happened? What about that jerk who cut you off on the highway last week? Didn’t you threaten to – well, never mind. The point is, study after study indicates that whether or not a stalker makes a threat has no bearing on whether or not he poses a threat. Of course, any threat should be taken seriously. But there are other indicators that cannot be ignored when assessing a stalker’s potential for violence.

 

Additionally, it is a false belief that if a perpetrator has no history of violence, the likelihood of his becoming violent in the future is small. John Hinckley, Jr., Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, Sarah Jane Moore, Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan Sirhan and John Wilkes Booth, never perpetrated an act of criminal violence on another person before the attacks that made them famous. That is also true of the most recent celebrity stalker-murderers, Robert Bardo, who killed Rebecca Schaefer, and Mark David Chapman, who killed John Lennon. While a past history of violence, therefore, is an important factor in increasing the risk of future violence, the absence of such a history is completely meaningless. After all, a history of violence is notably lacking before the first time anyone perpetrates a violent act.

 

Factors which studies show seem to increase stalker propensity for violence are: stalking more than one victim, a past criminal history unrelated to stalking, substance abuse, access to and knowledge of weapons, high degree of obsession with the victim, great length of time stalking the victim, travelling a distance to be near the victim. Male sex is usually added to this list because, in general, men are more violent than women. However, a recent study found that, at least for former intimate partner stalkers, women stalkers were just as likely to become violent as their male counterparts.

 

It is also important to understand that it is not only the victim who is in danger, but those surrounding the victim, particularly if the stalker perceives them to be in his way. Madonna’s stalker tried to kill her body guard because he was seen as an obstacle to the star. Peggy Lennon’s stalker (from the singing Lennon Sisters on the Lawrence Welk Show) hunted her father down and shot him to death, believing he was an obstacle to being with Peggy, whom he called, "my true wife."

[Boston Guy]

Security Precautions for Stalking Victims

 

Stalking victims don’t like to be called victims. They will say, "I won’t let myself be victimized," or "I’m not going to change my life because I’m being stalked." Sorry. Your life has changed. Forever. And unless you accept that, you will actually be helping the stalker. You are a crime victim. The crime happens to be stalking. You must understand that the phrase "stalking victim" says volumes about the perpetrator, but nothing about you. It does not tell us whether you stay at home in terror with sheets over the windows, or whether you’ve decided to move, or to become active to change the laws in your state. On the other hand, accepting that you are a stalking victim serves to remind you that you must, from now on, take extra precautions that others do not have to take.

 

Here are some basics to start with. These and other safety precautions can be found in I Know You Really Love Me:

 

Tell the stalker "no" once and only once, and then never give him the satisfaction of a reaction again. The more you respond, the more you teach him that his actions will elicit a response. This only serves to reinforce the stalking.

 

Get a dog. The Los Angeles Police Department’s Threat Management Unit says this is "one of the least expensive but most effective alarm systems."

 

Block your address at DMV and Voter Registration. If you don’t, anyone can get it for the asking. This is how Robert Bardo found actress Rebecca Schaeffer and was able to murder her at her front door.

 

Never give out your home address or telephone number. Get a post office box and use it on all correspondence. For those places that will not accept a post office box, change "PO Box" to "Apt." and leave the number. Put this address on your checks.

 

When the stalker gets your home telephone number, don’t change it. Instead, always let an answering machine pick-up. Get a new, unlisted number, and give it to everyone who calls but the stalker. Gradually, only your stalker will be using your old number – it will become his private line. If it upsets you when he calls, put the machine in a room you don’t use. You can even have someone else monitor the tapes. This way, the stalker will think he is still getting through to you, although you will never make the mistake of picking up when he calls. Whenever you close off one avenue for a stalker, he will find another and it could easily be worse.

 

Document everything. Even if you have decided not to go the legal route, you may change your mind. Keep answering machine tapes, letters, gifts, etc. Keep a log of drive-bys or any suspicious occurrences.

 

Take a self-defense class. A lot of security experts don’t advise this, fearing that it gives victims a false sense of security, but we do. The best self-defense classes teach you how to become more aware of your surroundings and avoid confrontations, things that stalking victims would do well to learn.

 

Have co-workers screen all calls and visitors.

Don’t accept packages unless they were personally ordered.

Remove any name or identification from reserved parking at work.

Destroy discarded mail.

 

Equip your gas tank with a locking gas cap that can be unlocked only from inside the car.

 

Get a cell phone and keep it with you at all times, even inside your home, in case the stalker cuts your phone lines.

 

If you think you are being followed while in your car, make four left- or right-hand turns in succession. If the car continues to follow you, drive to the nearest police station, never home or to a friend’s house.

 

Never be afraid to sound your car horn to attract attention.

Acquaint yourself with all-night stores and other public, highly populated places in your area.

 

Consider moving if your case warrants it. No, it’s not fair, but nothing is fair about stalking. If you stay and fight through the legal system, you might get some justice, (although not necessarily your definition of it), but you almost certainly won’t get safety: There is no possibility of life imprisonment for stalkers. Research how to keep your destination secret. Stalking and victims’ organizations can help.

 

Don’t be embarrassed and think you caused this somehow. Stalkers need no encouragement. Your shame is your stalker’s best weapon. It makes you more likely to engage him or agree to plea bargains, which are bound to be taken as sympathy and we know where that leads. Instead, tell everyone you know that you’re being stalked, from neighbors to co-workers, so that when the stalker approaches them for information about you, they will be alerted not to divulge anything and will let you know he’s been around. One young widow moved to escape her stalker, a stranger she had never really met. Yet, after finding out where she moved, he was also able to pinpoint her exact location by showing her helpful neighbors pictures he had surreptitiously taken of her and her children, telling them that he was her estranged husband and she had kidnapped the kids.

 

Join one of the stalking victims’ support groups that are springing up all over the country. They can be invaluable resources for information in your community (such as how local law enforcement handle these cases) as well as provide essential support. See the resources section for organizations that can help. If there is no group in your area, start one. It only takes two. Tragically, we can guarantee you are not the only person being stalked in your area.

[Guest jeffOH]

Chris, I'm so sorry to hear all of this. I've been through some difficult times with friends who had some form of mental illness or another, but had chosen to "self-medicate" rather than take their prescribed meds. I understand this all too well being bipolar and a recovering alcoholic. I did some pretty shitty things to friends when I was drinking. I had alot of amends to make.

 

It's good that you were there to help as a friend, but we have to know when we've crossed the line and become an enabler. Having been there myself, I now know when to say NO!

 

You're a good man and I admire you for your generosity of spirit.

 

I wish you the best in this trying situation.

 

Take care,

JEFF

[email protected]

[chrismac]

BG - thanks so much for those articles. Very helpful information. I thought it might be wise to allow him an outlet (my cell phone number with voicemail) - so I'll keep that, at least for a while.

 

Don't know how he's going to react when served with the TRO by the sheriff. I'm somewhat anxious about the court hearing on 9/3, where he, of course, has an opportunity to show up.

 

He's stalked another (straight) friend with whom he was in love for some time. I'm trying to reach that guy for some info/advice.

 

Thanks catnip and Jeff as well. I appreciate that support.

 

Well, I don't want to drag everyone down. I'll let you know if anything extra bizarre happens. Anyone feel free to private me for details in the future.

 

Thanks again - this really helps tonight. I'm leaving for the East Coast tomorrow for a couple of days, so at least I'll be able to sleep well. I'm exhausted. I need it!

[Guest]

Maybe I'm missing something, but why don't you just call the cops and have him arrested? He's committed credit card fraud, threatened you on your voice-mail, and so on. Maybe some time in the cooler will be good for him.

[chrismac]

>Maybe I'm missing something, but why don't you just call the

>cops and have him arrested? He's committed credit card

>fraud, threatened you on your voice-mail, and so on. Maybe

>some time in the cooler will be good for him.

 

I did. Police report taken, two misdemeanors filed. But I'd need to make a citizen's arrest, which would be somewhat involved. I'd definitely need a lawyer for that, as he'd have the right to sue me for wrongful arrest wasn't watertight. Although I have recorded messages from him (13 in total), the credit card fraud might be more difficult to prove, as I initially gave my card number willingly to the motel to bail him out. As I still trusted him, I didn't put down an exact amount to be charged (stupid, I know, but at the time - I didn't want to insult him as he was going through such a hard time).

 

I was advised by the police officer taking the report that these kinds of situations rarely result in landing someone in jail right away. And I have no experience in this at all, so I'm just going about it in the best way I can, without trying to box him into such a corner that he's left with nothing but violence as a remedy.

 

Of course I contacted my credit card security department and will be filling out an affidavit of fraud. I can reasonably expect to recover the charge funds. I'm sure I'm out the $200 in cash though. But given everything else, that's the least of my worries.

[+ Lucky]

It is a dirty secret of law enforcment that a person can steal money and get away with it because they didn't steal enough to get the prosecutor interested. In other words, the DA is going to look for the big, easy cases.

I think getting a restraining order is a great proactive thing to do. Because the guy is fueled by anger, the situation may mitigate after the anger simmers down. Then you may be able to deal more rationally with him. But I wouldn't suggest meeting or talking to him alone, and I would keep a journal of all contact with him.

The great majority of these cases burn themselves out. Take care of yourself, get medical attention if your stress is too high, and don't be afraid to ask for help.

You sound like a pretty solid guy, so use your resources and you will find out that you are stronger than you think.

Good luck.

[Rick Munroe]

>Well, I don't want to drag everyone down.

 

Hey Chris, we care about you. Although most posters are anonymous, there are real people behind the aliases, and we at M4M are a family. Keep us posted and know you have the support of all of us here. Just like Will, I too enjoy your writing...I only wish this time, it were fiction.

 

Rick

[Guest VanBCGuy]

I had a similar experience years ago. 50+ phone calls at work, messages piled up at home on the answering machine, buzzing the apartment constantly, waiting for you on the way to/from work. Its a personal hell. It finally culminated with a physical attack, not good enough for a hospital stay but good enough for some stitches.

 

I wouldn't depend on the law for any protection. An assault was not enough to put this person in jail. Its often treated as a domestic dispute - until its too late.

 

Here's what helped me:

 

1. Getting some professional help for myself. It really helps to have someone to talk to that is unbiased and willing to listen and may very well have some good advice. It is hard to know what to do when you are in the middle of it. In my case I used a psychologist.

 

2. No Contact! If you answer the phone after 50 rings because you can't stand it anymore - well, you've just taught him that he needs to let the phone ring 50 times. They are persistent.

 

3. Read 'A Gift of Fear' by Gavin de Becker. There is lots of excellent advice for dealing with s stalker, and some relevant chapters on restraining orders.

 

4. Family/Friends. Talk to them about it.

 

What works for you may be different. I thing the posts from BostonGut were spot on. As was Rick Munroe's advice. If you have nowhere else to turn for support (and even if you do), the M4M posters seem like good souls.

 

Trust yourself and all the best.

[Guest Les]

Hi Chris,

I'm so sorry you are going through this horrible situation and pray everything turns out okay. You've handled yourself in a calm and reasonable manner and I admire you for doing so...I'd have fallen apart and done something really stupid. I'm not good at these kind of things.

The good news is you've recieved some wonderful advice from the guys on this forum...who'd a thunk it!? ;-)

Take good care, Les

[Guest VanBCGuy]

Boston GUY:

 

Sorry about slip up in your name in my post here. So emabarrased....

[guyinsf]

You've gotten a lot of great suggestions so far. I have a friend who recently went through a similar (but worse) situation with his lover, who had a long-term polysubstance abuse problem, predominantly meth. The guy first started doing strange things and eventually ended up physically attacking my friend. The guy then stayed with a friend and then a relative for a couple of months, during which time he was supposedly clean. Suddenly he ripped off his mother and sister to the tune of thousands of dollars and was last seen living with a drug dealer.

 

People with serious drug problems, particularly substances like crack and meth, are much more likely to be violent. You are right to be afraid. Getting a restraining order is good, but as you and others have already discussed, it doesn't really "protect" you physically -- it just puts a threat of punishment in the way if he does come close to you. If the guy has keys to your car or dwelling, get the locks rekeyed immediately. Consider moving to a different house/apartment (really).

 

I'm sure that the law varies state by state, but it sounds like this guy would be an easy case for involuntary hospitalization for 72 hours in California (and possibly longer if ordered by a Court). If you are in a state with a similar law, and if you know where he is, have the police or psychiatric mobile crisis team go out to assess whether he is a danger to others due to a psychiatric condition. His history of treatment for depression and (apparent) current crack-induced psychosis and/or antisocial behavior would qualify him as mentally ill. His repeated threats to you are evidence of his danger. At least if he's hospitalized, he'll come off the crack for a few days and possibly be given medication, which should change his behavior. After you are no longer a part of his life when he relapses, he will likely find another target for his threats.

 

You really need to take this seriously, I think. I hope that you can let people who are close to you know what is going on, at least to some extent. You don't want to isolate yourself in this.

 

For the future also keep in mind that when someone uses drugs regularly and needs financial assistance from you to even have a place to sleep, that person is so deep in trouble that the only in-the-moment help you can really give is a referral to an appropriate treatment center. You tried to help him but ended up enabling his continued addiction, but then suddenly cut him off, leading to his crazy thinking that you are the one mistreating him now.

[Guest in yer face]

Just my input here, but it sounds as if this guy has psychotic episodes, which means that it is likely that this will pass. I wouldnt talk to him anymore, even once he "evens out". He doenst need a friend, he need medication, and its up to him to get to it. Dont be taken back in once he seems normal again.

 

Just go on about your life. I wouldnt even say anything to my family. If you are not ready, then dont do it. What I would tell them is that you have a mentally unstable ex-friend who may try to contact them in an effort to get to you. That way, when/if he does call them, theyll have his MO already and most likely just ignore whatever he tells them.

 

 

>I just spent the latter half of the day in Superior Court in

>front of a judge as a plaintiff taking out a restraining

>order on the guy, who up until recently, had been my best

>friend since 1976.

>

>I think today is about as depressed as I've been since my

>grandmother died in our house of a sudden heart attack on

>Christmas Day back when I was in 10th Grade.

>

>I took no joy in filling out the papers, getting the judge

>to sign them, then turning them over to the Sheriff for

>serving. But the daily voicemails he's been leaving on my

>cell phone are so full of poison and threats that I could no

>longer stomach it.

>

>I loaned him $200 in cash a week ago Sunday, plus used my

>credit card to pay off a debt (just over $500) at the motel

>where he'd been living for the past 2 years. He got a hold

>of that credit card number, and began charging away. Another

>$500 at the motel, plus cab fares, dry cleaning, pizza, you

>name it. Anyone he could get to accept the card number under

>my name over the phone. I tried calling him throughout

>Monday and Tuesday last week to no avail. When I finally

>checked my credit card charges over the phone with Visa, I

>found out how much damage had been done. I cut it off.

>

>When he tried to use it again on Tuesday, and discovered the

>card number no longer worked, he started calling. I was in

>meetings, so my voicemail picked up on my cell phone. He was

>livid. I've never heard such a stream of venom from a human

>being before - certainly not directed at me. It made me sick

>to my stomach. Threats against me, my family, my reputation

>at work. Threatening to "out" me everywhere I'm known. With

>my parents, it won't be any big deal really. At work, I

>don't know who he would contact specifically, since he

>doesn't know anyone at my company, so I don't know whether I

>should be concerned or not. But it's more the whole nasty

>mess of it. It's hard for me to concentrate on anything else

>as well. My work has suffered this past week, and it only

>looks to be as bad, if not worse, this week.

>

>He has been diagnosed in the past with acute anxiety

>disorder and was taking Zoloft as a treatment. He took

>himself off the meds sometime about 2 years ago and opted

>instead for crack. He's a mess. Now all his hatred and anger

>is directed squarely at me. He's already alientated what few

>other friends he's had, and I was the last one left

>(probably because I was living overseas when his last bad

>spell occured, and I was spared more or less).

>

>Anyone else have something like this happen? Any advice on

>what to do next?

>

>I hate the idea of having a "mortal" enemy in the world

>somewhere. I've worked so hard (maybe too hard) at making

>friends. I'm not sure how to deal. :'(

[Guest in yer face]

ANTI_VIOLENCE PROJECT: http://www.avp.org

 

 

 

 

 

>I just spent the latter half of the day in Superior Court in

>front of a judge as a plaintiff taking out a restraining

>order on the guy, who up until recently, had been my best

>friend since 1976.

>

>I think today is about as depressed as I've been since my

>grandmother died in our house of a sudden heart attack on

>Christmas Day back when I was in 10th Grade.

>

>I took no joy in filling out the papers, getting the judge

>to sign them, then turning them over to the Sheriff for

>serving. But the daily voicemails he's been leaving on my

>cell phone are so full of poison and threats that I could no

>longer stomach it.

>

>I loaned him $200 in cash a week ago Sunday, plus used my

>credit card to pay off a debt (just over $500) at the motel

>where he'd been living for the past 2 years. He got a hold

>of that credit card number, and began charging away. Another

>$500 at the motel, plus cab fares, dry cleaning, pizza, you

>name it. Anyone he could get to accept the card number under

>my name over the phone. I tried calling him throughout

>Monday and Tuesday last week to no avail. When I finally

>checked my credit card charges over the phone with Visa, I

>found out how much damage had been done. I cut it off.

>

>When he tried to use it again on Tuesday, and discovered the

>card number no longer worked, he started calling. I was in

>meetings, so my voicemail picked up on my cell phone. He was

>livid. I've never heard such a stream of venom from a human

>being before - certainly not directed at me. It made me sick

>to my stomach. Threats against me, my family, my reputation

>at work. Threatening to "out" me everywhere I'm known. With

>my parents, it won't be any big deal really. At work, I

>don't know who he would contact specifically, since he

>doesn't know anyone at my company, so I don't know whether I

>should be concerned or not. But it's more the whole nasty

>mess of it. It's hard for me to concentrate on anything else

>as well. My work has suffered this past week, and it only

>looks to be as bad, if not worse, this week.

>

>He has been diagnosed in the past with acute anxiety

>disorder and was taking Zoloft as a treatment. He took

>himself off the meds sometime about 2 years ago and opted

>instead for crack. He's a mess. Now all his hatred and anger

>is directed squarely at me. He's already alientated what few

>other friends he's had, and I was the last one left

>(probably because I was living overseas when his last bad

>spell occured, and I was spared more or less).

>

>Anyone else have something like this happen? Any advice on

>what to do next?

>

>I hate the idea of having a "mortal" enemy in the world

>somewhere. I've worked so hard (maybe too hard) at making

>friends. I'm not sure how to deal. :'(

[Boston Guy]

>Boston GUY:

>

>Sorry about slip up in your name in my post here. So

>emabarrased....

 

Hey ... no problem at all... :-)

 

For a moment, I was thinking that perhaps my working out had produced more noticeable efforts than I had previously thought!! :7

 

You made me laugh... Thanks!!

 

Best,

BG

[Guest]

>I'm sure that the law varies state by state, but it sounds

>like this guy would be an easy case for involuntary

>hospitalization for 72 hours in California (and possibly

>longer if ordered by a Court).

 

Certainly not in California. The standards for involuntary psychiatric hospitalization are very strict. A doctor really needs to show a specific (not vague "he might") danger to the patient or others. Merely being psychotic or on drugs and threatening someone isn't enough, unless there's reason to believe the person will carry out the threat. The other standard, "gravely disabled," clearly doesn't fit the original poster's psycho.

[guyinsf]

Well, I agree that if the guy seems sane to a qualified psychiatric interviewer and denies any serious intent/plan to hurt anyone, he would not be hospitalized. This guy sounds out of control and imminently dangerous to me, though, based on what was written about his recent behavior. (I assume his repeated threats haven't been along the lines of "I'm so mad that I wish ill things on you" but rather actual threats. Having participated in the involuntary hospitalizations of over 100 people, some of them as danger to others, I'm not speaking from a position of ignorance when I say that this guy might qualify for a 5150. I acknowledge, however, that I haven't interviewed the guy. If I met and spoke with him, maybe I would determine that he isn't a serious threat to anyone, including himself, and that he is able to take care of himself sufficiently to remain on the street.

[chrismac]

>Hey Chris, we care about you.

 

Rick - thank you so much. And thanks to all the others who have posted here. To add more twists (as if there weren't enough already), today was my ex-friend's birthday. It is also the day the sheriff served him the temporary restraining order (I checked with the sheriff's office today to be sure. I didn't plan it this way - but that's the way the timing worked out). Tomorrow is my birthday. How nice for both of us.

 

On the slightly brighter side, I've finally connected with another ex-friend of his, who had similar things happen, and he's offered to support me (in court, if I need him). Now I don't feel quite so alone. That, plus all the support here. I feel bad about dumping this all on you guys - but am so grateful for your responses. I promise not to let this be a drag on the site, but will update you if anything more happens, or after the court hearing on 9/3, whichever comes first.

 

Thanks again, everyone. Really.

[Cooper]

>Hey Chris, we care about you.

>... And thanks to all the others who

>have posted here. To add more twists (as if there weren't

>enough already), today was my ex-friend's birthday. It is

>also the day the sheriff served him the temporary

>restraining order (I checked with the sheriff's office today

>to be sure. I didn't plan it this way - but that's the way

>the timing worked out). Tomorrow is my birthday.

 

Hey Chris!

I've been following your story as it develops each day. First off, I'm sorry that you are going through such hard times, but it sounds like you are taking all the right steps. You're a bright man and have been following good advice...Yes, this is a great place to vent and get some needed comfort.

 

I just finished writing a post to Ruben on the thread entitled "Talking up the good stuff..." by CJ. Read it as if it were also written to you...Now for some really good advice: What fuckin Zodiac books have you been reading, don't you know that two "Leo's" don't mix? Those "leadership", "take charge" qualities are not compatible!;-) In the future, find a boyfriend with a sign more "user friendly".;-)... Hey buddy, make sure you go out and enjoy your birthday and tell us all about your great day. As you blow out those too many to mention candles, make a special wish that starting now things will look brighter.... You sound like a real nice guy. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[chrismac]

Hey Cooper,

 

Thanks for the birthday wish and kind words. I just finished working, now I'm going to workout. Maybe I'll get up the gumption to go out on the town in Hillcrest tonight and see what's up. Jiggle my feet a little.

 

Just to clarify, my ex-friend was never a boyfriend; we became friends in Sixth Grade and have been friends ever since then. Until now. He's always been a little more strong-willed and pushy, and I always let him, but no more. Maybe there is something about two Leos together. Well, this lion finally awoke. ;-)