scheduling appts - nice guys finish last

[Guest gentle guy]

Jumping to conclusions

 

Dan, thanks for clarifying what many readers didn't seem to get. Careful reading is in order! :-) As I understand the situation, you did not set up three appointments. You simply contacted three guys in whom you were interested to inquire about their availability. When you doubted your own availability, you informed them--which is more than many, probably most guys would have done. After all, no date was set, and many people in various professions (doctors, dentists, therapists, lawyers, and realtors, to name a few) get general inquiries about availability, and then never hear from the caller again.

 

When you found out you were available, and they were not, you were understandably frustrated and disappointed. You can always bitch when you're disappointed--it's the human thing to do!

 

Too much self-disclosure (I agree on that point, but I would not worry about it) and infidelity are other issues, as is the issue of not trying to locate a fourth, especially since many guys seem to want same-day appointments. I do think you did the right thing. Making three appointments and then cancelling two of them is wrong. And sometimes trying to be a nice guy sucks.

[Guest njguy62]

I've had some bad luck scheduling an appointment with an escort and thought I'd share my thoughts with you and perhaps get some feedback. This is my first post.

 

I'm a married guy, late 30's, looking to explore my sexuality - I've had gay experiences in the past and have hired an escort once before. A rare opportunity arose this past weekend, as my family decided to take a trip 2 hrs away to visit some relatives, planning to stay overnight, and leave me to stay at home as I had some work to do.

 

So last week I sent out emails to 3 escorts that appeared to be located in my general vicinity. They all had recent positive reviews on this site. All three responded after about 3 days, all stating that they were available. Common to a different thread here, 2 responded very briefly with a simple "call me to set up a date", a third wrote a short note in response (my email described my situation & had some questions). While trying to decide on who to select, one of my family members became ill and it appeared as if the entire weekend plan was going to change, & I wouldn't be available for an appointment.

 

Being the nice guy that I am, I left email and vmail for all 3 stating my circumstance, letting them know that I could not make a committment for the date, although things might change at the last minute, but I wouldn't know for sure until saturday afternoon (the planned date was saturday night), and that I'd call again if I could make it, but I certainly would understand if they had made other plans.

 

As things turned out, my family made the trip, and I was available. I sent out emails and vmails saturday around noon. One guy returned the email with a one liner stating that he couldn't make it due to a family reunion (which I thought odd since 3 days earlier he was available), the second guy never returned email or my calls (I left 2 messages), and the third guy (same one who wrote a note after the first contact) had made other plans and was travelling.

 

I spent the night alone. :'(

 

Now, I could have scheduled a date with one, or even all 3, and cancelled on saturday if things didn't work out.... and maybe that's what I'll do next time... but that's just not my nature. Maybe I just need to get thicker skin.

 

Comments?

 

Dan

[marc anthony]

You did the right thing, which was to exercise common courtesy and decency. Things just didn't work out. You slept alone, but at least you could sleep. I also exercise the same common sense and good manners with escorts as I do with my daily business and social interactions. The good ones, the ones worth seeing over again, really appreciate it.

[bluenix]

>You did the right thing, which was to exercise common

>courtesy and decency.

 

Hahahahah. Good one.

[Boston Guy]

Hi Dan,

 

Things don't always work out. There have been times when I was in LA (escort central!!), wanted to get together with someone and none of the guys I would normally choose were available. It happens.

 

You did the right thing. We're all people, trying to get through the day as well as possible. Treating other people with respect and courtesy just isn't the wrong thing to do.

 

BG

[LovesYng]

Hey Dan,

 

In dealing with escorts a lot I think you did the right thing. A few are now regulars because of the way I treat them, they are human beings with feelings. I really hope you were not planning on having them come to you home, bad choice in my book, would you want them coming back to fuck with your head when your family was home? Think about that. It may cost a little more but I like using hotels, it's a neutral meeting place that makes me feel a little more comfortable. I would not even go to their place, bad choice on my end once. One last point nice guys don't finish last.

 

 

Good Luck

[+ Lucky]

RE: scheduling appts - nice guys finish

 

Once again I wonder how the word "respect" can be used in a situation where a married man cheats on his family while they are away.

[Boston Guy]

RE: scheduling appts - nice guys finish

 

>Once again I wonder how the word "respect" can be used in a

>situation where a married man cheats on his family while

>they are away.

 

It's two separate issues: whether to treat escorts with respect; and whether or not to treat one's spouse with respect.

 

When writing my reply, I wondered about bringing up the issue of his spouse. I decided that he didn't ask for advice on that issue and didn't need to be lectured by me. So I didn't comment on it.

 

BG

[Guest njguy62]

Thanks for your comments. While I thought breifly about having someone over to my home, the plan was to go to a local hotel. I was really bummed when things didn't work out, as I rarely have an opportunity to be alone, other than an occasional business trip.

 

Thanks again to you, and the other folks who replied to help validate my actions.

 

I think this was also a good way for me to learn about the professionalism of the various escorts I considered. While all 3 appeared to present themselves as professional escorts, only 1 seemed to get it. As for the other 2, their brief, and sometimes lacking responsiveness is probably an indicator of their trustworthiness, regardless of how many positive reviews they've received here.

[Guest in yer face]

>Now, I could have scheduled a date with one, or even all 3,

>and cancelled on saturday if things didn't work out.... and

>maybe that's what I'll do next time... but that's just not

>my nature. Maybe I just need to get thicker skin.

 

 

Maybe you need some common sense. You would actually book three appointments and stand two up (or cancel at the last minute, which is the same thing) just so you can get off. What a jerk you are to even think of doing that.

 

YOu are the flake in this story. Wether an escort has a family reunion, or has already booked up, its none of your business. You said you wanted an appointment, then you didnt and then you did again, and you expect everybody to just be there for you?

 

No way. I wouldnt take you just becasue I would expect you to stand me up (which it seems you would actually be willing to do). This is the kind of bullshit that I hate.

 

If an escort booked three appointments concurrently and then cancelled 2 at the last minute, he would be raked over the coals for it.

 

YOU MEN HAVE GOT TO START TREATING THE ESCORTS THE WAY THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED.

[Michael]

>

>Maybe you need some common sense. You would actually book

>three appointments and stand two up (or cancel at the last

>minute, which is the same thing) just so you can get off.

>What a jerk you are to even think of doing that.

>

 

*sigh*

 

Read what he wrote:

 

"... but that's not my nature ..."

 

... all we have here is someone who is feeling a little sorry for himself because things didn't work out as he had hoped ... but also recognising that it had to be that way because it just wasn't in his nature to do otherwise ...

 

That isn't being a jerk, although I think that your response probably comes close to qualifying you as one.

 

I'm afraid that sometimes nice guys *do* finish last, but at least they have the consolation of knowing that they *are* nice guys.

[+ Lucky]

Nice guys don't cheat.

[Michael]

>Nice guys don't cheat.

 

... but they are human, and the world isn't as simple as you obviously believe it is ...

[Bilbo]

When a person is thinking about getting married, it is a good idea to observe how his/her prospective fiance treats the hired help, because that's how they're going to eventually treat their spouse. And I think that that is reversible. So, first thing you may have done wrong was to volunteer too much information about your situation when you were writing to these guys. Since one thing you are paying them for is discretion, and since you weren't planning to meet them at your home, you might have needed to simply ask them not to return your call at your phone number, but you didn't need to tell them any more than that.

 

Second, yes, you did do the correct thing in voiding the contract asap when it looked like you couldn't get together after all. But email is not a fast messenger, nor is it the most personal of ones. You want an appointment for tonight with someone who's given you his phone number? Call him!! Especially when you are in a position where you are having to reassure him that you actually aren't the flake that you might appear to be.

[phage]

>>Nice guys don't cheat.

>

>... but they are human, and the world isn't as simple as you

>obviously believe it is ...

 

I always love it when this ‘married man cheating on his wife’ issue comes up. Of course it will never be resolved and married men are always going to cheat – especially the gay and bisexual ones. However, it’s still fair game to bring up and some of us full-fledged faggots like to discuss it.

 

I, myself, am just curious about what goes through the heads of those married men. Don’t you find it the least bit curious that someone would be so concerned about the feelings of three perfect strangers while he is in the midst of arranging an adulterous liaison?

 

I think that is all Lucky is trying to point out. It’s certainly not simple, but it is definitely a bit incongruous.

[bluenix]

>... but they are human, and the world isn't as simple as you

>obviously believe it is ...

 

I'm with you, Michael. I think betrayal leans toward the complex.

[Guest alanm]

The OP acted honorably in calling the escorts to cancel when it appeared that he could not keep the original appointment. I was in a very similar position in July in SF. Like the OP, it turned out that I could keep the original appointment for that night that I had cancelled. I both called and e-mailed the escort, but he called back to say that he was busy. That's life. I can not image how much more complicated all this would be if I were married and trying to pull this off. Lucky is both right and wrong. We do not know the OP's

circumstances. Here's why I bothered to post: I would not want to be in his position for all the money in the world.

[Guest in yer face]

Yes, cause you know, all escorts really want is to "fuck with your head". Are you really that paranoid? Please, make sure that you let some of your escort "regulars" know how you really feel about them. Im sure that they would really appreciate "the way you treat them" It sounds to me like you treat them as second class citizens that are just dying to steal your silverware and other valuables.

 

 

>Hey Dan,

>

>In dealing with escorts a lot I think you did the right

>thing. A few are now regulars because of the way I treat

>them, they are human beings with feelings. I really hope you

>were not planning on having them come to you home, bad

>choice in my book, would you want them coming back to fuck

>with your head when your family was home? Think about that.

>It may cost a little more but I like using hotels, it's a

>neutral meeting place that makes me feel a little more

>comfortable. I would not even go to their place, bad choice

>on my end once. One last point nice guys don't finish last.

>

>

>Good Luck

[Guest njguy62]

Well, this is certainly fascinating. As I do not regularly post to this message board, I'm still geting a read of the profile of the users. Anyway, just to reiterate from my first posting, I did NOT set a date with all 3, I did CALL all 3 as soon as I knew the potential that I might have to cancel (and followed up in email), and did CALL when I knew that I could make it again (again following up in email). I guess what pissed me off the most was the one line responses and no returned calls from 2 of the 3 escorts.

 

When an escort presents himself as a professional (either via ads or a web site), I expect a professional service. That not only includes the date itself, but the communication leading up to the date as well as making the arrangements for the date. I definitely learned a lot about how to be more discriminating about which escorts to select. The 3rd escort is a keeper - he even sent me an email tonight thanking me for providing the details of my situation, expressed well wishes re: the family member illnes, and letting me know that I can call him at any time in the future when my schedule permits. Now that's a professional.

 

As far as the question about cheating, well, that is certainly a legitimate question. I'm sure I'm not the first, or the only, or will be the last married guy here who is in the midst of searching for his sexual identity. However, I don't think that it would be of any benefit to me to discuss my personal situation here.

 

Thanks for everyone who responded, especially several of you who seem to really get it. And yes, I was feeling sorry for myself, as I had built up a week of excitement and anticipation to an event that never occurred. If the same situation occurred again, I would do the same thing again.

 

Dan

[Guest TexasTaurus]

What would you do if you had been them? I don't think you have a complaint. You are setting up appointments with three men and intended to blow two of them off (excuse the pun).

 

Escorting is a business. What would YOU have done if this had happened to you?

[Michael]

>I always love it when this ‘married man cheating on his

>wife’ issue comes up. Of course it will never be resolved

>and married men are always going to cheat – especially the

>gay and bisexual ones. However, it’s still fair game to

>bring up and some of us full-fledged faggots like to discuss it.

>

Fair enough, but see my comments below ...

 

>

>I, myself, am just curious about what goes through the heads

>of those married men. Don’t you find it the least bit

>curious that someone would be so concerned about the

>feelings of three perfect strangers while he is in the midst

>of arranging an adulterous liaison?

>

I didn't really get the sense that he was "so concerned" with their feelings

- I thought that he was actually more concerned with his own feelings.

 

>

>I think that is all Lucky is trying to point out. It’s

>certainly not simple, but it is definitely a bit

>incongruous.

 

The thing that I find incongruous is that here, of all places, on a website

devoted to the topic of escorts, people would take such a "black and white"

view of things. I didn't realise that all of us faggots here who use escorts

were either single or in open relationships ...

[Flower]

>Thanks for your comments. While I thought breifly about

>having someone over to my home, the plan was to go to a

>local hotel. I was really bummed when things didn't work

>out, as I rarely have an opportunity to be alone, other than

>an occasional business trip.

 

I think your real problem is that your vacillation gave the appearance of not being a serious potential client or flakey or both. While I believe in treating all human beings with the same respect and courtesy I'd like, when you haven't actually set a firm date I see no need to be emailng all over the place saying that now you aren't sure you can make it? What's the point--and I say that whether you're talking escort or lunch with a business associate--nothing was set up to have to have tocancel and I guarantee you no plans were made that had to broken by any of the guys you emailed. That's why they said--call when you get here or when you know for sure--they've been thru this b4 and unless they know you, usually won't make plans in concrete until you call and say "my room # is 343."

 

I'm sorta wondering, however, why you can't slip away to the same hotel doing the day some time?? Being married and gay is a whole other issue and I bet that the nice folks here that jumped to judgment on that one have not walked in your shoes my friend. Peace.

 

Flower :*

[Uncle Bill]

NJ Guy:

 

You are handling the challenges of this board very well. You have kept your postings very civil despite some rude responses to your situation, and I hope that you continue to post.

 

I've been attacked several times for labeling myself "bi" (a "condition" rejected by many), for hiring escorts while being married (as with you, I have chosen not to go into my particular situation on this board, but there is nothing black-and-white about it), and for having rare meetings with escorts at my house (I think it's been 3 times over 3 years, and it's something I most likely won't do again for a variety of reasons -- but not because of any problems with the escorts, each of whom I knew well).

 

Lately, I've restricted my own postings to this board due to the personal attacks that often occur. However, I get a lot out of participating on this board, and I hope that you will as well. Most of the people here are thoughtful and responsive.

 

Better luck with your future hiring. By the way, in my case, besides out-of-town trips, it is easiest for me to meet escorts at motels or at their places after normal business hours -- I tend to work long hours, so I just leave work earlier than usual and get home at the same time as usual. It's easy to schedule since I decide the best times for me, and it doesn't draw attention from my family. I also have been lucky enough to find a great guy in my area who does in-calls to see as a "regular", which makes scheduling even easier since he does his best to accommodate my timing (whether scheduling in advance or at the last minute).

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Pencil

 

It is interesting that this thread has gone off in the direction that it has, which I will completely ignore and address myself to the issue of the original post.

 

I believe you did the courteous things and most escorts would appreciate it. Not everyone can come from a professional background and an escort may have good reviews for performance, technique, personality or looks, and not based on how responsive, prompt or courteous he was in setting up his session with a client. I would think, in addition to do we spoke, do we kiss and the size of our equipment, when and if the reviews are reconfigured, a drop down menu could be added for such items as ease of contact, responsiveness, courtesy, etc.

 

This way, the clients interested in, just to name two examples, kissing and thoee concerned with responsiveness (and those interested in both), could obtain valuable feedback.

 

In this instance, I for one would have appreciated the way you handled this, but I would have also advised you, particularly for a Saturday night, that I could either pencil you for an appointment, in which I would reserve myself for you IF you confirmed no later than Thursday, but otherwise you would be taking your chances waiting on Saturday for a same day appointment. In my case, I rarely if ever do two sessions in one day, so on a busy day like Saturday, I tend to have more booked appointments than same availability.

 

I would, however, agree that it is unfortunate that you received a lack of appropriate response and I would offer one suggestion: if the possibility exists for you, or a similarly situated client, to have "free time" in the near future (three or four months), that you contact a selection of escorts, ask them your questions, advise it is for a potential future appointment and ask how much notice they require for confirmed appointments and how they like to handle short notice appointment. This may give you a selection of escorts to try on short notice as well as a feel for who is more responsive to your situation, needs and concerns.

 

Good luck!

[Guest njguy62]

Uncle Bill - thanks for your post as well as your suggestions. Yes, life is not nearly as compartmentalized as we would like it to be - more like controlled chaos sometimes. Stay well.

 

Dan