Universal truths

[NYTomcat]

UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

 

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

 

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

 

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

 

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

 

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

 

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

 

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

 

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

 

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

 

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

 

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

 

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

 

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

 

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

 

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

 

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

 

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

 

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

 

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

 

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

 

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

 

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

 

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

 

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

 

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

 

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an ass from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

 

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

 

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

 

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

 

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

 

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

 

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

 

HEY! "We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."

[dapurplebear]

All true!!

 

I especially think about #1 - lately... :-)

[uwsman2]

#8

 

Well-written obituaries in the NY Times almost always give a cause of death.

[Guest LatinoRican]

Definitely Number One! Some years ago, a good friend died suddenly in his mid-40s. He had no computer, but his toys, photo albums, videos, and everything else he had more than made up for any online pornography. I talked to his sister about giving me the keys to his apartment to do a little "cleaning up" before his mother got there to dispose of his belongings. Well, she never did give me the keys and if his mother did not die of a heart attack from the things she must have found, she never will!

[Guest OCBeachbody]

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

 

-Personally I used italics if I am being sarcastic....lol

 

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

 

-Heck just ignore Blue-Ray now.... I noticed all the DVD vs Blue-ray debates they alway dumbed down the DVD output .

 

 

great list

[josephga]

Definitely Number One! Some years ago, a good friend died suddenly in his mid-40s. He had no computer, but his toys, photo albums, videos, and everything else he had more than made up for any online pornography. I talked to his sister about giving me the keys to his apartment to do a little "cleaning up" before his mother got there to dispose of his belongings. Well, she never did give me the keys and if his mother did not die of a heart attack from the things she must have found, she never will!

 

 

lol something like this happened when my aunt died. she had a massive heart attack and was only 49 came out of the blue. my mother and her 2 sisters had too go clean out all of her belongings at my grandmothers home. they found dildos vibrators sexy undies, and photos of my aunt using these devices. lmao i cracked up laughing. I personally couldn't really give a shit. I don't keep anything on my computer that i would care who saw or didn't see.

I even keep my adult dvds out in the same dvds racks as the rest of my movies..

[Diverdan]

Love Your List

 

Hey Tomcat,

I love your entire list, but especially # 1 and # 2. I had a dear friend who was in the closet and died suddenly at a young age(38). I think his father never recovered from what he found in his son's home. Some of us offered to help, but his Father insisted that it was his responsibility. I always make sure a good friend has a key to my place, with instructions on what to do in case of a sudden death.

[NYTomcat]

Hey Tomcat,

I love your entire list, but especially # 1 and # 2. I had a dear friend who was in the closet and died suddenly at a young age(38). I think his father never recovered from what he found in his son's home. Some of us offered to help, but his Father insisted that it was his responsibility. I always make sure a good friend has a key to my place, with instructions on what to do in case of a sudden death.

 

OK just being honest here, this is not my list I received it from a friend but found it too much fun reality not to share

[Guest LatinoRican]

Just to keep this thread going a little longer... I think it's one thing for your family to be loving and accepting of your homosexuality and quite another to have them find your collection of dildos and photos of you or someone shoving one up your ass soon after you are dead! I think that would just add more heartbreak to the situation. If I had all the stuff that I have thrown out over the years thinking of that same scenario, I could open my own sex shop!

[KMEM]

I hate the thought of someone shoving a dildo up my ass after I am dead. Sorry, couldn't resist.

 

Decorum is perhaps not everything but it DOES count.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[+ sf westcoaster]

Wow - I can relate to far to many of the items on this list. Will be cleaning out my computer etc on a regular basis, but even then I know the most shocking thing to my family will be there at the end!

[zeferrelli]

great list!

[+ purplekow]

Wow - I can relate to far to many of the items on this list. Will be cleaning out my computer etc on a regular basis, but even then I know the most shocking thing to my family will be there at the end!

And that would be your cold dead body?

[imrthr]

 

OK just being honest here, this is not my list I received it from a friend but found it too much fun reality not to share

 

 

Regardless of who wrote the list, it is a great and thought-provoking list. Thanks for posting it.

 

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