How we review

[NYTomcat]

Daddy, Cooper and Deej. If it is improper to revive the larger question of how we review, from an otherwise closed thread I apologize. But I believe this Now redacted quote should have a chance to be addressed. Please this is for the larger question not on any specific review or escort.

 

An escort recently privately PM'd me to express there concern over the way we review and the things that are said. While I believe this is a review site and it is our nature and responsibility to report and recommend, or not on the various escorts we encounter, I do believe this can be accomplished without the negative slamming that sometimes occurs. Its one thing to comment and even declare our interest or disinterest and another to critique to the point of negative criticism.

 

Unfortunately this escort does not feel comfortable raising these issues as they fear the blowback that they might receive. But I believe their concerns are well founded and something we should consider. I believe it is important for us all to remember as I said previously, Escorts are people with feelings. and even these hard skinned working guys should be given the modicum of respect. Critique for betterment is or should be appreciated. Criticism to tear down should be avoided IMHO. Accordingly, while I do believe this may go too far, we are here to review and if a photo or flaw is notice to offer positive constructive feedback, I resubmit his arguments for our review, in hopes they will have the effect of at least making us think before we post.

 

 

Who here has a better body than ___?

Who here is better looking than ____?

Who here has been working on their body the way ____ apparently has?

What standard are escorts held up to?

What does one really need to be, to be the “perfect” escort? Is it simply about the body? Or the face that the escort was born with?

There’s been a lot of talk recently on Daddy’s about what makes for a good experience with an escort... what qualities a great escort should have...

How often does an escort have to post new pics?

What percentage of body fat is allowed on an escort’s body? What percentage of body fat is allowed on a client’s body?

What’s the difference between a cheap hooker and a high class escort?

Some escorts give barely anything - they lie back and let you do what you want to them, worshipping their body. Some are distant.

Others are engaged, interested in you, and some really even want to help you, if you need help. Others just want you to feel good. Oh wait, there’s a flaw - he’s posed up against a wall - it makes him look like __________ (fill in your own blank)

Hyper-scrutiny leaves most people feeling insular.

If I see someone - a client, or another escort, or a friend, or my parent’s friends - and I can say something nice that is genuine, then I do. Likewise, if I see something not so flattering on someone, I was raised to keep quiet (haven’t you heard, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?”) Yes, this is a free space to ramble, a free country to express yourself in, but what about manners, respect, thoughtfulness?

Does a man not get any credit for working on his body? Or does he just get ripped apart for doing so? Is he not a person with feelings, like the rest of us? How must he feel to read some of the stuff written here?

(How would you feel, if those comments were written about YOU?)

Or does that just not pertain, because he is an escort - and this is a review site - so that gives one carte blanche to review whatever, about anyone? Seems like there’s no need to be confined to reviews of a client’s experience with the escort. Why not review his glasses? His clothes? His pose? His car?

 

I dont even know (other escorts), but I feel I have to defend my escort brother... and in doing so, I am in a sense defending myself. And yet, with the atmosphere here, I’m not yet willing to state this with my name attached. I may get ripped apart, too - or at best, I risk breaking the fantasy of me being a great escort.

 

I wish there were more breathing room here - but I’m not sure how that could come about. Maybe it’s the nature of this site (and most internet forums.)

 

- N.O.I.P.N.E.Y.

(No One Is Perfect, Not Even Yourself)

[seeker630]

Reviews vs behavior in the Forum

 

While I believe this is a review site and it is our nature and responsibility to report and recommend, or not on the various escorts we encounter, I do believe this can be accomplished without the negative slamming that sometimes occurs. Its one thing to comment and even declare our interest or disinterest and another to critique to the point of negative criticism.

 

...I believe it is important for us all to remember as I said previously, Escorts are people with feelings. and even these hard skinned working guys should be given the modicum of respect. Critique for betterment is or should be appreciated. Criticism to tear down should be avoided IMHO. Accordingly, while I do believe this may go too far, we are here to review and if a photo or flaw is notice to offer positive constructive feedback, I resubmit his arguments for our review, in hopes they will have the effect of at least making us think before we post.

 

This site has 2 separate parts - the reviews and the forum. I think it's important to remember that. (Tho I get the sense that not a lot of posters here are bothering to write actual reviews - which are what make this ofrum psosible.)

 

I think the real issue here is comments & opinions expressed in this forum - which are not really reviews, but often off-hand comments. It seems to me that the issue is one of respect for others. Obviously not everyone agrees on who deserves what level of respect. The issue of respect for escorts and their freedom to speak honestly & openly here was discussed in a thread in the Ask an Escort section not very long ago.

[NYTomcat]

yes it was and I believe after recent events a little reminder of that need for a certain level of common respect is needed. IMHO and needed here where we discuss the escorts

[seeker630]

I agree (in case that wasn't clear from my post)

[NYTomcat]

Thanks, I was nervous of reposting this but I really think its important we remember they are people even in our good time. Im glad Im not alone, fellow Romann friend, I figured you did.

[+ purplekow]

Having made the request that you consider this item for a separate thread, I feel I should comment.

First, the author, whoever that may be, may have been concerned about posting this, but I have not seen significant negative reaction to such well crafted and well considered posts. So, I would like to ask escorts if they think that honest posts on this site have the potential to hurt their business.

Second, any attempt to have us treat each other more courteously and considerately meets with my approval. That is not to say that we cannot disagree, even vigourously disagree. In fact, without the lively give and take of some of the posters, this forum would read like a dry version of the Wall Street Journal. (redundant you say, well perhaps.)

So let's keep the punches above the belt, even though my main goal in reading this forum is in finding out about things below the belt.

[+ newatthis]

clueless

 

What did I miss here? What is this all about?

[MsGuy]

Please see this locked thread:

 

http://www.companyofmen.org/showthread.php?t=72825

[Epigonos]

OK guys I’m going to admit right up front I don’t understand what the hell this thread is all about. Is it about how people write reviews (as it is titled) or is it about remarks people post here in the Deli Forum? These two different parts of this site are very different. I would appreciate some clarification. Thanks.

[MsGuy]

It's Tomcat's thread, but, subject to his clarification...

 

It could be about how we talk to and about escorts on the forum. And how we talk to and about each other?

 

It could be about the perception by this escort (and by extension many escorts) that he can not post honestly on a matter that he feels strongly about, which he finds hurtful and about which he may be able to offer valuable insights w/o fear of being ripped apart and doing damage to his business.

 

It could be about how we sometimes denigrate escorts who do not meet impossibly high standards of beauty or venomously attack escorts who fail to offer us proper deference.

 

The escort quoted in the OP touches any number of points and Tomcat makes a couple of his own.

 

In the end the thread, like everything else on this board, is what we make of it.

[Epigonos]

Well MsGuy from you post it appears to me that you are talking about what is posted by guys here in the Deli rather than what they post in their reviews. Please notice that I joined this site in 12/2003 when HooBoy was still alive. Those who have been around that long would likely agree with me that this site is today a tea party when compared to what it could and did become in those days.

 

Two escorts who were frequently vilified were Benjamin Nicholas and Scott Adler. For some reason it seemed that those posters most critical of these two escorts were individual who had NEVER met them while their defenders, myself included, were most frequently those posters who knew them and had spent time with them. At times the attacks on these two escorts became truly vicious. Now the point I am making is that in neither case did those attacks appear to destroy the careers of either escort. There is some truth in the saying and any publicity negative or positive is in reality GOOD publicity. Frankly if I were an escort concerned that what I might present on this site would harm my business I simply would post. It’s that simple.

 

Now regarding the attaching of one poster by another in this Deli much the same can be said. When I first jointed this site I got ripped up one wall and down another by two or three other posters. Guess what, I survived. My attackers didn’t know anything about who and what I was. I learned very quickly to ignore their barbs, make my point, and move on.

 

Posters on this site, with the exception of escorts, are anonymous NOBODY knows who they are thus they need to chill out, sit back, and grow thicker skins. What people post about each other here in the Deli is NOT the be all and the end all, it is NOT life and it is NOT death, it is just the ramblings of people with time on their hands. Let’s NOT make more out of the postings here in the Deli than they deserve.

[+ purplekow]

You are right Epigonos. Now shut the fuck up. (More like the old days?)

[Epigonos]

God damn I luv you purplekow. You are one of the joys of this site. Thanks so very much.

[NYTomcat]

I love you too pk. Cut to the chase.

 

The reality epigonos I have a thicker skin which is exactly why I am posting this instead of the unnamed escort who wrote it. The reality like it or not is we forum guys review as Much if not more in the deli as we do in reviews. It was exactly the escorts who bringup such animosity that started the need for this escort to comment

 

I have no issue with what you post in a review daddy will arbiter that as he does and escort can comment. My point is that we often say in forum without thought as to the fact that the escorts we are commenting on do read these comments. So rather than just attack doesn't it behoove us to constructively critique in hopes of bettering the escort. Not just tearing someone a new one...

Of course there is the old standby issue that escorts do not feel free to speak openly here. And I think vicious attacks just promulgate that.

 

The fact that things were worse.... well fine that's no an excuse for not seeking better. I agree I love some blood im the board and don't mind going at it for fun. I've always been the kind to say if you've got nothing nice to say come sit next to me. That said, what we say in private or on pm is one thing. The deli is for discussing escorts openly and attacking them for no constructive reason simply lessons there involvement here and makes us look like a group of petty old fishmongers wives. . So this thread is about being a little thoughtful and respectful in our critiques, which I have always found you to be. But for those that find this a hard concept to grasp. ... well this post is for you.

[MsGuy]

First, let's try to avoid comments on BN, his supporters & his detractors out of this thread. If we don't, tempers will flare, the thread will be locked, and the opportunity for a good conversation will be lost.

----

The reviews serve a different function than the forum and escorts will just have to take their lumps over there. That's not a thought through position, just my gut reaction.

----

Epigonas, you and I may have been graced with thick skins but I don't see why that should be a requirement for posting here. Not everybody with something worthwhile to contribute is covered in calluses.

----

While it is true much of the stuff here "is just the rambling of people with time on their hands" that could be fairly said of any voluntary online community, no? Me, I kind of enjoy the forum, but then I'm new to all this. [Well, the online part anyway. ]

----

I think what I was really after was for the forum to open up to more, and more honest, input from the escort side of the family. Which, now that I've put the impulse into words, seems god-awfully stupid of me. :o Well, wasn't the first time, won't be the last.

====

Tomcat, I like a good hair-pulling cat fight too down in the political ghetto, but up here, not so much. Seems out of place for some reason. Strong differences of opinion, yes; stomp downs, no.

[whipped guy]

I like a good hair-pulling cat fight too down in the political ghetto...

That's why I avoid that area down there like the plague... I come here to forget about all those sorts of things... but then again some do thrive on that type of hot air and that's fine and dandy with me... !

...but up here, not so much. Seems out of place for some reason. Strong differences of opinion, yes; stomp downs, no.

Yes! I agree and especially so up here! It is great to get other opinions and stir the pot a bit, but always in a civil, respectful, and even at times in a tongue in cheek (or what ever body part is your pleasure) kind of manner... That makes things informative, instructive, interesting and entertaining... and after all that really the main purpose of this forum.

 

I also wish there could be a bit more input from the "other" side as well, but I am grateful for those who do participate...

[Epigonos]

MsGuy it is safe to say that despite the fact that the stuff posted here “is just ramblings of people with time on their hands” NOT just you but ALL of US enjoy the forum. If we didn’t we simply wouldn’t participate.

 

We have had this discussion several times in the past. What I have NEVER understood and what I still don’t understand is WHY some posters are intimidated by criticism from other posters. I don’t even understand why they are intimidated when that criticism is mean and vicious. If someone, who I know and who knows me, is mean and vicious to me to my face there can definitely be consequences. But please explain to me how there can be consequences for me when some anonymous poster attacks me, also an anonymous poster, in a mean and vicious manner. There simply can’t be any. Now I am aware that according to the Bible the meek shall inherit the earth but dear god please let that happen long after I am dead and gone. The very idea of a word run by the meek bores the hell out of me.

[MsGuy]

We have had this discussion several times in the past. What I have NEVER understood and what I still don’t understand is WHY some posters are intimidated by criticism from other posters.

 

Which misses the important point. It's not necessary to understand WHY something is so in order to understand that it is in fact so and to act accordingly.

 

Now I am aware that according to the Bible the meek shall inherit the earth but dear god please let that happen long after I am dead and gone. The very idea of a word run by the meek bores the hell out of me.

 

Neither would I like to live in a world inhabited solely by the meek. Nor a world inhabited by only by the blunt and robust. When I judge someone to be of the latter type, I tend to play rougher; when I'm dealing with the former I try to be a good bit gentler in my manner. Been that way since I was a kid, so maybe it's just me.

[AdamSmith]

Neither would I like to live in a world inhabited solely by the meek. Nor a world inhabited by only by the blunt and robust.

 

"I AM OZ, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL! Who are you?"

 

"I am Dorothy, the -- small, and ... meek."

 

[Epigonos]

“It's not necessary to understand WHY something is so in order to understand that it is in fact so and to act accordingly.”

 

This comment makes no sense to me. If I don’t understand why something is so just how am I to understand that it is in fact so and act accordingly. Even if the statement made sense to me I would have difficulty understanding who then gets to decide what act accordingly means. Like it or not the only god on this site is Daddy. It is his sandbox and he and he alone sets the rules. Daddy and I have not always agreed but I have always understood that if I want to play here I MUST play by his rules.

 

I’m afraid I have always responded to posts in as “blunt” and “robust” a manner as possible. I have a followed the old adage that “If you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen”.

 

Well I think I have said about all I have to say regarding this thread and had better exit before I start repeating myself too badly. I'm out of here!!!!!

[NYTomcat]

"I AM OZ, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL! Who are you?"

 

"I am Dorothy, the -- small, and ... meek."

 

 

Roflmao. Ever the perfect quote Adam.

 

Epigonos. What you don't get is no one would ever want you to do anything but post your opinion. But that because you shoot straight and in a positive manner. You don't take cheap shots just for the fun of causing pain. Its your point and honest. That's great and appreciated. Its the pot stirrer who post shit just to create trouble. Who take glee in slamming just for the fun im talking about. So from this Brooklyn boy. To you. Fuck off and find a thread about you. LOL. Love Tom

[whipped guy]

I have a followed the old adage that “If you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen”.

…and what I still don’t understand is WHY some posters are intimidated by criticism from other posters. I don’t even understand why they are intimidated when that criticism is mean and vicious. If someone, who I know and who knows me, is mean and vicious to me to my face there can definitely be consequences. But please explain to me how there can be consequences for me when some anonymous poster attacks me, also an anonymous poster, in a mean and vicious manner.

Well… let me explain it… Most of us come to this forum and others like it for pleasure and enjoyment… and as I alluded to above… often to escape the dastardly and horrible happenings around us. Irrespective of the fact that we are basically anonymous to fellow posters (if we choose to be that is) it ceases to be enjoyment when things get nasty… and why should an individual have to put up with such viciousness and malice? Some might say you need to be tough skinned… but many of us have to act in such a manner simply to get through a typical day. Why would such an individual want to prolong the agony and have to deal with it here?

 

As a case in point, I abruptly left a message forum related to another hobby of mine basically because the individuals were beyond being candidly cruel in the treatment of others… It simply was not worth my time to have to deal with such unsavory and despicable individuals. While things can get heated here, this place is like a walk in the park in comparison… I could have fired back with heat hotter than hell and definitely hotter than in any kitchen... and for a while actually did... but life is too short... way too short... So I ultimately gravitated here as my one and only bit of cyber enjoyment and diversion... and basically I am glad that I did.

[NYTomcat]

Well… let me explain it… Most of us come to this forum and others like it for pleasure and enjoyment… and as I alluded to above… often to escape the dastardly and horrible happenings around us. Irrespective of the fact that we are basically anonymous to fellow posters (if we choose to be that is) it ceases to be enjoyment when things get nasty… and why should an individual have to put up with such viciousness and malice? Some might say you need to be tough skinned… but many of us have to act in such a manner simply to get through a typical day. Why would such an individual want to prolong the agony and have to deal with it here?

 

As a case in point, I abruptly left a message forum related to another hobby of mine basically because the individuals were beyond being candidly cruel in the treatment of others… It simply was not worth my time to have to deal with such unsavory and despicable individuals. While things can get heated here, this place is like a walk in the park in comparison… I could have fired back with heat hotter than hell and definitely hotter than in any kitchen... and for a while actually did... but life is too short... way too short... So I ultimately gravitated here as my one and only bit of cyber enjoyment and diversion... and basically I am glad that I did.

 

That kind of a pain just isn't worth it. whereas we have a fun flirty little place here. with just enough bitchy sniping to keep us all entertained

[Guest greatness]

oh my

 

I love guys who speaks "hot".. You are so passionate in your speech~~

 

[quote=whipped guy

I could have fired back with heat hotter than hell and definitely hotter than in any kitchen... and for a while actually did... [/font][/color]