Feeling Squeezed

[RickyDC]

I had a very good regular arrangement with an escort these past several months. We spent a weekend together every month. But, I was bothered by certain things and, since I am new to hiring - I don’t really know if I was being unreasonable. I’d like to know what you all think.

 

1. Requests for cash advances. In the past I have given him his weekend rate in advance when he’s told me he needed money to move into a new apartment, is unable to make rent, or some other reason. It really bothers me that he now asks for his weekend rate, weeks or even one month in advance of our scheduled date because of his financial problems.

 

2. Requests for additional dates. When I am unable to make our scheduled weekend - I have simply given him his weekend rate as a gift - because I know he is counting on it for his budget. That doesn’t really bother me. But, even then he has asked me out for an additional date - I think because he wants to get more money out of me. I think the client is supposed to be the one who requests the date.

 

3. Emails and conversations about his money problems. I don’t like getting emails where he discusses his financial difficulties - because I feel that he is implicitly asking me for more money. He knows I am generous and he is probably hoping that I will voluntarily offer financial help. Sometimes he sends especially nice emails - that’s when I know that a request for a cash advance or some other favor is soon to follow.

 

I understand that the escort-client relationship is a business relationship - but I really feel bad when the “business” part is made so obvious. I felt like an ATM machine - not a person - and that I was simply being used for money. I really think this escort is a great guy - but his financial problems made him somewhat desperate for money - and I think it affected how he treated me. I recently ended our arrangement, because I became so uncomfortable.

 

I feel bad and now wonder whether I've been unreasonable.

[Lookin]

Not an escort here, but do have some past scar tissue that may be useful.

 

It doesn't sound to me like you've been unreasonable at all, and perhaps a little "too reasonable" in the early part of your relationship. Maybe I'm projecting my own past failings, but my hunch is that you're feeling bad now because you're not comfortable setting boundaries. And this escort, perhaps pushed on by his own difficulties, took advantage of that. Rather than tell him "no" the first time it happened, you waited until it became intolerable for you, and then brought down the hammer. (Did I mention I might be projecting my own past failings? )

 

Anyway, what's done is done, and he knows you reached your limit.

 

With the clock reset, you may now have an opportunity to renew the relationship and practice your newly acquired ability to set effective boundaries. You might have a frank discussion with him about what you've learned over the past few months, and let him know what is acceptable to you going forward and what is not. If he agrees to participate within your boundaries, it may provide a learning experience for you both. But there are some people who have a real hard time respecting other peoples' boundaries. Stay far away if he's one of them, and doesn't cop to what what you are saying. Practice with someone safe.

 

In any event, all good wishes!

[Guest MasculineCute]

Communicate with him ....

 

Explain to him that you are the ONE who set the date to meet. Not Him.

When you need the company.

 

The Escorts finical problems is NOT your issue... and you can polity explain that to him. Suggesting to him that he needs to look for more clients and spend less money.

 

Paying for a service in advance is not such a good idea.

 

You can let him know that you will be happy to pay and tip after the meeting but never before.

 

Best of Luck

[devonhunter]

As an escort I do not ask for fees in advance. I equate that with being dishonest, as I have seen it happen too many times (always with straight guys) that someone will brag about how he got his money up front and then left the client high and dry. I think there is an element of trust that needs to be in place, so I am not comfortable with money being pushed at me in advance (for a variety of reasons). I should trust you enough that I can perform the service and then collect, and you should trust me to act like a professional and show up to an appointment on time and ready. Although the gesture is often meant to be a gesture of trust on the client's part, when someone gets too pushy about insisting that I handle money before the appointment I immediately wonder if the person is a police officer.

 

I have collected a fee up front only once, and that was at the instance of the client (who was flying me in from a great distance). Other than that, I generally respond "That is appreciated, but not necessary" when someone offers to pay days/weeks in advance. I have gotten burned a few times by men who offered and then stood me up; however, in general I get a measure of satisfaction by waiting. I do not care for the idea of "advances," as this starts to muddy the waters in far too many ways, and creates problematic instances of obligation, and I definitely do not burden clients with the very types of issues they probably want to think on the least while they are with me.

 

This may sound harsh, but if all is as you have described... your companion is leeching you.

[+ ArVaGuy]

RickyDC, welcome to the message center.

 

My advice to you is that you end your arrangement with this escort permanently. You have been taken advantage of by the escort but you bear 50% of the responsibility for allowing the situation to develop. Nearly all of us have been in this situation in one form or another, not that such is any comfort at this time.

 

Consider this a lesson learned and move on. The young man's financial problems are not your responsibility. He played upon your generosity but its time to cut up his ATM card so to speak.

 

You might want to limit hiring only the better known escorts with good reviews on this site or MER till you gain more experience. There are plenty of traveling guys passing through DC that can provide great encounters. Hiring the real professional guys will certainly help you gain perspective in rooting out the users and flakes that are seemingly in abundance in certain markets.

 

Good luck to you.

[+ Charlie]

He doesn't want a client, he wants a patron.

[Guest greatness]

First of all

 

Your font is small so I had hard time in reading your post . I need a new pair of glasses.

 

Don't feel bad. I really did a lot for escorts but in the end I was just one of their business clients. I don't expect anything from them in return. Yes it is nice to be generous. However, you have to sometimes draw the line. I think you handled it well. Furthermore, your escort should be financially independent. You are not helping him by providing him with a financial assistance. So cheer up! You did the right thing. You have been generous to him so good for you! He needs to become independent. I can understand that you want to be a special person to him. Then help him by giving him a chance to be independent. Now my eyes hurt but I want to read Lookin's comment before I go to bed. Can't sleep these days.. Don't know why...

 

 

I had a very good regular arrangement with an escort these past several months. We spent a weekend together every month. But, I was bothered by certain things and, since I am new to hiring - I don’t really know if I was being unreasonable. I’d like to know what you all think.

 

1. Requests for cash advances. In the past I have given him his weekend rate in advance when he’s told me he needed money to move into a new apartment, is unable to make rent, or some other reason. It really bothers me that he now asks for his weekend rate, weeks or even one month in advance of our scheduled date because of his financial problems.

 

2. Requests for additional dates. When I am unable to make our scheduled weekend - I have simply given him his weekend rate as a gift - because I know he is counting on it for his budget. That doesn’t really bother me. But, even then he has asked me out for an additional date - I think because he wants to get more money out of me. I think the client is supposed to be the one who requests the date.

 

3. Emails and conversations about his money problems. I don’t like getting emails where he discusses his financial difficulties - because I feel that he is implicitly asking me for more money. He knows I am generous and he is probably hoping that I will voluntarily offer financial help. Sometimes he sends especially nice emails - that’s when I know that a request for a cash advance or some other favor is soon to follow.

 

I understand that the escort-client relationship is a business relationship - but I really feel bad when the “business” part is made so obvious. I felt like an ATM machine - not a person - and that I was simply being used for money. I really think this escort is a great guy - but his financial problems made him somewhat desperate for money - and I think it affected how he treated me. I recently ended our arrangement, because I became so uncomfortable.

 

I feel bad and now wonder whether I've been unreasonable.

[/font]

[Guest greatness]

You are such a good writer

 

So clear and well written.. I don't know why but I usually fall for guys who write well... So attractive... Where is a guy who can write a poem for me...

 

 

 

As an escort I do not ask for fees in advance. I equate that with being dishonest, as I have seen it happen too many times (always with straight guys) that someone will brag about how he got his money up front and then left the client high and dry. I think there is an element of trust that needs to be in place, so I am not comfortable with money being pushed at me in advance (for a variety of reasons). I should trust you enough that I can perform the service and then collect, and you should trust me to act like a professional and show up to an appointment on time and ready. Although the gesture is often meant to be a gesture of trust on the client's part, when someone gets too pushy about insisting that I handle money before the appointment I immediately wonder if the person is a police officer.

 

I have collected a fee up front only once, and that was at the instance of the client (who was flying me in from a great distance). Other than that, I generally respond "That is appreciated, but not necessary" when someone offers to pay days/weeks in advance. I have gotten burned a few times by men who offered and then stood me up; however, in general I get a measure of satisfaction by waiting. I do not care for the idea of "advances," as this starts to muddy the waters in far too many ways, and creates problematic instances of obligation, and I definitely do not burden clients with the very types of issues they probably want to think on the least while they are with me.

 

This may sound harsh, but if all is as you have described... your companion is leeching you.

[JoeyBryant]

As an escort I do not ask for fees in advance. I equate that with being dishonest,

 

Other than that, I generally respond "That is appreciated, but not necessary" when someone offers to pay days/weeks in advance.

 

Im just curious as to how having a fee in advance is dishonest? It would suck to have someone come to my hotel room, receive the service and then realize they left their wallet in the car. However, if you were referring to 'advanced' as being days/weeks in advance, well then I agree thats unnecessary.

 

Suggesting to him that he needs to look for more clients and spend less money.

 

I would have to disagree with this. If a client (or anyone for that matter) told me to look for more clients and spend less money, I'd look at them like he/she has 3 heads.

 

You can let him know that you will be happy to pay and tip after the meeting but never before.

 

This I can agree on. Thats pretty much all that needed to be said from the get go. That until the actual arrangement, theres no transaction.

 

3. Emails and conversations about his money problems.

 

I dont think anybody wants to hear about that, how depressing! Sounds like he may have been young and/or new to the world of escorting. It happens. Not to neutralize your guy's ridiculousness and lack of common sense, but he may not have realized how damaging it was to the relationship. Thats actually pretty common. What ends up happening is eventually they realize clients start 'dropping out' when they hear these things. Hell, even I've run into guys who think Im some kind of ATM lol. When it starts, just say what the deal is and if they wont accept, pull back.

[Guest zipperzone]

I had a very good regular arrangement with an escort these past several months. We spent a weekend together every month. But, I was bothered by certain things and, since I am new to hiring - I don’t really know if I was being unreasonable. I’d like to know what you all think.

 

I feel bad and now wonder whether I've been unreasonable. [/font]

 

I don't want to sound harsh but are you sure your name is really Ricky? I think your escort thinks it is Mark.

 

He also thinks he is snuggling up to a cash register.

[seaboy4hire]

I had a very good regular arrangement with an escort these past several months. We spent a weekend together every month. But, I was bothered by certain things and, since I am new to hiring - I don’t really know if I was being unreasonable. I’d like to know what you all think.

 

1. Requests for cash advances. In the past I have given him his weekend rate in advance when he’s told me he needed money to move into a new apartment, is unable to make rent, or some other reason. It really bothers me that he now asks for his weekend rate, weeks or even one month in advance of our scheduled date because of his financial problems.

 

2. Requests for additional dates. When I am unable to make our scheduled weekend - I have simply given him his weekend rate as a gift - because I know he is counting on it for his budget. That doesn’t really bother me. But, even then he has asked me out for an additional date - I think because he wants to get more money out of me. I think the client is supposed to be the one who requests the date.

 

3. Emails and conversations about his money problems. I don’t like getting emails where he discusses his financial difficulties - because I feel that he is implicitly asking me for more money. He knows I am generous and he is probably hoping that I will voluntarily offer financial help. Sometimes he sends especially nice emails - that’s when I know that a request for a cash advance or some other favor is soon to follow.

 

I understand that the escort-client relationship is a business relationship - but I really feel bad when the “business” part is made so obvious. I felt like an ATM machine - not a person - and that I was simply being used for money. I really think this escort is a great guy - but his financial problems made him somewhat desperate for money - and I think it affected how he treated me. I recently ended our arrangement, because I became so uncomfortable.

 

I feel bad and now wonder whether I've been unreasonable.

[/font]

 

Here is what I think in your number order:

 

1. His money issues are not your problems. If he is having problems then maybe he needs to get a second job that brings in steady reliable income. There are other advantages of having a steady day job then the steady income like health care and it covers a gap when he decides to stop escorting.

 

2. Paying him even though you didn't make your monthly date appt? Now if you made the appt but failed to show for whatever reason a good faith payment in full or partial is nice. BUT if you didn't make an appt and you payed him anyways is a bit off to me. And paying him because he was counting on it? Um one of the first rules in this biz is don't count on the money till it is in your (the escorts) hand. As for asking you for additional dates well if he does that he should do it on his own dime, not yours. Many clients budget over time on who and how long they see someone. Even I realize that money don't grow on trees.

 

3. Yes from the sounds of it you were turned into an ATM. I can't think of a time I've talked about money issues with a client I might have been having at any time. It isn't their issue if I am having such problems. I might (haven't yet) ask for stock tips or savings advice but that is as far as I would go talking about my money.

 

I think it was smart of you to end the agreement. I hope that you also communicated with the escort as to why you were ending things. I feel that this could be a good learning experience for him on how NOT to treat a client. Yes this is a business but clients have feelings, y'all are people and those feelings need to be taken into consideration at all times. I hope that you find someone that wont treat you like an ATM and like a person with feelings.

 

Hugs,

Greg

P.S. As for your escort asking for cash up front well I wont comment on that too much because that is how he chooses to handle things but I don't think I would do that with someone I have been seeing on a regular basis.

[AdamSmith]

I have exposed myself, emotionally & financially, to 1 or 2 escorts to such a degree that they could have taken serious advantage of me. They did not. I must have known that those particular individuals would not.

 

But others have chased me in the ways you describe. In two cases I provided small emergency cash bailouts; in others, nada. In general, my instinct has been to end the connection.