Groaners....but I bet you still laugh...

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

....at least at some.

 

#19 is my favourite

 

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The

ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!

 

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll

serve you, but don't start anything."

 

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

 

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

 

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm,

and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

 

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does

this taste funny to you?"

 

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."

"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"Well, It's Not Unusual."

 

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you," says Dolly.

"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

 

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing

to look at either.

 

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

 

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I

couldn't find any.

 

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.

He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

 

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... And pulled a mussel.

 

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Blind.

 

 

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other

and says, "Dam!"

 

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire

in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you

can't have your kayak and heat it too.

 

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were

standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked

them to disperse.

"But why," they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in

an open foyer."

 

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them

goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to

a family in Spain, they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a

picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture,

she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of

Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

 

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,

which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also

ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,

he suffered from bad breath.

This made him...... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went

out that there was a small medium at large.

[+ purplekow]

Tom Jones Really?!! Use to love me some tight Tom Jones pants, he looked great coming and going.

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

It's true....

 

Tom Jones Really?!! Use to love me some tight Tom Jones pants, he looked great coming and going.

 

And all that exposed chest hair, and gold chains.

He out Elvised Elvis.

[seeker630]

Thanks - I especially liked #18 & #19

[Guest zipperzone]

My favs are 18 & 12.

[+ Lucky]

Reminds me of the humor of Steven Wright.

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

Deja Moo

 

I think Deja Moo occasionally describes the Political Forum

[Kevin Slater]

A camping goods store advertising their end-of-season sale:

 

Now is the winter of our discount tents.

 

Kevin Slater

[Guest skrubber]

Oh, I did laugh.

[Kevin Slater]

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

 

A man walks into a bar and has his drink. After not very long he faintly hears someone say "Boy, are you attractive." He looks around but sees nobody. A while later he hears "I mean, you must be the best looking patron we've had all day." Still can't see who's saying it. "Forgive me for dwelling on it, you're so handsome."

 

He starts to freak out. He looks frantically around the bar and the bartender asks what's the matter. "I keep hearing these voices saying things about me."

 

"It's the peanuts. They're complimentary."

 

Kevin Slater

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

a man walks into a bar and has his drink. After not very long he faintly hears someone say "boy, are you attractive." he looks around but sees nobody. A while later he hears "i mean, you must be the best looking patron we've had all day." still can't see who's saying it. "forgive me for dwelling on it, you're so handsome."

 

he starts to freak out. He looks frantically around the bar and the bartender asks what's the matter. "i keep hearing these voices saying things about me."

 

"it's the peanuts. They're complimentary."

 

kevin slater

 

LOL!

Good one!