Bisexual or just married?

[phage]

Hey guys. Although this is my first post, I've been lurking here for a while now and have a pretty good idea of what to expect from most of you. I have a thick skin, so why not participate? I started to respond in the thread about married men, but thought I was getting off topic.

 

Although I know there is a sexual continuum and people can move on it, I am one who believes those movements are relatively small. I am also one of those people who have been fairly skeptical of bisexuals. Of course they exist, (virtually everything conceivabl exists somewhere ) but I think a fair number of them are bisexual by circumstance -- not true sexual orientation. They truly love their wives and family, but their sexual desire is all about men.

 

I come to this opinion partly because of three different married men that I know in this situation (it's hardly a statistically relevant sampling -- I know) and partly because of my own feelings. I am by no means threatened by bisexuality, and this is where I'm likely to get blasted by some people, it's more that I am repelled by it. Repelled in the same way that many straight men must be by gay sex.

 

Obviously, I'm a confirmed "Kinsey Six", but I just can't imagine someone who likes to suck dick also liking to eat pussy. It's not politically correct, but most of my friends will admit -- at least when it's just us boys -- that it's just kind of "icky".

[Guest WetDream]

First of all, welcome; glad you have come out of the non-posting closet.

 

Aren't you making an assumption that the bisexual men posting here are all married? I think that this is not the case. Many men don't discover their true sexuality until they are older; some start out with boys (or girls) and then switch later on in life. Others continue to sleep with both sexes. I've always found this enviable. If only I wanted to bed the ladies I could have much more sex.

 

And you aren't alone in finding bisexuality distasteful. The fabulous writer Jane Bowles (wife of Paul -- another man who mainly prefered his own sex) was almost exclusively lesbian in her sexual orientation. She always fumed about bisexuals and wondered why "they can't just make up their minds"?

 

It takes all kinds.

[Guest Kevin 2]

"they can't just make up their minds"?

I'm surprised at how alot of gay and straight people have such a hard time believing that "some" people actually can be attracted to both men and women. Like others say to each their own. This subject comes up often in the local chat room and It amazes me how strong some people feel about OTHERS sex lifes. Also there seems to be a transition phase when guys that start out as straight and then finally open up to their gay feelings, during this time is when alot of guys say they are Bisexual. Just something I have observed.

[Guest Joey Ciccone]

Pussy is good. But I wouldn't marry one.

[DaninWA]

I would say that I am 99% gay. Every once in a while, I like to let that 1% out to play:)

[Guest Gentle Dude]

I still enjoy eating and fucking a "tight" pussy every now and then, but lately, I've switched, and also enjoy doing the same to a man's "mangina." :9 Go figure.

 

At this point in my life, I'm really not concerned whatever people think. If it feels good, then I just do it. Life is too short to be bothered by labels. I'm enjoying the best of both worlds and that's what's important to me.

 

I was married once and got burned big time....never again.

 

GD

[Guest cmp]

Repelled!?! I can't believe it. Bisexuality is the coolest and the most natural thing. Of course, different people like different things. But I could never have any negative feelings towards someone who happens to have different tastes from mine. I don't know how to relate to your position, I find it hard to understand. Sadly, it is identical to the way some straight people relate to your own preferences, only I thought gay people knew better. This is much deeper than political correctness.

[Guest exFratBoy]

Something to think about on this topic:

It seems to be far easier in our society for women to be bisexual. We've all heard of the Ivy (and similar) phenomenon on "LUGs"- Lesbians-Unitl-Graduation. And if a lesbian, particularly a good-looking lesbian, marries a man, the common assumption is that "she just hadn't met the right guy." Many, if not most, straight porn films feature lesbian action, without ever being termed "bisexual" videos. Two guys doing each other on camera, and you're immediately in the "gay" section.

I suspect the double standard is due to the fact that straight men find lesbians to be a turn-on, while straight women generally find two men going at it to be unpleasant, at best. And that straight women are intrigued by lesbians and lesbianism, while most straight guys (outwardly, at least) do not have an interest in gay sex.

That said (and bringing this further off-topic) I've always found it curious that since I first started reading it in the 80s, Penthouse Letters, every teenage boys jerk-off companion, has always featured at least one homosexual experience per issue- generally ending with the line "and although I still continue to enjoy pussy on a regular basis, Tom and I have found a new way to enjoy ourselves."

I recently picked up an issue for old time sake, and found it curious how damn homoerotic the whole thing was. Lots of letters about having other guys bang your wife or girlfriend in front of you or together with you- e.g. using your wife as a vehicle to have sex with your well-hung buddy.

Three letters about group sex wherein the writer and his buddy were teaming some chick and double fucking her (pussy and ass) all of which contained some reference to "it was so wild-- I could feel Tom's cock sliding in and out of Vanessa through the thin membrane that separated us..."

Hidden agenda or just a reflection of what the readers want?

[Guest BenDover]

I've really changed my thoughts and feelings about this topic over the years. As a teenager, when all my male friends were fucking their brains out in the back seats of their Dads' cars, I was maniacally masturbating away in my bedroom fantasizing about them, terrified at the idea of having sex with a woman. It almost paralyzed me with fear when I went out on a third or fourth date with a girl and knew there was an expectation that I should at the very least "feel her up."

All of my friendships with other guys were idealized. I couldn't acknowledge that they were crushes or that I had sexual feelings for them, because that just wasn't allowed. I wrote florid, awful poetry about comrades, life-long buddies who held each other in dying moments, a tiny tear in the corner of the eye of the masculine mentor.

Right after graduation from high school, I came out engaging in what absolutely felt like the right thing to do. I remember when I did it with a guy who I knew was gay and who knew I was gay and we both chose to do it deliberately versus the "man, was I ever drunk last night" routine, I literally skipped down the sidewalk on my way home. I was so filled with glee and joy that I had FINALLY been touched, held, caressed, kissed, jolted, pounded, sucked and fucked into nirvanna that I knew deep deep down that this is who I was. And there really were other men who felt the same way I did. It was no phase. This was it.

From then on, I ceased to be afraid of the idea of sex with a woman. I knew it wasn't going to happen, and that was fine, and I didn't need to make excuses or feel bad.

And every time I met some guy who said he was bisexual, I just assumed that he was at an earlier stage in the coming out process, and that eventually he would be 100% gay.

Then I met a friend who truly, I believe, was bisexual. He had been living with the same woman for almost 10 years and had a completely open and honest relationship with her about his bisexuality. We talked about it at length. They never married. They are still together and that was 25 years ago. And he is still banging boys, albeit a lot less frequently. His bisexuality was somewhat agonizing. His relationship with his woman friend was absolutely accepted and supported. Not so his gay relationships which caused him a great deal of pain.

For me, sexuality isn't just about the physical act or the physical urges to put prick in pucker, whether pussy or asshole. It is more about feelings of security, power exchanges in the throes of vulnerability, connecting and uniting spiritually and intimately for a period of time. It is a united exchange of self, and even an escape from the world, for however briefly. The only way that I have found satisfying and authentic to do that is with another man. I have deeply satisfying, intense and authentic relationships with women, but they are not sexual. And they do not transport either her nor me to that nirvanna I have visited so frequently with my tribe of male companions. The closest I have ever come to that with a woman was on the dance floor late at night, higher than a kite. But I never once envisioned that it would be sexual.

Geez, I think I may have hijacked this thread some. I didn't intend to. I just wanted to say that I do think there really are those who are bisexual, that they genuinely and authentically experience fulfillment with both men and women. It must be incredibly complex and at the same time absolutely fundamental to their natures to feel so connected with virtually all of humanity on that level. I think its a gift. Whew.

[phage]

I am in no way repelled by the people themselves and make absolutely no value judgement about their sex life. Whatever floats their boat! And like others have said...I even find it somewhat enviable because of the number of possible partners.

 

My thoughts came from the married men thread where a poster commented that people are "threatened" by bisexuals. I know that I am not threatened by anyone's sexuality. (Unless he's big and bad and trying to flip me on my belly.) When I examine my feelings, it comes down to the fact that I'm gay -- totally gay -- and can't imagine getting oral with a woman.

[+ deej]

<<Many, if not most, straight porn films feature lesbian action, without ever being termed "bisexual" videos. Two guys doing each other on camera, and you're immediately in the "gay" section.

I suspect the double standard is due to the fact that straight men find lesbians to be a turn-on, while straight women generally find two men going at it to be unpleasant, at best. >>

 

The real reason 2 guys won't be getting it on in a str8 video is because their target market is str8 men, not str8 women.

 

The number of women who are porn consumers is relatively low in terms of the overall market, gay OR str8. Most porn is made for and sold to men. Even Playgirl magazine dropped the slogan "Entertainment for Women" from their cover several years ago.

 

Of the women who actually do watch porn, a lot of them prefer gay porn because the guys are generally better looking and there's a wider variety of them. The str8 porn industry has been using the same 12 guys over and over and over again for years. In str8 porn, the men are just props.

 

I remember reading an editorial in AVN or someplace like that written by a woman urging other women to check out the great looking men in gay porn. She also said something like "and check out their deep throat technique! These guys can really swallow!" ;-)

[Guest cmp]

Ben(d),

 

Thanks for your great post.

 

I have to learn to live with the fact that many people don't see bisexuality as a simple, natural and wonderful thing. I somehow thaught this was *so* obvious. I find it so weird to see a discussion on bisexuality, with all kinds of weird opinions and presumptions, where bisexuality is a "problem" that needs explained and analyzed, or even worse, some fake disguise to some deeper maladjustment to one's true straight or true homosexual self... or being "caught in the middle", beween the two "right choices"... I don't get it.

 

I have to make a correction to the above: actually, I am used to many straight people having such thoughts about gay and bi people. Having been subject to such prejudice themselves, gay people could not possibly think like that about others. That's what old cmp thought in his naivete.

 

What's funny is that I feel 100% gay when I browse the pictures and the reviews here ("a gay man who happens to also be very attracted to hot women"), and I feel 100% straight when I visit some chick site. Before these posts popped up here, I never separated "gay" and "bi" into two distinct categories. Some non-totally-straight people like the other sex too, while some others don't. I thought it was so simple!

 

Would someone please help me with this: what can be possibly wrong with being able to enjoy both worlds?

[Guest cmp]

You have used the word "repelled" and that has an intrinsic judgement value built into it (as in "yuck, look at those fags"). This is in no way different from the usual straight prejudice. You are apparently not aware of it, but that is how your post reads. I would suggest to use a different wording, such as "I can't see myself doing a woman", "that's not my cup of jizz", etc. Everybody would be cool with that, except for the gay-bashers, but fortunately they don't know the way to this place.

[Guest cmp]

"have a pretty good idea of what to expect from most of you"

 

How am I doing so far?

[Bilbo]

Wow, that Tom must have a Lot of Fun!

;-)

[Guest exFratBoy]

><<Many, if not most, straight porn

 

>The real reason 2 guys won't

>be getting it on in

>a str8 video is because

>their target market is str8

>men, not str8 women.

 

>Of the women who actually do

>watch porn, a lot of

>them prefer gay porn because

>the guys are generally better

>looking and there's a wider

>variety of them.

 

 

But Deej-- we're not just talking porn here, we're talking general fantasy. And while the majority of straight guys will tell you that the idea of two good looking lesbians going at it is a major turn-on, few straight women seem to feel that the idea of two good looking guys going at it is anything but a turn off. That's the disparity I was talking about.

 

BenD- Thanks for the great post. I definitely used to feel the same way-- fantasizing about my buddies banging chicks and petrified that I was going to have to "put out" by the 3rd or 4th date. (There's a whole fear of intimacy issue in there, but that's another story.) Been there, done that, too on all the "boy was I drunk last night" experiences-- although it still blows me away how many 'str8' guys have had those experiences. To all that, I'd add the crippling fear I once had that being gay meant having to lose all my straight friends and give up sports to go hang out with a bunch of fey hairdressers and discuss fashion. (As opposed to hanging out with a bunch of regular guys discussing escorts

[phage]

>

>How am I doing so far?

>

 

 

Pretty much as expected. A stickler for the precision of words, but more interested in discussing a topic than going on the attack. That's something I can enjoy and respect.

 

I think (hope) most people are drawn to message boards for spirited discussion. The trick is keeping it reasonably good natured banter and not mean spirited attack. I think you do a good job of walking that line and, God knows, it sometimes takes restraint.

 

I think you're correct about the usage of the word "repelled". Unfortunately, I was probably accurate in my use of the word and inaccurate in saying that I'm not judgmental -- something I need to work on. I am, in fact, repelled my some of the kinkier forms of gay sex. I guess I am not only extremely "vanilla" but also extremely judgmental in my thinking that whatever floats your boat is fine...as long as it is far, far from me.

 

Definitely needs more self-examination.

[Guest BrandonBest]

>Obviously, I'm a confirmed "Kinsey Six",

>but I just can't imagine

>someone who likes to suck

>dick also liking to eat

>pussy. It's not politically

>correct, but most of my

>friends will admit -- at

>least when it's just us

>boys -- that it's just

>kind of "icky".

 

I've sucked cock, been fucked in the ass, and eaten pussy in the same session. And it wasn't even "icky." Believe it or not, true bisexuality is alive and well! And many girls get off on bi-guys. Which do I prefer? Depends on the cock and the pussy...

 

--Brandon

http://www.hireboys.com/brandon

[Guest cp8036]

Hummm... just a thought I heard years ago... "Bi now, gay later".

 

Harvey Ferstein in Torch Song said it best. You never near of a bi man that lives with his boyfriend, and sneaks out for a fling with a woman.

 

I think the whole issue of labeling bi/gay/straight is an American thing. Europeans and Latins have same sex encounters and don't fret if they are gay or not. They just went for the moment. Maybe won't do it again, maybe will. I am American, so as a teen I went through all the confusion and facade of dating girls. I was attracted to guys, but didn't know how to go about that. A lot of wasted energy trying to conform to my peers. So, dated girls, and did all the hetero things, and convinced myself that I was "bi". When I learned that women don't like to suck cock, I knew I better go to the gay side

[Guest Kevin 2]

<When I learned that women don't like to suck cock, I knew I better go to the gay side>

You got that right! My brother in law was telling me that my sister didn't care to "go there" , I almost died laughing and I thought Damn if he only knew how much I do! I must elobarate on this story a bit, he says when she does "go there" she only takes an inch or two! So now when me and my other sister see him we tease him and do this motion thing with our lips, I think he regrets telling too much to us now. LOL

PS..He said its been 19 years since hes had a good BJ...OMG could you imagine that! :o

[Guest WetDream]

<When I learned that women don't like to suck cock, I knew I better go to the gay side>

 

I've always found it odd that straight men go crazy over blow jobs...the very basic act of homosex. Maybe it's just because gay guys know how fun it is to get/give one.

[Guest cmp]

Hey, I loved your reply! Thanks!

[Guest Joey Ciccone]

>Would someone please help me with this: what can be possibly wrong with being able to enjoy both worlds?<

 

The only thing "wrong" is the way that some people view it. As if another person's ability to enjoy all that the world has to offer was anyone else's fucking business.

[Guest Joey Ciccone]

>Harvey Ferstein in Torch Song said it best. You never hear of a bi man that lives with his boyfriend, and sneaks out for a fling with a woman.<

 

Because bi men are concerned about being bashed harder by their gay buddies than their straight ones. What's that all about?

 

>When I learned that women don't like to suck cock, I knew I better go to the gay side<

 

Where did you learn that? I've yet to meet the erotic woman who didn't suck my cock. When the pants come off, they pounce like lions on christians. In fact, that's all many have wanted to do.

Suck cock. And don't even think about pulling out to shoot.

[SoCal]

>cock. And don't even think about pulling out to shoot.<

 

LOL! Joey your post is SO true! I'll never forget the time in my mid-twenties (20 years ago) finding out that *many* women love to suck cock, and indeed don't like you to pull out to shoot. I'd be shouting "careful, I'm going to cum" and they'd just look up at me, nod, keep sucking, and take the load and swallow. I will admit more men suck cock better than most women, but there are some female "naturals" out there, for sure!