All The Married Men: Your Thoughts Please

[Guest need2Btopped]

While reading the reviews on this site, I couldn't help but notice how many are posted by married men who are in the closet. My first reaction is to say (patronizingly): Oh, how sad that they feel they have to lead closeted lives in this day and age -- and what about the poor wives, those poor things! But I also am conscious that (a) I live in NYC, (b) my city has a human rights ordinance that protects against discrimination of gay people in employment and public accomodations, © my family is very loving and the entire family -- mother, father, brothers, uncles, aunts, counsins -- have always been completely accepting of me and my BF, (d) my workplace is great, filled with intelligent people, which allows me to be completely out, and (e) my job does not "require" me to project a straight image to the world.

 

So, fully realizing that not everyone enjoys the things I am very lucky to have -- and also realizing that a "straight" life with wife and kids offers one many things that I will never enjoy -- I would like to hear from the married guys: Why are you married, though gay? Is it worth it? Do you really have a choice? And to what extent has the ability to hook up with escorts from time to time made a difference in your life?

[Guest WetDream]

I'm not a married man, but one of the most moving threads on the Message Center for quite some while was the one that Godiva started on on the Deli on September 4 called "Married with Children..." I suspect that you could find lots of other related discussions by using the Search function. Happy looking.

[Guest exFratBoy]

You're assuming they're all gay as opposed to bisexual or just curious. Remember, sexuality is a continuum- not an either/or option.

Some of my married str8 friends occassionally get blow jobs or handjobs from women at massage parlors. It meets some psychological need of theirs. I would guess that for some of the guys on here, seeing an escort once or twice a year (or less) is a safe, no-strings way to satisfy their gay desires.

Bear in mind too, that the married men on these boards are guys who are obsessed enough with male prostitutes to actually read a message board on a website that reviews them. Probably not a 'statistically valid' sample.

[Guest need2Btopped]

All valid points (though re: bisexuals or "just curious," I was specifically referring to those who self-identify as "closeted" in their escort reviews).

[Guest need2Btopped]

Thanks so much for the reference to the thread. Holy moley, there certainly are some great thoughts expressed there!

[+ deej]

In some areas, the gay stigma is still strong and the pressure to live a "traditional" lifestyle (i.e. wife and children) is very very strong. Young Jewish men from orthodox families in particular are under HUGE pressure to marry and father children. But that's just one example.

 

I, personally, know people who finally admitted TO THEMSELVES their attraction to other men in their 20's or 30's. One friend finally came out to his wife at the age of 55.

 

Socialization can be powerful mojo.

[Guest cmp]

Your description can't be further away from my case. I am not stuck with a wife as you seem to assume. I am *very much* attracted to women, I love my wife (she is still sexy), and my kids are my life. Actually I am a very happy man indeed, I consider myself a lucky bugger. Now I also happen to have a secret: some of my wet dreams happen to have beautiful, slim, cute, boyish twinks starring in them, as some others are about beautiful women. I could easily go on without the gay part in my life (though I would dearly miss the friends I have met on this message board). On the other hand, I could not live for a day without my straight life. So please don't be surprised that I am unable to relate to your assumptions.

[Guest need2Btopped]

I don't have any assumptions. I believe I made it clear that my first-blush instincts were patronizing, and that I realize I will never enjoy the benefits of those who are married. My post was merely designed to better understand those who are in the married-but-seeing-male-escorts-on-the-side world. My question, "Do you really have a choice?," was not meant to indicate that anyone is "stuck" with their wife, but to help elicit responses from those who felt compelled by forces around them (religious, social, economic, etc.) to marry. Thanks for your response, though, and I am glad that you are happy with your life and your wife.

[Guest LG320126]

N2BT,

 

I would gladly respond to your inquiry but I am afraid that neither HooBoy nor the rest of the class would appreciate the length of the resonse. It is not something to put down here in a matter of a couple of paragraphs plus each one of us has his own story to tell, so will just say that I fit your description and, yes, escorts have made a difference in my life.

[+ deej]

<<I am afraid that neither HooBoy nor the rest of the class would appreciate the length of the response>>

 

If we run out of bandwidth, we'll get more. :-)

 

I, for one, would be very interested in hearing your story (and those of others).

 

It doesn't have to be all at once. But I think it would be very eye-opening to those who would first wail "you shouldn't do that". And you might make a few friends who are in the same (or similar) boat.

[SoCal]

I would like to hear the story (and others) as well. I'm 45, and recently married. I too love the str8 side of my life. Before getting married, I used male escorts about 3-4 times a month. Since getting married the most I've done is male massage (always starting legit) with release.

 

I've avoided going back to escorts, but the pull has been very strong recently and I'm very tempted to treat myself.

[Rick Munroe]

I have one thing to say about married men: [h2]<YUM>[/h2]

[Guest ChicagoCorey]

Like most guys, I've always been fascinated by those who find themselves as a different place on the sexuality continum than myself. It's always interesting to see what gets other guys going whether they be straight, gay, bi, whatever. Growing up, I had sex with girlfriends but also couldn't stop thinking about guys. Now that I'm a little older and have had my share of guy action (some would rudely say more than my share...), I find myself actually more attracted to women than I used to be. Perhaps some of us are always doomed to want "something different"...

 

 

On a related note, one of my first clients from when I started doing this so many months ago, was a married man I met online who persued me because he had a "odd request" (his phrase). He liked for guys to touch him softly between his legs; he didn't want or need any other sexual contact. He said he had never hired a guy but thought that he should because it would help him to get exactly what he wanted. (He had this fantasy involving many guys but he particularly liked young, frat-boy type guys with big class rings and nice hands -- apparently I fit the bill). Anyway, I had no idea what he looked like or what this situation was going to be like, but it seemed like an easy overnight (he said he'd pay that rate, no matter how long he lasted). So I headed there.

 

When I got to the door, one of the most handsome Itallian-American businessmen I've ever seen answered the door. I didn't remember his age, but he said he had a son slightly younger than me. He was in black slacks and an unbuttoned white collar shirt. He was nervous, and honestly, so was I (this was perhaps my third client ever). We talked, him in a chair, me on the bed, and he dropped his slacks. He wanted me to stay clothed, tennis shoes and all. I started rubbing the inside of his legs and he got hard within his boxers immediately. His dick was at least 8.5", uncut, and beautiful. We moved to the bed, and I kept rubbing. He kept asking if I was bored. I wasn't. I was fascinated. This guy's cock was dripping, and all I was doing was rubbing his thighs. If I got too close to his balls or his dick, he recoiled, so I didn't do anything but rub. We'd stop for a little while and talk about personal stuff or other stuff; we even stopped for dinner. But for most of the night I was there, all I did was rub between his legs. I longed to do more to him, but that wasn't what he wanted. Eventually, his balls tensed and his cock spurted, just from my touch. Unbelieveable.

 

We got together when he was in town a second time. This time we did the same thing, and though he paid me for an overnight, he ended up only having an hour or so to play. Then, he was late, so we only had a little bit of time to actually play. He came within ten minutes of the touching beginning.

 

With that, I got up the courage to just ask him about it. He had told me a lot the first time we got together about his sons (also hot according to pictures), his family, etc. We had even talked about hot women on TV, my sexuality, etc. But I hadn't asked him any questions. I had to know, though, about his fetish. He told me that he found men attractive and had tried many different types of guy-on-guy sex. He liked to fuck women but not men, didn't like the way guys sucked dick (God, how I wish I could have been given the opportunity to change his mind), and always thought when guys were doing handjobs that the rhythm was wrong. But he loved the feel of masculine hands on other parts of him. Of course, when cruising online or phone lines, he can't find guys who wouldn't want more. And he didn't want more.

 

So I guess my point from all this is that while many guys can easily define themselves as straight or gay, others find pleasure somewhere in between. Mainstream soceity doesn't make it easy to be anything but the norm, but the sexual society outside the mainstream is dominated by those who are the most assured of their sexuality -- that is, those who have strong same-sex feelings -- and many gay guys don't accept theories of bisexuality any more than straight society does (for many of the same reasons -- because it is "different" than the mindset they have, it is also threatening). Those who want to exist somewhere in the middle don't always have a place to go and are left to work it out on their own. More power to them...

 

 

 

-------

chicagocorey@yahoo.com

get to know me/updated frequently

http://www.geocities.com/chicagocorey

[Guest cmp]

Rick thinks I'm sexy! Rick thinks I'm sexy!

[Guest cmp]

"-- and many gay guys don't accept theories of bisexuality any more than straight society does (for many of the same reasons -- because it is "different" than the mindset they have, it is also threatening). Those who want to exist somewhere in the middle don't always have a place to go and are left to work it out on their own. More power to them..."

 

Bisexuality rocks!

[Guest cmp]

I think most of us are married simply because that was the natural choice for us, that was what we wanted and needed. I can see there are exceptions too, apparently compelled by the forces you mentioned. I'm looking forward to read LG's story, even if it's going to be a long one.

[Guest pickwick]

I recall a thread some months ago started by a young man in HK who was engaged to be married but who had experienced homosexual desires and who had seen escorts in order to satisfy them. He was looking for advice on what to do about his engagement. The consensus seemed to be that it would be a bad idea to go ahead with the marriage if that required deceiving his fiancee about his true feelings. I would agree with that. Deceiving someone who trusts you is never a good idea.

[Guest Gentle Dude]

>

>Bisexuality rocks!

 

 

Right on!!! Give me five.

[Guest SeaGuy]

I agree 200% with Rick. Married men rock my world. What's a married guy to do, we all know guys give better blow jobs. And if your buddy is "straight acting", you can take him "fishing" or to "play golf".

[Guest LG320126]

><<I am afraid that neither HooBoy nor the rest of the class would appreciate the length of the response>>

>

>If we run out of bandwidth,

>we'll get more. :-)

>

>I, for one, would be very

>interested in hearing your story

>(and those of others).

>

>It doesn't have to be all

>at once. But I think

>it would be very eye-opening

>to those who would first

>wail "you shouldn't do that".

>And you might make a

>few friends who are in

>the same (or similar) boat.

 

You asked for it, so here goes. I will try to stick to the questions orignally asked without straying too far(yell at me if I do).

 

<Why are you married, though gay?>

Good question. I am a 52 y.o. man who has been married for just over 29 years and have a son, 28 and a daughter, 26. I can now honestly assess the fact that I guess I have been gay from a very young age, though as a youth I would never in a million years have been permitted to even think such a thing. I am from a small midwest town (still am) and grew up with a very strict father who immigrated here from Hungary. I was beaten often by my father as was my older brother. Given this scenario, I felt as a child that the feelings I had were somewhat abnormal and therefore never spoke of them to anyone lest I be struck with lightening (besides, who would I speak of them to?). Looking back now, it is no coincidence that I was a big fan of professional wrestling, read musclemags, went to the city swimming pool to watch the hot guys not the girls, thoroughly enjoyed the lockerooms where I participated in highschool football and wrestling and again in college. Guys have always turned my head, not girls. Jumping ahead, I did meet a girl who was a tomboy and she became more of a best friend than anything, though I did so want to get out of my home environment that in 1972 I asked her to marry me - the only thing for a smalltown, straight jock to do right? I also at this time really knew nothing of the "gay" world so it was to me just natural that a guy got married to a girl. So to answer the question, I got married because I really didn't know any better. I hadn't discovered what my real feelings inside meant.

 

 

 

 

<Is it worth it?>

Again, mixed emotions. I guess I would never give back the experience of being married, raising kids, having sex whenever you wanted basically, etc. As my now gay friend Harold tells me, I have the best of both worlds while he goes through life trying to find Mr. Right, if I don't score with a guy, I have someone to sleep with. What he doesn't seem to understand is the internal anxiety that I have suffered for all these years and it sometimes hurts very much as it does at this very moment because I am seriously considering parting company with my wife and trying to enjoy my "other side" while there is still a little time left. A big drawback for me is not wanting to hurt her nor my kids and indeed wondering what their reactions would even be.

 

 

 

<Do you really have a choice?>

The choice is this. I can choose to leave my wife and possibly lose my kids in the meantime(neither live at home, so I speak of this as not a physical thing), probably lose all my longtime friends if my wife divulges why I left her, and last but not least, as the president of a good sized construction firm (been here for 35+ years)full of good-old-boy rednecks, I am sure that I will no longer be employed here. So you tell me - do I really have a choice?

 

 

<And to what extent has the ability to hook up with escorts from time to time made a difference in your life?>

Escorts have probably made the biggest difference in my life when it comes to accepting who and what I am all about - at least one particular escort. He is there for me to talk to, experiment with, enjoy life with as well as allowing me to do the same for him when he needs someone. He no longer even allows me to refer to myself as his client, but instead I have become his "stepfather" when a father figure is needed, his "big brother" when a brother is needed, but most of all we have become best friends and that is what he is to me when needed, which is most of the time. The other escorts I have seen have also been appreciated in the line of sex and I love them for this as they too have allowed me to experiment and try to find myself in a world I am fairly new to. I have only been alowing myself to explore this world for about the last 3-4 years, having to hide it all along the way, but I can tell you that I very much like what I have explored.

 

I told you this would be long and I guess I have only touched the tip of the iceberg, but maybe I have shed a little light on N2BT's question.

 

 

<(a) I live in NYC, (b) my city has a human rights ordinance that protects against discrimination of gay people in employment and public accomodations, © my family is very loving and the entire family -- mother, father, brothers, uncles, aunts, counsins -- have always been completely accepting of me and my BF, (d) my workplace is great, filled with intelligent people, which allows me to be completely out, and (e) my job does not "require" me to project a straight image to the world.>

 

You are a very lucky individual.