Do your friends know about your hobby?

[+ SundayZip]

As long as we're doing soul searching threads (see "Live goes on long after the thrill…." ), how about this one? I've been Out as a gay man for many years. I'm open with my family and friends and even most of my coworkers know I'm gay. No big deal. But, except for one friend, no one knows I hire escorts. Maybe some suspect, but they don't really know.

 

What about you guys? Other than the people on this message board, who do you talk with about your hobby? I would love to not have to omit this part of my life in conversations with friends. Or maybe I should just get new friends who share my interests.

[Barry]

Interesting question.

 

I am out to my family but only my sister knows about my hobby. Her only concern when I told her was whether there was a higher possibility of exposure to STD's and HIV specifically. I often wondered if I should tell my Mom (I think of this only when I am very angry with her) but the picture of her grabbing her chest and dropping dead isn't a nice one since I do love her. :-)

 

Of the handfull of gay friends that I have told none were at all accepting. The guys almost universally came back with "Well I would never pay for it" but amazingly a few over time have asked to see the pics of some of the guys I have hired. Hmmmmmm.

 

The lesbians I've told were shocked but mostly because they don't even understand why guys want sex all the time let alone pay for it. They felt the money would be better utilized as a downpayment on a farm or buying a new truck.

 

What amazed me most were the 4 straight male friends I have told. They were very curious and wanted to know everything about the whole escort scene including what kind of guys I have hired. A couple of them ask me "Hired anyone new lately?" whenever they see me.

[Guest TruthTeller]

>What amazed me most were the

>4 straight male friends I

>have told. They were

>very curious and wanted to

>know everything about the whole

>escort scene including what kind

>of guys I have hired.

> A couple of them

>ask me "Hired anyone new

>lately?" whenever they see me.

 

Straight guys (at least those comfortable with their sexuality) are always envious of the ease with which gay men can obtain real sexual gratification, and are equally envious of the lack of barriers to doing so.

 

Given that they have to overcome 10,000,000 hurdles in the form of uptight female sexual neurosis just to cum, the fact that gay men have sex with each other at will - and the fact that you can instantaneously get as many hot guys as you want by paying for it, who will do most anything - is a source of deep interest and amazement to them. It's like they get to live an interesting sex life vicariously through gay men, instead of the mundane sex struggle to which their heterosexuality has condemned them.

 

This often contrasts with the reaction of many gay men, who are so eager to prove their purity and goodness that they will moralize or judgmentally condemn the innocuous and fulfilling practice of using escorts.

[Guest Kevin 2]

I laugh when I hear others say they would never pay for sex. Do these staight guys actually think they are getting laid for free?? Help me out most of the straight guys I know take their date (women) out to dinner, movies, vacations, etc.. Hum sure sounds like they are paying for it to me just in a round aboutway.

[Barry]

>I laugh when I hear others

>say they would never pay

>for sex. Do these staight

>guys actually think they are

>getting laid for free?? Help

>me out most of the

>straight guys I know take

>their date (women) out to

>dinner, movies, vacations, etc.. Hum

>sure sounds like they are

>paying for it to me

>just in a round aboutway.

>

 

Actually Kevin, it was my gay friends that said that....not my str8 friends. However I use the same example to my gay friends when they say they would never pay for it. :-)

[CT Dick]

Somewhat

 

I used to be much more open about my hobby.

 

Then, I found out that my closest friend told a dinner party (which I missed, so he didn't have to deal with the glass of ice water in his face) that I had hired Eric Manchester.

 

All my close friends know that I indulge but not how often, with whom, etc.

 

Dick

[fedssocr1]

Of course str8 men have been using female prostitutes for centuries, so it's not like str8 guys don't have access to "willing women". I think they cost more though, especially the young and really pretty ones in comparison to male escorts. But I don't know that for sure from experience. :-)

 

I really don't discuss this aspect of my life with my gay friends or my family. My family knows I'm gay but it's not a topic we ever talk about much unless I am dating some one new that I am excited about or if it's relavent to current events or film or something like that. I guess I don't figure my gay friends need to know who I'm having sex with any more than anyone else needs to know. I do have one friend who knew I was visiting the houses of boys in Amsterdam when we were staying there together during the Gay Games. He asked some questions about how the whole thing worked. I did not tell him that I had been with many other escorts at home before and since then. I think he suspects that I do but he probably figures it's not really any of his business. Which it's not. I have another friend who I will sometimes mention it to, but he doesn't ask too many questions. A couple of guys know that I like to go to strip clubs, but they don't ask too many questions either. I don't get negative reactions either. Just not a big deal I guess. I don't really have any close straight friends, so it's not an issue there either.

 

I'm not ashamed that I hire out every now and then. But I don't broadcast the info around either. Just like if I happen to be dating some one I wouldn't talk about our sex life (unless it was really spectacular!)

[buttnovice]

As discussed in other threads, there is quite a variety of reasons we hire escorts. I like the comparison that dropping a couple of bills on several dinners/theater tickets, whatever, with the hope of getting into someone's pants can be the same as paying for sex. I personally am not into the bar or club scene and find it risky and expensive to spend an evening downing beverages and breathing in second hand smoke as my judgement and ability to function (drive a car) diminish. The other function has never been impaired. LOL But to the heart of this thread. . . I recently told a close friend about my hobby and it backfired big time! For me, put simply, if you are confident and comfortable with your reasons for hiring, then you should proceed to tell anyone you are feel comfortable in telling any confidence or secret. Then be prepared to explain, justify or just enjoy knowing that someone else knows. There are some things Mom just doesn't need to know.

[+ deej]

Some of my friends know. The guy who is my usual partner when going to strip clubs knows, because we've traded notes on several local dancers.

 

I have other friends who's small little minds just aren't big enough to handle the concept. I choose not to burden their already overburdened souls with my "sins" (which I don't consider sins at all).

 

I also ripped the tags off the mattress but I don't tell everyone that either. ;-)

[Guest jc92103]

I told my best friend about my hobby. The friendship went downhill from that moment on. He actually told me that the behavior is what gives Gay people a bad name. Of course, his hobby is to cruise the park after dark.

[mmk]

I do not tell my friends because it is none of their business what I do behind closed doors. Even if I go out to a bar(which is rare lately) and pick someone up and bring them back to my place, I still do not tell anyone. For lack of a better term, I have never been a "locker room talk" kind of person and I do not feel the need to tell people that I have, on occasion, hired an escort. Also, the escorts that I have hired, with the exception of one, do not advertise themselves as escorts anywhere, just as dancers/strippers and I did agree wtih not to say anything about what happened, just like they did also. Even if I did not hire them and they offered themselves freely to me, I would not say anything anyway, so I guess that the answer is no, no one knows of my hobby.

[Guest]

I think one certainly has to be careful about whom one tells. Although I always have the safest of sex with the escorts I hire, I think many people would assume that anyone who hires escorts is probably diseased. Others think it's shameful, which is ridiculous in my view. Gay people should know better than to let "traditional values" dictate their beliefs.

I once spent a a week with some friends in Puerto Vallarta. Within two days, I met a very handsome 23 year-old Mexican, and we were intimate for the rest of the week. One of my friends kept jibing (not in a hostile way, but nevertheless...) with me when the guy wasn't there that he was a "whore." I let him know that I never paid the guy a single peso. But he's a guy I probably wouldn't brag about the escorts I hire. It almost is a second closet, isn't it?

[RM]

I didn't know hiring escorts was considered a hobby.

[+ deej]

It certainly ain't a vocation.

[+ Charlie]

By participating in this forum, we do acquire new friends who share our secret hobby. Until I started posting here, I had never told anyone that I hire escorts on a regular basis, though I had told a couple of close friends that I did it once or twice for a special occasion, like a birthday. Most people, gay or straight, can understand that motivation, but they think it's pathological to buy sex regularly, so it's not wise to share the information with anyone whose attitude isn't already established, like that of the participants here. That's why Hooboy's seeting up of this message board is so deeply appreciated by me and many others.

[Rod Hagen]

>It certainly ain't a vocation.

 

For Traveller it seems to be. :-)

 

http://www.rodhagen.com

"Sex without kissing is just

masturbation."

[+ deej]

>>It certainly ain't a vocation.

>

>For Traveller it seems to be.

> :-)

 

 

LOL! Touche!

[+ SundayZip]

Thanks for the great feedback. You've helped me solidify my position. Here's what I've come up with:

 

1) Trust my instinct. If I haven't been comfortable telling certain friends up to this point, it's probably for a good reason, so why bother now. It's not the same as hiding your sexuality. For me, being gay is a big part of who I am, but hiring escorts is just something I do for fun.

 

2) It's certainly not something I need to justify to anyone, nor is it anyone's business but my own. But that's not the point of wanting to share with friends. The point of sharing with friends is just that… it feels good to share your interests, no different than wanting to discuss other hobbies with those who have the same interests.

 

3) I still want friends with whom I can openly discuss this hobby. So if it's not going to be my existing friends, then I guess I should make new friends who already share my interests.

 

Life is so easier when you condense it to three simple points.