Another Limerick....

[Athan]

A young Harvard boy, Sweet and tender,

Went out with some gays on a bender,

he returned in two days,

in a sexual haze,

no longer sure of his gender!

 

[noviceny]

I always loved limericks, but I only know straight ones. You guys remember this one ? I learned it in 8th grade (yup, Catholic school)

 

There once was a man from Peru

Who fell asleep in a canoe

While dreaming of Venus

He fingered his penis

And awoke with a handfull of goo !!!

 

And many people have heard the beginning of this one, but I always wondered if it had alternative endings :

 

There once was a man from Nantucket

Who had such a long dick he could suck it

He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin

"If my mouth was a cunt, then Id fuck it !!!"

 

That is some funny shit...I feel like we are writing on the bathroom wall !!!!

 

 

For a good time call Athan

[taylorky]

shouldn't that be "if my ASS was a cunt i would fuck it"

[Guest ncm2169]

No, actually, you BOTH have it wrong.x(

 

The punch line is: "He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin, 'if my ear was a cunt I would fuck it.'" }(

[Chuck50]

thanks NCM

[taylorky]

'if my ear was a cunt I would fuck it.'" }(

 

ahha i c...wouldn't that b called aural sex

[+ deej]

>ahha i c...wouldn't that b called aural sex

 

Music students of the world live this joke.

 

Most freshmen music majors are subjected to a course named "Aural Skills". (It used to be called "sight singing".)

 

I used to get quite a few askew glances when I'd run out of the campus coffee shop claiming "I'm late for aural skills!"

[Guest Mikel]

Athan:

 

There has to be a new folder created entitled "Humor". You could help moderate it. It is a needed addition...how nice to start each day with an erection after reading the newest reviews and then a hearty laugh after reading a riddle or limerick!

[Athan]

I haven't the foggiest idea of how to moderate. but I suppose I could...what all would it require and how does one go about starting one up?

[Boston Guy]

Talk to HB about doing it. I think it's a fun idea, too.

 

A couple more contributions:

 

There was a young fellow named Tucker

Who, instructing a novice cocksucker,

Said, "Don't blow out your lips

Like an elephant's hips;

The boys like it best when you pucker."

 

Oh, they teach the babies tricks, in Mobile.

Oh, they teach the babies tricks in Mobile.

Oh, they teach the babies tricks

And by the time that they are six

They suck their father's pricks, in Mobile.

 

There was a young fellow named Taylor

Who seduced a respectable sailor.

When they put him in jail,

He worked out the bail,

By licking the parts of the jailer.

 

A young man whose name was Tim Lesser

Was an extremely avid cross dresser

But his new bondage gear

Brought an irrational fear

Of coming too quick through the pressure.

 

A well-endowed guy called Apollo,

Remarked in the hall, "Come follow,

you should see my dong,

it's twelve inches long."

Said his friend, "That’s a hard one to swallow."

 

And then this one, with an unfortunate twist:

 

A neurotic young playboy named Gleason

Liked boys for no tangible reason.

A frontal lobotomy

Cured him of sodomy

But ruined his plans for the season.

 

BG

[AdamSmith]

Yet Another Limerick....

 

The Good Ship Venus

(a/k/a Frigging in the Rigging)

 

'Twas on the good ship Venus,

By Christ you should have seen us,

The figurehead was a #### in bed,

And the mast was the Captain's penis.

 

CHORUS:

Frigging in the rigging,

Wanking on the planking,

Masturbating on the grating,

There's fuck all else to do.

 

The Captain's wife was Mabel,

Whenever she was able,

She gave the crew their daily screw,

Upon the galley table.

 

The cabin boy's name was Kipper,

A cunning little nipper,

He lined his ass with broken glass,

And circumcised the skipper.

 

The ladies of the nation

Arose in indignation,

They stuffed his bum with chewing gum,

A smart retaliation.

 

The ship's dog's name was Rover,

We fairly bowled him over,

(The whole crew did him over,)

We ground and ground that faithful hound,

From Singapore to Dover.

 

The First Mate's name was Hopper,

By Christ, he had a whopper,

Twice round his neck, once round the deck,

And up his ass for a stopper.

 

The Captain's randy daughter,

She fell into the water,

Delighted squeals revealed that eels,

Had found her sexual quarter.

 

'Twas on the China Station,

To roars of approbation,

We sunk a Junk with a load of spunk,

By mutual masturbation.

 

The Second Mate's name was Carter,

By God, he was a farter,

When the wind wouldn't blow and the ship wouldn't go,

We'd get Carter the farter to start her.

 

The cook whose name was Freeman,

He was a dirty demon,

He served the crew with menstrual stew,

And foreskins fried in semen.

 

The Captain of that lugger,

By Christ, he was a bugger,

He wasn't fit to shovel shit,

From one ship to another.

 

The Third Mate's name was Wiggun,

By God, he had a big 'un,

We bashed that cock with lump of rock

For friggin in the riggin.

 

The next Mate's name was Andy,

By God, that man was randy,

We boiled his bum in red-hot rum,

For coming in the brandy.

 

The Fourth Mate's name was Morgan,

A homosexual Gorgon,

A dozen crow in rows could pose,

Upon his sexual organ.

 

On the trip to Buenos Aires,

We rogered all the fairies,

We got the syph at Tenneriffe,

And a dose of clap in the Canaries.

 

Another cook was O'Mally,

He didn't dilly dally,

He shot his bolt with a hell of a jolt,

And whitewashed half the galley.

 

The Captain was elated,

The Crew investigated,

The found some sand in his prostrate gland,

He had to be castrated.

 

Another Mate's name was Paul,

He only had one ball,

But with that cracker he'd roll terbaccer,

Around the cabin wall.

 

The Boatswain's name was Lester,

He was a hymen tester,

Through hymens thick he'd shove his prick

And leave it there to fester.

 

The engineer was McTavish,

And young girls he did ravish,

His missing tool's at Istanbul,

He was a trifle lavish.

 

A homo was the Purser,

He couldn't have been warser,

With all the crew he had a screw,

Until they yelled, "Oh, no sir."

 

'Twas in the Adriatic,

Where the water's almost static,

The rise and fall of arse and ball,

Was almost automatic.

 

The ship's cat's name was Hippy,

His hole was black and shitty,

But shit or not it had a twat,

The Captain showed no pity.

 

So now we end this serial,

Through sheer lack of material,

We wish you luck and freedom from

Diseases venereal.

[Athan]

RE: Yet Another Limerick....

 

That is a long one!

Awesome!

 

here's another:

 

There once was a man from Australia,

Who painted his ass like an Azalea,

The portait was fine,

The color DEVINE,

The sent, now THAT was a failure.

 

and another:

 

There once was a lady from Threce, (spelling?)

Who's corsette grew too tight to lace,

Her mother said: "Nelly,

There's more in your belly,

Than ever went into your face."

 

and another...(forgive the political incorrectness)

 

There once was a lady named Jackie,

Who had an affair with a blacky,

The result of her sins,

was quadruplets, not twins,

one white, one black, and two khaki.

[Chuck50]

RE: Yet Another Limerick....

 

Athan nice to see you back and having some fun me lad. HUGS Chuck

[+ Axiom2001]

RE: Yet Another Limerick....

 

And just think this thread went bare for about four or five days!

 

I'll attempt to add mine here soon! Thanks, Athannnnn! :9

[Guest Mikel]

RE: Yet Another Limerick....

 

I keep telling you...you gotta start a new folder on "humor"! As someone suggested...talk to HB or maybe Deej about it. I bet it becomes one of the most popular folders...perhaps after the Lounge and the Deli. Go for it Athan...it's obviously right up your alley!

[AdamSmith]

RE: Yet Another Limerick....

 

>That is a long one!

 

Cute! :+

 

One more:

 

From a niche in the crypt at Saint Giles

Came a sound which resounded for miles.

"My goodness gracious,"

Said Father Ignatius.

"I forgot that the Bishop has piles."

[+ deej]

RE: Yet Another Limerick....

 

>And just think this thread went bare for about four or five

>days!

 

I'd rather see Athan bare for a few days.

[Boston Guy]

RE: Yet Another Limerick....

 

Me, too. I think I see another trip to LA coming up real soon!

 

BG

[noviceny]

RE: Yet Another Limerick....

 

Never in my life have I read/heard limericks/dirty songs that long !!!

 

I am printing them out cause I know my friends would eat this shit up !!

 

I am amazed at how much shit we can remember if its put to rhyme/song.

 

It reminds me of rap songs that we would rap to in my house, and my mom would say, "If you knew your school work the way you knew those crappy songs, you'd be a genius!!!"

[AdamSmith]

Clerihews

 

Until you get Hoo to crank up a Humor category, we will have to keep bumping this thread.

 

Limericks are to die for. A stranger form is the Clerihew: four lines long; rhyme scheme AABB; first line ends with the name of a historical person (sometimes the second line).

 

That's it. No rules on line length, etc.

 

Named after its inventor, an Englishman named Edmund Clerihew Bentley.

 

The first, which Bentley is said to have composed during a boring science class at St Paul’s School, was:

 

Sir Humphry Davy

Abominated gravy.

He lived in the odium

Of having discovered sodium.

 

He kept going...

 

Sir Christopher Wren

Said, 'I am going to dine with some men.

If anyone calls

Say I am designing St. Paul's.'

 

Edward the Confessor

Slept under the dresser.

When that began to pall

He slept in the hall.

 

Edgar Allan Poe

Was passionately fond of roe.

He always liked to chew some

When writing anything gruesome.

 

Others contributed...

 

The people of Spain think Cervantes

Equal to half-a-dozen Dantes:

An opinion resented most bitterly

By the people of Italy.

 

Dante Alighieri

Seldom troubled a dairy.

He wrote the Inferno

On a bottle of Pernod.

 

The meaning of the poet Gay

Was always as clear as day,

While that of the poet Blake

Was often practically opaque.

 

I doubt if King John

Was a sine qua non.

I could rather imagine it

Of any other Plantagenet.

 

W.H. Auden tried his hand:

 

My first name, Wystan,

Rhymes with Tristan,

But -- O dear! -- I do hope

I'm not quite such a dope.

 

Nicholas Bentley followed his father with this one:

 

Cecil B. De Mille,

Rather against his will,

Was persuaded to leave Moses

Out of 'The Wars of the Roses'.

 

On one of the most dreadful (of several remarkably dreadful) female Romantic poets:

 

Felicia Hemans

Was no Samuel Clemens.

Any small boys who acted like bores

She turned into Spaniards and Moors.

[Guest ncm2169]

< wouldn't that b called aural sex

 

ROFLMFAO :+ :+

[Athan]

RE: Clerihews

 

FYI, I have emailed HooBoy about the Humor Forum but he has yet to reply.

Perhaps everyone who would like to have a Humor forum should email him...like a petition. Enough emails and we'll get the forum, i think.

[Chuck50]

Athan

 

Hey Babe I would like to get with you again with or without the Forumn. Last time was with Dave in Houston,,, HUGS :9 :9 :9

[Athan]

RE: Athan

 

email me anytime, Chuck.