Sex and Friendship

[Guest Monopolizer]

They don't mix well is the general consensus. My best friend is the first man I had sex with, but we were friends for 10 years before we had sex and are still best friends. He was the first person to turn on the light in my once very dark closet, and I will always love him for that and a lot of other things. Several years ago, I thought we should be in a "relationship" and got up the courage to tell him honestly how I felt. Needless to say, it all ended rather badly. Somehow, though, we’ve managed to stay friends.

 

I know now that we already had the relationship, and what would make things perfect, for me anyway, is the sex. Except, he didn’t seem to want the sex. This is the part that confuses me. We have what I think is a very deep connection. Other people comment on it and ask us if we are lovers. We are very tuned in to each other, complete each other’s sentences and often know what the other is thinking. We constantly engage in flirtatious talk and spend a lot of time together. We’ve hired escorts, watch porn regularly and have gone to sex parties together. But, now, after our failed attempt to have a relationship, both of us don’t talk about sex with each other. I want to do it and sometimes I think he does, but were both too chicken to broach the subject.

 

What is confusing to me is how much deep intimacy we have, but not sex. When I think of the good relationships some of my friends have, both gay and straight, I always hear how they are each other's best friend and have very deep connections. But, a gay therapist friend tells me he has rarely seen situations where people can successfully cross back and forth over this friendship/sex boundary.

 

So your lover can become your deep and intimate friend, but your deep and intimate friend can't become your lover? What’s up with that?

[Guest DVS]

This is a good question. I met my now best friend as an escort. I had a wonderful time with him but as our friendship has developed I have felt the proper thing to do was to refrain from hinting for sex or even expecting it even in profession.

 

Currently his friendship is more important to me than sex would ever be and believe me if you saw him you would understand this is no easy task since he is just plainly put HOT! We have a lot in common and I really care for him as a person not a sex toy.

 

Sex comes and goes but good friendships are hard to keep. I am truely happy with my new best friend and I hope I always am able to maintain myself in a proper manner after all don't forget we all get horny and suffer the pangs of lust.

 

I don't think I would ever turn down any offer of sex from him since I am still human. }> I would be careful not to tread on this territory however unless invited and make sure you are clear that this is just plain non-committed sex anything else could cloud your judgement and shed a dark cloud over your friendship.

 

Some people are successful at maintaining a dual frienship/relationship. However the best friends in relationships you refer to are compatible on a sexual tense where as you may not be your friends type but may be good for a quickie though.

 

Keep your friendship hire an escort :-)

[+ Charlie]

The sad truth is that the ingredients in a relationship that make someone a great friend are not necessarily the things that lead to great sex. While one can become a good friend with someone to whom one is originally attracted by sexual chemistry, it rarely works in the other direction.

 

My best friend and I were very close before either of us came out, but whenever we tried to have sex with one another we just giggled. We probably knew one another too well for the mystery that is usually a prerequisite for exciting sex. My lover and I, on the other hand, had great sex the day we met, and eventually he became my closest friend, but it was never the same kind of friendship.