As my life is changing more and more so are my surroundings!

September 25, 2001

Yes I am leaving LA! I have chosen to do so and am sticking to this decision. You know I think LA is one of the most difficult places to get out of. It sucks you up until it's tired of you and when you've lost your taste it spits you out. Or not! LOL. Anyways, before I allow it to consume me once again I will journey far and wide to city filled lights and shows and most importantly Friends. I am in Las Vegas right now till wednesday. I then return to tie up some loose ends in LA for a few days. So officially I will be a Las Vegian or whatever you call them starting next week. For those clients already scheduled in LA I will make it out there and will NOT cancle. Otherwise look me up in the casino directory under services. ;-)~

Mike ;-)~ <--M.M.O.T.

BuckyXTC · September 25, 2001

Good luck and all the best wishes in the world to you, Mike. Although we've never met in person, I hold you in high regard, and have faith in you that your are going to do well. Remember to take care of yourself, stay close to your friends, and know that lots of positive thoughts are being sent your way. And by all means, stay in touch with us via the message center or by email. We're pulling for you!

BuckyXTC

September 25, 2001

Hope your life changes for the better,IMHO you did an amazingly brave thing by saying what you did and in the process found yourself a lot of new friends here on this board and gained a HUGE amount of respect ,hope everything continues to work out for you .Andy

September 26, 2001

Well I thank you guys for your support and hope to meet the both of you someday. I'll be out in London in August again and perhaps out your way as well BuckyXTC. Just a small update,...Tomorrow is five weeks of being sober. Take care and you keep in touch as so will I.

Mike <--M.M.O.T.

MrMikeStefano@aol.com

213 989 9950

2139899950@airmessage.net

September 26, 2001

Great news. Will you be living with Stef in Vegas? The best of luck to you.

September 26, 2001

Mike,

The previous posters have used the very words I was going to use! Best luck, we are keeping our fingers crossed for you! Maybe I'll get to the States or to London before you retire, but that's not important right now. Your life is the most important thing right now and you have just done the right thing about it. I am so proud of you! Please keep us updated about your progress.

Stef,

Please be a good guardian angel for Mike at this crucial stage in his life. Hold his hand, the path he is taking now is hard to walk alone.

There is a warm spot in my heart for both of you.

Bilbo · September 26, 2001

That's one of the problems with everyone agreeeing on something. There are only so many ways to say it. So I hope you realize that anytime you see support for you on this site it is only the tip of the iceberg and there are at least nine times as many people wishing you well, At Least, as there are people visible - above the waterline, so to speak.

September 28, 2001

>That's one of the problems with

>everyone agreeeing on something. There

>are only so many ways

>to say it. So I

>hope you realize that anytime

>you see support for you

>on this site it is

>only the tip of the

>iceberg and there are at

>least nine times as many

>people wishing you well, At

>Least, as there are people

>visible - above the waterline,

>so to speak.

You know that is something that I really needed to hear right now. Today is 5 weeks and one day of being sober, ok. I got up this morning, turned on my pc, jumped in the LVM4M chatroom and my heart began to race as I read one screen name that caught my eye like the corner of a sharp object. It read something along the lines "CumN PnP wMe" or something. Well as strange as that may seem to some, it was so far the scariest moment of my sobriety. I actually sat for a second as the thought of IM-ing this guy crossed my mind. Now thank God for Stef who had been awake and was at the pc next to mine. I suggested we go play pool and we did. Still it was and remains frightening to think that that thought even caressed my brain cells. Especially after all that I have been through. So...Thank you for your continual support. To those who are posting, those afraid too, and those whose thoughts have already been expressed through someone else. A big warm tight hug with my face nestled in all your shoulders is what I send to you all! Love you all.

BTW A special thanks to Stef for being there when he was needed. ;-)~

Mike ;-)~ <--M.M.O.T.

September 28, 2001

>You know that is something that I really needed to hear right now. Today is 5 weeks and one day of being sober, ok. I got up this morning, turned on my pc, jumped in the LVM4M chatroom and my heart began to race as I read one screen name that caught my eye like the >corner of a sharp object.

It read something along the lines "CumN PnP wMe" or something. Well as strange as that may seem to some, it was so far the scariest moment of my sobriety. I actually sat for a second as the thought of IM-ing this guy crossed my mind. Now thank God

for Stef who had been awake and was at the pc next to mine. I

suggested we go play pool and we did. Still it was and remains frightening to think that that thought even caressed my brain cells. Especially after all that I have been through. So...Thank you for your continual support. To those who are posting, those afraid too, and those whose thoughts have already been expressed through someone else. A big warm >tight hug with my face

nestled in all your shoulders is what I send to you all! Love you all.

>BTW A special thanks to Stef

>for being there when he

>was needed. ;-)~

>

>Mike ;-)~ <--M.M.O.T.

I rarely open myself to that point but I guess today it was meant to be that special day where Mister Lacoste needed advices, or I should say " needed help"....

One day crazy Santa told me that " life is like a shit sandwich, you take a bite everyday" well I do realize that life is a real sandwich and a big one by the way.

I really did appreciate everyone's comments on this message center and at my big surprise it went so well, and even helped a lot Mike. I won't forget those eyes and smile while he was reading your nice comments, and that was making his new journey so easy to start....

..............One week, so hard to get through that addiction and worst those withdrawals, an other week goes by and it seems like the all world change, and then you don't even see the third week going by because you are enjoying so much your new friends, new place, you really do enjoy to the point of forgetting what did happen in the past. 5 weeks goes by and then something in your mind is telling you that danger is everywhere and it is time for everyone to give attention to every single thing around us.... comes to that day where you are confronted (face to) to the real danger... That I do call " life" itself....

That wonderful guy that I have never stopped loving, that wonderful guy that those who haven't meet yet and those who has already spent time with is today face to the danger.... face to that life really hard to understand... more the days goes by, harder it is for me to understand what is going on.....

I have spent 8 months in los Angeles in love with the most beautiful lover in hearth, trying to deal with those problems and I failed, I failed so bad that I did run away, went back to Vegas and cried like a little kid who kinda knew what was happening but did not want to face the reality.... simply that I was too weak to deal with life.....and I was not able to help my lover.... A big jump over the ocean and here he is in London, with great people and friends of mine who took care of that wonderful guy....... a big jump which helped him to realize how important was life and how important it was to deal with it being happy and healthy...... a new hope for him ....

Well today he is back , near me in that city of lights where one year ago exactly , was born the most wonderful love and friendship that two lovers could have ever dreamed for...... He is here sober and really motivated but scared, very scared I can tell, because his ex lover still in love has already seen those scared eyes and now those both guys are scared the hell of what might happen......

I'm again weak and really don't know how to deal with it, and I really need your advices because I can't fail twice, I really can't.

If some of you out there , has been through that, what did you do ? What did happen ? What Do I need to do ? What does he really need to do ? That danger is everywhere, and no matter where he will go , He will be face to it and that is really scary.... Can you be at the age of 20 mature enough to stop thinking about that shit you can find everywhere on the street ? Can he be strong enough ? Can you really stop ? I only hear bad stories, I only hear those scary stories that I really can't even hope for my worst enemy... so what has to be done ? Wait... ? Wait to see if he is strong enough to not fail once again ?

A " hurted" love is the worst you can live with, that is so hard, painful such as someone you really loved who passed the way.... I have been through that already and Know the feeling... Hurtful feeling similar as the feeling I'm having right now....

I'm not here to cry of tears , but here to cry for help and advices and I know some of you out there, will be able to motivate us , I do have hope....

I would have never thought about posting those kinds of things here on this message center , where we talk about sex , fuck, dick, cheating, everything and nothing...... but this is happening and I hope I do not bother those who don't need that kind of thread.... so I do apologize in advance......but today it seems that I need you , as one day some people needed me ......... I thought I was strong, but it seems that I had a bad jugement of myself.....

Kiss&hug

Je suis fou d'amour Mike ...Bisous

Stephan Lacoste

1-702-616-3345

http://www.stephanlacoste.com

http://www.eboysvideo.com

marc anthony · September 28, 2001

Stef and Mike: Substance abuse and addiction is one of the most difficult things in the world to tackle. Without professional help, the long term cure rate is very low. There are many mental health professionals who specialize in substance abuse, and many host group sessions which have turned out to be the most effective way the manage the problem. The more support, the better. I would strongly recommend that you not go this alone. Seek some professional help. The cost is minimal compared to the cost of long term addiction. Your small incident today is just a preview to how difficult this is to manage without the help of a pro and a large support network.

September 28, 2001

IMHO the problem with any problem such as substance or alcohol abuse or depression is that it takes TIME and lots of it to sort through all the problems,hang ups,lapses if there are any, god we are all praying there aren't ,it really is a process of living life day by day and overcoming any problems that may come long.

Obviously there are treatment programmes and substance abuse groups /counselling but it seems that Mike has done the hard work in getting clean ,that was step one now step two is staying that way,there will be times where he wants to relapse SO bad that it will be hard but he needs friends around him to help him cope and get him back into a normal way of life ,Stef your reputation on this board is of a very kind,sweet gentle guy and you are obviously frightened of what might happen as you have seen the bad times and are hoping that they do not return but look on the bright side Mike has turned the corner lets hope the road he is now on is better for both of you.

aide-toi,le ciel t'aidera.Andy

September 28, 2001

Stef,

I'm writing to you now, not to Mike, as you have to be that guardian angel for him as I said in an earlier post. Please don't blame yourself for what can be perceived as a moment of weakness. You are a good and warm-hearted person, you are human, no one expects you to know everything or to be perfect. Your post only shows how much you care and how lucky Mike is to have you holding his hand on this narrow bridge.

You will have to find professional help. I hope people living in the States and reading this will point you to the relevant phone numbers. You will have to take all the initiative: registering Mike, taking him to the meetings, being there with him during the sessions. He will be stronger if he is guided by a strong hand at the beginning of this journey.

Above all, be with him, be there for him. We are with him in our thoughts and prayers, but that's not enough. We are unknown faces behind a message board, he can't ask us for immediate help at 3 am, should the need arise.

You can be proud, not apologetic, about your post even if we do discuss sex and dicks on this board. This is much more important right now. We can get back to discussing sex with you two and/or other hotties some other time, it's never too late for drooling.

Mike,

Thanks for nestling your head in my shoulder in your post. How could you guess that was what I always wanted you to do? I hope you don't mind that I have addressed this post to Stef. Cling onto him, be strong, don't give in to temptation, open up during those support sessions, and please keep us updated.

Bilbo · September 28, 2001

Someone wiser than myself (who can't even remember who said it) once said that courage is not the absense of fear but the overcoming of it. Or words to that effect.

Did you ever hear about the gay faith healer? He puts the palm of his hand of your forehead and says, "Get over it, Mary!"

OK, some will be mad at me for cracking a joke. But, as the Readers Digest says, laughter is the best medicene. This is deadly serious business, but when its just the two of you there together, don't feel like you have to be deadly serious about it all the time.

Hugs and giggles,

Bilbo

BuckyXTC · September 28, 2001

Stephan & Mike

I think of you both every day now, even when you don't post a message here. The advice given here by caring friends who want to see healing come to Mike's life has been very good. That said, it is no substitute for therapy. Words of support from your friends here, myself included, are important, and help you both feel you're not in this alone, but you need to get that therapeutic process started as soon as possible. A local social service agency should be able to steer you toward groups like Narcotics Anonymous, or counselors that deal with substance abuse issues. If I lived in your area, I'm sure I could give you specific phone numbers to call, and I'll be checking into that anyway. You're on the right track, just keep moving forward. Mike, as hard as it is, you have to stay focused on positive things, the love and support of Steph, your friends. Set positive goals and work at them continuously. As best as is possible, stay away from places where temptation will be the greatest.

Give serious consideration to a Narcotics Anonymous group....I've known folks who found it tremendously helpful in staying clean.

Love to you both from the East Coast.

BuckyXTC

BuckyXTC · September 28, 2001

Important information for Mike & Stephan

Mike & Stephan:

Here is the information I promised, for the Las Vegas area:

Narcotics Anonymous Information Hotline: (702) 898-8111

Here is the URL for the local group, with meeting times:

http://www.wizard.com/elvana/directions.htm

Hope this is helpful for you. You're both in my thoughts and prayers.

BuckyXTC

September 28, 2001

Dearest Mike & Stef,

I have, for over a year now, tried to be there for both of you in your times of need. I have seen and been with you both together and have witnessed the demise of a relationship that was so beautiful. You both now have the opportunity to re-build that relationship, something that few people get a second chance at. You both also have the opportunity to overcome personal faults and problems and believe me guys you are capable of it but it will take both of you working hard together to make it happen. The men on this board have offered up their best wishes for you both and some have even offered more than that. The rest is up to you.

To Mike, I have told you numerous times that you are so talented and that the decision to take control of your life has always and will always be in your hands (along with a little help from the man upstairs.) You are fighting the fight of your life. You have been knocked down a few times but you are back on your feet and there are still some rounds to go and you still have the opportunity to be the champ. Do it you Crazy Kid, you deserve to be a champion.

To Stef, what can I say? We have been through even more together and I look forward to that always being the case. You are now crying out for help and with all the guys you have befriended and brought happiness to, you have one hell of a cheering section rooting you on. This challenge is just as big for you as it is for Mike as you have been chosen as the one to help him get through this thing whether you like it or not. Just as I am sure he will win this fight, I am just as sure that you will come out on top also for you too are a champion.

I have always told you both that even though we are so far apart geographically, I would always be there for you and so I promise you both that just as soon as I can, I will make a trip to be by your sides. We will hold hands, pray, laugh, cry and whatever else can be done to lend support to you. The 3 Stooges will ride again.

Too HooBoy, sorry for the lengthy post. I have never done this before and will try not to again.

Peace and love to you all!

Larry

September 29, 2001

>

>Did you ever hear about the

>gay faith healer? He puts

>the palm of his hand

>of your forehead and says,

>"Get over it, Mary!"

>

>OK, some will be mad at

>me for cracking a joke.

>But, as the Readers Digest

>says, laughter is the best

>medicene. This is deadly serious

>business, but when its just

>the two of you there

>together, don't feel like you

>have to be deadly serious

>about it all the time.

And I agree. LO Fucking-cough-L. Thank you for taking a bit of the edge off. Stef and I get into some arguments sometimes because I do the same thing with serious issues but Laughter is amazingly theraputic. Especially for someone like me. So thank you!

Mike ;-)~ <--M.M.O.T.

>

>Hugs and giggles,

>Bilbo

September 29, 2001

>

>Mike,

>

>Thanks for nestling your head in

>my shoulder in your post.

> How could you guess

>that was what I always

>wanted you to do?

>

You know I read your mind. Besides it seemed like such a warm safe place for my head to be. Aplace where I can finally find peace with my eyes closed even if only for a moment(or as long as your shoulder could stand my heavy head.)

>I hope you don't mind

>that I have addressed this

>post to Stef. Cling

>onto him, be strong, don't

>give in to temptation, open

>up during those support sessions,

>and please keep us updated.

I dont mind in the least. I posted not only for my feelings to be expressed and for ME to be comforted. I know I'm not the only one goig through this now and that is a comfort in itself. And those who I have dragged in or those who have chosen to join the line need to feel the love and support and thanks and advice that I have received.

Today I am sick. I had to cancel on a client because I woke up feeling as though a 50 lb bag of cement had been dropped on my upper chest. Well who was there to take me to the emergency room? Mr. Lacoste. Alot of you don't realize how much he is being put through just sticking by me. Well I do and that is the reason that I need him as a "friend" right now. I cannot live with hurting him again and I cannot commit to anything other than recovery in order not to make selfish decisions. But I am very lucky to have him by my side and you all on the other side.

Mike ;-)~ One Day At A Time.

September 29, 2001