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As my life is changing more and more so are my surroundings!


Guest Stefano
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Yes I am leaving LA! I have chosen to do so and am sticking to this decision. You know I think LA is one of the most difficult places to get out of. It sucks you up until it's tired of you and when you've lost your taste it spits you out. Or not! LOL. Anyways, before I allow it to consume me once again I will journey far and wide to city filled lights and shows and most importantly Friends. I am in Las Vegas right now till wednesday. I then return to tie up some loose ends in LA for a few days. So officially I will be a Las Vegian or whatever you call them starting next week. For those clients already scheduled in LA I will make it out there and will NOT cancle. Otherwise look me up in the casino directory under services. ;-)~

 

Mike ;-)~ <--M.M.O.T.

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Good luck and all the best wishes in the world to you, Mike. Although we've never met in person, I hold you in high regard, and have faith in you that your are going to do well. Remember to take care of yourself, stay close to your friends, and know that lots of positive thoughts are being sent your way. And by all means, stay in touch with us via the message center or by email. We're pulling for you!

 

BuckyXTC

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Hope your life changes for the better,IMHO you did an amazingly brave thing by saying what you did and in the process found yourself a lot of new friends here on this board and gained a HUGE amount of respect ,hope everything continues to work out for you .Andy :D

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Well I thank you guys for your support and hope to meet the both of you someday. I'll be out in London in August again and perhaps out your way as well BuckyXTC. Just a small update,...Tomorrow is five weeks of being sober. Take care and you keep in touch as so will I.

 

Mike <--M.M.O.T.

MrMikeStefano@aol.com

213 989 9950

2139899950@airmessage.net

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Mike,

 

The previous posters have used the very words I was going to use! Best luck, we are keeping our fingers crossed for you! Maybe I'll get to the States or to London before you retire, but that's not important right now. Your life is the most important thing right now and you have just done the right thing about it. I am so proud of you! Please keep us updated about your progress.

 

Stef,

 

Please be a good guardian angel for Mike at this crucial stage in his life. Hold his hand, the path he is taking now is hard to walk alone.

 

There is a warm spot in my heart for both of you.

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That's one of the problems with everyone agreeeing on something. There are only so many ways to say it. So I hope you realize that anytime you see support for you on this site it is only the tip of the iceberg and there are at least nine times as many people wishing you well, At Least, as there are people visible - above the waterline, so to speak.

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>That's one of the problems with

>everyone agreeeing on something. There

>are only so many ways

>to say it. So I

>hope you realize that anytime

>you see support for you

>on this site it is

>only the tip of the

>iceberg and there are at

>least nine times as many

>people wishing you well, At

>Least, as there are people

>visible - above the waterline,

>so to speak.

 

 

You know that is something that I really needed to hear right now. Today is 5 weeks and one day of being sober, ok. I got up this morning, turned on my pc, jumped in the LVM4M chatroom and my heart began to race as I read one screen name that caught my eye like the corner of a sharp object. It read something along the lines "CumN PnP wMe" or something. Well as strange as that may seem to some, it was so far the scariest moment of my sobriety. I actually sat for a second as the thought of IM-ing this guy crossed my mind. Now thank God for Stef who had been awake and was at the pc next to mine. I suggested we go play pool and we did. Still it was and remains frightening to think that that thought even caressed my brain cells. Especially after all that I have been through. So...Thank you for your continual support. To those who are posting, those afraid too, and those whose thoughts have already been expressed through someone else. A big warm tight hug with my face nestled in all your shoulders is what I send to you all! Love you all.

 

BTW A special thanks to Stef for being there when he was needed. ;-)~

 

Mike ;-)~ <--M.M.O.T.

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Guest Stephan-Lacoste

>You know that is something that I really needed to hear right now. Today is 5 weeks and one day of being sober, ok. I got up this morning, turned on my pc, jumped in the LVM4M chatroom and my heart began to race as I read one screen name that caught my eye like the >corner of a sharp object.

It read something along the lines "CumN PnP wMe" or something. Well as strange as that may seem to some, it was so far the scariest moment of my sobriety. I actually sat for a second as the thought of IM-ing this guy crossed my mind. Now thank God

for Stef who had been awake and was at the pc next to mine. I

suggested we go play pool and we did. Still it was and remains frightening to think that that thought even caressed my brain cells. Especially after all that I have been through. So...Thank you for your continual support. To those who are posting, those afraid too, and those whose thoughts have already been expressed through someone else. A big warm >tight hug with my face

nestled in all your shoulders is what I send to you all! Love you all.

>BTW A special thanks to Stef

>for being there when he

>was needed. ;-)~

>

>Mike ;-)~ <--M.M.O.T.

 

I rarely open myself to that point but I guess today it was meant to be that special day where Mister Lacoste needed advices, or I should say " needed help"....

One day crazy Santa told me that " life is like a shit sandwich, you take a bite everyday" well I do realize that life is a real sandwich and a big one by the way.

I really did appreciate everyone's comments on this message center and at my big surprise it went so well, and even helped a lot Mike. I won't forget those eyes and smile while he was reading your nice comments, and that was making his new journey so easy to start....

 

..............One week, so hard to get through that addiction and worst those withdrawals, an other week goes by and it seems like the all world change, and then you don't even see the third week going by because you are enjoying so much your new friends, new place, you really do enjoy to the point of forgetting what did happen in the past. 5 weeks goes by and then something in your mind is telling you that danger is everywhere and it is time for everyone to give attention to every single thing around us.... comes to that day where you are confronted (face to) to the real danger... That I do call " life" itself....

 

That wonderful guy that I have never stopped loving, that wonderful guy that those who haven't meet yet and those who has already spent time with is today face to the danger.... face to that life really hard to understand... more the days goes by, harder it is for me to understand what is going on.....

I have spent 8 months in los Angeles in love with the most beautiful lover in hearth, trying to deal with those problems and I failed, I failed so bad that I did run away, went back to Vegas and cried like a little kid who kinda knew what was happening but did not want to face the reality.... simply that I was too weak to deal with life.....and I was not able to help my lover.... A big jump over the ocean and here he is in London, with great people and friends of mine who took care of that wonderful guy....... a big jump which helped him to realize how important was life and how important it was to deal with it being happy and healthy...... a new hope for him ....

 

Well today he is back , near me in that city of lights where one year ago exactly , was born the most wonderful love and friendship that two lovers could have ever dreamed for...... He is here sober and really motivated but scared, very scared I can tell, because his ex lover still in love has already seen those scared eyes and now those both guys are scared the hell of what might happen......

 

I'm again weak and really don't know how to deal with it, and I really need your advices because I can't fail twice, I really can't.

If some of you out there , has been through that, what did you do ? What did happen ? What Do I need to do ? What does he really need to do ? That danger is everywhere, and no matter where he will go , He will be face to it and that is really scary.... Can you be at the age of 20 mature enough to stop thinking about that shit you can find everywhere on the street ? Can he be strong enough ? Can you really stop ? I only hear bad stories, I only hear those scary stories that I really can't even hope for my worst enemy... so what has to be done ? Wait... ? Wait to see if he is strong enough to not fail once again ?

A " hurted" love is the worst you can live with, that is so hard, painful such as someone you really loved who passed the way.... I have been through that already and Know the feeling... Hurtful feeling similar as the feeling I'm having right now....

I'm not here to cry of tears , but here to cry for help and advices and I know some of you out there, will be able to motivate us , I do have hope....

 

I would have never thought about posting those kinds of things here on this message center , where we talk about sex , fuck, dick, cheating, everything and nothing...... but this is happening and I hope I do not bother those who don't need that kind of thread.... so I do apologize in advance......but today it seems that I need you , as one day some people needed me ......... I thought I was strong, but it seems that I had a bad jugement of myself.....

 

Kiss&hug

 

Je suis fou d'amour Mike ...Bisous

 

 

 

Stephan Lacoste

1-702-616-3345

http://www.stephanlacoste.com

http://www.eboysvideo.com

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Stef and Mike: Substance abuse and addiction is one of the most difficult things in the world to tackle. Without professional help, the long term cure rate is very low. There are many mental health professionals who specialize in substance abuse, and many host group sessions which have turned out to be the most effective way the manage the problem. The more support, the better. I would strongly recommend that you not go this alone. Seek some professional help. The cost is minimal compared to the cost of long term addiction. Your small incident today is just a preview to how difficult this is to manage without the help of a pro and a large support network.

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IMHO the problem with any problem such as substance or alcohol abuse or depression is that it takes TIME and lots of it to sort through all the problems,hang ups,lapses if there are any, god we are all praying there aren't ,it really is a process of living life day by day and overcoming any problems that may come long.

Obviously there are treatment programmes and substance abuse groups /counselling but it seems that Mike has done the hard work in getting clean ,that was step one now step two is staying that way,there will be times where he wants to relapse SO bad that it will be hard but he needs friends around him to help him cope and get him back into a normal way of life ,Stef your reputation on this board is of a very kind,sweet gentle guy and you are obviously frightened of what might happen as you have seen the bad times and are hoping that they do not return but look on the bright side Mike has turned the corner lets hope the road he is now on is better for both of you.

aide-toi,le ciel t'aidera.Andy

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Stef,

 

I'm writing to you now, not to Mike, as you have to be that guardian angel for him as I said in an earlier post. Please don't blame yourself for what can be perceived as a moment of weakness. You are a good and warm-hearted person, you are human, no one expects you to know everything or to be perfect. Your post only shows how much you care and how lucky Mike is to have you holding his hand on this narrow bridge.

 

You will have to find professional help. I hope people living in the States and reading this will point you to the relevant phone numbers. You will have to take all the initiative: registering Mike, taking him to the meetings, being there with him during the sessions. He will be stronger if he is guided by a strong hand at the beginning of this journey.

 

Above all, be with him, be there for him. We are with him in our thoughts and prayers, but that's not enough. We are unknown faces behind a message board, he can't ask us for immediate help at 3 am, should the need arise.

 

You can be proud, not apologetic, about your post even if we do discuss sex and dicks on this board. This is much more important right now. We can get back to discussing sex with you two and/or other hotties some other time, it's never too late for drooling.

 

Mike,

 

Thanks for nestling your head in my shoulder in your post. How could you guess that was what I always wanted you to do? I hope you don't mind that I have addressed this post to Stef. Cling onto him, be strong, don't give in to temptation, open up during those support sessions, and please keep us updated.

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Someone wiser than myself (who can't even remember who said it) once said that courage is not the absense of fear but the overcoming of it. Or words to that effect.

Did you ever hear about the gay faith healer? He puts the palm of his hand of your forehead and says, "Get over it, Mary!"

 

OK, some will be mad at me for cracking a joke. But, as the Readers Digest says, laughter is the best medicene. This is deadly serious business, but when its just the two of you there together, don't feel like you have to be deadly serious about it all the time.

Hugs and giggles,

Bilbo

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Stephan & Mike

 

I think of you both every day now, even when you don't post a message here. The advice given here by caring friends who want to see healing come to Mike's life has been very good. That said, it is no substitute for therapy. Words of support from your friends here, myself included, are important, and help you both feel you're not in this alone, but you need to get that therapeutic process started as soon as possible. A local social service agency should be able to steer you toward groups like Narcotics Anonymous, or counselors that deal with substance abuse issues. If I lived in your area, I'm sure I could give you specific phone numbers to call, and I'll be checking into that anyway. You're on the right track, just keep moving forward. Mike, as hard as it is, you have to stay focused on positive things, the love and support of Steph, your friends. Set positive goals and work at them continuously. As best as is possible, stay away from places where temptation will be the greatest.

 

Give serious consideration to a Narcotics Anonymous group....I've known folks who found it tremendously helpful in staying clean.

 

Love to you both from the East Coast.

BuckyXTC

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Important information for Mike & Stephan

 

Mike & Stephan:

 

Here is the information I promised, for the Las Vegas area:

 

Narcotics Anonymous Information Hotline: (702) 898-8111

 

Here is the URL for the local group, with meeting times:

 

http://www.wizard.com/elvana/directions.htm

 

Hope this is helpful for you. You're both in my thoughts and prayers.

BuckyXTC

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Guest LG320126

Dearest Mike & Stef,

 

I have, for over a year now, tried to be there for both of you in your times of need. I have seen and been with you both together and have witnessed the demise of a relationship that was so beautiful. You both now have the opportunity to re-build that relationship, something that few people get a second chance at. You both also have the opportunity to overcome personal faults and problems and believe me guys you are capable of it but it will take both of you working hard together to make it happen. The men on this board have offered up their best wishes for you both and some have even offered more than that. The rest is up to you.

 

To Mike, I have told you numerous times that you are so talented and that the decision to take control of your life has always and will always be in your hands (along with a little help from the man upstairs.) :) You are fighting the fight of your life. You have been knocked down a few times but you are back on your feet and there are still some rounds to go and you still have the opportunity to be the champ. Do it you Crazy Kid, you deserve to be a champion.

 

To Stef, what can I say? We have been through even more together and I look forward to that always being the case. You are now crying out for help and with all the guys you have befriended and brought happiness to, you have one hell of a cheering section rooting you on. This challenge is just as big for you as it is for Mike as you have been chosen as the one to help him get through this thing whether you like it or not. Just as I am sure he will win this fight, I am just as sure that you will come out on top also for you too are a champion.

 

I have always told you both that even though we are so far apart geographically, I would always be there for you and so I promise you both that just as soon as I can, I will make a trip to be by your sides. We will hold hands, pray, laugh, cry and whatever else can be done to lend support to you. The 3 Stooges will ride again. :)

 

Too HooBoy, sorry for the lengthy post. I have never done this before and will try not to again.

 

Peace and love to you all!

 

Larry

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>

>Did you ever hear about the

>gay faith healer? He puts

>the palm of his hand

>of your forehead and says,

>"Get over it, Mary!"

>

>OK, some will be mad at

>me for cracking a joke.

>But, as the Readers Digest

>says, laughter is the best

>medicene. This is deadly serious

>business, but when its just

>the two of you there

>together, don't feel like you

>have to be deadly serious

>about it all the time.

 

And I agree. LO Fucking-cough-L. Thank you for taking a bit of the edge off. Stef and I get into some arguments sometimes because I do the same thing with serious issues but Laughter is amazingly theraputic. Especially for someone like me. So thank you!

 

Mike ;-)~ <--M.M.O.T.

>

>Hugs and giggles,

>Bilbo

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>

>

>Mike,

>

>Thanks for nestling your head in

>my shoulder in your post.

> How could you guess

>that was what I always

>wanted you to do?

 

>

 

You know I read your mind. Besides it seemed like such a warm safe place for my head to be. Aplace where I can finally find peace with my eyes closed even if only for a moment(or as long as your shoulder could stand my heavy head.)

 

 

>I hope you don't mind

>that I have addressed this

>post to Stef. Cling

>onto him, be strong, don't

>give in to temptation, open

>up during those support sessions,

>and please keep us updated.

 

 

 

I dont mind in the least. I posted not only for my feelings to be expressed and for ME to be comforted. I know I'm not the only one goig through this now and that is a comfort in itself. And those who I have dragged in or those who have chosen to join the line need to feel the love and support and thanks and advice that I have received.

 

Today I am sick. I had to cancel on a client because I woke up feeling as though a 50 lb bag of cement had been dropped on my upper chest. Well who was there to take me to the emergency room? Mr. Lacoste. Alot of you don't realize how much he is being put through just sticking by me. Well I do and that is the reason that I need him as a "friend" right now. I cannot live with hurting him again and I cannot commit to anything other than recovery in order not to make selfish decisions. But I am very lucky to have him by my side and you all on the other side.

 

Mike ;-)~ One Day At A Time.

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RE: Important information for Mike & Stephan

 

BuckyXTC

 

That was more than a kind word, it was an effort put forth that I have been avoiding. I have been to meetings and agree that they are an enormous key to recovering from any addiction. Stef and myself were just last night at about 1;30 in the AM sitting on his porch and talking. I explained to him what I had post and then explained that I needed to join a program. On those days that I struggle all day long and run from tempation coming from all corners, it's an amazing accomplishment to be abloe to share with others who have undergone the same or similar routine. And are at a meeting still sober. So thank you and I will take all the good advice and prayers and try my best to put them all to good use. Thank you!

 

Mike ;-)~

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Guest Jason Reardone

RE: Important information for Mike & Stephan

 

http://www.JasonReardoneEscort.com

 

Can I just chime in and say one thing? Although I have been overseas for a while now. The thoughts, feelings and emotion I "read" coming from Mike astonishes me.

 

Having befriended Mike not quite a year ago. I knew the problems he faced both with Stef and inside as well. I didn't realize the effect this addiction had on your life, Mike. I would like to say, "Bravo!, My friend". Having only read your recent posts I am so thrilled to see the intelligent, confident, well spoken kid I knew was inside there. You, my friend have much going for you and I'm pleased that you have settled things on the home-front despite how adverse thing may have seemed to me during that challenging seperation.

 

Mike, please contact me, I'll try and do the same. I'm pleased to see you here in the MC and pleased that you have "divorced Ms. Tina", she's a bitch anyway, :) Love you guy, talk soon and again I can't tell you how proud I am of you.

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RE: Important information for Mike & Stephan

 

Having totally lost myself in LA - really in alcohol AND OTHER DRUGS - I want to share some experience, strength and especially hope with you. I tried detoxing on the theory I could start over at the beginning again. I switched drugs. I tried controlled using. I tried will power. I tried psychotherapy. I tried hypnosis. I even tried Jake's Anonymous (that's going to meetings still thinking I was somehow different than all the others and didn't need the steps or THEIR program of recovery. I used up everything and everybody (especially me) in the process and fled LA. And, finally, I was ready to try something someone else's way and that willingness was the beginning of an unbelievable new life that I could not possibly have understood without just doing it. The professionals are here, with me and there, with you and our stories are all the same. Those of us that finally surrendered to a new way of life and have found out not just how to live sober, but happy and free beyond any previous understanding, and those who are still trying to find some other solution. These pros are in the rooms of NA (and AA)

You'll meet the best friends you've ever had - including yourself. And Steph, the best thing you can possibly do for Mike is to encourage and support him in this and go to Naranon or Alanon FOR YOURSELF. Been there - and been here for 23 years. Here is incredibly better. Let me know if you want my direct e. May the power be with you.

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RE: Important information for Mike & Stephan

 

Cynics will take this the wrong way but some of you will understand the sentiment I truly feel toward Mike, Stef, Jason, and everyone else with touching stories throughout...

 

[h1]GROUP HUG![/h1]

 

and if anyone ever needs another....

 

[h1]We'll make more[/h1]

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RE: Important information for Mike & Stephan

 

U know how funny it seems to me at this very moment that I shared so much and wasn't afraid to do so? I'm fucking laughing! My mom used to tell me that I had a way with people and gaining their trust and respect and that that was a gift noone could ever take away from me. The funny thing is that she was wrong. Because I took it away from myself. My confidence and love for life and laughing were thrown away with the leftovers from the meal I couldn't finish. My eyes were ripped out of their sockets by my own two hands and then sewn onto the souls of my shoes so that noone could see the shame they carried. My pride was stripped like a president being impeached only it wasn't stripped by an entire country but rather one person. Me! And I also tried the hypnosis and other drugs and everything and anything that I thought was the solution to my problems. But I didn't try one thing. And that was the exploration of me.

 

What I had come from, what I had always wanted, what inspired me, what got me this far, what made me laugh and smile and sigh and yes even cry. And when finally I had nowhere to run or hide and was faced with the ugly truth of what was left of me, I too surrendered. Surrendered to thinking rationally and being honest with myself. And once again i find myself at this same point.

 

I mean, this may sound crazy, but how often every day do you worry about what someone else is thinking of how you look or dress or act or talk or walk or anything that makes you you?! I can't answer that question for you but I definately know that it's more than once for me. Yet I am the only person that I feel can truely judge me and my intentions and that's a big thanks to this wonderful burden I call my conscience. So if I have this knowledge what is it that wont allow me to be satisfied with myself or proud of myself for my milestones at 20 yrs old? Again I search for an answer and the only thing I can come up with is guilt. I started this laughing and now I'm forced to end it crying. Crying with frustration that I simply cannot find a solution even sober. I know I have sounded like an idiot throughout this post but I hope those who have been here can understand and tolerate my drama queen emotions. Thank you all once again for your time.

 

Mike

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RE: Important information for Mike & Stephan

 

Mike:

 

It's Sunday morning here, and just read your latest post, and my eyes seem to have sprung a serious leak again. I'm so moved by what you've shared....your woundedness, your vulnerability, and your serious wrestling with who you are. Amidst the muck and mire you sense is all around you; the bad choices and decisions you've made in the past that lead up to where you find yourself at this very moment in time, there's also hope and promise and treasure within you. And as you give due attention to your wounds, you'll begin to recapture a sense of that treasure that lies within and believe me, it is there. It is no accident that so many of us here......some who are blessed to know you in person, and others like myself who have as of yet only experienced your humanity through this message area, have come to care about you deeply and want to join with you in your struggle. Yes, you're at a delicate stage in your journey toward recovery, but each step along the way is important, and its very important that you realize in the process of addressing your woundedness that you also contemplate your gifts and treasures. In our dark hours they can be hard to see, but they're there. Consider the fact that you have touched the lives of strangers and friends here, that you've elicited tears and caring from the hearts of others.....not tears of pity, but tears of compassion and love and hope. Mike, in many ways, we're all the walking wounded. I marvel at your courage in this struggle, for I know that struggle is painful and deep, and I hope you realize that what you've shared here bears the seeds of possibility for helping others in their struggle with the same. You give me new hope by your efforts to reclaim your gifts that lie in your heart and soul. I believe in you, and many others do as well; don't stop believing in yourself, and those who care about you.

 

I remember a story the late Nenri Nouwen told about a man he called the "wounded healer". The man went about helping others who were wounded, only stopping long enough to unbandage his wounds and treat them, so he could continue his work in healing others. Tend to your wounds first and foremost, Mike. Get into that NA group I and others have suggested. And in time, you'll be helping others deal with their woundedness. Actually, you already are!

 

I'm on my way to church, and I'll be sure to say a special prayer for you and Steph....a prayer for strength, a prayer for your healing and wholeness.

 

Big hugs for you both!

BuckyXTC

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>You know I read your mind. Besides it seemed like such a warm safe place for my head to be. A place where I can finally find peace with my eyes closed even if only for a moment (or as long as your shoulder could stand my heavy head.)

 

Wow. I am beginning to understand why everybody admires and loves you.

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