Dating Escorts

[Guest timmo]

Hey Guys,

I wanted to get some feedback on what you think about someone dating an escort. Do you think it's realistic to think it can work? Does anyone have experience in doing so. Any ideas or advice would be appreciated, as I am trying to decide if I should enter into a relationship with someone who escorts.

Thanks.

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

No.

 

FFF

[Guest Esc_Tracker]

Honestly? I suspect most escorts would like to think it is possible. I was surprised to learn that from many escorts that they are actually quite lonely and desparing about the conflict between their work and their love-life.

 

I suspect it would probably depend largely on you. Could *you* live with your boyfriend being an escort? Keep in mind that "good" escorts are able to develop some degree of genuine romantic affection for some of their "better" clients, and you may find this threatening. In fact, it may actually *be* threatening.

 

Esc-Tracker

[CT Dick]

You might also find a big hole in your lovelife since your 'date' will be working during prime dating times and arrive home, often, too pooped to pop (assuming the John got his money's worth).

 

Dick

[Justice]

Given the right individuals it can work. Rod Hagen mentioned during his chat that he has a boyfriend who isn't an escort. And then, of course, there's the very special relationship that is enjoyed by Rick Munroe and Derek Ross. The two of them are very popular escorts who just happen to be very deeply and obviously in love. Neither one of them is shy about expressing his feelings toward each other and that is a joy to see and hear.

[Guest Meister]

I did once(unknowingly at first), and eventually we became lovers and he moved in with me. When we first dated I did not know what he was doing, and I wasn't too thrilled when I found out. I felt it should have been up front information on which I could base my decisions. During our time together he stopped, and that is when the really tough stuff happened. The desire to escort is often connected to very deep needs for approval -- you know, the more people want me the more of a person I am. Unfortunately, enough is never enough until one finds their own approval of themselves. So dealing with that, trying to be so much for someone so needy, was a very draining experience for me.

I can't say I'd never repeat it, but I certainly wouldn't seek it out. This is why I choose the escorts I do; I love the sex with them, but they hold no potential romantic interest for me.

[Guest 7Zach]

Assuming you and the guy both view sex completely separate from anything to do with intimacy, but more of just the thrill of annonymous sex or a sport; neither of u have any jealousy or feelings of being left out or threatened; that the escort does his work out of choice cuz he enjoys the pros and cons of it, but is not one so hard and jaded that it he is a bitch to be around, or alternatively, one who is unable to have and express any feeling of closeness, including passion with you, as opposed to his feelings about how he does his work; and finally, that your willing to take a backseat to prime time evenings and weekends when he'll be working, then give it a shot...

I know they're couples out there that can do this, but I have never understood how they are able to handle it. It's a big world though.

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

I suspect that if you have to ask then you shouldn't. At least one of you in this potential relationship may have baggage that might hinder. The tone of your question also indicates a lack of intensity in your feelings for this person. That intensity might cause you to overlook or possibly make a really big deal out of the 'escort issue'. I sense neither.

[ready4boi]

You are sharing your significant other with numerous strangers. Come on people. How in the world can that be even remotely mentally healthy?

[Guest ChicagoCorey]

Believe it or not, there are many guys out there who are fine if their "other half" escorts. They realize that the sex is, while fun for the escort, not the same as the sex that they have as long-term partners. This usually comes from having a relationship where the emotional bond has become so strong that the strong sexual bond seems weak by comparison -- in other words, they're beyond the "dating" phase.

 

I can't imagine _starting_ a relationship while escorting, but that's just because I've rarely met guys who have the same ideas about sexuality that I do. But it can definitely happen without being detrimental to the relationship -- as long as both sides are cool and more importantly, honest.

 

-------

chicagocorey@yahoo.com

new site and pictures

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[Guest timmo]

Thanks guys for the feedback so far. As you can see, there are alot of different opinions. I recently met this guy and like him very much and want to get to know him alot better. I am struggling with whether to become more involved as I do realize the pitfalls associated with his escorting. He says he plans to retire from it soon. Being totally honest, I not sure I can handle all those issues, but there's another side that says I don't want pass on an opportunity that might develope into something special. That's my dilemma.

[Guest Theron]

Hi, Timmo :-)

 

Interesting question -- BIG SMILE. I am not sure there is a right answer. All relationships have many dynamics, and a large percentage of gay relationships are not successful. Adding the dynamic of dating someone who is an escort opens up "whole new can of worms." Do I think it is possible, yes --but it would require two individuals who were very much in tune with each other emotionally, spiritually and sexually, who were deeply in love. It would also require two guys who had a very high level of maturity, and the ability to handle stress well.

 

Statistically, the odds are staked against you --and that is not always because the escort does not have the maturity to deal with the dynamics of it lovingly and responsibly. Just as many times it is because the partner, who is not an escort, does not have those skills.

 

I host an International e-mail based discussion group called Escorting Support, and belonged to another list known as Escort Male. Those groups are only open to escorts, and it is there they have an opportunity to share their feelings and experiences. The topic of escorts dating non escorts has come up many times. From both participation and observation of those discussions, I can tell you, the largest percentage of time relationships between escorts and non escorts are not successful --that is true in life too, though. To counter that I can also tell you, off the top of my head, of 9 relationships between escorts and non escorts that are successful -- so it can happen, and those are only the ones I know of.

 

I have guys who attempt to date me, all the time, knowing I escort. Since escorting I did attempt to have one relationship with a very sweet guy, and it failed because the person could not handle the dynamics of escorting. I also have two other gentlemen who have been seriously trying to date me for the past three months. They call me on a regular basis. They ask me out on dates. They say they care about me, and are hopeful I will open up and allow more to develop between us. In both those situations, I have been very cautious and slow moving. I enjoy the company of those men, but also understand all the special dynamics involved in relationship building, and am in no hurry to rush into having one. I think it is okay to go slow. One primary problem I feel many people face today is that they try to hurry relationships along, too quickly. For me it is a slow process because if I am going to have a relationship with someone I want to come to know enough about them, and for them to come to know enough about me, to know in my heart that I truly do love and adore the person for who they are. That is what you are left with after an infatuation wears off --the face to face reality of who that person is inside, and only TIME reveals this. Considering that, my advise to anyone who met someone special they wanted to learn more about is take your time getting to know each other. If it is meant to be it will withstand the process and flourish.

 

Finally, with specific regard to relationships with escorts, there is also some success when escorts have relationships with other escorts.

 

I hope this helps. Follow your heart, and go slow!

 

Hugs,

 

Theron

Based Out of Chicago

http://theronb.homestead.com/files/home.html

[ted]

There are no answers anyone else can give you to this question. The only two people that can possibly answer it are yourself and your potential lover. I have known, know, 3 escorts very well. At one point I would have told you none of them had any issues with escorting. I now know that two of them have(had) some issues.

All have been in relationships at one time. One has retired from escorting and is happily partnered. One is enduring the breakup of a relationship, and one is in a dating relationship, but not fully partnered, if that makes sense. I think the success of a relationship with an escort depends upon the psyches of the parties involved. The relationship is probably more difficult simply due to the societal morals embedded in most of us. No answers, but examine your attitude, your needs, and desires. Honestly. Can he meet them? If you think he can, take it slow and work on the relationship daily.

[Guest timmo]

Theron,

Thanks for your excellent message. You hit on alot important topics and gave some good insight in handling them. Your advise to go slow makes perfect sense and I think a perfect way for me to go. So many times people will brush off escorts as a untouchable class, unworthy of pursuing realtionships.But as you know, they are real human beings, ,many possessing great qualities, these individuals are just good people. Your letter has truly helped. Thanks.

[Bilbo]

Surely you can't be suggesting that the only gay men who share their significant other with numerous others are escort's boyfriends?? Unknown or not unknown.

 

There is the tribe, there is the extended family and there is the husband.

 

Might as well ask if anyone can honestly expect to make a relationship work with a circuit partier! Or any of several other types of gay men. Hmph.

 

That said, I always found myself that although officially closing the relationship would kill it, after a year or two, I would gradually lose interest in having sex with anyone but my lover very much. Certainly not enough to keep an escort career going. So make sure that man of yours has an alternative employment in mind just in case. But never try to push him into using it. (Maybe you should read The Horse Whisperer?)

[Guest Theron]

Hello,

 

Thank you for your kind reply, Timmo. I am happy what I shared helped --BIG SMILE!

 

Gros bisous (big kisses),

 

Theron

Based Out of Chicago

http://theronb.homestead.com/files/home.html

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

you know, things like this comming out of clients mouths just piss me off. It is a two way street here, respect runs both ways and if you treat an escort like a hooker, I hope to god you get whats comming.

[Guest DVS]

You can successfully do this if both of you are honest about the relationship and you do not become involved in their work life on a negative.

 

Escorts can be wonderful friends and boy friends. However any attempt to change them may just ruin any relationship you had with them. Be clear and becareful what you are asking for.

 

Before you try your hand at a relationship open up the lines of communication with your escort. You should know their basic info like real name, age, true sexual preferences along with likes and dislikes. I had a thread not too long back about being friends with escorts and the advice was pretty consistent by the majority or letting the relationship take its course naturally.

 

Makesure the escort also feels the same way you do and to what extent. Although anything worth having is worth pursuing to an acceptable extent. Do not become a stalker and beware of the signs like checking up all the time on your boyfriend, monitoring phone calls and e-mails. These are all unhealthy signs you are stalking since this was the escorts line of work before your relationship you should not expect it to change unless he is 100% in agreement or you are going to support him to his accepting.

 

Keep us posted on your relationship and how everything pans out in the end maybe we can even gain perspective from you but I doubt it will help since everyone is unique.

[Bilbo]

First, I do not self identify as a client. I think of myself as a forcibly retired callboy.

 

Second, I have reread my note just above yours three times now and have yet found what you are responding to in it. I had actually thought that I was coming to the defense of other, still practicing callboys. I plan to reread that note several more times a few days from now to try to find what false assumption is in my mind. (Of course, I am assuming that you are referring to my post because you positioned your post right under mine. Perhaps that is where I am going wrong?) I would welcome you explaining my post to me in more detail, but I know that I may be saying that into a vacuum since you said on another thread that although you just got here you won't be coming back again.

 

However, while I do keep to myself the ability to rescing this depending upon your explanation, I would like to apologize for any insult I unwittingly gave you or another practicing escort.

[Guest Esc_Tracker]

Actually, Bilbo, from the positioning, I would assume he was commenting on ready4boi's post, not yours. So you may not have to reread yur own prose quite that often. ;-)

 

Esc-Tracker

[MiamiLooker]

Bilbo,

He was replying to post #8. This is indicated by the indentation of the post. I believe the positioning/sequencing of a post is automatic.

[Guest timmo]

Thanks DVS....your words are well taken. I will try and keep you posted on how this developes.

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

I do applogize, It was not directed toward you. It was directed to the one right before yours.

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

Bilbo,

 

Time for that eye exam... :-)

 

Wouldn't it be nice if these computer OSs facilitated light 'cross hairs' that ran the length and wiidth of the screen, in addition to the regular cursor. (For us slightly more mature fellows.)

[Bilbo]

TY, while I am 50 this year, I think that this has more to do with my paranoia and my abilities to confuse, be confused and panic than my age. I have always been able to confuse a concrete wall just by talking to it. And the wall often has trouble getting me calmed down and unconfused myself. Thanks to everyone who helped get me going gayly forward on this one.