Who Are the Best Tops?

[FaustOust]

As primarily a bottom guy, I have wondered what makes a good top.  When I was younger and less sexually experienced, I would call myself a top primarily until I experienced a great top who turned me on to being a bottom.  Sometimes I associated exclusive tops with inexperience, as was my case.  Does being a bottom make you a better top?  I don’t think the reverse is true.  So who are the best tops:  exclusive tops who have never or only once bottomed; the truly versatile who are indifferent to topping or bottoming; or the bottom who maybe only rarely has performed as a top?

[56harrisond]

 

[+ friendofsheila]

Bi guys.

[+ ApexNomad]

On 5/30/2025 at 4:11 PM, FaustOust said:

As primarily a bottom guy, I have wondered what makes a good top.  When I was younger and less sexually experienced, I would call myself a top primarily until I experienced a great top who turned me on to being a bottom.  Sometimes I associated exclusive tops with inexperience, as was my case.  Does being a bottom make you a better top?  I don’t think the reverse is true.  So who are the best tops:  exclusive tops who have never or only once bottomed; the truly versatile who are indifferent to topping or bottoming; or the bottom who maybe only rarely has performed as a top?

As a bottom myself, I think it ultimately depends on the person, not just their sexual history. There’s merit in both perspectives.

A top who’s bottomed might have a deeper sense of empathy—understanding what certain positions feel like, how to read body language, how to pace things from the inside out. That experience can translate into a more connected, intuitive kind of topping.

But on the flip side, there are total tops who’ve never bottomed but bring an obsessive attention to detail—the kind who take real pride in giving. Some of the best tops I’ve had were guys who genuinely loved fucking. They were present, vocal, responsive—not because they’d bottomed before, but because they were turned on by the experience—my experience—not just the mechanics. BUT, that’s not to say that a bottom who tops (vers) can’t bring that either.

Which leads me to this: I think the question of “who’s the better top” can trap us into thinking there’s one formula. There isn’t. Sometimes it’s technical, sometimes it’s emotional, sometimes it’s just raw chemistry.

In my opinion, I think it is the idea that a “true top” has never bottomed plays into a deeply ingrained fantasy about masculinity—this old-school, dominant, impenetrable ideal. It’s not necessarily true, but it is erotic for some of us. That perception—of a man who only gives, never receives—can feel powerful, even primal. Especially for bottoms who are drawn to that kind of energy.

But that fantasy has less to do with skill and more to do with the psychology of the dynamic. It’s about control, dominance, protection—or sometimes just the illusion of those things. And I think masculinity gets tangled up in it. Not because bottoming is inherently less masculine, but because we’ve been conditioned to associate penetration with power, and submission with the lack of it.

So when we say the idea of a never-bottomed top is a turn-on, what we’re often reacting to I believe is the mythology of the masculine top—not necessarily the reality. Some of the best, most attentive tops I’ve ever had were men who’ve bottomed. But for some that doesn’t always scratch the same itch as the fantasy of the “pure top,” even if it feels better in practice.