Regular business deal and friendship. Can they co-exist ?

[Guest grayhair]

Hi guys,

 

I have an interesting dilemma - from a client's point of view - that has stopped me lurking in this forum after a very long time.

 

Here we go :

 

I see two escorts on a regular basis (once a month), one overnight each. They are different people and the two 'dates' are different. I see two guys rather than one because I thought that in my current situation (a long term relationship broke down last year, I am incredibly busy, mid-life crisis etc. etc.) I need companionshio but I do not want a relationship and two would make sure I did not get the delusion of a 'relationship' ever.

 

One is turning into a friend (we had coffee a few times during the day, when he wanted to pick my brain on something strictly personal. We share a common interest and he has not only paid his way but a couple of time insisted on paying for me as well), I love our overnights. I have no illusion on them being anything but a business deal but... do you think I have to draw a line ?

I have never been there, but on the other hand I have not been a 'regular' of any escort for so long. The 'business' side

is great and so far he has initiated the personal contacts. No request for money, free professional assistance or anything else has happened during our personal meetings, I have no reason to doubt his intentions in asking me or his availability to meet me for coffee should I need to pick his brain.

 

I think the line I am afraid to blur is that expectation of sex is business, company is pleasure.

 

What do I do ?

 

Gabriel

[Guest DevonSFescort]

Accept and enjoy your good fortune. At just about every workplace I've put time in I've loved the overwhelming majority of my coworkers, but there were usually only a few that I regularly felt the need to see outside of work. It was nothing against the other coworkers; it was just that I had a certain rapport with the few that made me want to spend more time with them. Escorting is no different in that there are certain clients whom I will have that kind of rapport and/or shared interests to the point that I'd like to see them more often than they hire me. That he has initiated the friendship and has behaved guilelessly are both good signs. And if the sex is still good, and he's not behaving manipulatively with you the rest of the time, I see no reason not to continue with a happy situation. Besides, those regular overnights probably represent a certain level of peace of mind for him that he won't have if you (in effect only, not intention or spirit) punish him financially for opening up to you (which is not to say that regular income is an entitlement, but it sounds like he's still very much able to earn it). On the other hand, he may well have considered that possibility and decided he was willing to take that chance because the possibility of a friendship with you was worth the risk to him. That said, I can't think of any ethical conflict with the status quo that doesn't appear to be contrived.

 

I do, however, see reasons not to continue an UNHAPPY situation, which is what would emerge if, for whatever reason, you were unable to get comfortable with the arrangement, or if it gave rise to more longings than it fulfilled. It probably relates to how you view sex between friends or friendships between people who started out sexually. (I know I've slept with most of my gay male friends.) Broadly speaking, gay men seem much better than heterosexuals at staying good friends with their exes, though straights may be starting to get a little better. But some gay guys just aren't built that way, so to speak, and need a strict wall of separation between sex and friendship. If that sounds like you, then I could see you having to pick and choose.

[guyinsf]

I don't see a problem here other than possibly what you make of the situation. Like Devon said, if you are uncomfortable having sex with a friend (and, in this case, having sex for $$ with a friend), then you have to sort out what will work best for you. I personally am not someone who normally has sex with my friends, but my best friend is one of my ex-lovers and another good friend is an escort I have been hiring for over three years. As to the latter relationship, I am able to keep the line between "business and pleasure" clear by acknowledging that whenever we are together we relate to each other as friends but only when I pay him does that friendship include sexual intimacy.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

A Horse Is A Horse

 

This is another of those "it depends" scenarios; from the limited information described, two things stand out. For some reason, you seem to feel that the companionship in your overnights, at least in some qualitative way, is different than the companionship you might experience during a non-overnight get together with this particular escort.

 

Additionally, from the limited information you provide, it appears that these meetings for coffee have been brief, have had an established purpose and both of you have conducted yourselves in a professional and respectfull manner.

 

Unless you feel that these daytime, non-sexual meetings were making you feel uncomfortable or lessening your enjoyment of your paid overnights (or that the relationship with this escort was changing to the extent that it impacted the overnights), I do not believe you have provided sufficient basis for either concern or to take action. Once you feel that something may require some response, the best step you might take is to discuss this with the escort.

 

There are several threads on the site about whether or not clients can be friends with another man who formerally was their escort. It is possible, as I myself have described, and it is also possible to have a relationship with an escort outside the purely "business" environment, as I have also described. It simply requires clear lines of communication and basic respect and courtesy to one another, as it would with any other friendship.

[HooBoy]

When Is The Line Crossed?

 

This has been a dilemma of mine for a long, long time and I finally broke down and wrote a well known escort about it, but he wants to wait till I get back to NYC and discuss it.

 

I have a lot of friends / acquaintances who escort. Some of them are sex pigs like me and we get on the Internet and troll for dicks and orgies. (Usually in Europe, not in the USA, except with Giant.)

 

Then, I have others who I hired under one of my assumed names. We've become friends and I really do not ask or expect sex from them. I feel funny about asking a friend to pay to have sex.

 

Others made it clear they like me but they said they do not have sex with Friends - so that is fine with me. In fact, the ones I am referring to have become extremely close as friends and I would never, ever cross the line.

 

Then, there was a Canadian escort who was in London at the same time as me and when I did not make a move on him, he told me was offended.

 

There are others who post here regularly. Sometimes if we are in the same city, we'll share a hotel room but we do not have sex and I wonder if I am offending them by not doing so.

 

And my Florida babes who I like to travel with -- we've done it and I don't really want to have sex with them cause I think it screws up friendships. Some of them have lovers and I certainly do not want to come in between that. I just count them as wonderful friends. (Traveling with gay guys can be trying, to say the least.)

 

So as a result, I wind up putting a blanket over my body on airplanes and watch dirty movies on my computer from Amsterdam to New York when I'm lucky enough to have the row to myself.

 

Is that too much information?

 

__

 

The above written as a regular guy, not the owner of a website and has no official meaning, just unofficial BS.)

__

 

--garbo the hoo:+

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

TMI

 

>

>So as a result, I wind up putting a blanket over my body on

>airplanes and watch dirty movies on my computer from

>Amsterdam to New York when I'm lucky enough

>to have the row to myself.

>

>Is that too much information?

 

 

No.

 

You neglected to list the movies by titles, production company and porn models.

 

xoxoxoxo }(

[Guest lemongrass]

>The 'business' side

>is great and so far he has initiated the personal contacts.

>No request for money, free professional assistance or anything

>else has happened during our personal meetings, I have no

>reason to doubt his intentions in asking me or his

>availability to meet me for coffee should I need to pick his

>brain.

 

Only you can be sure of this, but you probably should consider whether the "opening up to you" is a way to protect his investment in the regular monthly overnights. Does he know of the other escort?

 

I have had ocasions in the past where I have wondered about the evolving friendship with an escort, but after much thought and research here, I have regretably concluded that: (1) an escort cannot be "friendly", but not a "friend" as long as you are paying; and (2) you can only tell whether or not the escort is a "friend" once you cease paying.

[HooBoy]

RE: TMI

 

<<<You neglected to list the movies by titles, production company and porn models.<<<

 

Only escorts from this website, actually. I have a great cock slide show. Just freaks me out when it's either a friend or me. lol

 

lol = AOL chat talk for "learning how to use a computer while Steve Case is laughing out loud"

 

But he graduated from Punanhoot High School in Honolulu, so he did pretty good for a rich haole. And he was very cute. I knew some radio DJ's there at the time who.....oh well....nuff said. lol

__

 

The above written as a regular guy, not the owner of a website and has no official meaning, just unofficial BS.)

__

 

--garbo the hoo

[Guest grayhair]

Guys,

 

thanks for all your comments.

 

Reading what devon posted made me think 'he's right; where's the problem ?'

 

I know what I am concerned about: mixing personal and business; but on the other hand, who cares if it works ?

 

This guy actually bought me lunch, because he felt it would be good for me to unload some intense personal issues and listened to MY problems (not what I am discussing here). We share common interestes, etc. so we can be 'friendly' (friends... whatever, they are all labels and labels are for bottles not for people) and spend time together. He is also an excellent companion/courtesan and I have no reason of 'dumping' him as long as it works. No, I do not think he is acting out of concern of loosing a regular client.

 

Do I run the risk of falling in love ? No. Do I have any illusions on our 'business' time together ? No. How will I react if he initiates sex without the money ? (Hey, I have sex with friends when we were both in the mood. Once again, so what ?)

 

So... thank you guys for making me realise that all of the problems I have in my current life, this is not one of them.

 

This message board rocks !

 

Gabriel