Duration of Client/Escort relationships

[uwsider]

I have hard relatively long-term relationships with several escorts over the years. What is the typical length of a "regular" client/escort relationship? And, do they tend to deteriorate with time or get stronger?

[Guest Merlin]

I have several escorts that I have seen numerous times over a period of 4 or 5 years. Not what I would call a relationship, but favorite escorts that I would like to see again in the future. There are others I have seen in the past whom I would like to see but whom have gone out of the business. I think if I were seeing an escort on a weekly basis I would tire of some of them, but monthly would not be too often. Not sure if this answers your question.

[+ deej]

The only real answer to your question is "it depends". :-)

 

There are some guys I've seen once and likely won't see again. There are other guys who have standing orders to block time for me whenever we end up in the same city at the same time. There's one guy I hired regularly for the entire six years I lived in Chicago.

 

There are other guys I've hired where the "relationship" progressed into friendship to the point we can't even *have* sex, and one guy who started as a friend before escorting who wouldn't LET me hire him.

 

So your answer is, it's all over the map -- just like every other relationship in life. :-)

[nate_sf]

There's a whole range: one-timers that, even if really hot, it's clear the client likes to try somebody new each time; there are more long-term relationships that develop into friendships; there are guys who I hear from every few months when they're in town.

 

But I've also noticed a phenomenon of the two-time relationship, where the first meeting is very hot, and there's that sort of giddy "crush" feeling afterwards (for me too -- it's a rush to get that feeling from time to time), but then on the second or third appointment (which in these cases is usually scheduled really close to the first) the magic that was there before isn't there. I'm not sure what happens... sometimes I think I should avoid scheduling a second appointment so close to the first, since this is when this happens a lot... but even if the sex is great, you can just tell that that will be the end of the relationship. Of course, this happens with regular dating too, so I guess escorting shouldn't be that different!

 

Nate Bruno

http://www.natebruno.com

[Guest lipstick]

>..... but even if the sex is great, you

>can just tell that that will be the end of the relationship.

> Of course, this happens with regular dating too, so I guess

>escorting shouldn't be that different!

 

Have to agree on this one. I have very limited experience with multiple escorts; I've been seeing just one close to a year and a half now. It started out absolutely great. We clicked very well, I think, because our "intentions" (courtesy, respect, affection, safe sex, etc.) were mutual.

 

Things started to deteriorate when I began making him uncomfortable by treating our monthlies like he was my boyfriend. Most folks might ask, "So what is wrong with that...?" Well, I have always tended to go overboard in a lot of things, and the guy was my only connection to the Gay world, to the exclusion of my own love/sex/friendship life.

This may sound impossible to some, but I think I was trying to turn the fantasy into a reality, albeit just once a month.

 

Some escorts may see this as an ideal situation, but my escort guy didn't. He didn't want to take my money under those terms. Since then, he has been instrumental in helping me to realize that there was a whole lot of stuff that I could be doing for myself to reach that point where I could begin to like myself, and to begin reaching out for some sort of social life for myself, to try to meet other people, to develop a relationship even!!!

 

And because of all this, I think our relationship as escort/client is a bit stronger now, since we have a better understanding of what it means to get together for paid companionship. And in that sense, we seem to really enjoy each other's company a bit more, because the pressure of that "boyfriend" thang is no longer present. And ironically, we seem to be better "friends" because of all this.

 

And for you cynics out there, all I can say is that because of this guy, I HAVE been liking myself now; I HAVE been making other friends; I HAVE been working out, and I definitely am feeling better about myself for the first time in many, many years.

 

So like Nate says, I also think the length of an escort/client relationship is similar to other relationships. It all depends on what each party brings to the table, and how earnest folks are to keep a relationship "going", or to know when it is best to just "move on." Communication, more than sex, is the key.

 

In my case, I consider myself very lucky that an escort was willing to help me "invest" in myself, simply for the sake of just helping out another guy in need, one who was in a virtual dead-end social life situation. For that, I will always be grateful.

 

Thanks.

[Guest CJ]

I have several long term clients, the longest going on 5 years. I have found that the play time and intimacy gets better with time. I have just completed a 4 day trip with my longest term client and we had an awesome time togeather. Our shared experiences have only improved with our increased level of trust and our shared adventures have been great.

 

We are having an unconventional relationships from most peoples perspectives but they are rewarding for each of us.

 

I am not sure about others but this has been my experience, hope this helps

 

later<smile>

CJ

 

[http://www.coverboy.net]

[http://www.gaydar.co.uk/yummmeeeone]

[[email protected]]

[Orson Kane]

I have been with a number of escorts, some multiple times. Whether or not I go back to an escort depends on the degree of "click" or chemistry between me and the escort in the sirst session or two. Thanks in part to the reviews on this site, I have really met only escorts that I have enjoyed being with -- no bad experiences. (Thanks HooBoy!)

 

Not all escort experiences are the same, though. In many cases, the interaction with the escort is a pleasant (read very hot), professional interaction, pretty much played to a script. Everything goes well, though there really isn't much to distinguish it from another escort encounter. In real life, it would be a good but not great first or second date --something you like but not anything you care to sustain. You've seen the person but you are not going to follow up with them.

 

For me, however, there have been a couple of escorts where there has been much more of a click and who I went to go on to see quite a bit -- every week or so at first and then less as the wallet ran a bit thin. Here there was (at least on my part) a real feeling of bonding and maybe even a "crush" in the first couple encounters. There would be lots of talk, extra service, long sessions, etc. These encounters probably went on a bit too long (over six months in total), however, in that the fantasy of being with the escort was getting in the way of my real life and ability to find the relationships I wanted.

 

At some point, in these longer-term relationship with escorts, things just were not as interesting. The sex was still great (and maybe better with time), but there was less connection than when I first knew the escorts. There was less to talk about and more just getting straight to the sex. This is like a "real" relationship that doesn't get get beyond the sex, though the problem with escorts is that they are there for sex, and everything else you may be do with them is secondary.

 

Bottom line is that if a client relies on an escort for more than sex for (be in short term or long term), at some point the relationship will lose steam. It's time to move on at this point, or maybe even before.

 

 

 

 

 

It is like a good but not great meal

[latinolover]

I recently finished a relationship with an escort that lasted about 20 months (I have posted about it previously on this site). I was completely gone on the guy from the moment I met him, and he egged me on by telling me we were really special and so on. He was in Madrid and I was in London, so I was flying down there every month to visit him, only to find always that he wasn't so special when it came to being a host to a visitor. He left me on my own most of the time although from time to time we would meet up and have a meal or a beer and do a few things other than have sex in my hotel room. The trouble is I found the 'extra' aspect of being treated a bit like a friend and seeing your escort in his home environment quite addictive and it added immensely to the whole experience, and the sex was always fantastic. However, I knew deep down that the guy's sincerity level was about as low as a snake's armpits, and he basically treated me like shit, so in the end I worked out the only way I knew to get out of the addiction/attraction. I deliberately sabotaged the relationship by doing something that really pissed him off, and it did the trick and it's all over.

The trouble is that just while that was happening I met another escort in Madrid who I am almost as struck on, who has all the qualities of the previous guy but added to that is friendly, sociable and would like to spend all his time with me and accomodate me in his apartment if I visit him. Already he has introduced me to many of his friends. Now I wonder if I should plunge headlong into this situation or be a lot more cautious this time.

 

Any advice welcome!

[guyinsf]

As to the London escort, were you paying a weekend rate and he would only spend a few hours with you? Or were you flying down, booking only an hour or two or perhaps an evening with the hope that he would want to socialize with you the rest of the weekend as well? If it's the former, it does sound like he didn't treat you right. If it's the latter, it sounds like your expectations exceeded reality by a long shot, but that doesn't mean the guy was treating you mean or did anything wrong (other than perhaps not being clear with you about what his intentions were).

 

My experience with an escort over the past 27 months is that we have a wonderful and extended time together when I hire him. I am as enamored with him now (actually more so) than when we first met. I haven't gotten "bored" or tired of him and still enjoy his company. We do get together occasionally outside of times that I hire him, but not every weekend or even every month. I don't think that that means he's just pretending to be interested in me as a friend as well as a client; it does mean that (a) he is busy working; (b) he has other friends, too; © he spends a lot of time in other places; and (d) he probably has sense enough to know that if he became *too* close with me that it might not be a good thing, given the level of my erotic interest in him. We're walking a comfortable fine line. I know that he has some social connection with one other client as well, but he isn't "friends" with most of his clients. In that sense our relationship is "special," but I always keep in mind what the reality is.

 

As to advice regarding the Madrid escort, if he wants to spend a lot of time with you "off the clock" and you are enjoying yourself, why not keep enjoying yourself. As with the London guy, however, it is important to be able to see the separate pieces of the puzzle. From your description I can't tell if the escort in Madrid is falling in love with you (he "would like to spend all of his time with me...") or if he is providing service that you are paying for (ie, a weekend "date"). If it's the former, then you shouldn't be paying him at all. If it's the latter, then you need to keep in mind that him spending so much time with you is just him doing his job well. (That doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy his work and doesn't like you, but it does mean that he wouldn't be spending that much time with you if you weren't paying him.) Of course something else entirely could be going on, too, but the way for you to clarify the situation is to talk with him about it openly.

 

I do get the sense from your description that you are looking for "love" in an escort encounter. I totally understand this on an emotional level, and I even think it's important to be able to accept an escort's true feelings (which may involve a friendly kind of "love"). I know it's very important, however, to not allow oneself to get sucked into a delusion that the escort will be courted into becoming your boyfriend -- unless you have a lot of money and he is interested in being "kept" as opposed to working independently for a variety of clients.

[latinolover]

Both the guys I talked about live in Madrid, so in both cases seeing them involved flying down there and staying for a few days. I'd got to the point with the first guy where our client/escort relationship had become sufficiently informal that I would simply give him 1000 euros when I arrived and expect him to deliver his promise of us having a great time together. Invariably he would be great for the first evening/night, then start making up all sorts of lies about why he couldn't see me again until midnight the following night. In reality he just wanted to spend most of his time going around with his friends (with 1000 euros in crisp new notes in his pocket!), and of course that would have been fine with me if he had just been straightforward about it. It was being expected to believe this endless series of lies that I found intolerable in the end, combined with the fact that if I added up the time he agreed to spend with me it wouldn't even total the ten hours my money would buy with any other escort in Madrid!

The other guy is probably just trying to get some good business from me but has proved already that he wants to actually deliver all the things the first guy promised but didn't manage to. At the end of the day how sincere is anybody really?

[ad rian]

At the risk if highkjacking this thread, I would like to pose a related question to the escorts. How do you terminate your long- term client relationships. Do you just stop returning calls, start saying that you are not available, or do you tell the client straight out that you are no longer interested?