I’m at Club Cafe in Boston right now, and…

[Merboy]

I’m on here.  That pretty much says everything.  Some handsome dudes in here but everyone’s with someone else or in a group.  Everyone is having a nice time except me.  I’m waiting for a friend who’s stuck on shitty public transit and it’s raining out.   Boston blows.

 

ive been in this city for 8 years and haven’t gotten anywhere with any guy here.  Had more luck in Pennsylvania.  Seriously.  Boston is snob city.  Can’t wait to make more money so I can leave it for good.

 

Club Cafe as an establishment is really nice tho.  It’s Boston’s only gay bar.  In a city of hundreds of thousands of hunky young men, it’s the only gay bar.  Of course, a very girly, aging queer like me is not what anyone wants, which is why I am coming out on this forum as the real me in this post.

 

I am not gay.  I am trans.  And I want a sex change one day.  And as a woman I have no interest in bars or hookups or sex or porn.  All I want is to be me and all of me, no matter how much work I have to put in to make that happen.  I will one day be everything I ever dreamed of.  I believe in myself.  I really do.

 

wishing you all a very happy night

sincerely, Boston’s loneliest person

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

@Merboy Thanks for sharing the real you!  You've got friends in this Forum and we're with you tonight. Hope your friend joins you soon.

[dbar123]

I moved out of Boston last year....for the Pacific Northwest. The vibe is very different out there. Not that it's better, just different.

 

It takes a lot of energy to meet people and establish relationships in Boston but it's worth the effort. New Englanders are much more interesting once you get to know them. It is easier to meet people out west but the relationships seem to be more superficial.

 

I came back to Boston for the summer. Didn't realize how much I missed it, but going back in a few weeks.  Maybe you need a life sabbatical....

[Merboy]

4 hours ago, sam.fitzpatrick said:

@Merboy Thanks for sharing the real you!  You've got friends in this Forum and we're with you tonight. Hope your friend joins you soon.

Thank you so much honey.  Yes, he did come.  We had a very lovely meal.  He's a dear friend of mine who is gay and has been living with HIV for a very long time.  Club Cafe is great - very nice place, lots of young people coming out tonight (it was the first cool day and night in weeks) and the line was very long when we left.  We did check out the club in the back but it was mostly a very young crowd in little groups of friends.  I had a ginger ale and he had a Diet Coke.  Both of us don't drink.  I hope the young boys there feel free and liberated and enjoy their youth.  I'm sure most of them will be back on Grindr soon.  Sadly, gay bars and gay clubs aren't offering that access to make friends there.  In my experience, I don't make friends unless it's a place I work at or go to school at.  There has to be a shared experience really and bars and clubs are just places to hang out with friends you already brought with you.

I've struggled with my gender for years.  I'll be 36.  I am not young anymore and I was a very ugly young man - Italian, huge nose, ugly side profile, just really unattractive and undesirable, which explains why I had to resort in my late 20s to hiring escorts because I wasn't getting anyone unless I paid them to.  There was only one experience on the night of my 23rd birthday when I met pretty much exactly the type of guy I liked (muscular, hunky, gorgeous, masculine) but that was extremely unfulfilling.  He did kiss me, the very first time anyone ever had, but it was over before it even started.  The entire experience lasted maybe one minute at the most and it was also humiliating because this guy, who was older than me, told me to kiss another dude in the hot tub that I didn't even know.  He was an asshole and later admitted "it wasn't my finest moment".  Well, for me it was my first time, so it sucked.

I've met a few guys here and there in the mental health system in Boston - the closest was a lovely boy from Kazakhstan who played the piano so beautifully and we sang showtunes together once walking in the street.  I felt a very strong connection to him.  I kissed him, and even got us a hotel once, and I got to kiss him some more, and it was great really, but he had no interest in me, and I told him I liked him and he said he didn't feel the same way.

My youth and the early part of getting and growing older (up to age 36) has been dominated by extreme loneliness, social isolation, severe depression, suicide attempts, hospitalizations, mental illness, autism, PTSD, sexual repression, and just an endless series of tragedies, heartbreaks, devastation, self-loathing, and nervous breakdowns.  It's been, quite honestly, a miserable, tortured life, and I'm ready for big changes.  I don't want to live another 35 years in this kind of hell.  I want so desperately for the next 35 years, if I do get to live to be 70, to be full of good, happy memories, not rage and bitterness.

Thank you for being so kind, all of you - you have really been there for me.

[+ IronMaus]

17 hours ago, Merboy said:

I’m on here.  That pretty much says everything.  Some handsome dudes in here but everyone’s with someone else or in a group.  Everyone is having a nice time except me.  I’m waiting for a friend who’s stuck on shitty public transit and it’s raining out.   Boston blows.

 

ive been in this city for 8 years and haven’t gotten anywhere with any guy here.  Had more luck in Pennsylvania.  Seriously.  Boston is snob city.  Can’t wait to make more money so I can leave it for good.

 

Club Cafe as an establishment is really nice tho.  It’s Boston’s only gay bar.  In a city of hundreds of thousands of hunky young men, it’s the only gay bar.  Of course, a very girly, aging queer like me is not what anyone wants, which is why I am coming out on this forum as the real me in this post.

 

I am not gay.  I am trans.  And I want a sex change one day.  And as a woman I have no interest in bars or hookups or sex or porn.  All I want is to be me and all of me, no matter how much work I have to put in to make that happen.  I will one day be everything I ever dreamed of.  I believe in myself.  I really do.

 

wishing you all a very happy night

sincerely, Boston’s loneliest person

Don't stop there - there are other gay bars in Boston you might find better luck at. Cathedral Station, The Alley Bar, Dbar, and Trohpy Room are all unique and I think they all have food. Jacques' Cabaret has nightly drag shows.

Contemporarily, gay bars are a tough scene to navigate as a loner. I find making friends with the bartender is the best way meet other people - especially sitting close to the service bar.