Ever worked with a sexually anorexic client?

[inbedwithmybaggage]

I'm in my early 30's, have been openly gay since about age 17, but never quite figured out dating/sex. I thought I would do fine and looked forward to leaving home for college, couldn't wait til I'd have a boyfriend, but it just never happened naturally for me. I realized I really wasn't "smooth" at all, then other stuff always popped up (or maybe simply excuses).

 

Anyway, ultimately in my mid 20's I developed more depression and anxiety, had some "unrequited" type drama, and just got totally psyched out completely, to the point of developing severe restrictive and avoidant behaviors.

 

So here I am. Basically have not had sex in about 10 years.

 

No idea if I'd be a nightmare client or what. Haven't met many others like me, and actually only recently learned that it's referred to by some as "Sexually Anorexic", and it really clicked/resonated when I first encountered the term.

[Walker1]

You kind of reflect my initial state when I first moved to a more liberal/accepting area. Maybe it is internal shame or just no constructs on what gay people should do- vs what straight people are/were supposed to do as they grow up and go through life.

 

I was also very shy, but very intiutite. For me somehow becoming quite fat and very feminine and adopting a very female drag queen persona allowed me to get out of my shell. I did get rejected a lot, but slept with a lot and some very hot guys too. Eventually that started to eat on me as that was just a persona-like a costume and not me. Slowly started erotic massages and then hiring.

 

You have to figure out why you are avoiding intimacy-is it beliefs you have and are not even aware of and hire someone older and more experienced-not some hot young thing-but someone who can guide you through it and rock your world. There are lot of emotions , feelings that will rise up-so someone mature but studly is will help.

 

PS: If you are paying someone, unless you don't disclose-I don't see why you should be a nightmare?

[+ robear]

If not already doing so, you really need to unpack some of these issues with a competent gay-affirming, sex-positive therapist. The right therapist could help you reframe and clarify your search for intimacy on all levels.

 

As for paid encounters, I agree with Walker1 that a more mature -- and especially a more seasoned -- professional that has a wealth of experience will provide a better session than a hot-hot-hot fly-by-night. I don't know that it's always about age, but several guys discussed on this board who have been at it for years and are serious and thoughtful about providing a real service to clients would be good choices. Some use the phrase "sacred intimacy" or similar in their ads to signal a willingness to engage with their clients in a more substantive way than just a physical act. If you want to share your general location and "type" you might get some good suggestions here.

[+ sync]

Considering an erotic massage may be an option for beginning at the shallower end of the pool.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

I doubt you would be a nightmare client. I've hired several escorts that would be great in this situation. When I started hiring, my opening line would be, "Hi Joe, I am Sam. I saw your ad and would be interested in spending time together. About me: I'm 45, 5'10", overweight guy who has only started having M2M sex in the last year and would like to experience _________."

 

Only one guy responded no and a couple that did not respond. I had several more that were open to seeing me and most were great experiences. Those that we're great we not bad, but I just had chosen some guys who were newer to being escorts and not really ready to give me what I needed then.

 

You might also consider hiring a sex therapist. I believe a couple of members on the forum have received formal training in the area, such as @Lance_Navarro. I found another thread on the topic with this info to help find therapists in your area.

 

Although I took a graduate course in sex therapy and am a licensed clinical social worker, I would never provide services for sexual problems as that is a very specialized field. I recommend that you see someone who is certified in this field. You can find someone who is certified in your area through this link:

 

https://www.aasect.org/

 

[TruthBTold]

I have to agree that you probably would be best off with the more mature escorts who can be open to your needs. I have found that the same guys (tho it may not be great in number) have the same great bodies and sexual capabilities as very young escorts. Once you feel comfortable with this group of guys you can always migrate to younger guys that are just there for you sexually. You have to always remember however that while even the mature escorts while providing the bodies, sexual appetites, and sexual understanding you are looking for they are in the end escorts, not friends (although that may develop by circumstance). If a friendship develops you should be grateful for it and cherish it but do not expect it because you will be disappointed.