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Some suicides are more incomprehensible...

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Sometimes when someone commits suicide, I can understand where he's coming from. I mean, Robin Williams had a debilitating, painful condition. There wasn't much hope, and I suspect I might have reacted the same way. I also understand why Harvey Weinstein or Bill Cosby might want to take their own lives. To go from a life of privilege to spending the rest of one's life in a state penn would be completely demoralizing, one would think. But it's hard for me to wrap around why Anthony Bourdain or Kate Spade took their own lives. It didn't seem as if they had only a miserable life to look forward to. Of course, maybe there are things we don't know. But I'm really scratching my head over those two...

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escortrod Mentor

escortrod

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People who commit suicide are the most selfish people on the planet == I lost a dear wonderful intelligent funny sexy productive creative amazing FWB++ this year --- He ripped the hearts out of family and friends and tore my heart to shreds -- Why? So many people loved him . . .

I don’t get this logic at all. “My friend was in such great pain that he decided to take his own life, so he must be selfish.” Try some empathy.

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quoththeraven Grand Master

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Are there really that many people unfamiliar with the concept of depression? Wow. It can make achievements and fame seem like ashes.

 

Read the (translated) words of Kim Jonghyun, main singer of K-pop group Shinee, also a successful solo artist, lyricist and composer and one of the few K-pop stars to reach out to the LGBTQ community, who committed suicide last December at age 27:

 

https://www.soompi.com/2017/12/18/jonghyuns-dear-friend-nine9-reveals-final-letter/2/

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Frequentflier Mentor

Frequentflier

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I don’t get this logic at all. “My friend was in such great pain that he decided to take his own life, so he must be selfish.” Try some empathy.

 

The only thing I'd bitch about a person I knew who committed suicide is that he or she didn't reach out to me for help of any kind - listening, finding a professional to assist, $, whatever. Something I'm working on is making sure that those I care about know that I'm there for them no matter what - its a bit awkward to just say that but I'll get the point across.

 

Two people I knew have committed suicide (both with handguns). I wasn't close to either at the time of their death. Neither for physical health reasons. Both were facing financial problems. One had lost millions, faced legal jeopardy and no effort by his family and friends could get him through those issues. The second person had financial issues but listening to his family not so extreme that they weren't manageable, possibly with bankruptcy. I've read the online comments from friends of one of those people. Very touching to see how he impacted them and the comments taught me that the way I feel towards people I care about aren't expressed by me to them (as I suspect was the case with his friends and family). Don't wait until someone is gone to express how you feel about them. Maybe expressing your thoughts while they're alive will avoid them taking a final irreversible step.

 

Mental illness is complicated and the US does a crappy job of providing affordable resources and treatment. I used to believe that only people facing catastrophic physical health issues had a "right" to take their life and that the rest of us would be "wrong" to do so. I was wrong then. I'm not an expert or professional on mental or physical illnesses and I admit it.

 

Most people are dealing with problems we know nothing about. Be good to each other, particularly the stranger and those who obviously have fewer apparent blessings in life than we do. Smile at someone, buy a stranger a cup of coffee, say hello to every neighbor you see, wave at a passing car in your neighborhood, drive courteously, send some $ to a relative who might be struggling if that wouldn't be too awkward (easy to find a holiday to say its relates to), donate monthly to a list of animal welfare organizations (ok, that last one is selfish because it makes me feel good). What is the worst result? Making someone else's day brighter, even if only for a moment.

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OliverSaks Experienced

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People who commit suicide are the most selfish people on the planet == I lost a dear wonderful intelligent funny sexy productive creative amazing FWB++ this year --- He ripped the hearts out of family and friends and tore my heart to shreds -- Why? So many people loved him . . .

You’re part of the problem. I’ve expressed my distaste towards the attitude you hold in the Bourdain thread, but it is worth repeating.

 

Can you even begin to imagine the pain that this person must have felt to end his life? I bet you cannot, because why else would you make such an asinine comment!?

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Bearofdistinction Mentor

Bearofdistinction

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You’re part of the problem. I’ve expressed my distaste towards the attitude you hold in the Bourdain thread, but it is worth repeating.

 

Can you even begin to imagine the pain that this person must have felt to end his life? I bet you cannot, because why else would you make such an asinine comment!?

 

I knew him and loved him for 7 years and knew his whole history and his issues and his pain physical and emotional - As for asinine comments - judge not lest ye be judged -- so I will just ignore your comments and attribute them to the ass_________ (hole, wipe, hat, shit, rag, etc) that you have shown yourself to be.

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twinkboylover28 Experienced

twinkboylover28

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For anyone who thinks suicide is taking the easy way out, or selfish.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4I_WwCJ4Jk

 

That video at the very end just shows one woman's personal viewpoint who had attempted suicide in her life. She doesn't speak for anyone except herself and her belief. I don't understand all the bashing "Bearofdistinction" is receiving on this message board for sharing a very common viewpoint.

 

Like many, I've also had acquaintances commit suicide. I also share the pain of celebrity suicides with the world as well. True we just know their public persona , as the real human being they are in real life is often a different person.

 

Many people naturally view suicide as selfish because of the enormous pain it cases survivors. I don't understand, and struggle to comprehend, why anyone would commit suicide as they would never be able to enjoy anther Taco Bell chicken challupa supreme.

But seriously, the real reason people with enormous wealth and/or celebrity status still opt to comit suicide while the seemingly have no reason, is because there is almost always underlying mental illness of UNTREATED depression often with drug abuse or comorbid illness.

 

I was asking myself the same question: if Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade had everything ...all the money and fame at their fingertips , what hope does that give the deli-meat slicers at the grocery store making minimum wage? It is a peferctly legit question to ask and shouldn't be shamed on this message board.

 

Anyways, to answer your question, the bottom line answer is most of the time there is pre-existing UNTREATED mental illness that contributes to suicide, even if they have family or children to leave behind..

And flashing that 1-800 number wouldn't have stopped Anthony Bourdain of Kate Spade. "Oh, if they only would've called that 800 number".

Edited by twinkboylover28
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jcmiami1 Community Regular

jcmiami1

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I lot of people who are commenting here as well as other types of social media - have no idea what depression and suicidality is - ZERO. I suffer from a lifetime of clinical depression AND survived *multiple* suicide attempts. It’s NOT greed, it’s not selfishness....it’s desperation, it’s frustration- it’s having empty non existent hope. You shut down, you don’t care about yourself and all things. You see death as the escape and it becomes an obsession.

I gave you a glimpse into the darkness.

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Guest

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Are there really that many people unfamiliar with the concept of depression? Wow. It can make achievements and fame seem like ashes.

 

Read the (translated) words of Kim Jonghyun, main singer of K-pop group Shinee, also a successful solo artist, lyricist and composer and one of the few K-pop stars to reach out to the LGBTQ community, who committed suicide last December at age 2

 

https://www.soompi.com/2017/12/18/jonghyuns-dear-friend-nine9-reveals-final-letter/2/

u

I’m quite familiar with depression. When I was young and struggling, I thought of suicide myself. But I don’t think of it now that I’m successful and healthy. Usually people get depressed when they are struggling over something—finances, love, legal problems, health. As far as I’ve heard, neither Spade nor Bourdain were facing any major challenges, so I’m just wondering what could have been stressing them out so much that they felt suicide was the best option. Especially since at least Spade had children ( I don’t know about Bourdain).

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Kenny Grand Master

Kenny

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I lot of people who are commenting here as well as other types of social media - have no idea what depression and suicidality is - ZERO. I suffer from a lifetime of clinical depression AND survived *multiple* suicide attempts. It’s NOT greed, it’s not selfishness....it’s desperation, it’s frustration- it’s having empty non existent hope. You shut down, you don’t care about yourself and all things. You see death as the escape and it becomes an obsession.

I gave you a glimpse into the darkness.

Thank you for your honesty. I hope others here listen.

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twinkboylover28 Experienced

twinkboylover28

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I lot of people who are commenting here as well as other types of social media - have no idea what depression and suicidality is - ZERO. I suffer from a lifetime of clinical depression AND survived *multiple* suicide attempts. It’s NOT greed, it’s not selfishness....it’s desperation, it’s frustration- it’s having empty non existent hope. You shut down, you don’t care about yourself and all things. You see death as the escape and it becomes an obsession.

I gave you a glimpse into the darkness.

 

That's simply not true. You don't have to HAVE cancer in order to know how to treat it. Again, your opinion is just one person's opinion who had failed suicide attempts. There are many others who have failed suicide attempts who agree that suicide is indeed selfish. Like politics, it depends on one's personal viewpoint.

 

You don't need to give a glimpse into the darkness. People can know and understand without needing to have depression. It's not a pissing contest to see who's attempted the most suicides or who's suffered the most major depression.

 

Among others, I feel it is selfish, especially when you have children, family, friends and others who love you and you have the world at your fingertips in so many ways. What does that tell the minimum wage deli-meat slicer at the grocery store who has no friends or family, is single ,and is in declining physical health with tons of debt?

 

I've seen people with stage-4 terminal cancer who fight to live another day. Living another decade or two as a multi-millionaire doesn't seem like a reason to off yourself. As I said, obviously there was likely untreated mental illness (depression) and with the unlimited resources available to someone as educated and connected, it could have been alleviated to a great extent. No need to be so dramatic claiming only those depressed can understand. That's nonsense.

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maninsoma Grand Master

maninsoma

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Like most issues, this one isn't as black and white as so many people seem to want it to be. There is a selfishness to suicide, if you want to use that language, since it's true that the person who commits suicide may be "solving" his/her problems the only way he/she sees how in the moment without thinking about that solution's aftermath. It seems particularly horrible when children are involved. So what? If you focus only on that, then you miss the other side of the equation. Unless one is talking about a sober, end-of-life contemplation that a terminally ill person might engage in, suicidal ideation isn't about logic. It's about emotion. Despair. Inner demons. In some cases, thinking altered by substance abuse. And so on. To suggest that someone suffering in this way should only focus on how his actions would impact others evidences a lack of understanding about just how bleak that person's inner monologue has become or, in many cases, just how bleak that inner monologue has been for a long, long time. They very well may be considering others when making a decision to take their own lives and have convinced themselves that not only will they be better off dead but that everyone around them will ultimately be better off with them gone.

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LADoug1 Mentor

LADoug1

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I lot of people who are commenting here as well as other types of social media - have no idea what depression and suicidality is - ZERO. I suffer from a lifetime of clinical depression AND survived *multiple* suicide attempts. It’s NOT greed, it’s not selfishness....it’s desperation, it’s frustration- it’s having empty non existent hope. You shut down, you don’t care about yourself and all things. You see death as the escape and it becomes an obsession.

I gave you a glimpse into the darkness.

Thank you for your brave comment. I am in the same situation as you and couldn’t have put it better.

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