TallMuscl37

There’s definitely a vintage perk about booking an older provider over 30. However, some of the older guys like myself did start in their 20s. In the above example that @Jamie21 mentioned, “He was young, early 20’s and I find this kind of attitude more common with younger guys.” that seems to be similiar. However despite the video shoot with the guy I was planning with falling thru, a client requested a visit not far from the time. So I picked up a new client in the process. Sometimes if someone want to act like they can’t be bothered, another person will. Some people want me to bend over backwards for them, but they won’t even do the same. Would that porn guy have driven 600 miles to my city, got a hotel room for us to shoot in? Probably not…

This why I feel it’s important to get all the “deal breakers” (or screening, in escort language) out the way first. Some start right off the bat with questions about availability, like “hey I’m in xxxx at hotel xxxx. Are you available now? Am I supposed to say yes, before I know anything? I know escort meets isn’t dating, but there has to be some common sense and consideration that we’re essentially meeting someone over text or phone we know nothing about. Fortunately I’ll say most prospects don’t mind sharing pics, or at the least Name/Age (some of us don’t wish to book someone under 21 or 25), Basic description, etc. If they skirt the questions, then it’s likely they won’t get around to actually meeting.

From having visited recently, Denver is quite rough around the edges. However, it’s nothing really new: it’s been going the same direction since I left in 2016. Lot of druggie amateur types getting into the biz, costs of hotels have gone up unnecessarily. Clients are likely just as flaky as the providers. However, that’s also why having boundaries and structure is important when dealing with cities like that. I used to freely post in Denver with no deposits. If I did that now, I’d be a sitting duck. Even when I attempted to have 1 guy meet without a deposit, he kept flaking, 2 times a row. it’s like I have to be reminded a million times why I collect deposits now, despite the forum telling me no, no, no. Now, that’s just something totally different and disorganized. That’s NOT the time windows I refer to, at all. Especially since you went to his place. In my case, I was informing the guy ahead of time, and just having a reasonable conversation about coordinating time with him, before he even stepped foot out of his place to come to me. Who is the you, that you refer to? I relate to your concerns, however what “should be” versus what it actually is are 2 different things. A provider should be able to accommodate client’s schedules. However, at what cost? At what level? I had a client earlier today, asking if I could meet in the next hour…and he also added that he has too many people at his place so he needs to come to me. All understandable, it happens. But, who says I don’t also have a bunch of people at my place? Who said that? And since when did I need to be ready to accommodate “within the next hour” to host? I told him: I’m glad you reached out, but I’m not available within the next hour today, because (insert real life stuff). However, I can see you (insert time I can meet). He was like cool, got the basics and he sent the deposit…and we’re all good: to meet 2 days from now. So I understand accommodating someone’s schedule: IF the provider is given the appropriate time to do so. Which should not mean, unannounced.

Hmm, well I think you just have to be a little more patient. 30-60 minutes out of, how many years of your life? Though I understand being on time is important, When it matters. But I find many gay dudes who overly fixated on being on time; tend to want the world to revolve around them, when they snap their fingers. F your hunger, f your stretching and stress relieving routine: show up for me when I want you to. Example: I had planned to do a video shoot with a porn guy (in Denver in fact). We discussed in advance, to meet on a certain day. But that certain day was the day after I had just arrived. And I needed to go to the gym, because couple days prior: The hotel gym time was ruined because 15 kids decided to go to the pool, which was connected to the gym. Which they turned into a playground. So I had to cut my session early. Now: I arranged the hotel, and I drove in from out of town (luckily not just for him). I said I could do 5 p.m. He’s like: let’s do 4:30. Then around 2-3 p.m. he’s hinting he could meet even earlier. Meanwhile, I just had 2 bookings the night before and the morning of, I’m trying to adjust to a different city, I skipped breakfast already and needed a gym and proper food. So I offered my availability for the following days. He just flew off the hook, got a fit and cancelled on me. I told him, if you made the concessions today…just come, I don’t want to have you hanging. He’s just like nope, he’s not feeling it anymore. I was available for 4 more days and he couldn’t be bothered. Sometimes when you’re dealing with other people in a sexual capacity, you have to somewhat set aside what’s “proper”. Married guys likely don’t set timers to arrive in bed on time for sex. You’re dealing with something intimate and variable. Maybe the person is late because they need more time to prepare before sex, whether that be gym, food (I try not to eat too close to sessions anyway…but if I’m going to drink with a client I don’t want to be quickly inebriated on an empty stomach), etc. And if you’re dealing with a traveling provider, one needs to be even more lenient. Stop working on 30-60 minute windows. Plan to set aside an entire time of day. Clients will reserve all day to spend with their annoying family members that they can’t stand, but won’t even give an escort a 45 minute grace period.

That’s great, but you’re also comparing Canada to Denver. Which is in America. As far as I recall: Canada doesn’t prosecute sex work or do they operate on the Nordic model? I haven’t been to Montreal before (would love to, and Toronto) but you’re likely dealing with people with more European influence. America is full of rude flakes, whether you paying or not. And in the Midwest states, it’s actually courteous to ghost and flake on someone.

My Gawd. I just read that thread. I don’t mean to be harsh but, how does any of you even fall for such stupidity? Can people really not even tell the difference? His ad shows he hasn’t been on since May, 1st of all. 2nd, his ad is like 5 words talking about ride around and getting a drink. Even if I was fucking him for free, I would be dubious because there’s no real info or instructions in the ad. It goes to show that some clients only see pictures and are blind to anything else. It’s not because he didn’t have a phone number, it’s because the Ad is trash. I make sure to lay out as much info as I can, and fill every character allowance possible in my ad AND auto-reply. I also include my number in my auto-reply and website for the actual genius’ who read and click on the ad. My number is not hidden, it’s just that leaving it on without clicking the “registered users only” option often gets the lowest form of garbage and shit including clients who don’t/won’t/ will read and ignore it anyway and the Nigerian/Russian scammers talking about looking for a sugar daddy.

I can consider it misquote. But it would have been better to formulate it as a question versus laying it out like it’s facts. And what you mentioned didn’t have anything to do with taking deposits anyway. And you apologized but just rolled your eyes. How can I take your apology seriously at this point.

The reality is: some people are more interested in making assumptions and looking at things from a hiring point of view, versus looking at the info that’s been given right in front of their face. What advice do you have? Have you placed yourself in my position and worked side by side with me? Getting an attitude and telling me I’m not listening isn’t offering any advice. I’m not listening, because nothing he said was actually addressing the points I made. All I heard was why I shouldn’t be talking deposits, and why he would rather give a deposit to a hotel than an escort, which made absolutely 0 sense. Hotels rip people off everyday. Don’t believe me, read trip advisor. Read Google. Fake Clients rip escorts off; everyday. Average client hiring once or twice a month, may get an escort here and there who flakes and not show up. $50/$100 deposit lost versus losing $250/300 session+ hotel +gas. Who’s really losing here?

Okay, now you’re stepping out of line and making assumptions about things that’s not true. That’s a problem, and I’ll tell you that right now. Don’t go there with me. I don’t know what you read, but you read incorrectly. Let’s be clear on that. I didn’t say anything about regulars not returning or my travel schedule not being packed. Don’t lie on me, because I’m not about to let you ☝ Even if I do mention certain situations, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s that way all the time. Deposits have actually worked fine by me. I had just mentioned not long ago; a situation where I left where I was staying after reserving a hotel room (because I was a guest at someone’s home), and had 2 potential clients expected to show up. BOTH of them no showed or cancelled, causing me to lose the money I spent on the room AND the money for the 2 sessions. At least about $600 lost. That’s BEFORE I started doing the deposits. And even when that happened, I couldn’t fill in other clients that day. That’s not the only time that has happened, or almost happened. If you can’t understand that then, I don’t know what to tell you. You’re putting your personal values over understanding the actual cause and effect. That’s why you aren’t getting it. Put your personal values aside, and look at the facts. The only time I’d be open to waiving on deposits, is if the client is hosting and they aren’t a far shot away from me. But even then, I can’t always rely on that either. BEFORE I was doing the deposits, I was chasing clients down for cancel payments, and just getting nowhere. As for time wasting texts, that’s the case in general for a lot of people. There’s discussions all on Reddit and overseas about things being slow for both genders in sex work. The market is already flooded, there’s way more escorts now than it used to be, and less demand with the inflation. Then you have hookup apps which have taken many of our clients, and won’t even let us advertise to them without getting banned (finally met with a guy last week who seen me “professionally” after contacting me for YEARS on an app). You have to educate yourself on the reality, versus making assumptions based on how someone’s running their biz. If I really want to cut a lot of that out, I know the best thing is to have templates with info and instructions. If they can’t follow it, then it’s evident they aren’t worth seeing.

It is what it is. Fact of the matter is: people love to make statements but no real alternative to back it up. I’m putting in the work, coming up with effective ways to help the client/provider interaction. I love sex, and even though I’m not an “anon” type, I have engaged in it. Like I really do like interacting and having fun. Some people misinterpret that I don’t enjoy these things but: that’s not the case. It’s just that we’re in a different period. I want people to be informed. The deposit isn’t a punishment, it’s a structure. Hotel deposits are the ones that are worst: You can pay upfront in full for a night or multiple nights, and guess what? When you check in: they say, “now we just need your credit card for incidentals” And even if you don’t have any “incidents”, they help themselves to $50-$250 of your funds, and give it back a few days later. Imagine if escorts did that: You pay me $300, upfront before ever meeting me. Then, before you walk in the door I stop you and say: I just need your card for incidentals, I now just need extra $100. But that’s exactly what happens in the reverse. I pay for ads, the accommodations, and the extra “incidentals”. So no one should be “encouraging” anyone not to do a reasonable thing to ask.

I stayed in Pittsburg some years ago. I met a decent client who was visiting, but not much else the other 2 days I was there (mind you, this was my PRE-DEPOSIT era) Hence why I have been sticking to it. Subsequent visits have just been passing thru once or twice, where I think I may have picked up a client or 2. But can’t particularly recall any threatening messages. But the above is also why I’ve been reluctant to post my number on the platforms as much. Too much craziness

I should put my ad back on RMass soon.

Wondering if it’s just my service/phone. I’m switching providers soon but it seems I’m seeing this issue often whenever trying to check my ads. Might explain why hits from the site seem to be down quite a bit lately.

You’re using the wrong analogy, 1st of all. 2nd of all you’re not paying to ask if they’re interested. You’re paying to show YOU…. YOU are interested AND that you plan to go thru and that you have invested the money. The “store” would be considered RentMen. We are the merchandise of that store (RentMen) and we pay first, to be in there. Following me? A better analogy would be your Uber service. You get the app free but you pay to request the ride, in fact you pay the whole cost upfront before even know what car you in. You don’t get to contact drivers individually and ask 100 questions before they’re paid.

What you’re not getting, or maybe I failed to mention: it was like that even when I WASN’T asking for deposits…it’s been like that for the past several months: at least in the particular area I was referring to. Even when I wasn’t taking deposits and left my line wide open: All I was getting was super short notice bookings that I couldn’t take, or people asking for sessions and then disappearing. That’s why I said in a post earlier: I didn’t just wake up and start taking deposits. There was a cause, and then an effect. Nobody is entitled to have access to my line and time if they haven’t shown any real intent. And if you can’t see based on the messages I posted, I don’t know what to tell you. The evidence is right in your face, there’s nothing to argue about. Now: just to be clear here, that does not apply every week. Just last week, I had 3 clients in 24 hours. Non had issues sending deposits. For the remainder of the week, I had attempted to meet clients who didn’t send a deposit, and ALL of them fell thru.

Well, fortunately this isn't a bar. We both know, what it is here. You're absolutely right I wouldn't be sitting in a bar discussing with someone about my clients, why would I do that to begin with? They may not even be a part of this culture at all. But, it's certainly not unheard of to hear about people complain about their work at bars. I was mostly bringing it up to highlight the the point being: it doesn't make it any more or less easier for a reputable provider to ask for a deposit.

It’s become more than a peeve to me. It’s literally obliterating my motivation in the business. People try to reason that it’s just “part of the business” but they don’t understand how often it happens, in the absence of profit. It’s not cute or funny. And it’s gotten worse since the pandemic dissipated. I didn’t just wake up one day and be like, “oh, let me charge deposits. I just feel like it today”. No, I did it because I was tired of being played over and over and over, and having holidays and special occasions ruined by idiots who don’t respect me as a provider. That’s also why I am removing my number from the Rent platforms, and only the clients with common sense will read my ad, and go to my website: which has my phone number. It also doesn’t help that I’m situated in economically repressed and/or conservative areas. Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of the lucky queens to land a house or decent apartment in the big cities before shit went crazy after 2014-ish (why does prices have to go up after a New Democrat President gets elected 😭 ). So I have to live and travel to affordable cities, which in America often means: places where there is money, but very conservative money.

Well that’s a good start. At least you’re making the effort. I’m thinking of doing something like a cheap inquiry fee of $1.99, $2.99 etc. for what you mentioned: questions. But then people would have to be prepared to pay twice: because that would not be a deposit. Mainly because: I’ve had clients who sent deposits still ghost at some point. Plus that amount isn’t really conducive enough to make any real profit with. However, I would rather only serious ones reach out to me.

Okay and? So…because of that, I’m supposed to, not take deposits despite what I already posted? I find that surprising, considering it’s brought up often with women providers, especially reputable ones (There’s DOZENS of Reddit threads on that very subject) It could just depend on who you’re seeing. If you’re seeing new to the scene guys, or guys who are just doing this on the side as a “hobby” and can care less whether a client shows up or not, maybe so. I know when I was on the West Coast (Seattle/San Fran) I did ask for deposits as well. Majority didn’t seem to have an issue. The ones I let slide without one (even telling them, “I’ll make an exception”), were an issue. You’re right. Why? Why do I. I’m tired of sounding like a broken record. I’m changing things up again, this time I’m not playing games anymore. I don’t have an interest in “working” texts and inquiries that go nowhere. I need to be getting paid for the time I spend doing that. I just spent a week in Denver. I had 3 great clients over the weekend. But during the week, I was responding to texts after texts and nobody showed up. All the while, I’m booking hotel nights, draining my bank account in the process. If it weren’t for other matters I had to tend to outside of escorting, I would have beat myself up for not leaving on day 3. One thing I’m finding in some markets: I pretty much have to put on a timer and make sure not to stay much longer than that period of time. With everything going on, 1 to 3 days is enough. Then keep it moving. I’m tired of saying the same thing. I can’t sit around and listen to what so and so does or who doesn’t take/pay deposits. I have to do what works for me. I don’t really have all the answers. I can’t tell you why some guys take deposits and others don’t. They probably don’t want to commit much more than the other person does. Or they haven’t seen and been thru the things I have. So perhaps their prerogatives are different. I decided the best thing for me: Give specific instructions for my calls, and only deal with those who are okay with them. Or at the very least: manage to read my ad. If other clients can do it, every client can do it. I actually need to focus on other areas of my life, I simply don’t have time to keep answering “inquiries” that don’t go anywhere. I simply can’t do it. I’m even getting rid of having a “work line” and just having a very basic phone service for texts and calls only. Also I’m cutting the RentMasseur email function (because I have taken time to respond to guy’s emails, detailed: and they don’t respond back). Or they’ll message asking if I’m available at a certain time, but if I don’t read the email, they won’t even bother to text to verify if I received it. Then when I do get back to them, I never hear back. I’m also going to seriously this time, stop showing my number from both RM platforms. In addition: the spam texts are getting very regular and annoying. Another reason to do so. And even many of the people texting have spam reports on their number as well. It’s just fucking mess.

And for stuff like that, I try not to get too bent out of, just because it’s easy to hide behind a screen and some people just want attention or they may not even be as attractive as the pics (can’t name how many times I’ve come across people who look different from their pics from years of “partying”) What gets me are the guys who I’ve actually met before, and seemingly had a great time or seems like things are going “somewhere” (even if it’s just a casual friends with benefits situation, no expectations). I want to put the blame on Grindr, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s more sinister than that. I think the drugs, weed and alcohol in the gay community has turned so many into cowards. Because 99% of the people who do the ghosting game I often find: they’re either druggies or drunks. Even if it’s just pot. It never fails. And that’s not judging or putting down the community, but it seems to be a cycle. If I can put 2 and 2 together and weed out the ones who are shit faced drunk every weekend, or doing extra curricular: maybe that’s a start.

Exactly… The only exception I can really think of, is if a client is hosting in a hotel and is able to be verified. All 3 of the above weren’t. Then there’s a select few cities in the country where I would be okay not taking deposits, but even then I would only for existing clients I can rely on. Many areas that didn’t have a lot of providers now have a steady supply of local and visiting. Idk if that is creating indecisiveness which causes a lot of this. But it’s not even about the deposits being needed as a leverage of trust all the time either. Deposits are there for whatever extra money I may spend for the session, which can be pretty varied.

I don’t have much to prove, but this is in response to the idea that because of Covid, monkeypox, inflation etc etc, that we should be making it easier for clients to book us, not harder. And part of that includes: not taking partial deposits to confirm. Well, here’s the catch 22: Even if I do make it easier for clients to book, it’s going #1 make it harder for me and #2 easier for the jokers 🃏 to waste our time. Some of the time-wasters seem to have become extra crafty. There’s guys out there who will contact more than once requesting a session, which they never confirm or show up for. Then when I call them out on it and let them know my cancellation policy or get on the Blacklist, a couple have even tried to impersonate a cop. Example: And then this fuckery from a return client I actually have good times with, but he never wants to pay a deposit: And then this “gem” of a person: who also had a report from another provider the same day he reached out to me for the 2nd time, after he ghosted mid-Consultation on the previous one: This is exactly why as of 2022: I don’t see ANY clients without a deposit. That’s over with. That’s old school, pre-2022 way of doing things. That’s why I went ahead and put up my website last year December. Because I already knew I wasn’t going to stay in biz doing the same as I’ve done before. I just don’t see it changing any time soon. I just wanted to eliminate this philosophy out there that a REPUTABLE (someone with like multiple great reviews, verified pics, etc) provider taking deposits should stop doing so in order to make things easier for clients and get more business. IT WON’T HAPPEN.

I could see #1 being it. Though, even though I can see it being a great occasional feature, I can’t see the merit in having it multiple times a week/month unless you’re really able to be everywhere at once or in an area that really attracts a lot of traffic. I have not but could see doing it in the near future. Seems to run about $48 per 24 hours per region of the USA.

Not even just referring to client/escort interactions (though it definitely present in it as well). But just in general among the gay scene. I’ve read articles about it, but I want to bring it up here because I think some of it seems to be more particular to the gay/hookup scene culture. majority of this Behavior tends to happen around that. I’m also not just talking about random Timewasters or casual chat conversations (I have occasionally been guilty for not responding to messages on chats/email). I’m talking about people where there has been a fair amount of chat between. Like where you’ve actually met in person. Since when did men become such B*****s? Many don’t want to communicate. I understand texting and technology can get overwhelming, and I can usually tell the difference between someone who’s just busy, or if a chat just naturally fades. Versus someone just flat out blowing off for no reason. I think the straw that might affect my continuity in the business, is that type of behavior. Even when it’s not coming from clients directly, I don’t like having to work with people who don’t feel they have a moral responsibility to communicate their thoughts and feelings. I also wonder if a lot of this has to do with race. I know the “race card” is a sensitive topic, but as a gay person of color, I feel like some people do it out of spite or fear (and to be fair, some of it even comes from other people of color) Afraid to communicate, afraid to disagree, afraid of anything that “might” elicit a conflict. So they just don’t respond. I see it all the time. Meanwhile, they’ll happily chat and hash it out with their White friends like it’s nothing. As of now, I’ve had at least 5-6 people off the top of my head within the last 30 days, who has completely fell off the map and stopped responding to me for no reason. And everything seemed to be fine beforehand.

Well they aren’t far from each other…though I haven’t been to either in years.