loremipsum

“You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” -C.S. Lewis

Haaaaa. I got that.

Why’s that? Somehow I’m vaguely reminded of “that lean and hungry look.”

Looks to me like a GoogleTranslate job from Portuguese to English. Let me give it a (cursory) go at a correct, non-mundane description (not to disparage underhandedly the escort in question — just giving it a go): In me you’ll find a sensual, sinewy sexpert who is incidentally fluent in both legalese and the language of love alongside my own native, Brazilian tongue, the likes of which in another man you’ll never find... Legend has it that Latin lovers are the best lovers, and I am an embodiment of this, here to dispel any doubt about said notion. I am a Latin Lover par excellence. Our lovemaking will cause you to writhe and ache in blissful ecstasy and even brief twinges of agony as you beg me to stop, hardly able to withstand the exquisite pain of my penetrating not only your simultaneously desirous and rejecting body but almost piercing your very soul with my greatest appendage, remaining on the cusp of a heady release until I liberate you from the throes and prison of the seemingly endless climactic edge, allowing you to orgasm... Idk. Too much?

those who* and put a comma after that “i.e.” I was a worse “Grammar Nazi” in my teens — perhaps in part informed by my being the copy editor of the school paper. A friend exploited this in the form of a threat after she expressed via text that she’d grown weary of my “elevated diction” — I replied with a deliberately-phrased “I cannot help it if this is the manner in which I speak. Or text, rather.” Her response: “STOP OR I’LL STOP USING PUNCTUATION.” Now I’m mostly bothered when people don’t use question marks, that is unless a word is used that clearly indicates that a question is being asked rather than a statement being made (e.g., the “is” in “is 5PM good” rather than “5PM good”). I’m sometimes texted a simple “Rates and availability” — no “Hello,” no question mark — I just don’t reply. I appreciate that this can be off-putting to potential clients, but there’s a lid for every pot: One of my regulars, upon our first rendezvous, intimated to me that the ultimate, deciding factor in his meeting me was seeing in my ad “Please use complete sentences when contacting me.” (He’s a writer; he was an English and Philosophy major at Georgetown, and then went on to Yale Law School, so it makes sense.) I’m fine if I only attract clients of that ilk. In the interest of softening my perceived fastidiousness: I’m okay with split infinitives; far too many phrases are awkwardly-put if one really wants to avoid splitting their verb phrases.

Don’t forget your [sic]’s.

You mean “its”? ?

Yes, he likes to be worshiped.

That he’s not a queen?

“You do not have to attend every argument to which you are invited.” -Idk

“This is not a book that should just be tossed aside — it should be thrown with great force.” ?

Nice. I was gonna focus on the lube part

Incisive.

That’s fair. One of my regulars does this as well (but only because his entry buzzer/intercom is perpetually non-functional). I was talking about this in the realm of the possibility of a cancellation, a time-waster. We can’t know for certain that you’ll be permitting us entry to your complex/won’t get cold feet, at least not the first time that we rendezvous. Hence my Uber condition.

For me, the client sending an Uber essentially is indemnification. I don’t want to travel over to them and then they suddenly decide to cancel — it’s obviously worse than their simply not showing up to my place for a booked session; I feel like an utter fool — and some clients will provide you only the cross-streets and upon arrival thereto they provide further instructions — sometimes they even give an address that’s a few doors down or across the street from their actual place and tell you to text/call them when you are close and then surprise, they disclose their actual location. My in-call and out-call rates are the same for this reason — for out-calls, they provide transport to and fro along with the regular donation. I insist upon this. Some choose to pick me up; it is indeed more cost-effective. Still others have had to download the Uber or Lyft apps specifically to see me and I have to help them navigate said apps, as they have never before used them. I’m comfortable this way. Most do not object. In my ad I expressly state this condition. It’s quite likely that some refrain from seeing me because of this.

What are some of your favorites? I’m partial to a great many — some of mine are: “The wicked envy and hate; it is their way of admiring.” -Victor Hugo “No man made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do little.” -Edmund Burke “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” -J.K. Rowling by way of Albus Dumbledore “Fas est et ab hoste doceri.” (Right it is to be taught by an enemy/a wise man may seek good counsel even from a foe.) -Ovid

How old was he? Millennials typically regard it as sketchy not to have your phone on and charged at all times. Phones die only when they’re out for hours of partying at nights, making considerable use of their battery for IG stories to commemorate said times and such. Escorts have no-shows often. I myself confirm the day of, as he attempted to do. The fact that he was angrier at you than you at him probably reflects a history of his confirming with clients day of, and having had some neglect to respond even just to cancel, and then not showing. That being said, certainly it is your prerogative not to avail yourself of his services in the future. You confirmed it earlier in the week and that should’ve been good enough. Once a client books an appointment, I’ve learned to act as though they are always serious about seeing me and will follow through, even knowing that they might not. This ensures that I don’t book another client for that time slot and prevents subsequent awkwardness (read: near-disaster) ensuing if they both think they’re going to meet me at the same hour.

I think yours is a fine ad. However, the last line — “The only thing I can’t do is host” — personally, it sounds odd because that’s rather a significant thing to be preceded with a “that’s the only thing,” as though it were a trifle. That’s just what I think. Also, your interview responses in #4 — “I don’t try to stand out from the crowd” can indicate that you naturally stand out from the crowd without trying, or it may indicate that you can’t be bothered to try to stand out/“go the extra mile”; and in #9 you say that you wouldn’t say much at all if you were to sit on the beach with a client. Personally, I’d modify that answer, too.

I have them call it. Once when I called my own, I arrived at the hotel at which they were staying (or so they claimed earlier) and waited in the lobby for them to reply while I called and texted several times in vain. After half an hour I just left. It wasn’t nice.

I had to provide a pic of my ID way back when. The problem for me is “verifying my photos” (which is optional, and on your page indicates to visitors that you’ve done so) by taking a selfie holding up a paper with my URL (rentmen.com/loremipsum) on it. I just don’t feel comfortable with the possibility of that photo swimming around; it is irrefutable proof that I was at one point an escort.

What that person did isn’t cool. I indeed would feel bound by the commitment I already made.

I personally prefer no response. Replying with a subtle way of haggling via the expedient of “this escort is only...” is awkward for me. Even “thanks” is awk. I have to say “you’re welcome,” even knowing that in all likelihood they’re going to move on.

Thank you This post makes me miss Backpage. I particularly enjoyed exercising some artistic license with some provocative titles of my myriad ads. “Stranger danger” as noted here was among them. Another was “Don’t open this” — and the first line of the ad, when opened, read “Reverse psychology works.” Days gone by... Then there’s also the rather irksome shutdown shortly after BP started charging for putting up ads — there were multiple avenues to do so, Bitcoin among them — I went the route of purchasing a Walmart gift card of $100 and allotting the funds to BP to use, $1/ad. I had only put up about eight ads when the site went down. No recourse for getting that back, so that’s $92 I’m never seeing again.

I happen to be rather well-acquainted with him.