MidwestCoastal

I cannot thank everyone enough for all the responses, advice, and most importantly, support. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
 
I'm starting to make a concerted effort to 'change' because the status quo isn't working and if anything, is making things worse.
 
In the short term, I'm planning on putting my physical well-being at the top of the list - taking care of myself on a consistent basis - diet, exercise, sleep, seeing all doctors again. I have decided to explore TMS (magnetic therapy) to try to displace my physical depression.
 
For now, long term can wait.

I cannot thank everyone enough for all the responses, advice, and most importantly, support. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
 
I'm starting to make a concerted effort to 'change' because the status quo isn't working and if anything, is making things worse.
 
In the short term, I'm planning on putting my physical well-being at the top of the list - taking care of myself on a consistent basis - diet, exercise, sleep, seeing all doctors again. I have decided to explore TMS (magnetic therapy) to try to displace my physical depression.
 
For now, long term can wait.

...no friends...
 
Moved around a lot for work...No BF... no dating for last ten years.... body issues... now feeling old, fat, and unwanted. I've somehow managed to keep together enough to have a relatively successful career, but that's all I have... I was born with amazing parents and sister... I am still close with them, but have always longed for gay friends.... just feel like I never fit it.

I've been struggling with depression my entire adult life... probably teens... low self-esteem.... anti-depressants have been an on and off thing over the years... sometimes I think it does affect my libido, other times, I think it doesn't...
 
I've been reading a great deal about ketamine as a treatment for depression... Yes, I know...in my 'youthful days' it was a party drug... one I never tried.
 
I feel like I am substituting intimacy with hiring for sex lately... just didn't think I would be 46 and alone.

OK... I know I'm cynical, but what's wrong with wanting to be with someone whose companionship you enjoy and they also happen to love fucking your brains out? That's all I'm looking for!

Head over heels, but apparently not heels over head....(Ba-dum-dum-Ssss)

Communication.... Be specific on your expectations/wants/desires. If they still say "strict top, no bottoming', then may not be a match!

Communication.... Be specific on your expectations/wants/desires. If they still say "strict top, no bottoming', then may not be a match!

<< mouth watering, ass twitching >>

I'll take a STAR LORD!
 
<<Insert Chris Pratt GotG shirtless pic>>

I'll take a STAR LORD!
 
<<Insert Chris Pratt GotG shirtless pic>>

I greatly appreciate all the support and suggestions from this thread. Thank you.
 
I am in therapy and have been for most of my adult life. Drugs and therapy help 'sustain' me but can't seem to get to a consistent happy level; I'd settle for content at this point.
 
Over the last 15 years, I've done volunteering, political groups, sports teams, book clubs, dating websites... Nothing sticks and I've become more cynical.
 
I know my grass is very green compared to others. I am so fortunate and feel guilty for not appreciating all I do have.
 
Its very hard not to look at everything and conclude that I am somehow 'broken', 'faulty', or 'dysfunctional'. The negative, self-hating voice dominates. I'm left feeling like 'What's wrong with me? Who would want me?'
 
I've worked in sales, client service, and deal negotiations for my entire career. I'm well liked at every job I have ever had. I give the appearance of a extrovert. Its not a question of skill, so I'm left wondering, is it desire?
 
I know physical activity helps. I know diet and taking care of myself is important. Its just harder and harder to pick myself again, and again, and again as the years go by.
 
Of course, the recent political environment hasn't helped. I watch FAR too much MSNBC and seriously hate the "President" and I can't stand the presence of a Republican for more than 8 minutes. We're witnessing the end of American global leadership and greatness and the start of the American decline. Greed is destroying the world. As a member of the 'rich, white, liberal elite', I'm filled with guilt.
 
I'm researching more radical treatments. I'm curious about magnetic therapy and ketamine. I've also been moving toward a process of just accepting that I can't be happy and to just move on.

Who is best in Chicago who’s packing 9+?

...no friends...
 
Moved around a lot for work...No BF... no dating for last ten years.... body issues... now feeling old, fat, and unwanted. I've somehow managed to keep together enough to have a relatively successful career, but that's all I have... I was born with amazing parents and sister... I am still close with them, but have always longed for gay friends.... just feel like I never fit it.

I've been struggling with depression my entire adult life... probably teens... low self-esteem.... anti-depressants have been an on and off thing over the years... sometimes I think it does affect my libido, other times, I think it doesn't...
 
I've been reading a great deal about ketamine as a treatment for depression... Yes, I know...in my 'youthful days' it was a party drug... one I never tried.
 
I feel like I am substituting intimacy with hiring for sex lately... just didn't think I would be 46 and alone.

#Not9in

https://rent.men/DiggoryXXL

TOTALLY JELLY!!!

TOTALLY JELLY!!!

TOTALLY JELLY!!!

"Another" - there are more?!

Sex work should be legalized..... Period.

Co-dependency? Hardly... part of it is self preservation.
 
Situation 1 - A provider drinks at your place and then drives home, gets in an accident and kills someone. The 'commercial relationship' would only compound the charges brought up against you and the provider. If you serve someone anything in your home (legal or not) and they get in accident, you are liable.
 
Situation 2 - Yes, part of it was sympathy for someone in a bad situation, but the guy was crying and a total wreck and it was either help him out or potentially getting his parents involved... they demand to see his phone, see my phone number and address....may get the police involved, blackmail....
 
The point is, I'm more upfront about my expectations of what I want and what I expect of their behavior. Its not co-dependent, its smart to minimize any risk, period, end of story.

#NotReallyNine

And...he is gone from Philly already. Looks like he could have been passing through.