LivingnLA

My two favorites are Carson and feelmeflow. Feelmeflow is better educated in massage, but otherwise, they're both great for me and what I look for in a relaxing massage.

I wouldn't mind some Scott Evans + Mario Lopez fiction.

Is this called "slash fiction"? I recall someone on Etsy commissioning a "slash" painting, of John Cena hole-punching Daniel Tosh.

Yes, that would probably be slash fiction. @oldNbusted, I only saw 4 stories with the Mario Lopez tag at AOO. I have no idea if any include Scott Evans. And only three stories on FF with Mario Lopez in them. An in-depth web search might find individual stories on writer's sites.

http://untitled-magazine.com/online/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/On-The-Side-The-Untitled-Magazine-Photography-by-Tina-Turnbow-Nico-Tortorella_1.jpg

I think a lot of men are visual (hence all the porn mags and vids) and women tend to be more mental (hence all the romance novels).

Human males being more visual is a long held belief. Recent research, while limited, is unsurprisingly showing that sexual arousal is much more complicated and likely highly influenced by psychosocial cultural factors.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-007-9217-9

Based on the literature reviewed, we conclude that content characteristics may differentially produce higher levels of sexual arousal in men and women. Specifically, men appear more influenced by the sex of the actors depicted in the stimuli while women’s response may differ with the context presented. Sexual motivation, perceived gender role expectations, and sexual attitudes are possible influences.

This is a very small study, but worth considering: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-013-0076-2

Sexually explicit stimuli resulted in larger genital responses; women reported higher subjective sexual arousal than men; and fantasizing about one’s partner resulted, overall, in higher subjective sexual arousal and higher levels of positive affect. Moreover, in women, the instruction to fantasize about one’s partner resulted in stronger subjective sexual arousal to the explicit film than the instruction to fantasize about someone else. Results suggested that physiological, subjective, and affective responses to erotic film stimuli are impacted not only by stimulus characteristics but also by the viewer’s interpretation of the depicted relationship.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0018506X11000638

Instances of discordance between response components suggest that they are, at least in part, under the control of different mechanisms, and it is proposed that a better understanding of sexual arousal will prove contingent on a better understanding of such mechanisms and the conditions under which they converge and diverge.

After a lot of thought over the weekend, where this thread weighed heavily, I've made the decision to end this hobby. I remember very well the first time a provider suggested we go bare, because it was a mindfuck for me. That was November 2014, I had just turned 60 and it had been over 30 years at the time since I'd had anything sexually transmitted (crabs in my case, not sure that even qualifies as a true STD ).

 

I know there's some back and forth here about whether barebacking is routine now, but based on my experience shopping through ads and hiring its totally normalized, at least in the markets where I explore. Then there's all the data shared here and elsewhere about the rise of STDs beyond HIV and antibiotic resistance. Still wondering if the risks are greater now or my willingness to rationalize condom use as "safe enough" is just less. Anyway, the bottom line for me is that I don't want to go on PrEP, so it does seem irresponsible for me to continue -- for my own health as well as the risks I'd be exposing sex partners to given that I don't take the PrEP precaution.

 

I'm extremely grateful for this forum, even though I'll probably be using it less. More than just informative, it's been a fun and naughty escape from the daily stresses of work and life! I'll have to take up knitting or scrapbooking now, lol. Anyway, thanks to all.

Crabs aka public lice are considered a sexually transmitted infection. They like coarse hair. They can be found anywhere on the body except in head hair. Manscaping that removes all body hair greatly reduces any chance of catching public lice since the only hair on such a body that would be attractive to them would be facial hair.

I understand where you're coming from, but I would argue established professional escorts are safer than general hookups because they are generally better educated and more serious about their health than the typical hookup. If you consistently and correctly use condoms and get tested regularly, you should be well protected. Adding PrEP would be good for those who bottom/receive/catch, especially for anal sex, but you must be consistent on your daily dose. It's basically a back-up in case a condom breaks. Generic PrEP is finally coming to the USA, so cost should drop significantly. Also, having your vaccines is smart, especially Hep A/B and HPV (though the HPV vaccine is only recommended now for under 45).

Plus truvada resistant strains of hiv have been recorded.

Also "blips" i.e. Those times when a viral load becomes detectable between periods of undetectability: happens to many, if not most, hiv positive people on drug therapy. Much like when the hiv test was first developed and you were only negative as of the day of your last test, or really a few weeks before given the incubation period and the slowness of the test back in those days, so too with "undetectable" you are only undetectable as of the date of your last labs. To further compound the situation, labs are supposed to be done every 3-4 months, so to lay a framework you can have the following results over a year or so : period 1 undetectable, period 2 undetectable, period three detectable, period 4 undetectable . Now it is very possible that between period 1 and period 2 labs a viral load would become detectable then revert to undetectable by the time of the period 2 labs and there would be no way of knowing that sequence of events.

PREP without condoms is still a gamble.

Yes, viral load blips are common. According to one study, blips were around 10% and associated with an increased risk of virologic failure. Another recent study suggests more intense monitoring since blips seem to be a precursor to virologic failure.

Yes, we agree, there is nothing on the market yet. (There are current treatments but not a vaccine.)

 

What are you suggesting?

I'm not suggesting anything beyond what I said above. I believe it's risky to suggest chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis are treatable when there are resistant strains that make treatment difficult and, predominantly because of condomless sex, the probability of fully resistant strains increases every year. As responsible adults we should be doing what we can to reduce that probability and that means correct and consistent use of condoms for oral, anal, and vaginal sex outside of trustworthy exclusive relationships. Like appropriate vaccine use, this is a public health issue that affects all of us. And to be clear, I am not blaming professional escorts because many of them are far more on top of these issues than most clients. That's part of what makes them professionals. There are plenty of clients and escorts who are being reckless and irresponsible. The optimist in me hopes it's an issue of education given how poor sex education is in America, which is why I try to share current information.

With PrEP and hepatitis A/B/C inoculations a guy is good to go, except for chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis - which if one tests for regularly can be treated with anti-biotics - with or without a condom. The only completely 'safe' sex, is no sex. I'm not advocating no sex. Just for everyone to be informed of the various risks and what to do about them.

There is no vaccine for HepC. Research has been going on for years. Don't expect one any time soon.

It's irresponsible to say gonorrhea is treatable since there are treatment resistant strains and the CDC has expressed concern about gonorrhea becoming fully resistant to known treatments. Treatment resistant strains of syphilis and chlamydia are out there too but not widespread yet.

Let's hope the chlamydia vaccine proves to be effective and comes to market soon.

I don't disagree at all with the benefits as described by yourself and @quoththeraven. My thought was simply and rather casually that 50,000 was too high a target for the people for whom it seemed to be intended. And, as I indicated, for some authors it would not ever be desirable. I was interested to see that they used a clunky old portable typewriter on their Home Page. Well I remember the struggles with carbon paper and stuck keys - my idea of revision and refining hell.

I hear and agree with you in that there are plenty of those writing forms like poetry or short stories that could be great options for people who want to write more but are intimidated by the idea of a novel and tens of thousands of words.

Amen. And Foucault was in our club!

Thanks. I'm not sure which club you're referring to above, is there a secret handshake that I don't know?

Foucault was in many clubs. That's one of the fascinating aspects of his work.

50,000 words in a month is a big ask, surely, unless writing to an established formula or under the influence of white-hot inspiration? Unlikely in either case, I would have thought, for someone who tries to do it merely as a response to a casual challenge. Good luck to anyone who took it on, though.

 

I remember once visiting a certain famous essayist who was happy to produce one well-rounded and polished paragraph a day. I have to admit I found him almost unreadable even then, when I had most of my faculties.

50,000 words is substantial if you're talking about a finished writing product. Much of modern writing theory is more about getting the ideas captured and then revising and refining over time to create the finished product. Creating 50,000 words is 1,667 words a day over the 30 days. That is a sizable amount, but the entire point is to motivate people to write and once someone discovers the freedom of letting ideas flow and go where they will, it becomes surprisingly easy to hit those kinds of numbers. Yes much of it will be crap, but writing is a skill. It takes practice to get right. And many people will be pleasently surprised to find gems worth keeping that can become core elements of the finished product.

He's hot. Somewhat over manscaped to be a cowboy in my mind. If I were in the same town at the same time, I'd probably still lasso him for a ride.

No sex, growing a Movember moustache - is there anything else I'm supposed to be doing this month?

Yes. National Novel Writing Month. Write a novel. That's why you don't bust. Refocus your energies into a creative project.

https://nanowrimo.org/

What is NaNoWriMo?

National Novel Writing Month began in 1999 as a daunting but straightforward challenge: to write 50,000 words of a novel during the thirty days of November.

I completely agree. In fact I just sent an email to a therapist as well, though really because I am a bit close to burnout (lots of pressure and stress at work lately). And PCD and burnout also appear to be linked. I completely agree that seeking a professional is an essential part of self-care.

Yes, PCD seems to be associated with psychological distress. Stress affects us in many complicated ways. A good sexual therapist can help. If it's primarily stress driven, a general therapist can help. Additionally, activities and habits that help manage stress can be beneficial as well.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-coital_tristesse

Frequent PCT (Post-Coital Tristesse) aka PCD (Post-Coital Dysphoria) is somewhat rare and not well understood in either females or males. I would suggest you find a qualified professional in sexual medicine or sexual therapy to work with to identify what may be going on and work with you to create potential solutions that work for you.

Between 3% and 4% of the sample reported experiencing PCD on a regular basis. PCD was found to be associated with current psychological distress, childhood sexual abuse, and several sexual dysfunctions. Results indicate that the male experience of the resolution phase may be far more varied, complex, and nuanced than previously thought and lays a foundation for future research investigating PCD among males.

The findings confirm that PCD is under‐recognized and under‐researched. There appears to be no relationship between PCD and intimacy in close relationships.

You've just articulated the raison d'etre of a liberal arts education.

Just want to say that I resonate and totally appreciate your candor. Made me recall my college philosophy courses. Sarte wrote some really thought provoking stuff on fetish/perverish. I'm bastardizing, but the gist is that sex is a profound act of human to human communication. Fetishs no matter how exteme are not perversion as long as some real person to person exchange is going on, whereas banging it out in the hetero missionary position is perversion if its rote, routine and objectifying. Talking about those ideas in class at the age of 21 as I was coming to terms with the reality that I was attracted to boys much more than girls changed my life.

Sartre is good for challenging and opening minds. Foucault is too. After opening minds with the classics, bring in current ideas and research to build on what was right and correct what was wrong.

My problem is I haven't yet worked out what I am an expert in!

My doctor strongly recommends that his gay patients get tested for HPV.

https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv-and-men.htm

Interesting. The CDC doesn't currently recommend anal Pap smears though that guidance seems to slowly be changing for men who receive anal sex.

The best bet is to use condoms correctly and consistently and for men under 45 to get the HPV vaccine because it'll probably provide some protection against the strains that they haven't been exposed to yet.

https://www.nbcnews.com/health/mens-health/what-are-symptoms-anal-cancer-disease-rise-u-s-n1086151

The United States is experiencing a “dramatic and concerning” rise in the rate of new anal cancer cases and deaths from the disease, particularly among young black men and elderly women, researchers reported Tuesday.

The incidence of squamous cell carcinoma of the anus — the most common type of anal cancer — rose 2.7 percent per year over a recent 15-year period, while anal cancer mortality rates increased 3.1 percent per year during that time.

 

At this rate, the disease can be considered as one of the fastest accelerating causes of cancer incidence and mortality in the U.S., said the study’s lead author Ashish Deshmukh, an assistant professor at the UTHealth School of Public Health in Houston.

Among some of the startling statistics: The risk of developing anal cancer was five times higher for black men born in the mid-1980s compared to those born in the mid-1940s. That may be because young black men are disproportionately affected by HIV, which raises the risk for developing the cancer, Deshmukh said.

The risk doubled among white men and white women born after 1960. The disease may surpass cervical cancer to become the leading human papillomavirus-linked cancer in elderly women, the study noted. One possible reason: Older people have weaker immune systems, impairing their ability to clear HPV from their bodies, and elderly women outnumber elderly men.

The proportion of cases diagnosed when the cancer had already spread to other parts of the body doubled, which suggests the rise in cases isn’t driven by more intense screening that would catch early-stage tumors, Deshmukh noted.

“It’s really hard to understand what might be causing the rise in incidence and mortality,” he added. Possible reasons include more risky sexual behavior in recent decades and the rise in obesity rates, which could be a factor, he said.

This whole topic gives me pause.... Big head vs little head.... and also makes me want a BF in the worst way.

 

For me, BB sex is a total fetish.... The act of getting bred.... totally a mental fuck...

 

I have a regular provider for over 3 years and we have only engaged in BB sex. I trust him, but I know with the majority of his clients, he is barebacking.... video on his ad shows him fucking raw. We're both PreP and tested regularly.

 

I have also BB'ed with a few other providers.

 

The whole topic ultimately depresses me because I wish I had a BB BF. I also feel people are 'judging' those of us who choose to BB. And let me reiterate... 'FEEL'.... its in my own head.... and my own nagging concerns that I may be taking unnecessary risk.

Much of sex is mental. Many of the guys who go limp with condoms are mentally destroying their erection because they've convinced themselves that they can't stay hard while wearing a condom. It's like many guys with ED. Do not misunderstand me here. I am not saying there are not serious physical issues for some men with ED. Many guys do have physical issues to tackle. But, our culture tends to obsess about the physical and ignore the psychological. It's physiologically possible for every healthy human male to have and keep an erection while wearing a condom. Is sensation different? Yes! But, with the right condom and the right mood/mindset, it's entirely possible.

I do not judge barebackers. I don't use condoms with my wife and haven't since college. I know what condomless sex with her feels like and I love it. In the past, I have had very trusted buddies who I've fucked without a condom. As I said above, being a mature adult means being honest about life and the risks all around us. If you want to bareback with an escort, that is your choice and the escort's choice. I hope you've educated yourself and you're tested regularly, because escorts and porn actors are a high risk demographic and men who have sex with men are too. So, probabilities are fairly high that you may catch something one day. If you are responsible, you are getting anal and throat swabs along with other STI testing at least quarterly since you're on PrEP. You should know the incubation periods for STIs, the potential symptoms, and understand that men are often asymptomatic. None of that is judgement. The only time I judge barebackers is when they show ignorance for all the things they should know to actually make an informed decision about the risks they are taking every time they take or give raw dick. Life is full of risk and risk can be exciting. A responsible man understands that, educates himself, and tries to be honest with himself and those he interacts with as he lives according to his choices.

As was explained to me by one of the few MD's in NYC that performed anal Pap smears: a condom , while covering the head and most of the shaft, may not cover the entire shaft therefore there can be skin to skin contact depending on extent of penetration.

Yes, it's important to make sure the condom fully covers the entire shaft if the entire shaft is coming into contact. I've seen amateur porn where some tops only partially unroll. I don't know if they're trying to get the condom to slip off or if they want to feel part of their shaft go in bare, but yes, in those situations, the chances of infections for many different STIs are the same as condomless sex because for those parts of skin, it is condomless.