YoungAD

Now I don’t have the money to go out. So even if I could find a group, which I can’t , I couldn’t do anything.

 

Gman

As usual I do not understand the point of posting yet another negative diatribe about what cannot be done or accomplished in your situation as a gay man. You are an adult, so either do something about your problems or shut up.

I don't hire very often. I treat myself 2-3 times a year. As such, and because I am very shy, I will peruse the ads for a week or two before I decide who to hire. (It's usually when I'm traveling.)

So after a week of glancing through ads I finally decide who I think I want to contact; and he's blocked me on RM. Most times I go through ads not logged in, but when I'm close to deciding I'm looking through them logged in... because sometimes they'll reach out to me and it's easier on my shyness. So I had his ad pulled up, thought maybe I would reach out, logged in... and blocked. Ad will not display if I am logged in. I had never contacted him before. He doesn't know me. I had probably pulled up his ad 5-6 times over the past 2 weeks. (logged in, so he saw me) I don't get it.

 

I know. Move on. yada yada yada I will. But I just don't understand.

Perhaps he has blocked a spectrum of “types” and your profile has fallen within that range. Have you tried contacting him in another fashion?

I went out to lunch with my Mom today. I was driving. After we finished, I asked her whether she minded stopping at a store that was a bit out of the way, so I could pick up a prescription I had ordered. The prescription was for some sildenafil.

 

My Mom asked me what the prescription was for. I blanked a moment and then told her, “It is one of my blood pressure medications.”

 

 

Gman

Indeed it is unfortunate that drugstores cannot sell you a spine.

Because I can f-ing see why. As far as I know, majority of the escorts I come across don't mention involvement in the scene much unless it's something to do with dancing or performing, etc.

 

I've come to realize I'm just so over it. Guys, gays, bars, everything. The games and confusion that comes with meeting guys outside of clients has just become too predictable and all too common. For example, just last week I met a guy in Phoenix at the bar after a friend invited me out. We chat, watched the drag show, and exchanged numbers. Kept in touch, he sent me pictures, shared some things about himself etc. Few days later, we meet up. Had a good time, met his friends at his place, he even popped the first kiss which later lead to longer making out and us giving each other head...for a minute. Until he kept saying he didn't want to turn things into a hookup and we left off on that.

 

However, before we met up...he did "flake" twice. Meaning, there were a couple of times we almost met but didn't. Now...in my personal life I'm a little more lenient about that. Whereas in business, if someone cancels the day of and/or then the next attempt they're just floating about not making definite plans...I ask them without being too brusque; to get it together. But seems like these things need to be implemented moreso in personal life.

 

Because after our "hangout" session, the guy sends me a text saying this will be our last conversation and that he's not feeling me as much, and wishes me luck. I'm like really? Really. I just wasn't surprised at all. This is typical gay shit. Confused little boys don't know what they want. Then once they get it, they run from it. Always trying to make the other person feel like they're doing something wrong.

 

And that's just one example. I could go on and on and on about the variety of mind games guys have played over and over and over. Everything from exchanging numbers and then ghosting, to just major inconsistencies and people who seem to get off on flaking on others. Nowadays, at 30...atleast I can move on with grace and dignity rather than let it affect me too much. But this just brings me back to that frame of mind that I don't like to be in.

 

On top of that, I don't even know my place in the gay scene anymore. The aforementioned guy is a lighter toned black guy and his friends who were at the house were queeny white guys who do drag and bleach their hair and wax their eyebrows. And the guy is not really feminine himself. So to me, that was a yellow flag that he possibly would find a way to exclude me at some point. I was picking up that he's probably more into white guys, and for whatever reason I could have just been used as a diversion for him to see if he can "do it". Not saying that's fact, but I know how these out west Black dudes can be. That's the reason I didn't have many Black friends/dates in Denver until I moved to the east coast, because they were all exclusive of each other, only associating with White or Hispanic guys. I've seen it too many times. The black guy who normally goes for white guys, they may dabble with another black dude for a minute, only to dismiss them with contempt only to go right back to what they were doing.

 

However, I don't want anyone citing the race card because it's much broader than that. That's just one underlying reason. The games are pretty much widespread. So my question is, what's the best way to still keep a social life outside of business, yet avoid all the bullshit of navigating the gay scene.

I guess this is you being “happy” again.

My thoughts are that the kettle is on to boil, even as we speak.

Yeah, his all attitude is weird. It looks like he finally said he is Ace. I lost my interest on hiring him, although I may do it just to feed my curiosity.

That's good, since he quite clearly stated he has no intention of being hired by you.

Exactly. Thankyou for rephrasing that. It's not my negativity. It's the forum's negativity and over insensitivity.

 

Again, if I do leave it'll be because I'm tired of defending myself everytime someone has a quibble about something I have to say. I'm turning 30 this year, I'm getting too old for this shit. And y'all old farts are too old for that shit. Here I am offering the O.P. an mutual experience and how to deal and remedy it (minus the busted Windows part, which if we all be real...gays can be pretty vindictive. I've heard of worse things but I always try to take the high road and live and let live and also have improved greatly on not allowing myself to fall prey to such situations), and now this whole thread has turned into a bitch hunt about me being the center of the issue. I could have just continued on with my vacation instead of offering my assistance.

Your negativity belongs to you and you alone.

Long time forum reader...first time poster.

 

Having hired many times over the past two years, I had something occur recently that I do know what to make of (since its never happened to me before).

 

Recently, at the conclusion of a first time meeting with a NYC escort, I gave him the envelope with his donation and he took it out and proceeded to count it right in front of me. I felt insulted by such behavior. Am I off base?

 

What do you think?

I have asked many escorts to please count their fee to make sure it is accurate. I would look at this as a way to establish trust and to feel relieved that both sides were taken care of, rather than insulted.

if I do leave

But you have left. Repeatedly.

That's a personal issue, specifically yours. You aren't disliking my negativity, you're disliking the fact that I call out on the negativity. You don't know me at all to even address me.

 

The whole nucleus and core of this thread is negative and wasn't created by me. But bet your ass if it was, y'all hoes would have some ish to say.

 

Everything isn't la la land and made for Oscar's moment. What I'm tired of is you and everybody else's unrelenting labeling of me. Fix that first. Don't try to fix me. Get the dick out your eye before calling out the speck in mine.

If I am not mistaken, you retired from the Forum because of all the negativity. Perhaps you should take another, longer break.

I'm going counseling alone and it's pretty difficult and painful. At this point my counselor thinks that we both have far too much invested in our time together to call it quits over this. She also thinks mentioning the fact that I'm hiring would further complicate matters. And to my surprise, she completely supports my hiring. She thinks I'm getting both the physical and emotional support missing from my marriage and thinks that it's important to continue that. The trick is to discreetly balance the two and to not become too dependent on an escort for those things.

Sounds like you found yourself an excellent, open-minded counsellor.

I could not disagree more. A counselor who enables you to stay in an emotional and sexual dead zone because of "complications" and "history" and the convenience of being able to hire to scratch your occasional itch is not a particularly effective counselor. I would have fired my counselor immediately had he or she suggested I stay married because I could hire an escort every so often.

The mere fact of history is no reason whatsoever to stay in an unhappy marriage, gay or straight. You should reconsider the advice AND the source.

Boy, it's nice to be able to agree with the Baron for a change.

 

I can't comment on "Sugar Daddy" per se, but I can comment on "Sugar Friend."

 

Another word that I don't like that hits the same idea is "polyamory."

 

Or arguably, another word that describes the same thing is dysfunction, but if so I have set up some pretty enduring dysfunctional relationships with clients.

 

I've had and have a number of clients that I've known for, in a number of cases, over a decade. The boundaries between "client" and "friend" and "on the clock" and "off the clock" are fluid in that all of them at one point or another have crossed the line, all in different ways. It sounds like self-serving bullshit, but I can say some of my best friends are clients, just like I know teachers and business people and other professionals who can say some of their best friends are colleagues. In some cases the paid relationship morphed into simply friendships, in other cases it endures as "paid" relatioships with dollars and strings attached, at least most of the time.

 

The "Sugar Daddy" model is tried and true throughout the ages and the downsides are the ones Baron points to. In particular, it is likely to have a relatively short shelf life. "Sugar Friend" is a different thing, and I think one main difference is that it allows both parties way more psychological (not to mention physical) space in the context of a sort of committed relationship, although the commitment is never formalized in any way. That's actually probably a good thing too, because the commitment to continue being "friends with benefits" is basically as good as the relationship itself, which I think is as it should be.

 

It also probably helps that I'm a bit over the hill and my clients are even more mature than I am. Yeah, it sucks to get older. But guess what? In youth and beauty, wisdom are rare.

I agree with Steven. I have been able to maintain friendships of varying degrees with a number of escorts. Other than a few minor snafus with scheduling or lack of chemistry, I have not had anything close to the number of problems some of the more prolific posters have experienced in the past and still seem to today.

I have. It was fun when it lasted and it inevitably came to an end. As most of these relationships do. Sugar daddy relationships don't really work because of the inherent conflict of interests. The 'son' always worries that the 'dad' can discard him at any time when somebody hotter shows up. The 'dad' worries that the 'son' is just staying in the relationship because of the money. Exclusivity issues can be problematic. Will 'dad' and 'son' live together, or separately? There will be real heart break when one party sees is as a quasi-marriage and the other party sees it as a short term arrangement. My advice: don't do it. Except if you both know/agree it is a short term thing. Or if you are really in love and getting married.

It all ended when Baron was expected to buy his escort dinner once.