True, but I was considering the deceased being put into the spotlight. There is the possibility that there were/are people with whom he did not share his personal life. But, I suppose that is a risk that is not uncommon.
More information may be helpful: City, approximate height, approximate age, body hair or smooth, ethnicity, any accent in speech, hair color, eye color, any tattoos or piercings, a physical comparison to a celebrity, etc.
Until I saw this video clip I didn't consider Nick Jonas for this gallery.
http://logoonline.mtvnimages.com/uri/mgid:file:http:shared:s3.amazonaws.com/articles.newnownext.com-production/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/nick-1579271055-1579271057.gif
Your post highlights some intense inner conflicts. You may garner greater benefit from discussing your desires with an emotions specialist rather than an open forum.