jackhammer91406

It goes..... One evening Jerry went over to his friend Tony's house to play cards with some other guys. Jerry sat directly across from Tony's wife. Jerry dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked under the table he saw that Tony's wife had her legs open and no panties on. He sat up and was so flushed he went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Tony's wife followed him into the kitchen and said, "did you like what you saw?" Jerry said, "yes I did." She said, "well you can get more than that for $500." Jerry thought it over and said "ok." "Come back tomorrow at 2:30, Tony will be at work," she said. Jerry came over & they had sex. He paid her and left. Later, Tony came home and asked, "has Jerry been over here today?" "Why yes," she said thinking she had been caught. "As a matter of fact he has." "Good," Tony said, "because that fool came by my job this morning and borrowed $500 'til this evening and said he would leave it with you." Or this..... My neighbor found out that her dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. The lady went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms." The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days." The lady replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer." The pharmacist says, "Well stay off your bicycle for about a week."

and so it goes...late Apologies for the tardiness. It's Sunday after all, not Friday. But I was in Las Vegas this weekend and couldn't get the laptop to work. I think I was channeling Hooboy. Anyway...I thought this was funny enough to share... A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "Look, I'm a sailor, and we're off to Europe tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe." "I see," the captain says. "Plus, he's screwing me," she added. "He certainly is", replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

And so it goes..... Generous lawyer A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?" Blonde paint job A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

And So it Goes..... A man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend. 'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend. Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!" HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND......

From the files.... A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date. ' Mommy ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?' 'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.' 'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?' 'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.' Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?' 'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!' The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. ' My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend. 'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.' Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.' The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out? 'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.' The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?' 'And,' the little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.' 'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?' 'Because you got an F in sex.'

This week Some additions this week sent in by friends. First a post on you tube for some AXE commercials. check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncgDxWYpZbc&NR=1 Next is from my friend in the North West. An Aggie went in to see his advisor, who said, "I want you to take history, math, and logic." "What's logic?" asked the Aggie. "Well," said the professor, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a Weed-eater?" "Why, yes, I do," replied the Aggie. "OK," continued the professor, "logic tells me that you have a yard!" "Amazing," gushed the young rube. "And," continued the professor, "since you have a yard, logic tells me that you have a house." "I do! I do!" exclaimed the boy. "And," continued the professor, "if you have a house, you probably have a wife. And, since you have a wife, I conclude that you are a heterosexual." "Gaaaa-lee!" said the Aggie. "That logic is sump'n else!" He goes outside, and his friend, Buck, asks him what classes he's going to take. "I'm gonna take history, math, and logic." " What's logic?" asks Buck. "OK," says the Aggie, "I'll give you an example: Do you own a weed-eater?" "Uh, no," relies Buck. The Aggie pauses a bit and says, "You're QUEER, ain'tcha".

Late addition I was just released from the Spa (hospital) after another 2 weeks. Wanted to share a few things that have been sent my way in the last few weeks to cheer me up. Hope they do the same for you. If you are old enough to remember the original Hollywood Squares, you may get a kick out of these. They were sent to me by my good friend in OHIO (oh no). Hollywood Squares: These great questions and answers are from the days when the Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course. Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!) Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures. Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out. Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.. Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet. Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING!

Cartoons and other stuff The items below are courtesy of my good friend in Ohio. The first one is from a cartoon. Since that is a visual medium, I ask everyone to bend a bit as I try to describe a cartoon that made me laugh out loud... Apologies if I fail.... Imagine a picture of an A.A. type meeting for dogs. There are dogs seated all around a lectern waiting expectantly for the bull dog at the microphone to share... The bull dogs says. MY NAME IS REX AND IT'S BEEN 6 MONTHS SINCE I HAVE LICKED MY BALLS.... Not even a giggle huh? OK... let's try this one. I was tempted to put this in the thread about gays on ships...but, that's a story for another time...You'll get it when the story is over..I hope.... Manure... An interesting fact In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas of course. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I. I had always thought it was a golf term.

Last Tuesday... This race in New Jersey last Tuesday had some interesting humor. check out the names of the horses....

With the recent path my life has taken, I have found it helpful to try to focus on upbeat things, especially humor (a relative term to be sure). Some of my close friends have taken to sending me jokes. I thought you might like to see a few. If there is interest perhaps I will post some more along the way. You might have a joke that would make me laugh out loud, so feel free to add it to the thread. Here are few for today: A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." And then.... A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years." Finally........ What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Blake Griffin (6' 10", 250 lbs) was taken yesterday by the L.A. Clippers as the number one draft pick in the NBA draft. Basketball is going to be even more fun to watch in Los Angeles. Sports fans may remember seeing Griffin in in NCAA championship tournament several months back when he sparked the Team from Oklahoma. The second picture is his brother Taylor Griffin. http://weblogs.amny.com/news/sports/gameface/blog/BlakeGriffin.jpg http://www.thelostogle.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/taylor-griffin.jpg http://multimedia.heraldinteractive.com/images/b5b7d0b8d3_blake.jpg http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n125/lbrownie/blake-griffin-sad.jpg

$2.49 at the ARCO down the street in the San Fernando Valley area of Los Angeles today.

I agree it can be depressing. However, after reading this thread this morning and posting my reply, I went in to see my boss armed with the actual figures posted in this thread and asked for a raise in my expenses check. (no taxes) Well, thanks to Talvin and all, I got an increase in my monthly expense allowance which will offset ANY increase in gas prices for the foreseeable future. My sincere thanks to all....

There's an ARCO at the corner of my street that sells unleaded regular now for $4.33 a gallon. This station is well known as the cheapest gas in the San Fernando Valley here in So Cal. Well, yesterday, I took my little hybrid to a VALERO station about five minutes away and got it for $4.32 a gallon. I was so proud. heheh During my fill-up I had a crowd of people (ok 3) around me asking questions about my Escape Hybrid. If I had known that's all it took to be popular well.... BTW, this is the first time I have opened this thread. Two things struck me reading this; Talvin started the thread 7 years ago when gas in VA. ranged from $.89 to $1.28 a gallon? The other thing that struck me was that Talvin is a very good looking young man.}(

I can't stop laughing long enough to type this. Thanks.

Down in Rio Visiting with friends (http://www.ananab.com) who tell me that yesterday the local government announced the finding of the largest deposits of oil and natural gas in Sao Paolo. It is described as the tip of the iceberg and will, it is believed, bring this country (Brasil) on a par with Saudi Arabia in exportable oil and gas. IT should have a enormous effect on the economy here as witnessed by an increase of 15% in the value of the oil shares on the local stock market yesterday. In the long run it should impact the influence of Valenzuela on oil prices.

So glad to see this thread come back and with VISUALS. even better Thanks JAson Nice pics of you here are some more from the net http://fs10.dudesnude.com/pic/6%2F42%2F311777041_1858426.jpg http://fs10.dudesnude.com/pic/2%2F16%2F242985643_1877162.jpg http://fs10.dudesnude.com/pic/2%2F18%2F996675583_1872182.jpg http://fs10.dudesnude.com/pic/5%2F42%2F828762750_1816425.jpg http://fs10.dudesnude.com/pic/3%2F37%2F27266929_1672373.jpg http://fs10.dudesnude.com/pic/4%2F90%2F80186538_1752904.jpg http://fs10.dudesnude.com/pic/7%2F77%2F317133742_1324777.jpg http://fs10.dudesnude.com/pic/8%2F23%2F720849652_1543238.jpg http://fs10.dudesnude.com/pic/3%2F62%2F680688856_1534623.jpg

Biceps being one of my favorite male body parts, you can imagine my dismay when I not only don't get a pic, I can't even get the red x. x( The ONLY way I can get the pic is to start to reply to your post using a quote, see the url, go get it myself and then the pic will show up. But I have to do this with each of your posts. }( I LOVE firefox, but geeesh.

I have kept up with this thread and have to confess my disappointment that no one has brought up escorts who enjoy being on the receiving end of things. Are there any?

I recall reading sometime back that Devon (now retired) often encouraged clients to punch him in the gut. I believe he even referenced it on his website. Have I mis-remembered this?

And don't you forget it either buddy.

Who knew there were others like me? I mentioned in the March Madness thread that I have a thing for armpits. But for me, only the ones that are natural. No Shaving!. I could make a banquet out of licking a hot armpit. Guess I am kinky after all. As I said, WHO KNEW? :+

Lucky, you sweet talker you!! Only for you big guy. Next time you and your friend visit, I will give you a special treatment. I have a whole new take on the concept of face cradles...heheh http://burns.thefinaldimension.org/otn/angels/littleangel.gif http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/contrib/ed/wink2.gif

Special needs I'll treat anyone with respect and without coercion if they will just do windows.

Argos, In answer to your post, I have gone back in the archives to find the three or four threads on this subject which helped me when I was first checking this site out for exactly this kind of info. have fun }(