That's alot to unpack, but it sounds like you need some help, so I suggest using whatever disposable income you have on therapy.... Talking is good.... If you have no money for it, there are available services to help you, Lifelines.......
By THIS post alone, it sounds as if you are consumed with your sex/love life, and not in a healthy way... and noone should ever be CONSUMED by anything.
Noone likes rejection, but as you get older you'll realize its no big deal, and par for the course. you win some, you lose some.
If you would walk thru fire for a "gorgeous" guy, take a step back....that's not normal OR healthy.....Personally, I would put out the fire FIRST.....
Support is good, but we HERE are not professionals..... Seek out someone GOOD who is....👍