Wings246

I do agree with you. This thought crosses my mind frequently. Therefore, I feel I am probably creating an unnecessary obstacle for myself.

I’m 100% in the deepest corner of the closet, although I believe that my family and closest friends/coworkers all suspect that I’m gay. After all, it’s not too difficult to guess when a middle-aged man has zero dating history with any female human beings. The biggest hurdle is my family. The irony is that I do have a very loving and supportive family. This, however, as ridiculous as it may sound, is a double-edged sword. I don’t know if they would mind or care, but I am certain the people around them would. So I cannot get over (or even bear) the thought of bringing negative impacts to their lives. I have no fear about the consequences of my own decisions and choices; unfortunately, I have crippling hesitations when my personal decisions and choices can and will affect the lives of those I love and care about. I don’t know if this is just my lame excuse to rationalize my own cowardice. My mother, given her age, is surprisingly open-minded (or at least she appears so). She’s a die-hard fan of an openly gay superstar. More than once, she has applauded the audacity of that superstar’s coming out journey in my presence. I am not even sure if that’s her clue to encourage me to tell her something that we all know. But I keep telling myself that “it’s OK if it happens to someone else’s son. It will be a completely different story when it is YOUR son.” Once in the not-too-distant past during a heart-to-heart conversation, my brother indirectly hinted at me that “we will love you and support you no matter what your decisions are about your life.” At that moment, I fully understood that there was no ambiguity in what he was alluding to. Still, I shied away from the golden opportunity to give the proper, ultimate response and pivoted the dialogue to something else. I know, I know, I know — I am exhausted by my own weakness. It’s funny that two of my best male friends are gay, one of which is openly gay and happily married to another man. The other one is in the closet but is out to me. Yet, I don’t have the guts to be honest with them; I don’t even understand myself. They’ve even told me, on separate occasions, that they saw me as a mystery, that they didn’t even know who I truly am or what I really want. I suppose the mystery will stay as is until I have the courage to face myself one day. Sometimes, I’m so tired of myself and I feel people around me are tired of me. Maybe I am constantly and needlessly fighting an imaginary battle against the worst enemy in the entire world: myself.

Personally don't prefer tattoos, but not necessarily turned off by them. However, these are 100% unacceptable to me: tattoos of characters/symbols/alphabets of a foreign language that 1. Are transcribed in the most unesthetic manner (e.g. out of proportion, misaligned, don’t conform to the standards of that particular writing system) 2. Mean something completely wrong, stupid, illogical (unintentionally) Number 1 is insulting to the language/culture. Number 2 is humiliating to the bearers of the tattoos. The unfortunate fact is most of them don’t know they are making themselves a laughingstock and yet, wear their public self-humiliations with pride. Attractiveness instantaneously vanishes into thin air when you are laughing uncontrollably upon witnessing such mishaps.

This may be something to consider, especially when you need absolute privacy. Not sure how the hotel rooms are booked. If it's done by your office admin, adjacent rooms may be booked together. Are the rooms sound proof enough then? You know some hotels have paper thin walls. If I were you and if possible, I'd avoid letting your coworkers know your room number at all costs. There may be some clingy coworkers who want to hang out and/or ask you for work related help after work hours. Sure, you can silence your phone, but if they know where you are, they may knock on your door in the most inopportune time. Chances of this happening are slim, but you want that chance to be zero.

I know this thread is about providers' perspectives on their ideal clients and my response may be slightly off topic. However, as @Simon Suraci's client, I can personally attest to his statements: I bet you I do NOT fall into the "ideal client" category, but @Simon Suraci undoubtedly is my ideal provider!

Dear comrades, I am the OP, but I have changed my username from lostlonelysoul. Details below. Thanks for all your recommendations. I eventually booked a 2-hour session with @Simon Suraci. I have been eyeing for him on both RM platforms for weeks even before I made my post. But his home base (SD) is way too far from me. So I gave up until I saw his travel location coincided with my business trip. It was meant to be. Let me start by saying that his ad/profile pics definitely do not do him justice. He is 100X hotter in person. You need to see him for yourself. Per your suggestions, I originally made a massage appointment, but as soon as I told him what I truly desired, he did not hesitate to switch gear and led me to the bedroom. Needless to say, I was consumed by stress and anxiety initially. He had a magical way to put me at ease. Aside from being handsome & sexy as hell, he’s intelligent, funny, and kind. Before I knew it, I had my first kiss, my first embrace with a man, my first time touching another man’s naked body all over, and…… I’ll let your imagination run wild to fill in the blanks (many, many, many other blanks indeed). I was (and kind of still is) in a euphoric state for days afterwards. Luckily, I have no important deadlines or projects on hand; otherwise, I’ll be doomed, for that session was the only thing I could think of ever since. @Simon Suraci exceeded every expectation I have for my first rendezvous and I am so glad I made the right choice for my many, many firsts. I bet he will forget about me very soon, but I am 100% certain I will remember him for the rest of my life. Frankly, that was one of the most memorable experiences I have ever had. I'll surely pay close attention to his traveling schedule from now on. Thank you all once again. No longer lost; No longer lonely (even though still alone); My soul has been salvaged; The gate of heaven has been unlocked; Let the wild ride begin + continue

Thank you sooooooo very much for all your sincere and thoughtful advices/perspectives. I cannot express in words how much I appreciate your opinions. I will keep your comments in mind and proceed accordingly. Thank you once again!

Absolutely brand new to everything here. By everything, I seriously mean EVERYTHING. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I am a deeply closeted gay man and a middle-aged virgin (think of the title of the Steve Carell movie in 2005). I have ZERO sexual experience with any human beings (never dated, never kissed, never held hands, never hugged/cuddled/touched anyone, male or female or anyone in between). With the new year, I just realize I cannot die as a virgin. The idea of hiring a provider hit me like a bullet train. I started searching and researching on RM and came across this community/forum. I have already messaged a few providers, but the initial contacts are still at the very early inquiry stage. I have a few questions: 1. When should I tell the provider the above background info about myself? I read here that some providers may misinterpret the virgin label as a red flag for scams or “discounts” but I have NO intention of either. I am afraid I’ll scare some providers away if I tell them too early. On the flip side, if I tell them on the spot, some providers may be unprepared for or unwilling to continue with a newbie. This is a dilemma. 2. Will a 1-hour appointment be enough? 3. Is it better to have an on-call or out-call setup? Any advice will be much appreciated. Thanks in advance. {{{ lost lonely soul }}}