The Schizoid Ramblings of a Demented Lurker

[ny2222]

This is my first “start a post” (and in fact will be my last) and it seems a little strange in writing…but the events revolving around the site has so got me thinking a lot….and bear with me with my ramblings…or don’t read it…but anyway….I didn’t write a post for HOOBOY because I wasn’t really sure what I should write…I had really no knowledge of what or who he was…and to write some entry on how this site has changed my life and he was a saint for that seemed….well trite at best… But I have come back to the site often and read what was written about HOOBOY mostly about people who knew him and that was what made me start thinking….and learned about Milan and HOOBOY and that sounded SO RIGHT…loved the story about him buying that “purse” that someone wanted (got to read the post..it is lost in translation)…then and most important Michael Vincent’s finding someone…and there it is….the realization that what I finally want can’t be found with escorts. Yup I had fun and my major reason to do the escort thing was to explore a lot of things sexually and I sure got to do that…but ultimately with looking at the above I realize that what I want is what an escort can’t supply…and looks like HOOBOY knew that too….

I remember a post that went back and forth with KY and he said that the best sex was with his BF…and I came to realize that was truth; that what your mother said “make sure when you “do it” you do it with someone you love” is right. Like KY my best experience (yes at times almost transcendental) was with my one BF (former)…and I guess that is what I am still looking for…..MORE THAN SEX

There is the rather corny over quoted poem (The Profit) but there is one part that keeps going over and over in my head lately..it is when the profit talks about LOVE

 

“For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth….

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. “

 

So Milan I would say to you that with all the pain it doesn’t matter because this is truly what it is about….the laughter and the tears are inseparable

And I haven’t done all this yet…I need to go back to the real world and try and find that one someone.

I want to laugh all my laughter and weep all my tears

 

Thanks HOOBOY

[Rick Munroe]

>what your mother said “make sure when you 'do

>it' you do it with someone you love” is right.

 

In my case, my mother said, "Make sure when you 'do it' that your head is facing to the left because that's your best side" (she was always all about photo opportunities). And I have found, btw, that the best sex is with someone you love and a third person joining in. }(