Why is everybody turning to a TOP?

[adventurous old guy]

This thread struck a cord with me. I am a top. Don't like the label, wish I could be more versatile, and have tried during a few different episodes in my life to become comfortable in the bottom role. Once very earnestly in response to a challenge/request from a lover, even did some psychotherapy around this issue on the premise that I had some deep shame or fear of losing control that is self-limiting. Decided sometime in my 4os that this is just who I am. Still have some feelings of regret about this, but it doesn't feel like prejudice to me. Rather a kind of hard-wired fetish -- reinforced by the fact that I could care less and barely notice whether someone is well hung or not, but my eye is always drawn to a guy's rear end.

 

The upside is that I understand and truly admire guys who just OWN that they like to bottom. I do think that it takes more courage for guys to say that because of the stereotypes.

[TruthBTold]

 

Just be really nice to me, ya never know

 

Killian, many more of those pics and I will become an exclusive top. Then I guess I will have to be really, really nice to you.

[mike carey]

Killian, many more of those pics and I will become an exclusive top.

Lol, those pics will make me, or rather confirm me, as a bottom. That is not to say that certain people could not make, or have not made, me a top if the circumstances are right.

[JayNY]

KJ all the way baby! He's bringing sexy back to NYC mates.

[WolfRamNHard]

 

Demote?

 

Jesus fucking Christ!

 

With all due respect, your beliefs about sexuality, masculinity, gender and supremacy are entirely wrong and outdated. Sure, two centuries ago or even in ancient greece, the sexist notion that being penetrated made anyone (men, children and women) lesser than if they were not penetrated. Yes, for centuries many patriarchal cultures have believed that the insertive, masculine partner is infinitely better than the receptive, feminine partner. This is absolute bullshit and if you repeated this at any intelligent conversation you would immediately forfeit your right to continue talking.

 

This is 2016.

 

Men are better than women, straights are better than gays, tops are better than bottoms, whites are better than anyone else... All these hateful ideas are wrong and do nothing but spread further shame and hatred in everyone. I understand and respect that most of us still have a lot of internalized judgements like these, but I sincerely call everyone to exert some intellectual impeccability before allowing themselves to keep spreading this poison.

 

We are all equals, we are all valid. Anything that says otherwise should be regarded with much care and put under the careful microscope of logic.

 

[WolfRamNHard]

At least in the DC area:

 

Versatile = soft dick bottom

 

Versatile top = bottom who can top if asked.

 

I'm genuinely confused. If "Versatile" is actually a bottom in disguise, then what's the difference between that and someone who actually advertises as a "Bottom"?

 

It sure would be easier on the rest of us if these guys adopted standard usage of these terms to describe their preferences!

[mattr]

 

Just be really nice to me, ya never know

 

Mouthwatering, dick hardening....

[marylander1940]

I'm genuinely confused. If "Versatile" is actually a bottom in disguise, then what's the difference between that and someone who actually advertises as a "Bottom"?

 

It sure would be easier on the rest of us if these guys adopted standard usage of these terms to describe their preferences!

 

Some guys are ashamed of recognizing being bottoms and would rather call themselves versatile

In an ideal work people wouldn't lie or pretend to be who they aren't afraid of being judge like more or less masculine than others.

[WolfRamNHard]

Just ran into this great article on Gawker - http://gawker.com/whos-the-man-how-being-versatile-in-bed-is-a-way-of-li-1684296567

 

There's a lot in there, but my favorite part (completely out of context only because I can totally relate) -

 

"One of the greatest things about being versatile is that you are potentially sexually compatible with anyone. No holds—or holes—are barred. I've lost count of the amount of sexual encounters I had arranged to go one way (either via an app or in person) that ended up playing out another way once actually in bed."

[+ sniper]

Just ran into this great article on Gawker - http://gawker.com/whos-the-man-how-being-versatile-in-bed-is-a-way-of-li-1684296567

 

There's a lot in there, but my favorite part (completely out of context only because I can totally relate) -

 

"One of the greatest things about being versatile is that you are potentially sexually compatible with anyone. No holds—or holes—are barred. I've lost count of the amount of sexual encounters I had arranged to go one way (either via an app or in person) that ended up playing out another way once actually in bed."

 

Oh good grief. Look, Juan has a legitimate point about the homophobia/misogyny of bottom-shaming, but this Gawker author takes himself entirely too seriously. Something like 1/3 of gay guys don't do anal period. It's just not their thing. Could be simple anatomy - different people are, in fact, built differently and that can have an impact on what works best for them. Some people prefer one activity over another, some are indifferent, some might like to do something but they physically can't(ulcerative colitis, hemorrhoids, etc.)

[WolfRamNHard]

Oh good grief. Look, Juan has a legitimate point about the homophobia/misogyny of bottom-shaming, but this Gawker author takes himself entirely too seriously. Something like 1/3 of gay guys don't do anal period. It's just not their thing. Could be simple anatomy - different people are, in fact, built differently and that can have an impact on what works best for them. Some people prefer one activity over another, some are indifferent, some might like to do something but they physically can't(ulcerative colitis, hemorrhoids, etc.)

 

Excuses excuses ... just kidding!

 

Whatever floats your boat, man. Don't want to bottom or top, it's your choice. No one should force or guilt anyone into doing anything.

 

Yet I do happen to find the politics of it all quite fascinating. Some people don't like to "overthink it." I respect that, and hopefully they in turn respect those of us who do get something out of "overthinking it." Fortunately the internet is big enough for all of us. #onebighappyfamily