Adventures in Online Dating

[+ quoththeraven]

I've mentioned a recent positive experience of mine in another thread, but here I'm throwing it open to discussions of Grindr, Scruff, dating sites (I'm on OKCupid) and the like. I sure hope escorts don't encounter as many people as I do who completely ignore or don't read my upfront statement that I want to meet, not chat, that they need to be local (I've now spelled out what that means), they need to have a photo, a profile showing some level of thought and personality, and a comptability ratio (based on the questions OK Cupid uses) north of 50% or so (although a good profile can make up for some of it).

 

Then there's the people who contact you and delete their account the same day or who decide midstream they're no longer interested. Or who stand you up (that's happened once). Or give you a telephone number, ask you to call, then don't call back. I've been asked to Skype by someone who isn't local (answer: no), asked whether he could come inside me (answer also no, but the account was gone by the time I went to respond), asked if he could come on me (answer: yes, but that account was gone then too). I had someone I really wanted to meet balk at using condoms to turn around and contact me four or so days later, ask if I do anal, and expect an immediate response. At that point I felt like I was being treated more like a piece of meat (we'd discussed dick size and positions already) so I waited until the next day tp respond and sure enough, he disappeared.

 

I've also been asked if I'm into younger guys when they're within the age range on my profile (35-65). If I never see the words "want to chat," "darling," "pretty" (strangely, "beautiful" and "sexy" are okay) and "want to get to know you" without any actual questions or specifics about what in my profile attracted them other than my photo, I will be a happy camper. And for awhile it was like pulling teeth to get people to commit to a meeting.

 

What about you?

[+ quoththeraven]

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences, Raven. I'm the exact opposite. I've had more luck online than hiring LOL but one almost fatal encounter ended my adventurous, trusting side of ghosty trolling NTs promptly. I don't have as many preferences as you do and from past experiences, I don't use photos often because I feel they convey the wrong message ( Hey Stud, You look perfectly fuckable to me).

 

In the beginning, it was much easier weed out app men who would balk at my neurological condition. Of course there's a lot of players, liars, head games and BS---like looking for a dick in a douche factory. POOF GONE GUYS, are my specialty LOL....Funny thing is, the road travels both ways and I used it to my advantage. (If they have the balls and stuck around looking for the fun and games part).

 

For me online is the only chance I get to make a first impression before they experience the disability. Online guys positively fall all over themselves to Skype/FC then I usually have my answer whether they are interested in getting to know ME(s) within a minute or two. I used the word ME(s) because I believe everyone has at least two sides. Some they show outwardly publicly, and the side they show privately or among close friends and/or a side they show no one at all. Unlike most guys, my sides are just at two polar extremes, always blocking each other. The important one lurking behind my my outer casing, the other doing it's best to make sure I look like a schizophrenic moron. In order to hookup, both sides have to acquiesce at the same exact time.

 

You just have to be tough and stick to your guns! I still cringe at continuous rejection and fakes, but from reading enough post on this forum I'm wondering if I'm thicker skinned than I think I am, at least when it comes to online apps. Lots of things surprised me now and when I started hiring.

 

For example, I was disappointed and puzzled when I learned that so many escorts won't normally agree to video calling instead of phone calling. It's 2016 FFS! I can JO on Skype 24/7 , but can't get an escort to understand that a verification phone call involves a TTY operator..LOL...PFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT

 

Maybe you didn't read the link to the good experience I had yesterday/last night with someone I met online? I'm just saying there's a lot of chaff one has to sift to find the wheat. And men looking to date women are strangely reticent to get to the point other than the ones who are only interested in fucking. Which is fine - knowing that actually helps me ahead of time because personality compatibility becomes less important and looks more important and there are other topics we need to discuss, like that we need a neutral place to meet the first time and that condoms are a requirement for anything other than oral and fingering.

 

I'm okay with having a face pic up, but that's why (although I don't think there are any pics of me floating around on the internet that have my real name associated with them -- I don't have a Facebook account) I refuse to reveal my first name until we've arranged to meet. And, if I could take one that wasn't blurry, a full body pic. I understand wanting to see what someone looks like and since I'm not using a function that's tied into GPS like Grindr, I need the face pic in order to be able to find the person when we meet.

 

It's the people who won't fucking read your profile and believe it who bug me. There's plenty of free porn to jerk off to, and sexting doesn't really appeal to me unless we're planning to meet to fuck.

 

I don't respond to the ones who are clearly off base or not a good match and I block liberally. It just eats up a lot of time I could spend using the service to look for people I'm interested in and messaging them, which somewhat counterintuitively OKC's data shows results in better matches.

[+ FreshFluff]

QTR, I'm sorry about the bad experiences, but I'm glad to hear I have good ones. I think you're wise to avoid revealing your real name until you meet, or at least speak to, someone.

 

I'm suspicious of those who are too quick to insist on talking or meeting. I'd rather hear something about them first. There's a downside to that though, especially if you only check the app sporadically. By the time you get back, some of the good ones are gone.

Edited July 10, 2016 by FreshFluff

[WolfRamNHard]

I've mentioned a recent positive experience of mine in another thread, but here I'm throwing it open to discussions of Grindr, Scruff, dating sites (I'm on OKCupid) and the like. I sure hope escorts don't encounter as many people as I do who completely ignore or don't read my upfront statement that I want to meet, not chat, that they need to be local (I've now spelled out what that means), they need to have a photo, a profile showing some level of thought and personality, and a comptability ratio (based on the questions OK Cupid uses) north of 50% or so (although a good profile can make up for some of it).

 

Then there's the people who contact you and delete their account the same day or who decide midstream they're no longer interested. Or who stand you up (that's happened once). Or give you a telephone number, ask you to call, then don't call back. I've been asked to Skype by someone who isn't local (answer: no), asked whether he could come inside me (answer also no, but the account was gone by the time I went to respond), asked if he could come on me (answer: yes, but that account was gone then too). I had someone I really wanted to meet balk at using condoms to turn around and contact me four or so days later, ask if I do anal, and expect an immediate response. At that point I felt like I was being treated more like a piece of meat (we'd discussed dick size and positions already) so I waited until the next day tp respond and sure enough, he disappeared.

 

I've also been asked if I'm into younger guys when they're within the age range on my profile (35-65). If I never see the words "want to chat," "darling," "pretty" (strangely, "beautiful" and "sexy" are okay) and "want to get to know you" without any actual questions or specifics about what in my profile attracted them other than my photo, I will be a happy camper. And for awhile it was like pulling teeth to get people to commit to a meeting.

 

What about you?

QTR - I'm glad to have you back. You went on hiatus soon after I joined this forum. I was wondering about you just the other day because I remembered learning a lot from your posts when I first joined.

 

Coming back to the topic, I'm glad to hear about your positive experience with online dating.

 

I do quite a bit of app dating myself, and it has its ups and downs like everything else. I find that some apps are better than others, depending on what one is looking for. I can't speak for straight dating apps, but Scruff works well for me, and more recently I started using Surge, which has worked out really well so far. A while back, I tried Grindr for a week before giving up on it, for many reasons but the biggest reasons were too many spam/robot profiles and too many headless torsos.

 

Faces are important to me, so I prefer that either the profile have a face pic, or at the very least, the other person send me a face pic privately when we're chatting.

 

My app profile has my face pic, my stats and what I like to do (work, fun, sex, etc.) but there's nothing on there about what I *don't* like for several reasons. I'm generally flexible about most things so there are very few hard and fast rules, and I don't want to discourage anyone from contacting me for something that may not be all that important in the grand scheme of things. Also because I sometimes enjoy trying new things and stepping outside my comfort zone.

 

As far as explicit pics, I don't have any for privacy reasons. When asked I tell them they can just see it in person if we hook up. If they can't handle that, then so be it. However, I think Surge has a feature where if you send someone a pic during your private chat, they can only open it once. It then becomes inaccessible and disappears so they can't save it or do anything with it (similar to Snapchat). That sounds promising and I might be open to trying it sometime for explicit pics.

 

Dating can be frustrating at times. There are those who are too afraid to meet in person, others just want to collect pics. Some are not honest in their profiles. And some truly don't know what they're looking for, so they can be wishy-washy. But there are some real gems out there that make it worth the effort. With younger guys, I have found that it helps to be assertive and persistent, and pay them genuine compliments from time to time while flirting.

 

I don't usually have sex on the first couple of dates. I prefer spending that time getting to know the other person better and evaluating chemistry. That seems to work for me.

 

I'm sure others do things differently, and I too would be interested in hearing different perspectives on this.

[+ quoththeraven]

QTR, I'm sorry about the bad experiences, but I'm glad to hear I have good ones. I think you're wise to avoid revealing your real name until you meet, or at least speak to, someone.

 

I'm suspicious of those who are too quick to insist on talking or meeting. I'd rather hear something about them first. There's a downside to that though, especially if you only check the app sporadically. By the time you get back, some of the good ones are gone.

 

I prescreen based on the written profile, photo, compatibility score and location. Once that's done, there's not much purpose to a lengthy back and forth. I can learn a lot more from actually meeting. I'm not looking to sext and between here, LJ and Twitter, I don't need more online/internet friends.

 

So I would be relieved if someone suggested a time and place to meet right away. I've found people (it's almost all men even though I changed my profile) oddly reluctant or unable to get to that point.

[+ WmClarke]

As far as explicit pics, I don't have any for privacy reasons. When asked I tell them they can just see it in person if we hook up. If they can't handle that, then so be it. However, I think Surge has a feature where if you send someone a pic during your private chat, they can only open it once. It then becomes inaccessible and disappears so they can't save it or do anything with it (similar to Snapchat). That sounds promising and I might be open to trying it sometime for explicit pics.

If someone can view a picture of you on their phone, they can save a copy of it with a screen shot.

 

Snapchat does not delete pictures. And has recently added a "here are your memories" (i.e., previous snapchats) feature similar to Facebook's "memories" feature. Read the Terms Of Service, not the marketing, PR, or social media "buzz" about an app before using it if you are worried about privacy.

[+ FreshFluff]

I prescreen based on the written profile, photo, compatibility score and location. Once that's done, there's not much purpose to a lengthy back and forth. I can learn a lot more from actually meeting. I'm not looking to sext and between here, LJ and Twitter, I don't need more online/internet friends.

 

So I would be relieved if someone suggested a time and place to meet right away. I've found people (it's almost all men even though I changed my profile) oddly reluctant or unable to get to that point.

 

I can see your point. First, from what I recall, okcupid's profiles are much longer than those on other apps. In any case, everyone puts his best foot forward in the profiles. If one has to ask, one probably won't like the answer--if it's forthcoming at all.

 

Like grindr, OKcupid is free. So there are probably a lot of people on there who aren't too serious about meeting someone. Some are in a relationship and ware toying with the idea of leaving. Others are just marking to market. Keeping a lot of balls in the air (no pun intended), as you may be doing now, is probably the best way to go.

 

If someone can view a picture of you on their phone, they can save a copy of it with a screen shot.

 

Snapchat does not delete pictures. And has recently added a "here are your memories" (i.e., previous snapchats) feature similar to Facebook's "memories" feature. Read the Terms Of Service, not the marketing, PR, or social media "buzz" about an app before using it if you are worried about privacy.

 

My understanding was that Snapchat notified you if someone took a screenshot. But if I send anything online, I do so with the understanding that it may be sent to others. Good advice about reading the TOS.

[+ quoththeraven]

I can see your point. First, from what I recall, okcupid's profiles are much longer than those on other apps. In any case, everyone puts his best foot forward in the profiles. If one has to ask, one probably won't like the answer--if it's forthcoming at all.

 

Like grindr, OKcupid is free. So there are probably a lot of people on there who aren't too serious about meeting someone. Some are in a relationship and ware toying with the idea of leaving. Others are just marking to market. Keeping a lot of balls in the air (no pun intended), as you may be doing now, is probably the best way to go.

 

Yes, I had a chat with my first date (who never got back to me afterward, but I figured that was going to be the case, and I got a nice lunch and learned something about how DC Entertainment, where he worked until it moved to CA, operates) about how there are more timewasters on OKCupid because it's free. And that's fine, and I realize that as well. There are additional features you can pay for, and I did (to see whether someone "liked" you); I only spent $15 for three months, but it wasn't really worth it because it isn't a predictor of compatibility. And I've learned not to "like" people too soon (I don't even bother anymore; it's the messages that matter), and past that, who cares?

 

The "best foot forward" profiles are the vague or impossibly romantic ones, but as long as someone has a profile that is longer than a sentence or two, you can tell a lot about them. The absence of any information is information, too: the person's not interested in communicating and isn't giving anyone enough information to judge whether they'd like to meet unless your only criteria are looks, which is like, hello? I have limits, but I don't lust after or want to date (or even have sex with) good-looking dweebs. A dweeb is a dweeb. They're going to be selfish and egotistical in bed too.

 

This morning I finally got the absolutely most perfect first message: "Hi would you like to grab a coffee someday?" It bears mentioning that the guy who said that is a 31 year old Asian/Hispanic working full-time, going to school at night. Given that he speaks Spanish and some Japanese, my guess is he's half Japanese, half Hispanic. Direct, to the point, and he gets to skip the line. Everyone else gets dealt with on the basis of the order in which they contacted me. I also penalize people who piss me off but who I'm not yet ready to write off. Not that I tell them that, but I won't go out of my way to help them. They're less likely to get photos. They get less priority in scheduling.

 

As for my approach to explicit photos: only headless so it's not identifiable, and (in part because I don't think how I look naked is my best selling point, but also because it's difficult for me to take good selfies) still wearing something. I'm just about to look at some I took of me in a baby doll nightie and nothing else. I know gay/bi guys may do things a little differently, but to me there is nothing more sexy than, say, photos of Peter Berlin with a raging hardon visible through his underwear. And it keeps enough back so there's still some mystery and anticipation for the meeting.

[WolfRamNHard]

If someone can view a picture of you on their phone, they can save a copy of it with a screen shot.

 

Snapchat does not delete pictures. And has recently added a "here are your memories" (i.e., previous snapchats) feature similar to Facebook's "memories" feature. Read the Terms Of Service, not the marketing, PR, or social media "buzz" about an app before using it if you are worried about privacy.

 

Good to know, thanks!

[samhexum]

A woman who swiped right on Bumble wound up getting stung when the match she bragged to about poaching a “bigo buck” turned out to be a game warden.

 

According to the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation, McIntosh County game warden Cannon Harrison was using the dating app in December when was notified he matched a woman in his area.

 

After exchanging greetings, the woman, whom authorities declined to identify, revealed she had just shot a “bigo buck” and was “pretty happy about it,” according to copies of the messages.

 

“Hell yeah,” Harrison replied. “Get em with a bow?”

 

“We don’t need to talk about that,” the woman replied.

 

When Harrison jokingly asked if she bagged the deer with a spotlight, she replied, “yeahhhh.”

 

The woman admitted to illegally harvesting a deer — at night and outside rifle season — and revealed where she shot it and shared a photo of herself posing with the dead animal.

 

“It definitely was a shock,” Harrison told Tulsa World. “First you think, ‘This isn’t real.’ You think, ‘Maybe she knows who I am and is teasing me,’ but we did some digging on who she was and where she lived.”

 

Turns out, the woman ended up meeting her match, albeit not in the manner in which she likely intended.

 

Harrison and his colleagues discovered she not only illegally shot the deer but also harvested only the head and backstrap meat, which is also illegal in Oklahoma.

 

The woman and an unidentified accomplice were ultimately fined $2,400 for improper possession of an illegally taken animal and taking game out of season, authorities said. The game commission did not pursue charges related to the spotlighting of the deer or the waste of the meat.

 

“You can’t just ignore a broken law that falls right in your lap, but [it] was kind of a bummer,” Harrison told Tulsa World. “She said it was her first deer ever, too.”

 

The game commission on Sunday shared photos and screenshots from the case on Facebook. The post has amassed more than 500 comments and 1,500 shares.

 

The majority of commenters found humor in how the case developed, with one person joking, “I’m pretty sure a court date wasn’t the type of date she was looking for,” and another saying, “Bet he finds his future wife after all of this attention!”

 

If anything, the story should serve as a reminder that you truly never know who you are talking to online.