The dumb shit men say when they don't like you upon arrival

[Nvr2Thick]

As you were driving there, did you know what your reaction was going to be when you saw him at the restaurant?

 

Really it was just to confirm that he went out to lunch. I didn't confront him or even intend to. I was off work and felt I had the time to see whether he was playing games with people at his computer all day or whether he actually agreed to meet with me the first time and then headed out to lunch instead. I don't think I'd have been surprised either way.

[LivingnLA]

I get this with hookups. You can't read everyone's minds, but I chalk up many of these experiences to guys who don't know how to say no. A guy will start out interested. For some reason he'll lose that interest. Maybe when he initiated contact he was caught up in the fantasy, and then he became apathetic as it started to get real. That's my assumption of his mindset as he starts to get non-committal. I'm still pursuing because part of his response will still imply interest, but I'm the one trying to drive to a conclusion. Because I'm still interested I try to help us both out and make things happen. We agree to meet and he doesn't show. We agree to meet and he doesn't answer the door. We agree to meet and I'm at the wrong room or apartment number. I'm very good at taking no for an answer; I know I don't push once a guy says he's not interested. Why would anyone bother to take an arrangement this far?

 

Here's an example: I like to meet rough trade guys on Craigslist, looking for hung guys who like no strings, no reciprocation cocksucking. I post two "personals" ads - one under the Men Seeking Men section, and one under the Casual Encounters M4M section, because they're both used for pretty much the same thing in spite of CL's intent. I get a response from a married guy who works about five miles away from me. He's looking to meet in a parking lot and get blown in his car. We agree on the basics of appearance and intent, and he even hauls out his dick for a fresh pic in his office, but I say I don't do car scenes and we can meet at my place - either in my house or my detached garage, his choice. He doesn't say no, but he insists he has a great safe place to park. I tell him to come by my place, it will be quick fun and safe. He explains that the parking lot is the hospital up the road, and that the back row has a great view if anyone comes our way, and that only the staff parks there so it doesn't get much traffic until shifts change. I really don't want to do a car scene, and I know that hospitals have better security than you realize, including cameras. I offer that he can kick back in my bedroom, living room with porn, screen porch, or the beat up office chair in my garage/workshop. He says "Garage sounds really nice, what's your address?" I give him my address, he says he'll come by in 15-20 minutes. No show, and he stops responding to e-mail.

 

Thirty minutes later I get a response on my other ad from the same guy. He's a bit clueless; he puts his full name in his gmail account, so even though it goes through Craigslist e-mail responder I keep seeing his full name. I, on the other hand, use different e-mail addresses for the ads in different CL sections. I give him an accurate description, but I phrase it differently and use long sentences instead of bullet points. I express interest in sucking him in his car and he says he'll be finishing up lunch and can meet me at this great parking lot - the hospital. I had half a mind to meet him and call bullshit, but what's the point in creating drama? He had happened to mention that he's eating Italian food. I tell him I've got a good response from a really promising hung black guy, and that I'm going to go with that guy instead, and I wish him well. He's cool with it. I jump in my car, rush up to the only decent Italian restaurant in the area in time to see him leave the restaurant. I know it's him from the pants and shirt match on his dick pic, and the Internet stalking I've been able to do using the name from his e-mail. Turns out too that his wife is a radiology tech at the hospital where he wants to get a BJ in the parking lot. Long story, but again, why would you continue to express interest and agree to meet if you really don't want to? Why would you get someone's address, say see you soon, and then go out to lunch? I think that there are some commonalities between a client looking for an escort and a guy looking to hookup. In some cases I think we're meeting guys who, for whatever reason, don't know how to say no.

 

Unless you've been getting some measure of success with client situations that start with "Trying to set up the appointment was sketchy. Kept changing the times, not giving me name and room number as requested on 2 occasions" I'd start going with my instincts on these. I wouldn't put much thought into that client saying he thought you were a girl. You busted him and he couldn't think on his feet with a decent lie.

 

Thanks for sharing. He should've been upfront. It sounds like he's an exhibitionist or has a kink for car play. I have a weakness for road head thanks to a college girlfriend. It's risky and it's hot.

 

It's also possibly just as you say, he's some CL flake who likes to string people along while he's bored at work.

[Nvr2Thick]

Thanks for sharing. He should've been upfront. It sounds like he's an exhibitionist or has a kink for car play. I have a weakness for road head thanks to a college girlfriend. It's risky and it's hot.

 

It's also possibly just as you say, he's some CL flake who likes to string people along while he's bored at work.

 

Anybody's guess. My theory is that he has a kink for car play too. I'll bet that if I agreed to meet at the hospital I would have got his nut. Speaking to the OP's situation, I just think that when he became disinterested in my scene he didn't go with "thanks, not interested", he just let the dialog play out. I notice a lot of guys on A4A as well who seem to keep responding back because they don't want to be the ones who say no.

[Frequentflier]

Every time Mocha posts he seems to get a lot of flack. I'm not sure why, unless there is something going on behind the scenes that I'm unaware of. I find his posts interesting. He shares a lot of details of things he goes through on his daily escort work and brings up real life issues.

 

I agree. Maybe one reason we're here is so people have others to vent to? If people don't want to read his (or my) postings they can skip them. I've seen some people be particularly harsh against Mocha; to his credit he's not discouraged away from posting as a result.

[Beancounter]

I agree. Maybe one reason we're here is so people have others to vent to? If people don't want to read his (or my) postings they can skip them. I've seen some people be particularly harsh against Mocha; to his credit he's not discouraged away from posting as a result.

 

Is there a way I can filter messages from another forum user so that I don't have to even see his postings? As Frequentflier states in his post this would help forum members to ignore postings we really don't want to read or bother ourselves with. Thanks for a great suggestion Frequentflier. You're the best!

[+ WmClarke]

Is there a way I can filter messages from another forum user so that I don't have to even see his postings? As Frequentflier states in his post this would help forum members to ignore postings we really don't want to read or bother ourselves with. Thanks for a great suggestion Frequentflier. You're the best!

Use the Ignore feature.

[+ quoththeraven]

Every time Mocha posts he seems to get a lot of flack. I'm not sure why, unless there is something going on behind the scenes that I'm unaware of. I find his posts interesting. He shares a lot of details of things he goes through on his daily escort work and brings up real life issues.

 

It's because for some of us, Mocha wore out his welcome while posting under a different screen name with links to his escort profile. While I agree that he is real, thoughtful, and maybe a little complicated, his posts are universally complaints, which gets on people's nerves, and he treats the forum like a self-help group instead of finding a friend or counselor to talk to or maybe joining a group that helps escorts learn how to manage their businesses. Despite being an escort for many years, he never seems to make money at it and has asked what seem to me to be obvious questions about finances and which ad site he should use (before RB raid) when the primary site he used had increased its rates; my somewhat snippy response was that he should hire an accountant; a more helpful one was that the first hire of the month would more than pay for an ad on the site he was complaining about.

 

I am all for encouraging escorts' participation here and have decried how harshly and unreasonably they are sometimes treated. But escorts need to realize that this is a client-centered forum. Using it once or twice to discuss bizarre situations wannabe clients have put them in can be helpful to clients and escorts. Talking about situations where a wannabe client has shorted someone or a tour has come apart because clients cancelled at the last minute is helpful to everyone. Regularly using the forum to vent about the latest thing someone has done to piss one off is not. It's unprofessional and kinda selfish.

[Nvr2Thick]

I've been one of his primary adversaries in the past. I won't engage in another argument when/if he becomes overly critical of his clientele. A while ago my replies became mean-spirited, self serving, and counter-productive to the purpose of the forum, especially since I knew they would turn into an argument and I would most likely enjoy provoking the response. It's all been said.

 

I've also been one to supposedly step above it all and analyze his behavior numerous times. That's also all been said. In retrospect I don't think it's right to bring up past tendencies at every opportunity. In the instance of this current post it seems that we're trying to draw out that behavior because the original question is not incendiary enough. The best approach is to encourage positive dialog and ignore the negatives. We don't need a dozen social media coaches stepping in every time someone's not using the forum the way we would.

 

It's easy enough to scroll past a post that annoys me. I do it all the time with certain members of this forum, client and escort alike. One client on here has revisited the same sad-sack theme (that really gets under my skin) dozens of times, and every time I've resisted the urge to beat him down. There are four or five fairly active members of this forum who nearly always post comments that annoy me and that I disagree with, but I stay away from their topics and responses. Lots of people get a rise out of me, but I don't know why I only respond to some of them. It wouldn't surprise me if it's because I don't find those other forum members to be personally interesting or, in the case of the escorts, attractive.

 

Plenty of people vent on this forum from time to time. We've noted that this is a forum for clients, and therefore not the best place for escorts to vent about clients. The flip side of that is that we know that there is no escorts only forum, for a number of reasons. Since escorts really may not have a good place to vent about the business, or maybe they haven't sought out better places, maybe it's best for us not to examine too closely if any of them choose to do so here. Reward positive behavior while ignoring negative behavior.

[Mocha]

Thank you @Nvr2Thick and @not2rowdy for the statements.

 

I'm not going to argue back anything anyone said. Not the time. But I will issue a blanket statement for @quoththeraven : without "we" there's no "y'all". If this is soley a clients only forum, ask an escort would be edited to "ask another client". But, I won't define the existence of the creation of this section. Not my place, neither is it yours. BooYah! and the statement about never making any money doing this? Stop it. You've got me laughing so hard my ribs hurt.

 

This whole thread was simply supposed to be a parody. It wasn't complaining or an unfortunate circumstance. Not sure why anyone would feel that way. I was pointing fun to the hilarious excuse of him thinking he mistakenly hired a female thru the male escort section of backpage. I've only read the second page because I already knew, someone would get their jockstraps on backwards and wake up on the wrong side of the bed and say something stupid.

 

By the way, at the end...I didn't demand money nor walk into the room. Again, parody. But I did let him know that as an escort my time is valuable, and international texts/calls and limo service isn't free. The only reason I gave leeway to the sketchiness is because he was a Canadian in the U.S. During the country music awards fest.

[LADoug1]

I get this with hookups. You can't read everyone's minds, but I chalk up many of these experiences to guys who don't know how to say no. A guy will start out interested. For some reason he'll lose that interest. Maybe when he initiated contact he was caught up in the fantasy, and then he became apathetic as it started to get real. That's my assumption of his mindset as he starts to get non-committal. I'm still pursuing because part of his response will still imply interest, but I'm the one trying to drive to a conclusion. Because I'm still interested I try to help us both out and make things happen. We agree to meet and he doesn't show. We agree to meet and he doesn't answer the door. We agree to meet and I'm at the wrong room or apartment number. I'm very good at taking no for an answer; I know I don't push once a guy says he's not interested. Why would anyone bother to take an arrangement this far?

 

Here's an example: I like to meet rough trade guys on Craigslist, looking for hung guys who like no strings, no reciprocation cocksucking. I post two "personals" ads - one under the Men Seeking Men section, and one under the Casual Encounters M4M section, because they're both used for pretty much the same thing in spite of CL's intent. I get a response from a married guy who works about five miles away from me. He's looking to meet in a parking lot and get blown in his car. We agree on the basics of appearance and intent, and he even hauls out his dick for a fresh pic in his office, but I say I don't do car scenes and we can meet at my place - either in my house or my detached garage, his choice. He doesn't say no, but he insists he has a great safe place to park. I tell him to come by my place, it will be quick fun and safe. He explains that the parking lot is the hospital up the road, and that the back row has a great view if anyone comes our way, and that only the staff parks there so it doesn't get much traffic until shifts change. I really don't want to do a car scene, and I know that hospitals have better security than you realize, including cameras. I offer that he can kick back in my bedroom, living room with porn, screen porch, or the beat up office chair in my garage/workshop. He says "Garage sounds really nice, what's your address?" I give him my address, he says he'll come by in 15-20 minutes. No show, and he stops responding to e-mail.

 

Thirty minutes later I get a response on my other ad from the same guy. He's a bit clueless; he puts his full name in his gmail account, so even though it goes through Craigslist e-mail responder I keep seeing his full name. I, on the other hand, use different e-mail addresses for the ads in different CL sections. I give him an accurate description, but I phrase it differently and use long sentences instead of bullet points. I express interest in sucking him in his car and he says he'll be finishing up lunch and can meet me at this great parking lot - the hospital. I had half a mind to meet him and call bullshit, but what's the point in creating drama? He had happened to mention that he's eating Italian food. I tell him I've got a good response from a really promising hung black guy, and that I'm going to go with that guy instead, and I wish him well. He's cool with it. I jump in my car, rush up to the only decent Italian restaurant in the area in time to see him leave the restaurant. I know it's him from the pants and shirt match on his dick pic, and the Internet stalking I've been able to do using the name from his e-mail. Turns out too that his wife is a radiology tech at the hospital where he wants to get a BJ in the parking lot. Long story, but again, why would you continue to express interest and agree to meet if you really don't want to? Why would you get someone's address, say see you soon, and then go out to lunch? I think that there are some commonalities between a client looking for an escort and a guy looking to hookup. In some cases I think we're meeting guys who, for whatever reason, don't know how to say no.

 

Unless you've been getting some measure of success with client situations that start with "Trying to set up the appointment was sketchy. Kept changing the times, not giving me name and room number as requested on 2 occasions" I'd start going with my instincts on these. I wouldn't put much thought into that client saying he thought you were a girl. You busted him and he couldn't think on his feet with a decent lie.

Wow! So much work for a hookup. You must have been amazingly into him!!

[Nvr2Thick]

I get this with hookups. You can't read everyone's minds, but I chalk up many of these experiences to guys who don't know how to say no. A guy will start out interested. For some reason he'll lose that interest. Maybe when he initiated contact he was caught up in the fantasy, and then he became apathetic as it started to get real. That's my assumption of his mindset as he starts to get non-committal. I'm still pursuing because part of his response will still imply interest, but I'm the one trying to drive to a conclusion. Because I'm still interested I try to help us both out and make things happen. We agree to meet and he doesn't show. We agree to meet and he doesn't answer the door. We agree to meet and I'm at the wrong room or apartment number. I'm very good at taking no for an answer; I know I don't push once a guy says he's not interested. Why would anyone bother to take an arrangement this far?

 

Here's an example: I like to meet rough trade guys on Craigslist, looking for hung guys who like no strings, no reciprocation cocksucking. I post two "personals" ads - one under the Men Seeking Men section, and one under the Casual Encounters M4M section, because they're both used for pretty much the same thing in spite of CL's intent. I get a response from a married guy who works about five miles away from me. He's looking to meet in a parking lot and get blown in his car. We agree on the basics of appearance and intent, and he even hauls out his dick for a fresh pic in his office, but I say I don't do car scenes and we can meet at my place - either in my house or my detached garage, his choice. He doesn't say no, but he insists he has a great safe place to park. I tell him to come by my place, it will be quick fun and safe. He explains that the parking lot is the hospital up the road, and that the back row has a great view if anyone comes our way, and that only the staff parks there so it doesn't get much traffic until shifts change. I really don't want to do a car scene, and I know that hospitals have better security than you realize, including cameras. I offer that he can kick back in my bedroom, living room with porn, screen porch, or the beat up office chair in my garage/workshop. He says "Garage sounds really nice, what's your address?" I give him my address, he says he'll come by in 15-20 minutes. No show, and he stops responding to e-mail.

 

Thirty minutes later I get a response on my other ad from the same guy. He's a bit clueless; he puts his full name in his gmail account, so even though it goes through Craigslist e-mail responder I keep seeing his full name. I, on the other hand, use different e-mail addresses for the ads in different CL sections. I give him an accurate description, but I phrase it differently and use long sentences instead of bullet points. I express interest in sucking him in his car and he says he'll be finishing up lunch and can meet me at this great parking lot - the hospital. I had half a mind to meet him and call bullshit, but what's the point in creating drama? He had happened to mention that he's eating Italian food. I tell him I've got a good response from a really promising hung black guy, and that I'm going to go with that guy instead, and I wish him well. He's cool with it. I jump in my car, rush up to the only decent Italian restaurant in the area in time to see him leave the restaurant. I know it's him from the pants and shirt match on his dick pic, and the Internet stalking I've been able to do using the name from his e-mail. Turns out too that his wife is a radiology tech at the hospital where he wants to get a BJ in the parking lot. Long story, but again, why would you continue to express interest and agree to meet if you really don't want to? Why would you get someone's address, say see you soon, and then go out to lunch? I think that there are some commonalities between a client looking for an escort and a guy looking to hookup. In some cases I think we're meeting guys who, for whatever reason, don't know how to say no.

 

Unless you've been getting some measure of success with client situations that start with "Trying to set up the appointment was sketchy. Kept changing the times, not giving me name and room number as requested on 2 occasions" I'd start going with my instincts on these. I wouldn't put much thought into that client saying he thought you were a girl. You busted him and he couldn't think on his feet with a decent lie.

 

Wow! So much work for a hookup. You must have been amazingly into him!!

 

Well, not really, and that goes to my point. The second paragraph was the back and forth prior to the intended hookup. It wasn't much "work" it was just a couple of 1-3 line e-mails to establish compatibility and location, ending in a no-show.

 

The third paragraph was a similar back and forth with a couple of short e-mails, ending with me politely declining. No real work involved. In each case I was sitting at my desk working on other stuff and answering CL e-mail on the side.

 

Verifying that he did, in fact, make plans to meet and then go to lunch instead was a slight bit of work -- driving a few miles to see if I can spot him at the restaurant. In reality, I'd been working from home all day and I was about due to get out of the house for some air, errands, and lunch. Taking a five mile drive in that context isn't all that big a deal. And it wasn't so much that I was into him; it was more that dealing with bullshitters can be so frustrating, and here I had one caught dead to rights. Often there's so much anonymity wrapped around hookups that you don't know who you've dealt with and what happened.

 

Reading my detailed synopsis is probably more work than I put into the whole encounter.

 

It all goes to the point I was making for the OP. This back and forth in e-mail and text is often so easy and non-committal. Between A4A, Manhunt, Grindr, Craigslist, guys are used to effortless inconsequential chatter with other guys, often with a very low hit ratio on actually meeting. It may seem like no big deal to many guys to say "let's do it" and then find someone better, or change their minds, or lose interest - if there was real interest to begin with. Making plans and then going dark doesn't seem all that different than saying no - to some people.