Rodney Dangerfield, R.I.P.

[+ glutes]

I was so poor growing up ... If I wasn't born a boy ... I'd have had nothing to play with.

 

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

 

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

 

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

 

One day as I came home early from work I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

 

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

 

I was such an ugly kid ... when I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

 

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

 

I was such an ugly baby ... my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

 

I'm so ugly ... my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

 

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could ... but he pulled through."

 

I'm so ugly ... my mother had morning sickness after I was born.

 

Once when I was lost ... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" "He said, "I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide."

 

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

 

I'm so ugly ... I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

 

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

 

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

[HooBoy]

I'm a big Dangerfield fan. One reason I always admired Rodney Dangerfield, he didn't begin his career until he was in his 40's. Another is he was the antithesis of the pretty boy TV comic.

 

He was recently on late-night TV plugging a book. It was evident he lost some of his snap, but I had no idea he was 82. I hope his exit was quick and painless. Surely he'll gain respect wherever he lands. ;(

[Ignoto]

http://www.queermusicheritage.com/camp.html

 

The above is a link to songs from a gay record label from the 60's. The song "Homer the Happy Homo" credits Rodney Dangerfield for a tap dancing solo. You can listen to the songs and look at album covers for "I'd rather fight than swish" and "Stanley the Manley Transvestite".

 

==The artists singing most of the songs were uncredited, or with names obviously made up, like Byrd E. Bath and B. Bubba, but one name stands out, Rodney Dangerfield. He is credited on one of the songs, and possibly another. This was very early in Dangerfield's career, as his website bio says he decided to devote his career to comedy at age 40, which would have been in 1961.==

 

 

***

 

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.

 

My cousin's gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

 

My cousin's gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frogs, he was opening flies.

 

My cousin's gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

 

---Lines attributed to Rodney Dangerfield at

 

http://www.meilach.com/funquotes/rodney.html