How to Respond to Requests for Financial or Other Assistance

[+ WhamIAm]

A stripper I met recently has been hinting of financial problems, and I suspect I may be hit up for help soon. I know his situation is not good at home--he's on welfare--so I'm tempted to help where I can, but I fear that would be a bad idea.

 

I may be wrong, but it sounds from this that you don't know the guy that well. If you've seen him only once, don't feel a huge connection (beyond sympathy for his current plight), I'd just say no. Saw one kid a while back -- nicest guy in the world. He talked about the tough spot he was in. I did feel bad for him and we talked about some options he might pursue. The rest of our time wasn't great, wasn't bad. I think his problems were weighing on him. We talked generally about maybe getting together again. A few days later he asked for a loan via text, not a huge amount. Still, I was pretty sure this was going to lead to future asks, not really something I wanted to deal with. I didn't respond and didn't hear from him again. Maybe the non-response was a shitty or mean choice on my part, but I felt that any encouraging response would keep the requests coming. Never heard from him again, hope he's doing well, but still think I did the right thing.

 

OTOH, a guy I see pretty regularly and have a great relationship with was going through a very difficult time financially recently due to an unexpected event. I offered to help him out unasked, which he turned down immediately and gratefully. Let's just say my next two gratuities were significantly larger than usual (which he also tried unsuccessfully to turn down/return once he realized it). Happily, he's gotten past the rough patch.

 

Bottom line, I wouldn't except in very rare exceptions for someone I felt close to and where it stemmed from a sudden crisis rather than longer-term financial problems. And, yeah, no matter how it was termed, I would treat it as/expect it to be a gift instead of a loan.

[jawjateck]

The problem I've had in the situations I've encountered is that the moment the question is asked things change. There's a financial element to almost all these relationships but I work to minimize it thru things like plain envelopes discretely slipped into a drawer without mention.

Suddenly the raw truth is not only revealed but becomes an implied litmus test of my level of caring. "I need $500 for car repairs" or "an abortion for my pitbull" or whatever feel subtly coercive most of the time. (I did have one request for what seemed like a legitimate emergency which I gladly assisted with and was indirectly repaid). As others have pointed out, when the first emergency turns into a second and a third then the warm feeling of being able to help a friend turns into resentment at being taken advantage of. My hottest hot-button is having my genuine caring for someone leveraged to take advantage of me.

 

Yep yep yep to all of this. That's why (1) I gave only when the business relationship was over or ending because I don't want to deal with the complications, strings, and resentments (a usual by-product of giving/lending money)........AND (2) I never entertained a second request for assistance.

[robberbaron4u]

To paraphrase Ebeneezer Scrooge, "Are there no workhouses?" . In such situations, one hundred dollars is my "limit" on a "personal loan". Beyond that amount, "work for pay", excluding sexual services, is applicable with me if the situation warrants. On two occasions in the distant past, I did pick up the "tab" for a one way ticket home to ma and pa.

[corndog]

There is a lot of great advice in this thread. Notice that it is very rare that lending money works out well. One more thought to add...

 

If you lend money to an escort or stripper, I presume that you're beginning to think of the guy as a friend, or hope a friendship will develop. In truth, lending him money (particularly repeatedly) will almost certainly sour any possible friendship. Once lending is part of the equation, you'll never know whether the friendship is real, or just for the sake of keeping the "bank" open. A good friendship depends on a great deal of trust, and once you've opened this door, you'll never be able to trust his motives. At least with an escort transaction, you know that it's all about the money.

[Jock123]

Funny Story...

 

When I First started this business, actually the guy who even got me Into it was a very well to do. 30 somethings Millionaire. I never asked how he got it(nor was it any of my business) but I'm assuming It had something to do with his family or family business. When I first met him he let me know how much he was worth(Which I later found out isnt the norm...Keep in mind I was very naive) and he owned property In Texas, California and Florida. He had hired quite a bit over the years and knew alot of gay porn stars on a personal level. Long story short everytime I would see him his phone was BLOWING UP from escorts or "friends" asking for him to wire them money or giving some sad situation that they needed help out of. He actually ENJOYED it. I warned him that doing this would only hurt him in the long run, You cant help everyone...Its impossible. These guys were like vultures and saw that he was a nice guy..always willing to help. This was a few years ago. Just recently he was visiting my town and hit me up. I was excited to catch up with him, afterall this was the very first client I had ever had and we had alot of catching up to do. When I saw him he was a completely different person. Physically and Mentally. You could tell the stress had gotten to him. He told me he had helped so many people...he was on the verge of Bankruptcy. "What!?" I thought. How is it someone could lose MILLIONS in just a short few years. However the more I thought about it I wasnt surprised. He was giving out so many "loans" and helping out so many of these "friends" of his...It was almost Inevitable.

 

 

I think most escorts have a "dry spell" where business isnt as busy etc. Alot of escorts spend their money before they even get it. Assuming theyll be Booked soon enough again. I think it all boils down to your repore with the escort. If I had just seen them a few times, or briefly...Absolutely not(But word it In a Kinder text of course). However If its someone You've known/seen for Years that could be Different. It all goes to the saying "Follow Your gut" if You're having Doubts...theres Usually a reason.

[Moneymike68]

I have been asked on multiple occasions by boys to help out with little emergencies. If a boy is just an escort to me I have no problem cutting him off and moving on, but there have been boys who I consider near and dear to my heart that I gladly help out. When I do this I never ask to be paid back for the simple fact that I don't need the money and I don't want thay feeling of ownership to complicate the sex- especially with the college age boys I enjoy.