Rentboy vs communication

[gp0560]

On the one hand, we've got the Rentboy situation and the government. On the other, we need to tell our service provider what services we are interested in.

 

After literally years of reading about the need to communicate, communicate, communicate, now I've got a service provider telling me he won't see me because I told him in an email what I would like us to do. He's all unnerved by the Rentboy story, not to mention all the government surveillance issues.

 

Maybe I should have used euphemisms? "I'd like to order some vanilla cream, please, but don't deliver it to the back door. I'd like to hold the bottle firmly and lick the condensation from top to bottom."

 

What's a guy supposed to do?

[RadioRob]

I generally communicate in terms of things I enjoy. "I enjoy kissing and body contact. When spending time with a partner, I'm a top/bottom", etc. That lets the gentleman know your preferences and can discretely respond back if he thinks he may not be a good match. I never phase it like "I'm looking for...." because that can be taken as an offer. By stating what you like/dislike, it's not an offer but a notice.

 

Think of it like Public Radio. They can't accept advertising, but they can accept underwriting. What's the difference? Basically it's the call to action and pricing. A commercial can say "Stop in and see us...." whereas underwriting can only make a statement such as "We offer X, Y, and Z. Our website is blahblah.com"

 

Your gentleman should be able to take the queues given and let you know if there is a problem. Once you share what you like, he can simply respond back that his likes are similar.... at that point, you both have communicated without putting an "offer" on the table.

[gp0560]

I generally communicate in terms of things I enjoy. "I enjoy kissing and body contact. When spending time with a partner, I'm a top/bottom", etc. That lets the gentleman know your preferences and can discretely respond back if he thinks he may not be a good match. I never phase it like "I'm looking for...." because that can be taken as an offer. By stating what you like/dislike, it's not an offer but a notice.

 

Think of it like Public Radio. They can't accept advertising, but they can accept underwriting. What's the difference? Basically it's the call to action and pricing. A commercial can say "Stop in and see us...." whereas underwriting can only make a statement such as "We offer X, Y, and Z. Our website is blahblah.com"

 

Your gentleman should be able to take the queues given and let you know if there is a problem. Once you share what you like, he can simply respond back that his likes are similar.... at that point, you both have communicated without putting an "offer" on the table.

 

Thanks, RadioRob. I see what you mean and I will try it out in the future, but I sorta think that in this man's view even your kind of wording would have been too risky. Here's exactly what I wrote:

Breakfast together is included. If we are interested in other mutually agreeable activities, I would include kissing, hugging, cuddling, muscle appreciation, a little oral, no anal. In other words, very tactile and a little more vanilla than vanilla, if you see what I mean. (Hope this wording is acceptable. It's new to me to be asked to be careful about verbiage.)

 

What would you suggest as my contribution to your funds? You should include travel costs, obviously

.

 

He replied:

 

Jerry because you mentioned sex acts I cannot accept an appointment from you. These things for a fee are illegal and incriminate both me and you with vice.

Please keep in mind that anything sent electronically is saved on phone companies and computer company servers that can be subpoena and retrieved at any time. Reference rentboy in the news recently shut down by the feds as an example.

Good luck in your search

 

So my take is that either he's paranoid or I'm oblivious to the Rentboy implications. In hindsight, I see some bad wording, The bit in parentheses strikes a really bad note, but even with your wording, how could I put what I like to do in the same message with a request for his time and fee? If the feds were that interested in small fry like us, they could have figured out what was going on in any case. Hell, I could have, and I'm not the clearest lens in the spyglass. Even if the time request, the notification, and the fee were in three separate emails (in different threads, if need be), I could figure it out.

 

Are there any escorts who would care to join in with suggestions? Are you as careful about your email as this guy? It's to get your advice that I intentionally chose this forum instead of the Lounge.

 

(Full disclosure of sour grapes: On second thought, he wasn't really that hot anyway. )

[MiamiLooker]

I generally communicate in terms of things I enjoy. "I enjoy kissing and body contact. When spending time with a partner, I'm a top/bottom", etc. That lets the gentleman know your preferences and can discretely respond back if he thinks he may not be a good match. I never phase it like "I'm looking for...." because that can be taken as an offer. By stating what you like/dislike, it's not an offer but a notice.

+1

[RadioRob]

Hi there gp!

 

The statement "I would include" is the phrase that most likely scared your gentleman off. I say that because it could be taken than the "activities" were required as part of the engagement, especially since you mention money at the same time.

 

If it were me, I would have worded the request something like the following:

 

----

Hi XXXXX! I saw your message on RM and was curious if you were free for a couple of hours on Saturday at say around 8pm. Just so you know a little bit about me, I enjoy kissing, hugging, cuddling, muscle appreciation and possibly a little oral. I'm not really into anal instead preferring to be a little more tactile. (Yup, I'm a pretty vanilla kind of guy!)

 

I realize you're not all that close to me and you will most likely need to spend some time traveling. Could you let me know what I should expect in terms of the donation for your time (including travel please).

 

Thanks and I look forward to meeting you!

----

 

As you can see from the above, there's no mention of putting money and activities together which could possibly cause problems for the gentleman later. Remember... written communication sticks around for a really long time. Lots of escorts are worried about it being used against them after the fact. Look at Hillary and dealing with her emails being thrown back at her years later after the fact. It might have been a little different if it were being communicated verbally.... but for me at least, I try to never put the two together. That's for my own protection as well as the protection of my gentleman.

[+ quoththeraven]

I don't know if this was a factor here, but mentioning money in the same thread or exchange as a discussion of what activities you enjoy can raise red flags as well.

[gp0560]

Radio and Raven -- Great suggestions, thank you both. My only contribution to Rob's text is based on Raven's point. What if I changed his second paragraph to say, "I realize you're not all that close to me and you will most likely need to spend some time traveling. Please take that into account when you plan your trip."

 

What that is supposed to do is separate the money part from the visit part, while still implying that I know very well that money will be involved. I wonder how he would handle the money part of the conversation; after all, we have to agree on a fee before he sets out to drive here.

 

I could also include my phone number in case he wants to go verbal ("oral"?). I would be giving it to him later anyway.

 

Thank you both for your help, your thoughts on today's email problems, and for the specific wording. I will save it for future use.

[jawjateck]

Gosh... This is complicated. Maybe I should just head out to the clubs with Count AS and BVB and make my next selection.

[+ VeryHappyCustomer]

Create a profile on a4a or some other hookup site that is not dedicated to escorting. Write an ad explaining exactly what you like to do, your turnons and turnoffs, fantasies, fetishes... Spell it out. Send him a link. "Here's my profile on X. Do you think we're compatible?"

[gp0560]

Great ideas, all. Thanks for your help.

[AdamSmith]

Gosh... This is complicated. Maybe I should just head out to the clubs with Count AS and BVB and make my next selection.

 

It works! (And no paper trail! )

 

Or possibly clients could work out a system to exchange messages with their escorts in a pumpkin.

 

http://www.algerhiss.com/images/smrwcover.jpg

[RadioRob]

Radio and Raven -- Great suggestions, thank you both. My only contribution to Rob's text is based on Raven's point. What if I changed his second paragraph to say, "I realize you're not all that close to me and you will most likely need to spend some time traveling. Please take that into account when you plan your trip."

 

What that is supposed to do is separate the money part from the visit part, while still implying that I know very well that money will be involved. I wonder how he would handle the money part of the conversation; after all, we have to agree on a fee before he sets out to drive here.

 

I could also include my phone number in case he wants to go verbal ("oral"?). I would be giving it to him later anyway.

 

Thank you both for your help, your thoughts on today's email problems, and for the specific wording. I will save it for future use.

 

You can bring up the money in any discrete way that you like. The most critical part is that you have to keep any references from acts in exchange for money. Telling someone what you like or dislike is fine. Also asking how much for spending time with someone is fine. What you can't do is say the money is for acts. (Remember... at the end of the day, you're buying the gentleman's time!)

 

I'm glad the feedback helped. As long as we each learn something new each day, we're better off than where we started from!

[TruthBTold]

Just wondering. Once a client has made his "interests" known and his realization that there will be a cost for the escort to the escort's traveling then the escort can write back that in prior situations this sorts of trips cost this particular amount of money? Or how would it work that a client's expression of interests and the escort's stating of a money amount work?

[rvwnsd]

I approach the first contact very similarly to the way RadioRob does. In the first email i don't bring up his rate. After a few emails I will usually say something like "May I ask for your rate?"