Escorts (or clients): Where do you stand on 1 night stands, and how often?

[Mocha]

I recently met up with a well-respected name in the industry, but our views on what kind of lifestyle makes a happy escort were opposite worlds apart on this subject.

 

Now, at this point in life, having had my first gay encounter some 14 years ago, when I was well under the age of legal consent...hooking up is nothing new to me. But now, hookups just aren't my thing. The times I find myself settling for one, it's usually alcohol influenced, or out in the gay "scene" where hookups are commonplace (and the STDs/reputation one gets from them). I dont have an issue with hooking up, but truth be told...It's only gratifying while that person is with me, in that moment. On a regular basis, hooking up on impulse just to get off, is unfulfilling to me.

 

However, I was told by this escort that I'm acting. That as an escort, I should be open to pull some random guy off the street and fuck him...and feel GOOD about it, even if it doesn't go anywhere. He feels as an adult entertainer, that persona should exude out into your personal life. If you're promiscuous for cash, you should have no issue being a whore in real life. Otherwise, "you're just ALL about money, and being fake".

 

I had to disagree to agree. Escorting to me is fulfilling, but not in the same way as feeling in love, seeing the same guy EVERY WEEK, and meeting people with relationship potential. However, the "free life" seems to be a well-adopted prerogative for some guys in the business. At the same time, I'm aware there are plenty of guys who feel the same way. Hooking up for a professional encounter is one thing, doing it in their free time is something different.

 

What's your stance?

[Traveler North]

I recently met up with a well-respected name in the industry, but our views on what kind of lifestyle makes a happy escort were opposite worlds apart on this subject.

 

Now, at this point in life, having had my first gay encounter some 14 years ago, when I was well under the age of legal consent...hooking up is nothing new to me. But now, hookups just aren't my thing. The times I find myself settling for one, it's usually alcohol influenced, out in the gay "scene" where hookups are commonplace (and the STDs/reputation one gets from them) I don't feel bad about it, but truth be told...It's only gratifying while that person is in my prescense. Once I realize it was just a hookup, and I'll probably never see the person or get them into my bed again, the whole thing feels unfulfilling.

 

However, I was told by this escort that I'm acting. That as an escort, I should be open to pull some random guy off the street and fuck him...and feel GOOD about it, even if it doesn't go anywhere. He feels as an adult entertainer, that persona should exude out into your personal life. If you're promiscuous for cash, you should have no issue being a whore in real life. Otherwise, "you're just ALL about money, and being fake".

 

I had to disagree to agree. Escorting to me is fulfilling, but not in the same way as feeling in love, seeing the same guy EVERY WEEK, and meeting people with relationship potential. However, the "free life" seems to be a well-adopted prerogative for some guys in the business. Escorting for money, in addition to being downright buck wild and sleazy (and treating the people they meet sleazy) in real life.

 

What's your stance?

 

As a client, I have seen many escorts over the years. I still see several guys on a fairly regular basis. In my experience, I have become very fond of two guys, and the result in each case was heartache. Thus, I will never do this again. The guys I see are very special,. great sex partners and great conversationalists.

[Traveler North]

I recently met up with a well-respected name in the industry, but our views on what kind of lifestyle makes a happy escort were opposite worlds apart on this subject.

 

Now, at this point in life, having had my first gay encounter some 14 years ago, when I was well under the age of legal consent...hooking up is nothing new to me. But now, hookups just aren't my thing. The times I find myself settling for one, it's usually alcohol influenced, out in the gay "scene" where hookups are commonplace (and the STDs/reputation one gets from them) I don't feel bad about it, but truth be told...It's only gratifying while that person is in my prescense. Once I realize it was just a hookup, and I'll probably never see the person or get them into my bed again, the whole thing feels unfulfilling.

 

However, I was told by this escort that I'm acting. That as an escort, I should be open to pull some random guy off the street and fuck him...and feel GOOD about it, even if it doesn't go anywhere. He feels as an adult entertainer, that persona should exude out into your personal life. If you're promiscuous for cash, you should have no issue being a whore in real life. Otherwise, "you're just ALL about money, and being fake".

 

I had to disagree to agree. Escorting to me is fulfilling, but not in the same way as feeling in love, seeing the same guy EVERY WEEK, and meeting people with relationship potential. However, the "free life" seems to be a well-adopted prerogative for some guys in the business. Escorting for money, in addition to being downright buck wild and sleazy (and treating the people they meet sleazy) in real life.

 

What's your stance?

 

As a client, I have seen many escorts over the years. I still see several guys on a fairly regular basis. In my experience, I have become very fond of two guys, and the result in each case was heartache. Thus, I will never do this again. The guys I see are very special,. great sex partners and great conversationalists.

[Mocha]

As a client, I have seen many escorts over the years. I still see several guys on a fairly regular basis. In my experience, I have become very fond of two guys, and the result in each case was heartache. Thus, I will never do this again. The guys I see are very special,. great sex partners and great conversationalists.

 

When you say never do "this" again, you refer to? Are you saying the escorts you see are fulfilling...and that the 2 guys you were fond of were just personal connections?

[Juan Vancouver]

My stance is to remember that we are all incredibly different and want different things that more often than not change at different times through our lives.

 

Trying to reach a consensus on what kind of lifestyle makes a _____ happy is not only useless but dangerous. It's really easy to be tempted to judge people who want different things than us and that just destroys relationships.

 

To each their own. As long as they are into consensual anything, I am all supportive for them and wish them the best.

 

If you want love, I hope you find it soon.

[Traveler North]

When you say never do "this" again, you refer to? Are you saying the escorts you see are fulfilling...and that the 2 guys you were fond of were just personal connections?

 

 

The two guys referred to were guys I developed feelings for well beyond the normal escort client relationship. The ending of the relationships with them was very painful for me.

[BaronArtz]

The two guys referred to were guys I developed feelings for well beyond the normal escort client relationship. The ending of the relationships with them was very painful for me.

 

You have my sympathy. I am going through a situation like that myself, a guy I have been seeing 3x a week for about 10 months broke it up with me early July. He said he wanted to date women and could not reconcile in his head having me as a client (I was one of 2 clients the he kept after taking down his ad in December). Of course I knew it was all an illusion, in spite of his assurances to the contrary. It is REAL heart break. I managed to keep it civil though. I thanked him for the great times we had together. I also said that my door would always be open for him (probably a mistake). My issue is: 1) do I draw the line and forget about him or 2) do I keep contact with him in the hope that he may turn around? I can't make up my mind about that. We go the same gym ... doesn't make things any easier. As human beings, we think we are rational, but we are NOT. Anyway, I understand what you are going through.

[rguer]

Be hello to him at the gym, but let him initiate any other kind of contact.

[Mocha]

My stance is to remember that we are all incredibly different and want different things that more often than not change at different times through our lives.

 

Trying to reach a consensus on what kind of lifestyle makes a _____ happy is not only useless but dangerous. It's really easy to be tempted to judge people who want different things than us and that just destroys relationships.

 

To each their own. As long as they are into consensual anything, I am all supportive for them and wish them the best.

 

If you want love, I hope you find it soon.

 

I agree. Everybody is different and what works for one person won't work for another. And vice versa.

 

I recall you're one of the "taken" escorts in a relationship. I actually am currently in a relationship also with a guy in the business. However, we're new, and I have my reservations. It's hard to have 2 people in call. He's on call, I'm on call. He does massages, which makes him even more accessible. It's been a challenge as I've never seriously dated anyone in the business. At the same time, he's been the most understanding.

[Mocha]

You have my sympathy. I am going through a situation like that myself, a guy I have been seeing 3x a week for about 10 months broke it up with me early July. He said he wanted to date women and could not reconcile in his head having me as a client (I was one of 2 clients the he kept after taking down his ad in December). Of course I knew it was all an illusion, in spite of his assurances to the contrary. It is REAL heart break. I managed to keep it civil though. I thanked him for the great times we had together. I also said that my door would always be open for him (probably a mistake). My issue is: 1) do I draw the line and forget about him or 2) do I keep contact with him in the hope that he may turn around? I can't make up my mind about that. We go the same gym ... doesn't make things any easier. As human beings, we think we are rational, but we are NOT. Anyway, I understand what you are going through.

 

I think you should draw the line. But, be cordial. I created the thread previously about what differentiates clients from sugar daddies. I think you are on higher ground being a client, but if this guy wants to eat fish and have his cake for dessert too..,that's when you may need to reevaluate his intentions. Fish and dairy (or fairy) don't go together. Gives you sour stomach (or heartburn).

 

Ambivalence is one thing, someone telling you they want to date others again is something else.

[Mocha]

The two guys referred to were guys I developed feelings for well beyond the normal escort client relationship. The ending of the relationships with them was very painful for me.

 

Escort/Client relationships can have that effect. I won't claim to have all the answers, but I generally don't find those to be something I seek out either (similar to hookups, as per the title of the topic)..,because you go into with one intention. But trying to turn it into something else overrides the original intent. There HAS to be a mutual commitment.

 

I do believe though, if there is genuine attractions/intent on both parts, an escort/client/hookup relationship can work. But, in most cases....you have to see things as they are.

[Guy Fawkes]

I firmly believe that 1 night stand is perfectly acceptable if you don't share a bed.

 

http://ec1.ostkcdn.com/images/products/3917800/P11960759.jpg

(If you knew how far I had to scroll down the "1 night stand" google search; you'd be amazed! Ohh... Pulling random people off the street is scary to me!)

 

I recently met up with a well-respected name in the industry, but our views on what kind of lifestyle makes a happy escort were opposite worlds apart on this subject.

 

Now, at this point in life, having had my first gay encounter some 14 years ago, when I was well under the age of legal consent...hooking up is nothing new to me. But now, hookups just aren't my thing. The times I find myself settling for one, it's usually alcohol influenced, or out in the gay "scene" where hookups are commonplace (and the STDs/reputation one gets from them). I dont have an issue with hooking up, but truth be told...It's only gratifying while that person is with me, in that moment. On a regular basis, hooking up on impulse just to get off, is unfulfilling to me.

 

However, I was told by this escort that I'm acting. That as an escort, I should be open to pull some random guy off the street and fuck him...and feel GOOD about it, even if it doesn't go anywhere. He feels as an adult entertainer, that persona should exude out into your personal life. If you're promiscuous for cash, you should have no issue being a whore in real life. Otherwise, "you're just ALL about money, and being fake".

 

I had to disagree to agree. Escorting to me is fulfilling, but not in the same way as feeling in love, seeing the same guy EVERY WEEK, and meeting people with relationship potential. However, the "free life" seems to be a well-adopted prerogative for some guys in the business. At the same time, I'm aware there are plenty of guys who feel the same way. Hooking up for a professional encounter is one thing, doing it in their free time is something different.

 

What's your stance?

[Mocha]

I firmly believe that 1 night stand is perfectly acceptable if you don't share a bed.

 

http://ec1.ostkcdn.com/images/products/3917800/P11960759.jpg

(If you knew how far I had to scroll down the "1 night stand" google search; you'd be amazed! Ohh... Pulling random people off the street is scary to me!)

 

LOL, I totally get that. Yes, having 1 night stand is hard with 2 people. Some bodies phone is going to end up under the bed, or as often happens with me...an earring will no longer be a pair.

 

I might of exaggerated the pulling off the street thing, but i think the gist of the allegory I was being "recommended" was quite akin to pulling someone off the street. Like Juan said, to each their own, but that's not for me. And as escorts, we don't HAVE to live up to stereotypes and I have a certain duty to not be that example.

[Juan Vancouver]

And as escorts, we don't HAVE to live up to stereotypes and I have a certain duty to not be that example.

 

And as escorts (or gays, or men, or human beings) we don't have to make all our decisions trying to prove we are not confirming whatever stereotype we believe people are projecting unto us. (In truth, we are the only people who are projecting this stereotype on to ourselves.)

 

What I want to say is live in whatever the fuck way you want to live because it feels good to you, it feels correct and it makes you happy and absolutely, stubbornly try to forget what you think other people think about you.

 

If something I do fits someone's stereotypical expectation of me but makes me happy and feels right, I don'g give a flying fuck. If anyone wants to use me as an example for whatever (either virtue or depravity) please, be my guest, makes no difference to me. I don't have a duty with anyone but myself. I don't want to live focused on others. That will only make me and everyone around me incredibly unhappy.

[Mocha]

And as escorts (or gays, or men, or human beings) we don't have to make all our decisions trying to prove we are not confirming whatever stereotype we believe people are projecting unto us. (In truth, we are the only people who are projecting this stereotype on to ourselves.)

 

What I want to say is live in whatever the fuck way you want to live because it feels good to you, it feels correct and it makes you happy and absolutely, stubbornly try to forget what you think other people think about you.

 

If something I do fits someone's stereotypical expectation of me but makes me happy and feels right, I don'g give a flying fuck. If anyone wants to use me as an example for whatever (either virtue or depravity) please, be my guest, makes no difference to me. I don't have a duty with anyone but myself. I don't want to live focused on others. That will only make me and everyone around me incredibly unhappy.

 

I agree too with what you're saying. But I'm also not trying to prove to not be a stereotype either. This particular person in question went so far to tell me, "Youre just a "insert ethnicity" that only cares about money." I said, you mother fucking right I am. You goddamn right. As an escort, in a cash based business, I better care about money or I'm going to be looking like a clown out on these streets: Giving shit up for free when I need to be saving it up for someone who's willing to pay $300, $600, or $1,000. And guess what, he's does the same plus way more for money....so that makes the 2 of us.

 

It's disgusting how judgemental "some" guys in the business can be. Gay men can be like hoes. Like ho as in female. When I talk to my mother about the things people have said to me, she can't believe men are saying these things. I just can't keep too many around me, and I understand why some of the more longer running guys in the business don't keep too much around either.

 

People out there think they can label you automatically just because you open up to them a little bit, when really they just being nosy and want to puff themselves up a little bit.

 

...oh and Juan, only the first paragraph was pertaining to you. I kinda rambled off on a tangent after that lol. I'm just so over the fakery and bullshit of the gay scene, and I don't know how much more I can take. Now I realize one of the luxuries of being an escort is that there's no involvement in the gay scene required.

[Odinochka]

You have my sympathy. I am going through a situation like that myself, a guy I have been seeing 3x a week for about 10 months broke it up with me early July. He said he wanted to date women and could not reconcile in his head having me as a client (I was one of 2 clients the he kept after taking down his ad in December). Of course I knew it was all an illusion, in spite of his assurances to the contrary. It is REAL heart break. I managed to keep it civil though. I thanked him for the great times we had together. I also said that my door would always be open for him (probably a mistake). My issue is: 1) do I draw the line and forget about him or 2) do I keep contact with him in the hope that he may turn around? I can't make up my mind about that. We go the same gym ... doesn't make things any easier. As human beings, we think we are rational, but we are NOT. Anyway, I understand what you are going through.

 

This guy is rear view mirror for you now...leave him there. Do not wish for something that is not going to happen. As for the gym, put on your headphones & focus on your task...IF he should say anything to you, then fine--but odds are he won't. The faster you move on, the better off you will be.

 

Side note--stick to guys who actually ID as 'mos. Straighties hooking on our side of the street is always just "Bad Karma Walking"....